Chris Walsh

People have always asked me why i go out so much? Why i drink so much? Well the answer is simple. It's because I'm lost. Im trying to put together the pieces of my life. Pieces created by insecurity shyness and overall bad luck. One significantly big piece is love. I have only admittedly loved one person in my life. Reason for that is I'm scared to let someone in. Scared of rejection and bad luck that has haunted me forever. Yet i did and as predicted it ended poorly for me. Admittedly i was partly at fault if not a major factor for the destruction of said connection. Would i changed how it worked absolutely, in a heart beat. Would i fix it? Yes at this very moment if I could. So thats why i find myself out drinking. Drowning my sorrows in alcohol hoping to find my light shining at the end of the tunnel. What a way to live life huh?

You've told me indirectly  "Do you really think that someone can love you if you don't even love yourself" and "People sit around and sulk about how much they hate themselves and genuinely believe that someone will just come around and fix it,You can't even make yourself happy but you think that someone else can" Now you very well may be right, however when you're like me you will have self doubt, its how i'm wired. But the fact that someone will fix your problems isn't true, they will however put you on the right track to fix yourself. Again, i'm proof of that, when we had whatever we had in the summer, i was self confident, i was happy, i was ready to better myself. Then one day you said goodbye and i don't know if you have noticed that where the downfall began to resurface.... so its not that i want you to fix me, but you put me on the right track to be fixed. Now i have the desire purely out of spite and vengeance to better myself and prove you were right. But the sad part is i wanted you along for the ride. , you gave me the will to want to do this. now you will end up without me and it breaks my heart to have to say that. No matter what happens i will always be attached to you and i will always want to be with you, you are just so special to me, its painful

Bingo. Almost constantly. I need her more than she knows

I can now see the meaning of love. Using my parents as an example, they fight all the time whether its pity or meaningful they have hate filled fights. Yet when the time comes you can really tell. My father was hospitalized and as soon as my mother heard we rushed over and the first thing she does is take his hand and say "what happened" as they both cried. To me thats the definition of love. No matter how many flaws you see in the other person no matter what happens you will always love them cause love is something stronger than anything in existence. If you have feelings for someone, Act on them as opposed to looking for an excuse not to...