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Today wasn't productive as I expected to be.
My class started at 7 AM sharp and ended by 8 AM β just one hour to discuss everything we need to know about observing classes in the basic education department. Our professor rattled off observation protocols, evaluation rubrics, and behavioral indicators we should watch for, cramming what felt like a semester's worth of information into sixty minutes.
Then after that... nothing. Literally nothing. No other classes scheduled, no immediate deadlines pressing, no structured activities to fill the hours. Just me, released into a day that stretched endlessly ahead, armed with a simple observation assignment and absolutely no motivation to tackle it.
The boredom hit me like a wall. You'd think having free time would be a blessing β God knows how many times I've complained about being overwhelmed with coursework. But there's something uniquely suffocating about unstructured time when you're a senior, when you're supposed to be productive, when everyone expects you to be using every moment to prepare for your future career.
I wandered around campus aimlessly for a while, checking my phone every few minutes as if something interesting would magically appear. Sat in the library, opened my notebook, wrote "Classroom Observation Notes" at the top of a page, and then... stared at it.
The blank lines seemed to mock me.
What was I even supposed to observe? What profound insights was I expected to glean from watching other people teach?
This is what they don't tell you about your final year in Bachelor of Secondary Education. It's not always the overwhelming rush of deadlines and requirements. Sometimes it's the opposite β long stretches of nothingness that leave you feeling restless and guilty for not being more productive. The boredom becomes its own kind of anxiety.
Everyone talks about student teaching and thesis writing, but nobody prepares you for days like this. Days when you have one simple assignment and somehow can't bring yourself to start it. When you scroll through social media seeing classmates posting about their busy schedules and internships, while you're sitting in an empty classroom wondering what you're supposed to be doing with your life.
I guess, this is part of becoming. These unproductive days, these moments of doubt, these times when the dream of standing confidently in front of a classroom feels impossibly distant β they're all part of the journey.
In short, the chronicles of my becoming may be messy, non-linear, and often unproductive.
But I suppose that's exactly what they should be.
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