This is a disaster

I absolutely loved every class and everything I learned (except Diet and Nutrition. We don’t talk about Diet and Nutrition.) I was, and still am, so fascinated with all of the components of the human body. Its incredible how everything comes together. But when I am given more than 200 slides of powerpoints to learn and study for a test exactly one week away I can’t appreciate what I am learning anymore. Last week we had a 91 slide powerpoint that ended up being 50 pages of notes. I very clearly remember being shocked at 17 pages of notes last semester. There’s no time to breathe. There’s no time for me to take in all of this information and commit it to memory. Alongside all of the Covid precautions with us staying at home to learn and the condensed summer semester, there just isn’t enough time. I always feel like I’m running out of time. As soon as you’re done with your test you have to start studying for the next one. I feel like I’m almost at my breaking point. I just want to sleep, but if I go back to sleep I lose study time, and if I don’t study enough I could fail my test, and if I fail too many tests I may get kicked out of my program I worked so hard to get into. I worry about my friends making it to next semester but I don’t know how I can help them when I can barely hold myself together. Anyway, I made this blog to keep track of... well, I guess my mental state, as I try and make it through. I wish I had started sooner so I could have caught the happy carefree times. The 13 pages of notes times, I suppose. I know this sounds so melodramatic, but the reality is this is my current reality, this is how I feel, and this is how I am coping. I’m not coping well. I’m scared and anxious and I need help that I cannot get. I’m just trying to get through.