HORRIFICALLY self indulgent. But, comfort Nanami always heals the soul. Not well written but I hope you all enjoy :3 it is possibly ooc and cringe but whatever
Nanami Kento x Depressed!reader
This fic does talk about struggling with depression. If you are currently struggling, please remember that there are resources for you. You are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open. Stay safe đź’—
It was starting small. It took you longer to get out of bed in the morning. Showers went from daily to every other day, to whenever you couldn’t put it off anymore. Brushing your teeth became a chore that you did reluctantly at best, completely withdrew from at worst.
You would have loved to blame something. Change in season, friendship drama, family life, financial, anything. But the truth was that it was a mixture of things, making it hard to pinpoint anything. It caused you stay up at night, pondering what to do to fix the messes you’ve made, just to sleep in by the time morning crept in.
You knew it couldn’t have been Nanami. He was the one part of your life that you knew was nothing but positive. He was your rather quiet, attentive partner. You had yet to move in together, making it harder for him to see the changes in your behavior.
No, rather, he felt something was wrong once you spiraled into becoming more recluse. Your responses to his texts soured from your normal excitement to rather short. It was just acknowledgment that he said anything. You had started to find excuses out of meeting up. You had something for work or school, you had plans. It evolved into sudden cancellations, you suddenly got a headache, you were sore.
He grew concerned as time passed since he last saw you. Being a gentleman, he didn’t want to push anything onto you. He didn’t want to make you send time with him. But, this felt different.
Nanami went over to your apartment rather unannounced. He had to talk himself into it, it felt wrong to him, but he didn’t want you to just push him away again. He didn’t mind if you didn’t want to go on a date. But, he just wanted to see you were okay. That you seemed alive.
The man knocked on your door. He knew your general schedule from trying to coordinate dates in the past and figured that you should be home. He was still in his dress pants and button up shirt. Nanami fussed with his tie as he waited for you to come to the door, wanting to look presentable.
You heard someone knocking on your door. But, your bed was swallowing you. It felt like moving the Earth to get up from where you were. No one worth getting up for was likely there anyway.
The knocking sounded through the space again, as your boyfriend grew impatient for you to answer.
“Y/N?” Nanami called from the other side of the door. Your eyes widened slightly. There was no running from it anymore.
It took a long time for you still to rise from bed. But, you made it to the front door. You opened it to look up at Nanami. He was in quite the contrast to you, a sharp-looking clean business man. To someone in baggy clothing, looking unkept and in your eyes, disgusting.
“Hey.” You were tired, as evident by your expression to him.
“Did I wake you? It’s the afternoon, I thought you would be awake.” Nanami felt a little bad if you had to wake up to answer the door. But, a necessary evil.
“No, was just laying in bed.”
Nanami looked past you. He saw dirty dishes stacked in the sink. At one point, there was an effort to at least rinse them off. But, that goal was eventually abandoned. He saw your space looked dirty. There were things scattered about the place.
You saw that he already could see part of your secret. So, you just moved so he could come in. There was little point in trying to hide anymore.
“Y/N, what’s going on?” Nanami cut to the chase.
He didn’t know about your history. That you were quite embarrassed to tell him about your spells and struggles with depression episodes. It was a source of shame. Nanami was a rational, blunt man. This part of your life made you useless, and was pointless to felt this way. It was moronic.
You avoided eye contact, looking for anyway out of this. You mumbled something that not even you could hear.
You didn’t want him to find out, if he had to, not like this. Not as you were actively suffering to just stay around. You would have rather it been during a time you were stable. Where you were more reflecting rather than on the verge of a crisis. Would he still want to be with you after this? Would this make him leave you in the dust too? How can you even begin to explain it to him?
“When did you leave your apartment last?” He asked a different question, figuring that his first may have come off too strong.
“So, it’s been a couple weeks?” You nodded in agreement.
Nanami looked around again. “I don’t have to stay if you wish to be alone. But, I was growing worried. If you are uncomfortable with me being here, I can leave. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
That statement made you look up at him. “Please don’t go.” You fought back tears, a battle that you were very quickly losing. It made you look away again. “I don’t want to be alone here.”
He watched as your shoulders started to tremble and heard sniffles coming from you. You didn’t know what came over you. But you walked forward into him, putting your head against his chest.
You were crying into Nanami. Warm tears went from your cheeks and seeped into his nice, deep blue shirt. Embarrassed and ashamed, but you couldn’t stop yourself. But, Nanami was not annoyed. He wasn’t cold. He wasn’t what your mind convinced you he was going to be.
Rather, he put his arms around you, putting one hand against the back of your head. For a long time, the only noise in the room was your crying.
“I don’t have to leave. Not until you want me to.” His voice was certain, quiet and calm. You struggled asking what you wanted from him.
“Could you stay the night?”
“That is no problem.” He answered quickly. You both kept some things at each other’s apartment in case there were nights that you didn’t want to part. Even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have refused you.
Nanami ended up making you dinner. It was the first real food you’ve had in a hot minute. He cleaned up around the apartment while you took a shower.
You two met back up in your bed. You laid your head on his arm with your leg over his. Your was on its side turned towards him. For awhile, you two laid there in silence.
“How long were you going on like that?” Nanami was trying to figure out when he should have first been seeing signals. Internally, he was kicking himself for not seeing your struggles sooner.
“A month maybe.” You sighed. “It comes and goes.”
“Is there a particular reason that you didn’t tell me about what was going on?”
“It’s vulnerable, Ken.” You paused. “Some people aren’t so kind about it. I was worried you’d be grossed out by me or something. I didn’t know. I figured it would just go away on its own, eventually at least.”
He was quiet after that, thinking to himself while staring up at your ceiling.
“Y/N, I’m going to be here when you want me to be. Day or night, upset or not. I will figure out a way to come.” He spoke slowly, wanting to ensure that you could understand. “You don’t have to stay here alone. Just let me know.” He kissed your cheek.
You went to bed that night in a warm embrace. Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad letting someone in.
