𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐀.

He should have been in his bed, taking a rest because this day was just gonna be as hectic as yesterday, if not more. He wishes he could take a break, he really does but it’s his life that won’t allow it. 

Jeong Jaehyun is an idol, quite a famous one at that. He has a million fans who adore him and a team who stays by his side even at the worst times. He has the looks, he has the talents, he has the money, and he has the love of his fans. That should be enough to make him happy. Right?

Jaehyun’s expression drops at the thought. He ponders over it for a little while. Is he really not happy but just…..sad? He quickly shakes his head. No, there is no way. He is happy, it is just that today’s just one of those where you feel down and just can’t help it.

He roughly opens up a beer can, chunking the liquid down his throat in one go. Jaehyun’s mind was messed up. He didn’t even remember the number of cans he had consumed this night.

Tears burned his eyes. He looked down at the ground, a tear slipping down his porcelain skin. He closed his eyes shut before trailing them to the sea. And then, he felt at ease. 

The water looked so alluring, so tranquil that it called out to him, wanting to lure him inside. It seemed as though one dip and Jaehyun was going to forget everything that troubled him.

The desire to just sink in the water became so strong that he slowly stood up, the can dropping to the sand with a soft clash. Jaehyun soon started making his way towards the sea lazily. Should he really do this? Is this decision right? Jaehyun wasn’t sure but it seemed as though he was hypnotised, his legs were moving on their own, refusing to listen to him.

One foot in and he could feel the coldness of the sea. Somehow that coldness felt like a warm hug. He looked down. His foot was under the water, the sand tickling him. He liked the feeling so much.

He should dive in, one dip should not hurt him. His brain was shutting down as walked forward, his legs in the water. With each step, the water rose, up to his ankles, up to his knees, up his waist and soon he was neck deep in it, eyes closed as he relished in the moment. It felt so peaceful— like time had stopped, like all his worries had vanished, like the cruel world couldn’t hurt him.

His clothes were all drenched, sticking uncomfortably to his skin but he didn’t care, for all he cared for was the warmth and comfort the sea gave him. In a matter of seconds, he was completely under the water with no visibility. Why couldn’t he stay here forever? It would be pretty nice to be in a place where nothing could bug him. 

His eyes were getting heavier with each second passing by. Jaehyun couldn’t keep them open even if he tried. His body was exhausted and needed some rest. In a matter of seconds, his eyes gave up and his body sank in, deeper and deeper.

Jaehyun knew exactly what was happening, but he did nothing to help himself. Suddenly he heard a splash and the next thing he knew was two arms wrapping around his waist. His eyes shot open, looking over to meet the unexpected guest.

That person dragged him up to the surface and once she did, they both gasped for air. Jaehyun looked over to the person, his wet bangs blocking the view. From what he could get a glance from, his “saviour” was a woman.

His body suddenly became stiff, what if, what if you were a… stalker? Millions of scenarios flashed in his mind. If this leaked out Jaehyun would be in great trouble and his “perfect” idol image would be ruined. After all, which perfectly fit and content idol would choose to drown in the sea?

“Are you fucking insane?” You spat at the man beside you, your voice laced with anger and frustration. With his wet bangs covering half of his face and your hair in front of yours, you weren’t able to make out his face completely. The dim night light wasn’t so convenient in this situation either.

“What the fuck were you doing in there? You could have died!” Jaehyun scoffs at your words and it confuses the shit out of you. He has the audacity to what, scoff? Just after you saved his stupid ass?

“Died? Like d-i-e-d, died?” He said and mockery was visible in his tone. Jaehyun knew what he was doing. His voice and words were sharp, and curt. He knew he was acting like a jerk, but if you were a stalker and got to know that he did nothing after literally drowning himself, you could spread it and easily spoil his image. 

He has to be cautious, no matter what. “Miss, I don’t know who you are but you should not meddle in someone’s business. I wasn’t “dying” or “drowning”, I was just taking a dip.” 

Your expressions dropped at his words. He was taking a dip? Damn, now you feel stupid. But hey, this isn't really your fault. What would you expect if you were just passing by, heard a sob, saw a man with two empty beer cans lying at his feet and the next thing he did was gradually sink into the sea? Of course, you would freak out. 

Your silence made Jaehyun feel relieved. At least you bought his words. “Oh.” You thought aloud, still in the water beside him. Nice, now how the hell do you get out of this awkward situation? Your eyes roamed around. Beer cans. Your eyes lit up as you turned your face towards the man beside you, who, surprisingly, was already walking towards the shore.

You followed soon after. “Taking a dip doesn’t give you the right to throw trash here. “ You rolled your eyes, ears not missing the frustrated sigh of the man beside you. The stupidity from the event before was still within you, but hey, at least you pointed out how this man was trashing your sea. It’s surely gonna make you feel a bit better.

Jaehyun was bothered, almost annoyed as to why you were here. He just wanted to be alone this night, but the universe decided that this wasn’t a good option. Are you actually a stalker? 

“Pick up the trash before you go away.” How awkwardly could you have uttered these words? It feels right to leave this way since you have nothing to do with this stranger and the fact that you embarrassed yourself in front of him was already your cue to leave him alone. 

Not to mention the fact that this rude stranger couldn’t even say a ‘thank you’. You know you were mistaken, but still. 

The soft sound of footsteps against the sand makes Jaehyun look up. He figures you’re leaving and soon feels relieved. Once he makes sure you are no longer in his sight, he turns around and slumps down to the ground beneath him.

He continued gazing at the water for a while and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Water weirdly gave him a sense of comfort he needed and he does not want to go away from it.

His arms were thrown over his knees and his eyes took in every bit of the beauty nature offered him. Jaehyun worried about you. What if you had followed him all the way from his apartment?

A gentle, cool breeze was what it took to shut down his thoughts completely. You were a complete stranger to worry about at this moment. And even if you were a stalker, Jaehyun’s sure you are just not worth worrying about when he has the sea laid in front of him.

He loves the feeling the water gives him. At that moment, Jaehyun makes up his mind. He is going to visit this place whenever his schedule allows it. He spent about an hour sitting in the comforting silence and when it was time to leave, his gaze landed on the empty cans. Pick up trash before you go away. Your words rang in his ears making him roll his eyes.

“Great.” He muttered under his breath, picking up the cans and tossing them in the garbage can nearby.

“Are you a stalker?”

“EXCUSE ME!?” You looked at the rude stranger (who has now been termed as a jerk in your book) with shock painted all over your face. How dare he? He still looked at you with those dim eyes of his, waiting for a reply.

You scoffed. “And why would you assume it?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, glaring at you. ”Because you keep following me.”  

“I keep following you?” He has to be kidding you. Why would you follow this rude man? Does he think the world revolves around him? 

He nods his head, standing up and facing you. “I have been coming here for a month now,” Jaehyun tilts his head, hands in his pocket. “And whenever I am here, you are too.” 

You chuckle, passing him a smile. “Oh, so that’s the reason why you think I am following you!” Jaehyun becomes confused at your reaction. “I hate to break it to you, but I live here. Live as in l-i-v-e. I am not “following you” or “stalking you”, I am just taking a walk here.” You mimicked his words from your first meet, eyebrows rising in bliss to hear Jaehyun utter the same “oh” as you did. 

“Whenever I went out for a walk, I, unfortunately, saw your face. Every single time.” You paused. You wished you had a camera with you to capture the face Jaehyun gave. So helpless and taken aback. You won’t lie, you kinda felt proud of yourself.

Jaehyun was in disbelief. Do you seriously not know him, or are just pretending to not? “Whatever.” He whispers, more to himself but your ears could catch it.

“Still don’t believe me? I live right there.” You pointed to a house in the opposite direction. “It’s a less populated area but people do live here.”

Much like how you felt, Jaehyun feels dumb. So you actually live here. He cleared his throat, eyes darting back to the sea in an attempt to ignore you.

You squint your eyes at him. So this man couldn’t even say ‘sorry’ now? You don’t even have empty beer cans splattered on the ground so he could point it out. Talking about beer cans, you noticed he didn’t have any alcoholic beverages this time and seemed quite sober. 

That’s good. At least you won’t have to drag his ass out if takes a “dip”. 

You shook your head violently, getting rid of those thoughts. Why do you even care? Jaehyun sneaks a glance at you. Shit, you are still here. He doesn’t know how to deal with his situation, so he just crosses his fingers and prays you would go soon. 

Jaehyun swings his arms back and forth, taking tiny steps left and right. He froze when it finally clicked him. You want an apology. He locks gaze with you who had her arms crossed, a sly smirk he is sure he will grow to hate. How annoying can you get?

“I am sorry.” His voice was low and though you clearly heard him, you leaned in. “What? I couldn't hear you.” As annoying as it can get, Jaehyun thinks to himself, twisting his body towards you.

“I am sorry.” He repeats again, this time a little louder. 

“Oh yeah, for what?” Jaehyun, frustrated, closed his eyes shut.

“I am sorry for assuming you are a stalker….” Your smile broadened, a feeling of satisfaction washing all over. You hummed, taking a step closer. 

“As you should be,” You paused, examining Jaehyun’s expression. Seeing you stare at him, Jaehyun rolled his eyes. You are so irritating it makes him want to rip off his hair.  “Mr. jerk.” You finished, and Jaehyun was taken aback.

You passed him a quick smirk before running away, leaving him dumbfounded. Jaehyun was still trying to process what just happened. So not only are you irritating, you are rude too? The universe has to be kidding him. 

Surprisingly, you and Jaehyun crossed paths very often. It was as if every power in the world wanted you to see each other’s awful faces. You both pretended to puke at the sight. Even if any of you tried to visit the sea at a different time, you would still meet and thus, had no choice but to get used to it.

For you, Jaehyun roaming-around near the shore in the dead of night was a normal thing now. While for Jaehyun, you lingering behind him like a bothersome ghost was now a day to day routine. 

Jaehyun and you never talked after the latest incident and while you wished it would remain that way, looking at the scene before your eyes, you are afraid that is not going to be the case.

With the breeze cutting through your ear, you stared at Jaehyun in horror. Your eyes trailed down to the red liquid flowing down his hand. Jaehyun was bleeding. You know Jaehyun wouldn’t want you to interfere in his matters but how could you not when he was just standing with the red liquid smearing on his hand?

You jogged towards your house as fast as you could, banging the door open and rummaged through your stuff to find the first aid kit. You rushed back to Jaehyun, the sound of your rushed footsteps making your motives clear.

 You sat beside him, gently taking his wounded hand in yours. “Please don’t tell me you were just testing your strength like the time you were trying to take a dip.” Jaehyun didn’t say anything, eyes glued to the sand. He doesn’t know why he is letting you do this, but the way you ever so tenderly treated his wounds, it made his heart twitch. He was happy to know that you cared, even if you resented him.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked, his voice low. There was a hint of confusion in his voice, eyes finally taking a look at you. Your movements slowed down. Yeah, why are you doing this? The question left your brain hurting. 

“Maybe because I love guilt tripping myself. If I did nothing, my brain would replay this exact moment again and again to remind me just how much of a jerk I am to ignore a bleeding person.” You pressed the antiseptic harshly against his skin, making him slip out a low hiss. You wondered what caused him to do this. “And partly because you make me somewhat curious.”

“What?” You sighed, dragging your gaze upwards. As soon as your eyes met his, you froze. It was your first time clearly seeing his face and under the moonlight, he looked surreal. He was definitely one of the most gorgeous men you had laid eyes on.

As soon as realisation crashed upon you, you blinked quickly, shaking your head to get rid of your high thoughts. Have you gone crazy? Why would you think that this jerk is handsome?

You quickly glanced at him once more, biting the inside of your cheek. Okay, he is handsome. You pressed your lips into a thin line, heat rushing to your cheeks. You hated how he was the one making your body react this way.

"Because you have intentions of polluting the sea once again, don't you?" Jaehyun looked at the crushed can, shutting his eyes close. Brave of him to assume you were a decent human being. You are always going to be like that, aren’t you?

The metal top of the can had cut through his palm, adorning him with a fresh, deep wound. The antiseptic was burning into his skin. He was suddenly feeling dizzy.

Jaehyun stared at his bruised hand blankly. Why did he do this? Sure, he was frustrated after his manager screamed at him for not doing better because he was trying his best, but he was an idol. An idol who was supposed to maintain his perfect image no matter what. An idol who is not supposed to adore cuts and scratches on his body.

He withdrew his hand from yours within a second of realising that, and the scoff that made its way to your face was quite visible despite the dim light.

He knows you are trying to help him. You even tried to help on your first encounter. But he won’t let you do it again. He doesn’t know why it's always you who gets to experience his miserable side.

Jaehyun shifted in his place uncomfortably, he was still skeptical of your identity. What if, despite you confirming that you lived here, you were sent by his manager to keep an eye on him?

“You are ungrateful.” You whispered, tossing him a cloth and a healing cream. Jaehyun watched as you stood up, hands gripping the aid box’s handle tight. His eyes followed your figure until it became smaller and he wondered if you got hurt by his actions.

Once he couldn’t make you out anymore, he glanced at the things you’ve left for him. Carefully, and with much struggle, he applied the cream on his wound and tied it tightly with the cloth. 

“Where were you at night?” You froze, eyes meeting your grandmother’s kind ones. She had a smile on her face, as she waited for your reply. When you took a little too long, she spoke. “Was it because you couldn’t fall asleep?” 

You diverted your gaze from her concerned eyes. “How did you know?” 

She shrugged. “I heard the door bang loudly at night and I was worried if someone broke in, until I saw it was you, coming back with the first aid kit. Why the kit though, did you see someone injured?” You closed your eyes remembering the night prior. “I did.” 

 Your grandmother chuckled. “Seems like you don’t like that person.”

“Yes, I don’t.” You confessed immediately, looking at her once again. “He is arrogant, a jerk and literally all the synonyms of rude.” 

“He?” Your grandmother was now interested in the talk.

You nodded. “Yeah, he. He is a man that has been visiting the sea for a couple of days. One night he almost drowned, told me he was just taking a dip and the other night, he bled. When I tried to help dress his wounds, he just withdrew his hand.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, and did I mention he loves polluting the sea?” 

You paused. “And he didn’t even thanked me.”

“Thank you.” You almost choked on your saliva. You couldn’t believe your ears. Did that rude man just say thank you?? As in an actual thank you? Are you sure you aren’t dreaming?? You stared at Jaehyun in disbelief, eyeing him up and down like he was a ghost.

Jaehyun pressed his lips in a thin line, waiting for your response and when he saw you looking like you were complementing if it was actually him or not, he turned away, back facing you.

“What did you just say?” 

“Thank you.” He repeats and you dramatically cover your mouth with one hand. The night earlier after you had left, Jaehyun had felt bad. Maybe he should have thanked you for what you did. 

“Y—You know that word?” You asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I am hearing that from your mouth.”

“You can pretend you didn’t hear it, if that’s the case.” Jaehyun now thought that it would have been better had he kept his mouth shut. 

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I am going to forget that. With the new information that you have basic atticates and still chose to not put them in action, I could see you are a bigger jerk than I presumed to be.” He turned to glare at you and you passed him a mocking smile. 

No one could have ever thought this would be the start of a “friendship” between you, or in other words, Jaehyun would console you while your wet face would be pressed against his shirt.

“I hate my life, you know.” You hiccupped in between your sobs, vision blurred by your tears. 

Jaehyun sat stiff beside you, gulping as he was unsure of what to do. He had found you sitting on the same spot he sits at and when you spotted him, you scoffed and yelled: "Aren't your visiting days monday, thursday, saturday and sunday? Why the fuck are you here on wednesday? To annoy me?”

Turned out you were drunk, very drunk. He couldn’t spot any bottles beside you so he assumed you drank at home and came here to take a walk in the dead of the night, like you always do. 

He was irritated by your crying and so decided to shush you, but well, if shushing you meant sticking close to you with your head on his shoulder, your tears drenching his shirt, he has made a grave mistake by visiting on wednesday.

“Even though you are rude and arrogant and a jerk, I am going to rant to you—”

“Woah, woah. Why are you—.”

“BECAUSE I WANT TO! NOW SHUT UP YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!” You shouted, wiggling on your spot and then took a deep breath.

“So, listen here Mr. Jerk. See, my life right now is a mess, a complete mess. Why? That’s not something I am gonna tell you, you should know how to respect other people’s privacy—”

“I didn’t even asked—”

“Shut up!.” You paused. “ My family has a reputation, and for fitting that reputation you gotta have a job that the society thinks is woah. Are you getting what I mean? And I don’t really have interest in those types of jobs, so that’s why my mother decided what I gotta do with my life and destroyed my passion. Seems cool, right?” You chuckled. “ Now, she’s back, and I— oh fuck, I…..I don’t know what to do.” Your voice weakened, the grasp on Jaehyun’s handkerchief getting tighter.

“She was absent as a mother figure for my whole life and now she’s back, just to mould me into a perfect daughter. I hate it. I hate her.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do, he glanced over at you who still had her eyes closed and warm tears flowing through them. Your hand was clutching his handkerchief tightly.

He swallowed the bile harshly. “It’s..it’s not like you don’t matter…uhm, you do. Like, you give me some sort of company, even if it's annoying ” Your sobs had paused, and your eyes were now open. “Think about your grandma, your family, your friends, don’t they make you feel like you matter?” 

“I don’t have friends.” You lifted your head off his shoulder, Jaehyun relaxed instantly. “But my grandmother makes me happy.” A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. 

“So think of it, would your grandmother be happy if you vanished?” You shook your head. “She wouldn’t be.” 

From that moment on you talked about your grandmother (non stop), from her favourite colour to the way her eyes light up whenever she smiles, you told everything about her to the man next to you. 

You even went as far as to narrate her love story and you’re pretty sure if your grandmother comes to know of this she would smack you in the head with all the force she had.

You prated on and on, and then, you passed out. 

…….yeah, just like that.

Jaehyun was struggling to carry you on his back. It was the dead of the night and he was there knocking on people’s houses to ask if they knew where you lived, apologising for the inconvenience caused. While there were only a couple of houses in the area, they were scattered far apart. Luckily, one of the men knew where you lived.

“Ah, isn’t this Mrs Ahn’s grand daughter?” Relieved washed over Jaehyun at the man’s words. He could finally drop your heavy ass off his body. That relief soon was robbed away when he looked at how far your house was located. He sighed, thanking the man and then dragging you with him. God, he is definitely gonna need to spray a ton of back relief formula.

“Who— Oh my, is that Y/N on your back?” Jaehyun passed your grandmother a nervous smile, nodding his head. “What happened to her?”

“She got…uh, she passed out.” 

“Oh, dear! This is bad! please come.” Jaehyun accepted the invitation in an instant, dropping you immediately on the cream-coloured couch and letting out a sigh of relief. All those gym days and yet you still made his back ache. 

“I am sure carrying her wasn’t an easy task. Would you like to have something? Tea, coffee?” Jaehyun shook his head. “Then how about water?” 

“That will do, thank you.” While your grandmother went inside to fetch water, Jaehyun sat next to your spread-out figure, too exhausted after carrying you. His eyes scanned the surroundings. There were pictures of you everywhere. In one of the frames, you were smiling with your teeth on full display, your hair a mess. Jaehyun smiled, it reminded him of his carefree childhood.

“Dear, dear! I’m sure you are exhausted as hell. You couldn’t have found our house in a single try.” Your grandmother’s voice boomed. “What’s your name, child?”

“Jaehyun.” He quietly whispered, eyebrows furrowing when he saw the sparkle in grandmother’s eyes.

“Oh, are you perhaps the guy that has been visiting this sea recently?” Jaehyun nodded, he was surprised your grandmother knew about him. He wondered what you told her about him, but knowing you, you had probably told her all about how Jaehyun was a jerk. 

“I am Mrs. Lee and my grand daughter has been mentioning you quite often these days.” She chuckled, her laughter echoing. Jaehyun smiled. It warmed his heart to hear her laughter, seeming like a single hug from her would erase all his worries and pains. Mrs. Ahn handed out the water to Jaehyun with wrinkled yet soft eyes. 

A small talk turned into hours of gossip sessions filled with laughter and love. The heat of the coffee mug on Jaehyun’s fingertips was as warm as Mrs. Ahn’s presence. She radiated warmth and comfort, personality the epitome of sunshine. Tears almost formed in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so at home.

You greeted the morning with a stinging pain in your head, eyes not adjusting to the bright light escaping from the curtain. Everything was shaking, everything was blurry. God, just where were you?

“You’re up? I made you hangover soup, kiddo.” Your grandmother’s voice echoed to the room, the realisation that you were spread out on her couch hitting you. Oh, what a fool you were to fall asleep here—

Wait. 

Sudden flashes of yesterday’s night flooded through your brain, the pieces uncoordinated but still clear enough to make out how you made a fool out of yourself and let a stranger carry you all the way home. 

A gasp escaped your lips, cheek burning up from embarrassment. Just why all these things happen to you. 

“Grandma, have you ever seen a clown emoji?” You mumbled while staring at the ceiling. “That’s exactly what I am feeling right now. Exactly.” Maybe you should apologise to Jaehyun? Or maybe just bring a futuristic gadget to wipe off his memory? You don’t know.

Jaehyun’s bare feet came to a halt. Though he hadn’t looked back, he was sure he could sense your presence a few metres away from him. “Can you stop that?” His voice made you flinch, the susurration of waves filling the silence that followed. When you didn’t respond, he looked back, hands behind his back. 

For a moment, you stared into his brown orbs, the breeze gently swaying his hair. Then you diverted your gaze to the sandy ground below, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes any further.

Jaehyun patiently waited for you to take a step, start a talk, anything. Though in the back of his head, he knew why you were here. 

Taking slow, small steps towards Jaehyun, you stretched out your hand. “Here.” 

Jaehyun raised his eyebrow in surprise. It was his handkerchief, neatly ironed and folded.  He could smell the eerie smell of detergent from it. He took it without a word, a faint smile appearing on his face.

“About last night…” You started, bile building up in your throat. “I…I hope I hadn’t said something really stupid.” You continued a few seconds later, eyes squeezed shut as you waited for his answer.

He chuckled. “To your dismay, you did. First, you called me a jerk.” He took a step forward. “, shouted at me saying I should respect your privacy when I hadn’t even uttered a word and,” Another step towards you, the distance gradually closed. “Then proceeded to tell me your whole life story, contradicting your statement. I wanted to laugh at you for that, but the atmosphere was not quite appropriate for it.”

“I strongly believe saying that you are a jerk is not stupid. You are a jerk, it’s a fact.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah? At least I am not like someone who gets drunk and starts babbling nonsense sentences, and uses incorrect grammar.”

“I was drunk, okay!?”

“Yeah, yeah. Now can you get lost? You’re annoying me.” Rude. 

“Then why the fuck would you say that you like my company, and that i mattered?” Just exactly the words to make Jaehyun dead in track.

“I thought you didn’t remember anything.”

“There are still some rough patches, but this memory is as clear as the sky.“ Red crept over your cheeks. How could you forget? It was one of the nicest things someone had told you. Jaehyun's lips bloomed into a smile, an expression so soft you swear you were imagining it. 

“Do you think I am jerk—”

“Of course.” You answered in a heartbeat, face stern. Jaehyun stared at you for a while before curving his lips into a smirk. 

“Oh yeah? Grandmother Ahn said otherwise last night.” Your face scurried, confusion evident on it. You clearly remember telling your grandmother he was a jerk. 

“You said I was handsome.” 

“What—” You choked on your saliva. Your grandmother said what? “Hey, that's completely a lie! She only told you that because she didn’t want you to be hurt by my actual opinion!”

“Liar.” A teasing smile was all he gave before turning away and pacing forward in an attempt to run away from you. 

“Jaehyun! Where the hell are you going!? Come back here, we need to clear things up!” 

Days with Jaehyun by your side were peaceful, the chilly breeze didn’t seem to be bothering anymore, the moon and stars weren’t your only company anymore. Jaehyun was too.

You liked his company, and maybe you even liked him. Because you couldn’t stop giggling when you were with him, your stomach wouldn’t stop turning and your eyes would never seem to leave his. 

Yes, you liked him, just a tiny bit, but it was still enough to summon all the warmth and love in your heart when your gaze landed on him. Whenever his hand would touch yours, you would freeze, sparks flying all through your body as you would stare at the unaffected Jaehyun rambling about the importance of fruits and why you should eat them.

Everynight, you would wait for him to show up, walking the lengths of the sea in a gentle motion, fixing your hair when the breeze messed them up. 

Your nights earlier were consumed by looking at stars in gloomy sky, by hearing the soft clash of waves and wondering whether the water would be the one to lure you into eternal sleep. But now these same nights were marked with looking at the stars in his eyes and wondering if his touch would be as warm as the brown of his eyes. 

You hated nights, but if they meant sitting by the beach with Jaehyun and hearing his baseless arguments against the big bang theory, you wish the sun would never rise. 

“So, tell me what has led to you having late night visits at the sea.” Jaehyun looks a bit taken aback. He tears his gaze away from you, directing them towards the reflection of the moon in the water.

There’s silence. And it’s not comfortable. You shift upon the realisation. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s okay.” Jaehyun heaved a sigh, his back hitting the sand bed. 

“Do you like music?” 

“Music? Of course I do!” What about it?”

Jaehyun heaves a sigh. “Well, you know. I love music— correction: i loved music. It transported me to another world, where all my worries just scummed. When I would hear the faint of music, it silenced my thoughts, and it brought me peace. So I decided that in the future, I would explore music more, and build my career around it. And so I did exactly that.” Jaehyun didn’t want to continue, because he knew that all this talking would make him realise the thing that he had hidden deep inside him — he doesn’t like his idol life. 

He knew it deep down, but he will never, never, accept it. Because the moment he decides to accept how miserable his seemingly sparkly life actually was, will be the moment that he will realise how his sufferings and sacrifice to enter into the idol world were not worth it. All those years of brutal training and lost youth, they were nothing if they couldn’t fetch him real happiness. 

He couldn’t just accept that all his effort over the past ten years was nothing. It would break him, and he wasn’t ready for this. He won’t ever be ready for this.

“I— I am just tired right now since my manager says I am not quite improving. So I come here every now and then, the sound of the waves— it’s music, it gives me peace.” His lids fall shut, ears taking in the crash of waves against land. His eyes opened up as quickly as they had shut when he felt the warmth of your hand on top of his. 

The small gesture was completely unexpected, but Jaehyun welcomed it. The skin of your hand against his was so comforting, it calmed him more than the waves could. He could feel the warmth of your hand traveling through his body. 

With each passing second, the sound of waves began to fade and the thumping of his heart became evident. Blood rushed to his face. He liked this feeling — your touch felt so pleasant that it took all the strength in him to not intervene his fingers with yours.

That night, neither of you said anything else. It was a cold night but the pounding of your hearts and the hold of your hands made your body burn. You were right, his touch was just as warm as the brown of his eyes.

From that night onwards, something inside Jaehyun changed. His visits become more frequent and longer. Your fingers “accidentally” brushed against each other a lot more, and so did his smiles.

You were his safe place. Whenever he was with you, every worry, every doubt just disappeared. Even though Jaehyun didn’t share much about his life, you knew the raw, authentic parts of him.

Parts that were imperfect. Parts that were messy. Parts that made him Jaehyun. 

“Which one would you like to buy? It’s my treat!” Jaehyun smiled seeing you squeal at his words. You examined all the delicacies your local bakery had to offer. 

“Can I just take everything? They all look so tempting!” 

“No. I am not that rich.”

“You are so mean.” Jaehyun chuckled seeing you throw a glare at him. Your heart melts seeing his dimples poke out, face softening as your lips curl into a smile. How can you not adore this man? Just look at his dimples. 

The bakery owner giggled at the sight in front of her. “It’s nice to see couples coming here.” Even though she whispered to herself, both him and you caught her words. The chuckles died down, and— was Jaehyun blushing? You squint your eyes. His ears were definitely red. Wait, does that mean that he likes you too? The red on your cheeks deepens, and you are sure he notices, because as he walks you to your house, he turns you to face him.

“I like you.” There, he said it. Your mouth parts open in utter disbelief. Oh fuck. Did he just confess? Your lack of response sent Jaehyun into a spiral of thoughts. Has his confession been too soon for your liking?

“I— Are you joking right now?”

“Why would you think I would be joking about my feelings, Y/N?” He heaves in a deep breath, biting his lower lip. “I like you. You give me comfort, you make me forget about all my worries. With you, I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I have no imperfections. With you, I can be silly and goofy. With you, I feel loved.”

Your grip on your bag tightens, his words still sounding like a dream to you. “Jaehyun,” You trail, taking a step closer to him. It’s impossible to ignore the longing in the eyes of the man in front of you. He leans down until you can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. “I like you too.” You breathed, taking a pause to press your lips against his.

Jaehyun smiled, his thumb lifting your chin up. “I know, you were not really discreet in hiding that.” In an instant, his lips were on yours. You closed your eyes, your bag dropping on the ground as your hands slowly made their way around his nape. 

His lips were soft, perfectly moulding with yours. You could feel him smile as your hand tugged at the strands of his hair. He pulled you closer by your waist, his kiss so gentle and full of love that you felt euphoric. The synced thumping of your hearts, the adrenaline rush, sent sparks flying your body. 

You didn’t want to let go, holding onto Jaehyun as though he was the air you breathe. His free hand reached out to grab yours, caressing it before intertwining your fingers. He was on cloud nine, he could taste the lingering vanilla of the pastry you had and it made him dizzier. 

You pulled apart to catch your breath, panting and blushing. Jaehyun locked his forehead with yours, light giggles escaping his lips seeing how flushed you looked. He loved this sight, and lord, he can get drunk on it.

Months went by in a blur. You were on cloud nine, so in love with the man who held your hand delicately every time his gaze met yours. You were glowing from the inside, overwhelmed with all the right feelings. 

Everything was going smoothly, as though your story was one straight from the fairytales, until nct’s popularity increased and so did the pressure on Jaehyun. He no longer had time to visit you, and whenever you asked him about his idol life in the hopes to lessen his burden, he would immediately change the topic. You saw less of Jaehyun each passing day. You tried arranging dates with Jaehyun but it all boiled down to him being busy due to his packed up schedule. Eventually you noticed that his schedule was no longer an actual reason, but just an excuse to avoid you. 

You wondered how long it would take you to save your relationship that's falling apart, until one cold night Jaehyun appeared at your doorstep unannounced. One look at his clenched face and you knew. 

“Let’s break up.” The words that left his mouth still sounded like a thunderclap.  Your expression dropped, mouth ajar as you stared at the man in pure horror. You searched his eyes for something— anything that indicated he was joking, that he loved you like you did. To your dismay, you found nothing but orbs so dark that you could feel a shiver run down your spine. 

“What?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill. The lump in your throat grew heavier as your hands curled up into a fist. The aching rhythm of your heart took over your ears, eyes getting red. 

“Why?” Your voice gave in, barely above a whisper as you watched Jaehyun heave in a breath. His palms get clammy.

“You know my life is hectic. No breaks, no rest. I was looking for an escape like a madman, and I found one in you. Initially, it felt good. I was happy, you made me forget about my tedious life. But as my schedule got loaded up I realised that being with you…..It doesn’t bring me any joy. It’s taking a toll on me.” 

The words that seemed to escape his lips so easily, went through your heart like a dagger. He was lying, wasn’t he? How can it be that you bring him no joy? You saw his crescent eyes, his pearly smile, the smile whiskers that you found so adorable — every time he was with you. 

You were desperate to save your relationship, so much so that started sputtering anything that could make him stay. 

“Jae, if it’s about how hectic your schedule is, you don’t have to visit me here! I can always come to you—”

“No, you don’t understand—”

“I get that being in the spotlight is tiresome. You are exhausted and you want to rest. B—But what’s the need of breaking up? If it’s about visiting and spending hours talking with me at the beach, we don’t have to do it. You don’t have to come here for weeks, a month even. You can rest at home, we can always talk on chat. I promise I’ll keep it short so you don’t have to invest too much of your time in it. But, please, don’t break up. We can work this out.” 

“We cannot. I cannot. This relationship is draining me out. I have already made my decision Y/N, I have put a lot of thought into this. I am sorry but you cannot convince me to change my decision.” Your hands frantically grasped the doorframe to balance yourself. You cannot win this. You cannot make him stay. 

Sacred and unsure, your hands feebly make their way to cup his cheeks, and that’s when Jaehyun’s armour breaks. His hand rests on yours, fingers interviewing and you could feel his tough frontier shatter for a moment. 

A moment so vulnerable that he couldn’t help but gently press his lips on yours, tenderly taking you in for what felt like the last time for you both. His actions betrayed his words. His kiss was slow, soft, compassionate, so in contrast to his cold, sharp edged words. 

When he reached out to cup your face and felt the warm liquid on your cheeks, it broke him. But he had no right to feel so, for it was him who made you cry. How can he stay with you, how can he give you the love you deserved when he couldn’t even man up to accept his own feelings? 

At one end, his ego was shifting the blame on you, whispering every night to him that he needs to stay away from you if he wants to continue living his “dream life” in satisfaction. On the other,  his sane self was also telling him to stay away from you for he had done nothing but hurt you these past few months. You deserve better, and he needs to better for you.

And in the haze of shared kisses and cries, drunk of the delicate grip on your waist and fingers tangled in your locks, you knew Jaehyun loved you. But you can’t make decisions for him, and so despite your will, you had to let him go.

Jaehyun bangs the door to his apartment harshly as his mind flashes an image of you teared up. Despite spending weeks trying to convince himself he doesn’t find solace in you, his heart aches seeing you like that. And he had made that very clear with the sentimental kiss shared. 

Being with you made him realise how happy he can be if he left his idol life behind. All the fame, the wealth, it was worth nothing if he wasn’t happy. But he still cannot accept that it’s not you that no longer brings him joy, but his picture perfect life that robs him of happiness. 

Until the time he navigates his emotions, till the time he learns to accept, or learns to improve himself mentally, Jaehyun decides to stay away from you.

It's been weeks since you stepped outside of your room. You occasionally heard your grandmother cursing at Jaehyun in the loudest voice possible, hoping you would come out and join her. She would often complain how the tv wasn’t working properly, or how she couldn’t reach the container on the top shelf — anything that could possibly make you abandon the confines of the room. 

You found solace in your acrylics and oil pastels, painting your feelings on the canvas. It was the only thing that kept you sane. At times, you often wondered how Jaehyun was doing. Was he doing better? Had he found his joy? 

You knew it was understandable for Jaehyun to take a break considering his deteriorating condition recently, but you were sore that he had chosen to battle on his own and not with you on side. Even though you were sure he didn’t mean most of his words, you still found yourself tear eyed whenever you revisited the conversation.

Jaehyun had given you some of the sweetest memories, he had been the source of your happiness and had become an integral part of your life. To have him ripped away from you hurt like hell. 

At nights when your eyes would hurt from staring at the creaks of your ceiling, you would take a stroll down the shore. The salty taste of the air would coat your tongue and your eyes would glisten at the flashes of his smile, the whispers of his voice telling you he loved you. 

You missed him, and wondered if he felt the same.

Jaehyun doesn't feel the same, he feels worse. 

He should have known that cleaning his apartment on a sunday morning just because he wanted to be “productive” and get his shit together after the break up would make things worse for him.

He stares awfully long at the lavender coloured album titled “her”, which he had found on one of his shelves, sitting pretty and luring him near. 

With his hand practically shaking, he mustered up the courage to flip to the first page of his loved album, pupils dilating as his eyes landed on the first pic of you under a street lamp, the soft light illuminating your features and enhancing your appearance. You were smiling for the camera, eyes twinkling.

He remembers that day vividly: when you both pretended to be strangers in your own hometown just to get lost in the familiar streets. It was a simple excuse to be in each other’s company for a little longer. You were wearing a white top paired with a denim skirt, hair blowing with the breeze. 

He misses you. Quite rich coming from the man who suggested that you should part ways since ‘he no longer finds joy in you and being with you just added to the toll his schedule gave.’ 

Jaehyun hated the words he spat the night he showed up unannounced at your house. They were too cruel, all lies. He hopes you know he doesn’t mean any of that and one day, you will find in your heart to forgive him. 

When the night comes, jaehyun would lay in his bed and wonder if had made the right decision— if he was ever going to get better— and if by the time he does get better will you still love him— have you moved on— do you hate him— has the sweet memories with him now left a bitter taste on your tongue—

A train of thoughts that never halted. 

It’s been two months since your breakup and it’s been quite tough for Jaehyun. He has been dealing with insomnia, messing up dance steps, hitting the wrong notes and even fainting. 

After the members gave him an earful, he finally decided to meet a therapist secretly, thrice a week. Jaehyun did not miss the pitiful glances thrown his way wherever he opened up.

One thing the therapist encouraged him to do on a daily basis was writing down his feelings on a piece of paper. Jaehyun thought it was just a simple task but man, he did not expect the paper to absorb his thoughts so well. It was tough on the first day, he admits. It felt like scrapping a fresh clot. But as the ink glided on the paper, the heaviness in his heart got lighter. 

One fine night, when he was missing you so much to the point he was sure that he was going crazy, he picked up a piece of paper and let his thoughts mold into a song. Thanks to his overflowing feelings (and kidnapping mark to help him produce a melody), he was able to prepare the first draft on that night itself. 

The track, forever only, was close to his heart. It was so raw, so vulnerable, so personal. 

“You sing like you have divorced her and lost custody of your three kids.”

Jaehyun yeets the paper on Mark's face, causing a yelp to escape the young man’s throat. Jaehyun heaved out a sigh, slumping on the couch.

“Do you think it’s good?”

“I just gave you a compliment, dude.” Mark joins Jaehyun. “The goodbye and a final kiss, the way you sang that I know you replay that kiss over and over aga— STOP HITTING ME!”

Forever only received positive comments from both his members and the company. It wasn’t long before Jaehyun had stepped foot in the studio to start recording it. A month of hard work, and then forever only finally saw the light of the day.

In the meantime, when you came clear to grandmother about the situation between you and jaehyun— she started showing you profiles of ‘hot men near me’. “Grandma,” You interrupted the happy Mrs. Ahn talking about some Jeong Jungkook. “Why do you have an app named hot men near me?”

Then she smacked you with a pan :)

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

If a gaze could kill, your phone would have been in shambles. Your grandmother glares at the message sent by your ex, cursing at him and letting out an evil cackle as she skinned him alive in her cruel imagination. 

She might have “invaded” your privacy but can you really blame her when she saw a notification from “Jae ♡” pop up? Fuming, her shaky hands tapped at the screen. And smirked evilly until she heard a voice behind her.

“Grandma, I am starving.” You whined, fresh out of the shower. You blinked a few times upon registering the device in your hand. 

“Is that my phone?” Back straightening up, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, pretending to get mad. She nodded, anger still glinting in her eyes.

“Come on, you know it’s rude to access people’s belongings without their permission.” You jogged towards her with a smile plastered on your face, peeking to see what she was checking. 

She flips the phone screen the second you try to glance at it. “I prepared your favourite soup. Weren’t you starving? Quick, go eat it before it gets cold.” 

“Yes, commander.” She chuckles at your response, shoving the phone into her pocket. And just like that, you never saw his message.

“Are you buying these for your girlfriend? She is going to love it.” Jaehyun slightly smiles under the black mask adoring his face, taking the bouquet of red flowers in his hands and uttering a thanks to the florist.

You had left him on seen and though Jaehyun knew it was not ideal for him to show up in your new neighbourhood after his actions, he still did. He wanted to try and fail instead of regretting it in the future. 

So here he was, standing at the door of the house he was all too familiar, clutching the bouquet of roses out of nervousness. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.

“Greetings—” The smile on your grandmother’s face dropped as soon as she identified the man standing in front of her, the black mask and cap he wore all too familiar to her eyes.

Jaehyun bowed the second after, not missing the way her eyes were shooting daggers at him. He would be lying if he wasn’t scared, shifting uncomfortably in his place.

“Why are you here?” Her words were laced with spite, imitating your own too precisely. Does mastering the cold tone run in your bloodline? Jaehyun smiles at the thought.

“Uh— I am here to give your grand daughter something.” He mumbles in a quiet voice and it was only then did her gaze land on the bouquet in Jaehyun’s hand. “I am sure she doesn’t need them.”

Jaehyun sighed at the answer, fixing his cap. “I know I have hurt your daughter, but I am here to prove that I am willing to try again and face my weakness, to love her the way my past self wasn’t able to and to make her realise that I indeed did and still love her.” 

The sadness in his eyes made her heart clench a little and she wanted to pat his back to tell him it was alright. But how could she when the person he hurt was none other than her own grand daughter?

“It’s too late now, don’t you think?” Jaehyun said nothing and just dipped his head low. “Please……just please let me try. I promise I won’t hurt her…..again” Your grandmother sighed, calling your name, saying you have a visitor.

“I want you to stay away from her, but it’s her life and so it’s her who should make her decisions. Don’t get heartbroken if she gives you a piece of her mind…or a few slaps.” She rolled her eyes but somewhere, hidden in the depths of her heart was a voice that told her it was the right decision.

Jaehyun mumbled a small thank you, eyes peering inside the house to look at you, the gorgeous lady inside out, standing timidly in her flip flops and messy hair, yet still knocking the wind out of him.

You had come running to the gate upon hearing your name, confused as to who might be there to visit you. The sight of Jaehyun was something that left you numb, and you swore he could see the surprise painted on your face.

You looked at your grandmother who balled her right hand into a fist and pointed it towards Jaehyun as if telling you to punch him with all your might. You took bold steps towards the man dressed in black, a stark contrast to the way your heart was pounding.

“Hi,” Jaehyun’s voice was so warm and inviting, and the tenderness in his eyes that like you were some sort of precious thing he had vowed to protect. It caught you off guard. Meeting him still broke you down in a cold sweat. 

He handed you the bouquet with gentleness. “This is for you.” He uttered, a small smile visible on his face despite his mask. You accepted the bouquet, still eyeing Jaehyun as you were still in doubt as to what he was up to. 

No man shows up at his ex’s house and hands a bouquet with a smile on his face unless he is there to convince the ex to give him a second chance. But it was Jaehyun, the idol that has been packed with tight schedules and shootings so why would he be there for this petty reason? Didn’t being an idol drain him out to be dealing with you?

“I am sorry.” You blinked a few times. There was a visible confusion on your face. Jeong Jaehyun bought you flowers and apologised? Jaehyun took a second to register your actions. You didn’t slam the door shut in his face or threw the bouquet on him like he had imagined. 

Afraid that he was running out of time before you would close the door on him, he mustered up the courage to let his words reach you. 

“I know what I did was wrong…..it was selfish and maybe pathetic, and I regret it.” Jaehyun’s brain was in a haze, the script he had learned for this particular moment all too blurry and he was left with nothing to rely on except his true and raw feelings. So he shared them, even though it was one hell of a task for him.

“I get that you don’t even want to look at me, but please, just listen to me this time.” You avoided his gaze, silencing yourself and giving him a signal to go. Jaehyun understood it and took a deep breath. Boy, he wishes he does not end up crying in the process.

“I was a coward……I chose to leave you and never talk about my feelings. Thinking about them was scary because that would have meant me getting a glimpse of what I really felt towards this life. And I didn’t want to accept that after coming this far.” 

“When things got hard, crushing me under, I believed that I would be just fine. When my eyes lost all the light, I still blindly believed that. And soon helplessness developed into frustration, and that frustration went out on you. I am just so sorry.” 

“Yes, I am here to ask for a second chance.” He took in a deep breath, eyes fixated on the ground because he was so afraid of looking at you. “I just wanted you to know how I feel, that’s it. Whatever decision you take, I will abide by it.” 

The air becomes thicker, your chest feels heavier. Shit, shit. You were not over him, you still missed him. It didn’t help that his words seemed sincere. “I—”

“Please take your time.” Merely above a whisper, he said. What if you say no? Would this be the last time Jaehyun sees you? “Please think about it…” His eyes were now glossy. His gaze never leaves your face, just so he could crave your features in his memory, just in case this was his last chance of looking at you.

The sun dipped below the horizon, wind blew your hair, feet bare against sand, you had your hand clutching the bouquet. You closed your eyes, taking in every little sound the beach gave you. You don’t remember how long you have been walking. 

Do you want it? A second chance at the relationship which once felt everything? Do you still love Jaehyun? Your brain had shut down, refusing to comply with the situation. Your heart was aching. Was it because you were afraid of getting hurt again? Or was it because you have missed Jaehyun just as much as he had? How you wish you could find the answer to that.

Your thoughts about Jaehyun went in a loop, and it was overwhelming. You needed a distraction. Anything would work if it meant a pause to your contemplation. You dragged your eyes along the expanse of land, heaving out a sigh of relief as you noticed the bakery. 

Yes, food will surely work.. You rush to the place, the sweet smell and the slow jazz music immediately calming you down.

“Welcome!” The owner smiled. “Oh it’s you! It’s been a long time, what would you like?” You passed back a smile and skimmed over the pastries, pointing to a blueberry one. “This one!”

Lord, you were right. Food always works. You deserved this sweet treat. “Can I have another one?” 

“Sure!” As she picked up the pastry, the song switched. (forever only starts playing). It felt nice, the voice felt familiar—. Your lips parted. This was definitely Jaehyun’s voice. This was his song. Forever Only.

Your hands start shaking. Tears streamed down your face, and even though your vision was getting blurry, everything else started becoming clear. Do you want a second chance at this relationship? Hell yes. Do you still love Jaehyun? Yes, yes, yes!

“Here— are you okay?” The owner’s voice was full of concern as she bent down to check on you. Your sobs were getting louder each stanza. “I— I think I should stop this song—”

“No….please let me hear it. Everything.” And you did. Every single thing. Every ounce of pain in his voice. You were a mess, crying uncontrollably, holding onto the bouquet as though it was Jaehyun himself. Only when the song ended, you were sane enough to utter a thank you to the owner who was patting your back the entire time. 

“Are you feeling better now?” She asked and you nodded. “I am so sorry, it was just that the song got to me.” 

“No worries, it’s my favourite song, so vulnerable. Even I cried when I first heard it because it reminded me of my ex.” She chuckled. “I think I should refrain from playing this in my bakery. I can’t believe I made two people cry in a matter of thirty minutes. Before you a man in all black came and his hands were shaking when he heard this song, I mean he didn’t cry openly but his whimpers were enough—”

“A man in all black?” Your heart pounded. It has to be Jaehyun. “Was he wearing a mask and a cap?”

“Yes! Do you know each other—” You gasped and immediately got up, impatient to know where he went.

“When was he here? Do you remember in which direction he went?”

“15 minutes ago, and he went there.” That was it. You sprinted out of the bakery, not caring about your tear streaked cheeks and puffy eyes. A run of 2 minutes leads you to him, sitting with his back against you, staring at the water like it held all the answers. It was your spot. 

Your knees gave up and as the grainy sand scratched your skin, you let out a cry. Your mewls caught his attention and when he turned to find the source of this noise, his breath got caught. It was you.

One eye contact was all it took for you to cry out harder, eyes getting puffier and throat burning. Jaehyun rushed towards you, cupping your cheeks in his hands, a little hesitant at first. 

“I missed you.” You breathed out, hands snaking around his bicep. “So fucking much.” He was breaking down too. He pulls you in, embracing you with such a gentle yet stern grip, as if you were a mirage that would disappear if he lets you.

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a small kiss to your temple. “I always have.” You pull away, tear brimmed eyes looking at his. 

“I hate you.” You punched his chest. “First you part away, and then— you come for a second chance— and then I find out you wrote a goddamn song about me. Why such a depressing song? Haven’t I given you enough happy memories!?” 

“No— that’s not what I meant in that song—”

“Shut up. I was trying to crack a joke, lighten the mood.” 

Jaehyun stared at you. “...whilst balling your eyes out— ouch!”

“As if you look any better! Your eyes are puffier than mine! Even in such a situation you are bickering with me! Do you want me to go ba—”

The words died in your throat as his lips sealed yours. Jaehyun was a gentle kisser, slow and patient. But this time, his kisses lacked patience. It was as if they were trying to tell you how much he had missed you. His thumb tilted your jaw, deepening the kiss. You pressed your face closer to his, cutting down any space for air.

It was sloppy and messy, like all the longing had manifested itself into the swirl of your tongues, the grip of his hand on your waist and the scratch of your nail against his skin. How you wished your grandmother wasn’t at home—

“Just get a room, you two!” You chuckled in between the kiss at that, tightening your grip around Jaehyun to feel the flush of his skin against yours. Jaehyun breaks the kiss, dimples flashing seeing the red of your face. Gently, he tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear.

His lips, all swollen, glimmer and you can’t help but peck them. You feel like your heart is about to burst from your ribcage just by how full it feels.

Jaehyun can’t thank the heavens enough for the grace they have bestowed on him. How he had missed the sweetness of your chapstick and the echo of your voice. And as he leaned in to savour you again, he made a promise to himself. A promise that he will never run away from you again, that he will never let himself be the reason you shed even a single tear, that he will let you know that he loves you every single day, and will continue doing so until the last of his breath has left him.

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luna’s note ▸ yay, you made it to the end! thank you for taking out your time to read my story ♡ i hoped you liked it! please let me know your thoughts!, a small feedback can change my day for the better and give me motivation to bring more of such stories to you so please share your thoughts!

you can find more of my posted works here and fic ideas here!

He should have been in his bed, taking a rest because this day was just gonna be as hectic as yesterday, if not more. He wishes he could take a break, he really does but it’s his life that won’t allow it. 

Jeong Jaehyun is an idol, quite a famous one at that. He has a million fans who adore him and a team who stays by his side even at the worst times. He has the looks, he has the talents, he has the money, and he has the love of his fans. That should be enough to make him happy. Right?

Jaehyun’s expression drops at the thought. He ponders over it for a little while. Is he really not happy but just…..sad? He quickly shakes his head. No, there is no way. He is happy, it is just that today’s just one of those where you feel down and just can’t help it.

He roughly opens up a beer can, chunking the liquid down his throat in one go. Jaehyun’s mind was messed up. He didn’t even remember the number of cans he had consumed this night.

Tears burned his eyes. He looked down at the ground, a tear slipping down his porcelain skin. He closed his eyes shut before trailing them to the sea. And then, he felt at ease. 

The water looked so alluring, so tranquil that it called out to him, wanting to lure him inside. It seemed as though one dip and Jaehyun was going to forget everything that troubled him.

The desire to just sink in the water became so strong that he slowly stood up, the can dropping to the sand with a soft clash. Jaehyun soon started making his way towards the sea lazily. Should he really do this? Is this decision right? Jaehyun wasn’t sure but it seemed as though he was hypnotised, his legs were moving on their own, refusing to listen to him.

One foot in and he could feel the coldness of the sea. Somehow that coldness felt like a warm hug. He looked down. His foot was under the water, the sand tickling him. He liked the feeling so much.

He should dive in, one dip should not hurt him. His brain was shutting down as walked forward, his legs in the water. With each step, the water rose, up to his ankles, up to his knees, up his waist and soon he was neck deep in it, eyes closed as he relished in the moment. It felt so peaceful— like time had stopped, like all his worries had vanished, like the cruel world couldn’t hurt him.

His clothes were all drenched, sticking uncomfortably to his skin but he didn’t care, for all he cared for was the warmth and comfort the sea gave him. In a matter of seconds, he was completely under the water with no visibility. Why couldn’t he stay here forever? It would be pretty nice to be in a place where nothing could bug him. 

His eyes were getting heavier with each second passing by. Jaehyun couldn’t keep them open even if he tried. His body was exhausted and needed some rest. In a matter of seconds, his eyes gave up and his body sank in, deeper and deeper.

Jaehyun knew exactly what was happening, but he did nothing to help himself. Suddenly he heard a splash and the next thing he knew was two arms wrapping around his waist. His eyes shot open, looking over to meet the unexpected guest.

That person dragged him up to the surface and once she did, they both gasped for air. Jaehyun looked over to the person, his wet bangs blocking the view. From what he could get a glance from, his “saviour” was a woman.

His body suddenly became stiff, what if, what if you were a… stalker? Millions of scenarios flashed in his mind. If this leaked out Jaehyun would be in great trouble and his “perfect” idol image would be ruined. After all, which perfectly fit and content idol would choose to drown in the sea?

“Are you fucking insane?” You spat at the man beside you, your voice laced with anger and frustration. With his wet bangs covering half of his face and your hair in front of yours, you weren’t able to make out his face completely. The dim night light wasn’t so convenient in this situation either.

“What the fuck were you doing in there? You could have died!” Jaehyun scoffs at your words and it confuses the shit out of you. He has the audacity to what, scoff? Just after you saved his stupid ass?

“Died? Like d-i-e-d, died?” He said and mockery was visible in his tone. Jaehyun knew what he was doing. His voice and words were sharp, and curt. He knew he was acting like a jerk, but if you were a stalker and got to know that he did nothing after literally drowning himself, you could spread it and easily spoil his image. 

He has to be cautious, no matter what. “Miss, I don’t know who you are but you should not meddle in someone’s business. I wasn’t “dying” or “drowning”, I was just taking a dip.” 

Your expressions dropped at his words. He was taking a dip? Damn, now you feel stupid. But hey, this isn't really your fault. What would you expect if you were just passing by, heard a sob, saw a man with two empty beer cans lying at his feet and the next thing he did was gradually sink into the sea? Of course, you would freak out. 

Your silence made Jaehyun feel relieved. At least you bought his words. “Oh.” You thought aloud, still in the water beside him. Nice, now how the hell do you get out of this awkward situation? Your eyes roamed around. Beer cans. Your eyes lit up as you turned your face towards the man beside you, who, surprisingly, was already walking towards the shore.

You followed soon after. “Taking a dip doesn’t give you the right to throw trash here. “ You rolled your eyes, ears not missing the frustrated sigh of the man beside you. The stupidity from the event before was still within you, but hey, at least you pointed out how this man was trashing your sea. It’s surely gonna make you feel a bit better.

Jaehyun was bothered, almost annoyed as to why you were here. He just wanted to be alone this night, but the universe decided that this wasn’t a good option. Are you actually a stalker? 

“Pick up the trash before you go away.” How awkwardly could you have uttered these words? It feels right to leave this way since you have nothing to do with this stranger and the fact that you embarrassed yourself in front of him was already your cue to leave him alone. 

Not to mention the fact that this rude stranger couldn’t even say a ‘thank you’. You know you were mistaken, but still. 

The soft sound of footsteps against the sand makes Jaehyun look up. He figures you’re leaving and soon feels relieved. Once he makes sure you are no longer in his sight, he turns around and slumps down to the ground beneath him.

He continued gazing at the water for a while and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Water weirdly gave him a sense of comfort he needed and he does not want to go away from it.

His arms were thrown over his knees and his eyes took in every bit of the beauty nature offered him. Jaehyun worried about you. What if you had followed him all the way from his apartment?

A gentle, cool breeze was what it took to shut down his thoughts completely. You were a complete stranger to worry about at this moment. And even if you were a stalker, Jaehyun’s sure you are just not worth worrying about when he has the sea laid in front of him.

He loves the feeling the water gives him. At that moment, Jaehyun makes up his mind. He is going to visit this place whenever his schedule allows it. He spent about an hour sitting in the comforting silence and when it was time to leave, his gaze landed on the empty cans. Pick up trash before you go away. Your words rang in his ears making him roll his eyes.

“Great.” He muttered under his breath, picking up the cans and tossing them in the garbage can nearby.

“Are you a stalker?”

“EXCUSE ME!?” You looked at the rude stranger (who has now been termed as a jerk in your book) with shock painted all over your face. How dare he? He still looked at you with those dim eyes of his, waiting for a reply.

You scoffed. “And why would you assume it?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, glaring at you. ”Because you keep following me.”  

“I keep following you?” He has to be kidding you. Why would you follow this rude man? Does he think the world revolves around him? 

He nods his head, standing up and facing you. “I have been coming here for a month now,” Jaehyun tilts his head, hands in his pocket. “And whenever I am here, you are too.” 

You chuckle, passing him a smile. “Oh, so that’s the reason why you think I am following you!” Jaehyun becomes confused at your reaction. “I hate to break it to you, but I live here. Live as in l-i-v-e. I am not “following you” or “stalking you”, I am just taking a walk here.” You mimicked his words from your first meet, eyebrows rising in bliss to hear Jaehyun utter the same “oh” as you did. 

“Whenever I went out for a walk, I, unfortunately, saw your face. Every single time.” You paused. You wished you had a camera with you to capture the face Jaehyun gave. So helpless and taken aback. You won’t lie, you kinda felt proud of yourself.

Jaehyun was in disbelief. Do you seriously not know him, or are just pretending to not? “Whatever.” He whispers, more to himself but your ears could catch it.

“Still don’t believe me? I live right there.” You pointed to a house in the opposite direction. “It’s a less populated area but people do live here.”

Much like how you felt, Jaehyun feels dumb. So you actually live here. He cleared his throat, eyes darting back to the sea in an attempt to ignore you.

You squint your eyes at him. So this man couldn’t even say ‘sorry’ now? You don’t even have empty beer cans splattered on the ground so he could point it out. Talking about beer cans, you noticed he didn’t have any alcoholic beverages this time and seemed quite sober. 

That’s good. At least you won’t have to drag his ass out if takes a “dip”. 

You shook your head violently, getting rid of those thoughts. Why do you even care? Jaehyun sneaks a glance at you. Shit, you are still here. He doesn’t know how to deal with his situation, so he just crosses his fingers and prays you would go soon. 

Jaehyun swings his arms back and forth, taking tiny steps left and right. He froze when it finally clicked him. You want an apology. He locks gaze with you who had her arms crossed, a sly smirk he is sure he will grow to hate. How annoying can you get?

“I am sorry.” His voice was low and though you clearly heard him, you leaned in. “What? I couldn't hear you.” As annoying as it can get, Jaehyun thinks to himself, twisting his body towards you.

“I am sorry.” He repeats again, this time a little louder. 

“Oh yeah, for what?” Jaehyun, frustrated, closed his eyes shut.

“I am sorry for assuming you are a stalker….” Your smile broadened, a feeling of satisfaction washing all over. You hummed, taking a step closer. 

“As you should be,” You paused, examining Jaehyun’s expression. Seeing you stare at him, Jaehyun rolled his eyes. You are so irritating it makes him want to rip off his hair.  “Mr. jerk.” You finished, and Jaehyun was taken aback.

You passed him a quick smirk before running away, leaving him dumbfounded. Jaehyun was still trying to process what just happened. So not only are you irritating, you are rude too? The universe has to be kidding him. 

Surprisingly, you and Jaehyun crossed paths very often. It was as if every power in the world wanted you to see each other’s awful faces. You both pretended to puke at the sight. Even if any of you tried to visit the sea at a different time, you would still meet and thus, had no choice but to get used to it.

For you, Jaehyun roaming-around near the shore in the dead of night was a normal thing now. While for Jaehyun, you lingering behind him like a bothersome ghost was now a day to day routine. 

Jaehyun and you never talked after the latest incident and while you wished it would remain that way, looking at the scene before your eyes, you are afraid that is not going to be the case.

With the breeze cutting through your ear, you stared at Jaehyun in horror. Your eyes trailed down to the red liquid flowing down his hand. Jaehyun was bleeding. You know Jaehyun wouldn’t want you to interfere in his matters but how could you not when he was just standing with the red liquid smearing on his hand?

You jogged towards your house as fast as you could, banging the door open and rummaged through your stuff to find the first aid kit. You rushed back to Jaehyun, the sound of your rushed footsteps making your motives clear.

 You sat beside him, gently taking his wounded hand in yours. “Please don’t tell me you were just testing your strength like the time you were trying to take a dip.” Jaehyun didn’t say anything, eyes glued to the sand. He doesn’t know why he is letting you do this, but the way you ever so tenderly treated his wounds, it made his heart twitch. He was happy to know that you cared, even if you resented him.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked, his voice low. There was a hint of confusion in his voice, eyes finally taking a look at you. Your movements slowed down. Yeah, why are you doing this? The question left your brain hurting. 

“Maybe because I love guilt tripping myself. If I did nothing, my brain would replay this exact moment again and again to remind me just how much of a jerk I am to ignore a bleeding person.” You pressed the antiseptic harshly against his skin, making him slip out a low hiss. You wondered what caused him to do this. “And partly because you make me somewhat curious.”

“What?” You sighed, dragging your gaze upwards. As soon as your eyes met his, you froze. It was your first time clearly seeing his face and under the moonlight, he looked surreal. He was definitely one of the most gorgeous men you had laid eyes on.

As soon as realisation crashed upon you, you blinked quickly, shaking your head to get rid of your high thoughts. Have you gone crazy? Why would you think that this jerk is handsome?

You quickly glanced at him once more, biting the inside of your cheek. Okay, he is handsome. You pressed your lips into a thin line, heat rushing to your cheeks. You hated how he was the one making your body react this way.

"Because you have intentions of polluting the sea once again, don't you?" Jaehyun looked at the crushed can, shutting his eyes close. Brave of him to assume you were a decent human being. You are always going to be like that, aren’t you?

The metal top of the can had cut through his palm, adorning him with a fresh, deep wound. The antiseptic was burning into his skin. He was suddenly feeling dizzy.

Jaehyun stared at his bruised hand blankly. Why did he do this? Sure, he was frustrated after his manager screamed at him for not doing better because he was trying his best, but he was an idol. An idol who was supposed to maintain his perfect image no matter what. An idol who is not supposed to adore cuts and scratches on his body.

He withdrew his hand from yours within a second of realising that, and the scoff that made its way to your face was quite visible despite the dim light.

He knows you are trying to help him. You even tried to help on your first encounter. But he won’t let you do it again. He doesn’t know why it's always you who gets to experience his miserable side.

Jaehyun shifted in his place uncomfortably, he was still skeptical of your identity. What if, despite you confirming that you lived here, you were sent by his manager to keep an eye on him?

“You are ungrateful.” You whispered, tossing him a cloth and a healing cream. Jaehyun watched as you stood up, hands gripping the aid box’s handle tight. His eyes followed your figure until it became smaller and he wondered if you got hurt by his actions.

Once he couldn’t make you out anymore, he glanced at the things you’ve left for him. Carefully, and with much struggle, he applied the cream on his wound and tied it tightly with the cloth. 

“Where were you at night?” You froze, eyes meeting your grandmother’s kind ones. She had a smile on her face, as she waited for your reply. When you took a little too long, she spoke. “Was it because you couldn’t fall asleep?” 

You diverted your gaze from her concerned eyes. “How did you know?” 

She shrugged. “I heard the door bang loudly at night and I was worried if someone broke in, until I saw it was you, coming back with the first aid kit. Why the kit though, did you see someone injured?” You closed your eyes remembering the night prior. “I did.” 

 Your grandmother chuckled. “Seems like you don’t like that person.”

“Yes, I don’t.” You confessed immediately, looking at her once again. “He is arrogant, a jerk and literally all the synonyms of rude.” 

“He?” Your grandmother was now interested in the talk.

You nodded. “Yeah, he. He is a man that has been visiting the sea for a couple of days. One night he almost drowned, told me he was just taking a dip and the other night, he bled. When I tried to help dress his wounds, he just withdrew his hand.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, and did I mention he loves polluting the sea?” 

You paused. “And he didn’t even thanked me.”

“Thank you.” You almost choked on your saliva. You couldn’t believe your ears. Did that rude man just say thank you?? As in an actual thank you? Are you sure you aren’t dreaming?? You stared at Jaehyun in disbelief, eyeing him up and down like he was a ghost.

Jaehyun pressed his lips in a thin line, waiting for your response and when he saw you looking like you were complementing if it was actually him or not, he turned away, back facing you.

“What did you just say?” 

“Thank you.” He repeats and you dramatically cover your mouth with one hand. The night earlier after you had left, Jaehyun had felt bad. Maybe he should have thanked you for what you did. 

“Y—You know that word?” You asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I am hearing that from your mouth.”

“You can pretend you didn’t hear it, if that’s the case.” Jaehyun now thought that it would have been better had he kept his mouth shut. 

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I am going to forget that. With the new information that you have basic atticates and still chose to not put them in action, I could see you are a bigger jerk than I presumed to be.” He turned to glare at you and you passed him a mocking smile. 

No one could have ever thought this would be the start of a “friendship” between you, or in other words, Jaehyun would console you while your wet face would be pressed against his shirt.

“I hate my life, you know.” You hiccupped in between your sobs, vision blurred by your tears. 

Jaehyun sat stiff beside you, gulping as he was unsure of what to do. He had found you sitting on the same spot he sits at and when you spotted him, you scoffed and yelled: "Aren't your visiting days monday, thursday, saturday and sunday? Why the fuck are you here on wednesday? To annoy me?”

Turned out you were drunk, very drunk. He couldn’t spot any bottles beside you so he assumed you drank at home and came here to take a walk in the dead of the night, like you always do. 

He was irritated by your crying and so decided to shush you, but well, if shushing you meant sticking close to you with your head on his shoulder, your tears drenching his shirt, he has made a grave mistake by visiting on wednesday.

“Even though you are rude and arrogant and a jerk, I am going to rant to you—”

“Woah, woah. Why are you—.”

“BECAUSE I WANT TO! NOW SHUT UP YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!” You shouted, wiggling on your spot and then took a deep breath.

“So, listen here Mr. Jerk. See, my life right now is a mess, a complete mess. Why? That’s not something I am gonna tell you, you should know how to respect other people’s privacy—”

“I didn’t even asked—”

“Shut up!.” You paused. “ My family has a reputation, and for fitting that reputation you gotta have a job that the society thinks is woah. Are you getting what I mean? And I don’t really have interest in those types of jobs, so that’s why my mother decided what I gotta do with my life and destroyed my passion. Seems cool, right?” You chuckled. “ Now, she’s back, and I— oh fuck, I…..I don’t know what to do.” Your voice weakened, the grasp on Jaehyun’s handkerchief getting tighter.

“She was absent as a mother figure for my whole life and now she’s back, just to mould me into a perfect daughter. I hate it. I hate her.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do, he glanced over at you who still had her eyes closed and warm tears flowing through them. Your hand was clutching his handkerchief tightly.

He swallowed the bile harshly. “It’s..it’s not like you don’t matter…uhm, you do. Like, you give me some sort of company, even if it's annoying ” Your sobs had paused, and your eyes were now open. “Think about your grandma, your family, your friends, don’t they make you feel like you matter?” 

“I don’t have friends.” You lifted your head off his shoulder, Jaehyun relaxed instantly. “But my grandmother makes me happy.” A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. 

“So think of it, would your grandmother be happy if you vanished?” You shook your head. “She wouldn’t be.” 

From that moment on you talked about your grandmother (non stop), from her favourite colour to the way her eyes light up whenever she smiles, you told everything about her to the man next to you. 

You even went as far as to narrate her love story and you’re pretty sure if your grandmother comes to know of this she would smack you in the head with all the force she had.

You prated on and on, and then, you passed out. 

…….yeah, just like that.

Jaehyun was struggling to carry you on his back. It was the dead of the night and he was there knocking on people’s houses to ask if they knew where you lived, apologising for the inconvenience caused. While there were only a couple of houses in the area, they were scattered far apart. Luckily, one of the men knew where you lived.

“Ah, isn’t this Mrs Ahn’s grand daughter?” Relieved washed over Jaehyun at the man’s words. He could finally drop your heavy ass off his body. That relief soon was robbed away when he looked at how far your house was located. He sighed, thanking the man and then dragging you with him. God, he is definitely gonna need to spray a ton of back relief formula.

“Who— Oh my, is that Y/N on your back?” Jaehyun passed your grandmother a nervous smile, nodding his head. “What happened to her?”

“She got…uh, she passed out.” 

“Oh, dear! This is bad! please come.” Jaehyun accepted the invitation in an instant, dropping you immediately on the cream-coloured couch and letting out a sigh of relief. All those gym days and yet you still made his back ache. 

“I am sure carrying her wasn’t an easy task. Would you like to have something? Tea, coffee?” Jaehyun shook his head. “Then how about water?” 

“That will do, thank you.” While your grandmother went inside to fetch water, Jaehyun sat next to your spread-out figure, too exhausted after carrying you. His eyes scanned the surroundings. There were pictures of you everywhere. In one of the frames, you were smiling with your teeth on full display, your hair a mess. Jaehyun smiled, it reminded him of his carefree childhood.

“Dear, dear! I’m sure you are exhausted as hell. You couldn’t have found our house in a single try.” Your grandmother’s voice boomed. “What’s your name, child?”

“Jaehyun.” He quietly whispered, eyebrows furrowing when he saw the sparkle in grandmother’s eyes.

“Oh, are you perhaps the guy that has been visiting this sea recently?” Jaehyun nodded, he was surprised your grandmother knew about him. He wondered what you told her about him, but knowing you, you had probably told her all about how Jaehyun was a jerk. 

“I am Mrs. Lee and my grand daughter has been mentioning you quite often these days.” She chuckled, her laughter echoing. Jaehyun smiled. It warmed his heart to hear her laughter, seeming like a single hug from her would erase all his worries and pains. Mrs. Ahn handed out the water to Jaehyun with wrinkled yet soft eyes. 

A small talk turned into hours of gossip sessions filled with laughter and love. The heat of the coffee mug on Jaehyun’s fingertips was as warm as Mrs. Ahn’s presence. She radiated warmth and comfort, personality the epitome of sunshine. Tears almost formed in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so at home.

You greeted the morning with a stinging pain in your head, eyes not adjusting to the bright light escaping from the curtain. Everything was shaking, everything was blurry. God, just where were you?

“You’re up? I made you hangover soup, kiddo.” Your grandmother’s voice echoed to the room, the realisation that you were spread out on her couch hitting you. Oh, what a fool you were to fall asleep here—

Wait. 

Sudden flashes of yesterday’s night flooded through your brain, the pieces uncoordinated but still clear enough to make out how you made a fool out of yourself and let a stranger carry you all the way home. 

A gasp escaped your lips, cheek burning up from embarrassment. Just why all these things happen to you. 

“Grandma, have you ever seen a clown emoji?” You mumbled while staring at the ceiling. “That’s exactly what I am feeling right now. Exactly.” Maybe you should apologise to Jaehyun? Or maybe just bring a futuristic gadget to wipe off his memory? You don’t know.

Jaehyun’s bare feet came to a halt. Though he hadn’t looked back, he was sure he could sense your presence a few metres away from him. “Can you stop that?” His voice made you flinch, the susurration of waves filling the silence that followed. When you didn’t respond, he looked back, hands behind his back. 

For a moment, you stared into his brown orbs, the breeze gently swaying his hair. Then you diverted your gaze to the sandy ground below, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes any further.

Jaehyun patiently waited for you to take a step, start a talk, anything. Though in the back of his head, he knew why you were here. 

Taking slow, small steps towards Jaehyun, you stretched out your hand. “Here.” 

Jaehyun raised his eyebrow in surprise. It was his handkerchief, neatly ironed and folded.  He could smell the eerie smell of detergent from it. He took it without a word, a faint smile appearing on his face.

“About last night…” You started, bile building up in your throat. “I…I hope I hadn’t said something really stupid.” You continued a few seconds later, eyes squeezed shut as you waited for his answer.

He chuckled. “To your dismay, you did. First, you called me a jerk.” He took a step forward. “, shouted at me saying I should respect your privacy when I hadn’t even uttered a word and,” Another step towards you, the distance gradually closed. “Then proceeded to tell me your whole life story, contradicting your statement. I wanted to laugh at you for that, but the atmosphere was not quite appropriate for it.”

“I strongly believe saying that you are a jerk is not stupid. You are a jerk, it’s a fact.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah? At least I am not like someone who gets drunk and starts babbling nonsense sentences, and uses incorrect grammar.”

“I was drunk, okay!?”

“Yeah, yeah. Now can you get lost? You’re annoying me.” Rude. 

“Then why the fuck would you say that you like my company, and that i mattered?” Just exactly the words to make Jaehyun dead in track.

“I thought you didn’t remember anything.”

“There are still some rough patches, but this memory is as clear as the sky.“ Red crept over your cheeks. How could you forget? It was one of the nicest things someone had told you. Jaehyun's lips bloomed into a smile, an expression so soft you swear you were imagining it. 

“Do you think I am jerk—”

“Of course.” You answered in a heartbeat, face stern. Jaehyun stared at you for a while before curving his lips into a smirk. 

“Oh yeah? Grandmother Ahn said otherwise last night.” Your face scurried, confusion evident on it. You clearly remember telling your grandmother he was a jerk. 

“You said I was handsome.” 

“What—” You choked on your saliva. Your grandmother said what? “Hey, that's completely a lie! She only told you that because she didn’t want you to be hurt by my actual opinion!”

“Liar.” A teasing smile was all he gave before turning away and pacing forward in an attempt to run away from you. 

“Jaehyun! Where the hell are you going!? Come back here, we need to clear things up!” 

Days with Jaehyun by your side were peaceful, the chilly breeze didn’t seem to be bothering anymore, the moon and stars weren’t your only company anymore. Jaehyun was too.

You liked his company, and maybe you even liked him. Because you couldn’t stop giggling when you were with him, your stomach wouldn’t stop turning and your eyes would never seem to leave his. 

Yes, you liked him, just a tiny bit, but it was still enough to summon all the warmth and love in your heart when your gaze landed on him. Whenever his hand would touch yours, you would freeze, sparks flying all through your body as you would stare at the unaffected Jaehyun rambling about the importance of fruits and why you should eat them.

Everynight, you would wait for him to show up, walking the lengths of the sea in a gentle motion, fixing your hair when the breeze messed them up. 

Your nights earlier were consumed by looking at stars in gloomy sky, by hearing the soft clash of waves and wondering whether the water would be the one to lure you into eternal sleep. But now these same nights were marked with looking at the stars in his eyes and wondering if his touch would be as warm as the brown of his eyes. 

You hated nights, but if they meant sitting by the beach with Jaehyun and hearing his baseless arguments against the big bang theory, you wish the sun would never rise. 

“So, tell me what has led to you having late night visits at the sea.” Jaehyun looks a bit taken aback. He tears his gaze away from you, directing them towards the reflection of the moon in the water.

There’s silence. And it’s not comfortable. You shift upon the realisation. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s okay.” Jaehyun heaved a sigh, his back hitting the sand bed. 

“Do you like music?” 

“Music? Of course I do!” What about it?”

Jaehyun heaves a sigh. “Well, you know. I love music— correction: i loved music. It transported me to another world, where all my worries just scummed. When I would hear the faint of music, it silenced my thoughts, and it brought me peace. So I decided that in the future, I would explore music more, and build my career around it. And so I did exactly that.” Jaehyun didn’t want to continue, because he knew that all this talking would make him realise the thing that he had hidden deep inside him — he doesn’t like his idol life. 

He knew it deep down, but he will never, never, accept it. Because the moment he decides to accept how miserable his seemingly sparkly life actually was, will be the moment that he will realise how his sufferings and sacrifice to enter into the idol world were not worth it. All those years of brutal training and lost youth, they were nothing if they couldn’t fetch him real happiness. 

He couldn’t just accept that all his effort over the past ten years was nothing. It would break him, and he wasn’t ready for this. He won’t ever be ready for this.

“I— I am just tired right now since my manager says I am not quite improving. So I come here every now and then, the sound of the waves— it’s music, it gives me peace.” His lids fall shut, ears taking in the crash of waves against land. His eyes opened up as quickly as they had shut when he felt the warmth of your hand on top of his. 

The small gesture was completely unexpected, but Jaehyun welcomed it. The skin of your hand against his was so comforting, it calmed him more than the waves could. He could feel the warmth of your hand traveling through his body. 

With each passing second, the sound of waves began to fade and the thumping of his heart became evident. Blood rushed to his face. He liked this feeling — your touch felt so pleasant that it took all the strength in him to not intervene his fingers with yours.

That night, neither of you said anything else. It was a cold night but the pounding of your hearts and the hold of your hands made your body burn. You were right, his touch was just as warm as the brown of his eyes.

From that night onwards, something inside Jaehyun changed. His visits become more frequent and longer. Your fingers “accidentally” brushed against each other a lot more, and so did his smiles.

You were his safe place. Whenever he was with you, every worry, every doubt just disappeared. Even though Jaehyun didn’t share much about his life, you knew the raw, authentic parts of him.

Parts that were imperfect. Parts that were messy. Parts that made him Jaehyun. 

“Which one would you like to buy? It’s my treat!” Jaehyun smiled seeing you squeal at his words. You examined all the delicacies your local bakery had to offer. 

“Can I just take everything? They all look so tempting!” 

“No. I am not that rich.”

“You are so mean.” Jaehyun chuckled seeing you throw a glare at him. Your heart melts seeing his dimples poke out, face softening as your lips curl into a smile. How can you not adore this man? Just look at his dimples. 

The bakery owner giggled at the sight in front of her. “It’s nice to see couples coming here.” Even though she whispered to herself, both him and you caught her words. The chuckles died down, and— was Jaehyun blushing? You squint your eyes. His ears were definitely red. Wait, does that mean that he likes you too? The red on your cheeks deepens, and you are sure he notices, because as he walks you to your house, he turns you to face him.

“I like you.” There, he said it. Your mouth parts open in utter disbelief. Oh fuck. Did he just confess? Your lack of response sent Jaehyun into a spiral of thoughts. Has his confession been too soon for your liking?

“I— Are you joking right now?”

“Why would you think I would be joking about my feelings, Y/N?” He heaves in a deep breath, biting his lower lip. “I like you. You give me comfort, you make me forget about all my worries. With you, I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I have no imperfections. With you, I can be silly and goofy. With you, I feel loved.”

Your grip on your bag tightens, his words still sounding like a dream to you. “Jaehyun,” You trail, taking a step closer to him. It’s impossible to ignore the longing in the eyes of the man in front of you. He leans down until you can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. “I like you too.” You breathed, taking a pause to press your lips against his.

Jaehyun smiled, his thumb lifting your chin up. “I know, you were not really discreet in hiding that.” In an instant, his lips were on yours. You closed your eyes, your bag dropping on the ground as your hands slowly made their way around his nape. 

His lips were soft, perfectly moulding with yours. You could feel him smile as your hand tugged at the strands of his hair. He pulled you closer by your waist, his kiss so gentle and full of love that you felt euphoric. The synced thumping of your hearts, the adrenaline rush, sent sparks flying your body. 

You didn’t want to let go, holding onto Jaehyun as though he was the air you breathe. His free hand reached out to grab yours, caressing it before intertwining your fingers. He was on cloud nine, he could taste the lingering vanilla of the pastry you had and it made him dizzier. 

You pulled apart to catch your breath, panting and blushing. Jaehyun locked his forehead with yours, light giggles escaping his lips seeing how flushed you looked. He loved this sight, and lord, he can get drunk on it.

Months went by in a blur. You were on cloud nine, so in love with the man who held your hand delicately every time his gaze met yours. You were glowing from the inside, overwhelmed with all the right feelings. 

Everything was going smoothly, as though your story was one straight from the fairytales, until nct’s popularity increased and so did the pressure on Jaehyun. He no longer had time to visit you, and whenever you asked him about his idol life in the hopes to lessen his burden, he would immediately change the topic. You saw less of Jaehyun each passing day. You tried arranging dates with Jaehyun but it all boiled down to him being busy due to his packed up schedule. Eventually you noticed that his schedule was no longer an actual reason, but just an excuse to avoid you. 

You wondered how long it would take you to save your relationship that's falling apart, until one cold night Jaehyun appeared at your doorstep unannounced. One look at his clenched face and you knew. 

“Let’s break up.” The words that left his mouth still sounded like a thunderclap.  Your expression dropped, mouth ajar as you stared at the man in pure horror. You searched his eyes for something— anything that indicated he was joking, that he loved you like you did. To your dismay, you found nothing but orbs so dark that you could feel a shiver run down your spine. 

“What?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill. The lump in your throat grew heavier as your hands curled up into a fist. The aching rhythm of your heart took over your ears, eyes getting red. 

“Why?” Your voice gave in, barely above a whisper as you watched Jaehyun heave in a breath. His palms get clammy.

“You know my life is hectic. No breaks, no rest. I was looking for an escape like a madman, and I found one in you. Initially, it felt good. I was happy, you made me forget about my tedious life. But as my schedule got loaded up I realised that being with you…..It doesn’t bring me any joy. It’s taking a toll on me.” 

The words that seemed to escape his lips so easily, went through your heart like a dagger. He was lying, wasn’t he? How can it be that you bring him no joy? You saw his crescent eyes, his pearly smile, the smile whiskers that you found so adorable — every time he was with you. 

You were desperate to save your relationship, so much so that started sputtering anything that could make him stay. 

“Jae, if it’s about how hectic your schedule is, you don’t have to visit me here! I can always come to you—”

“No, you don’t understand—”

“I get that being in the spotlight is tiresome. You are exhausted and you want to rest. B—But what’s the need of breaking up? If it’s about visiting and spending hours talking with me at the beach, we don’t have to do it. You don’t have to come here for weeks, a month even. You can rest at home, we can always talk on chat. I promise I’ll keep it short so you don’t have to invest too much of your time in it. But, please, don’t break up. We can work this out.” 

“We cannot. I cannot. This relationship is draining me out. I have already made my decision Y/N, I have put a lot of thought into this. I am sorry but you cannot convince me to change my decision.” Your hands frantically grasped the doorframe to balance yourself. You cannot win this. You cannot make him stay. 

Sacred and unsure, your hands feebly make their way to cup his cheeks, and that’s when Jaehyun’s armour breaks. His hand rests on yours, fingers interviewing and you could feel his tough frontier shatter for a moment. 

A moment so vulnerable that he couldn’t help but gently press his lips on yours, tenderly taking you in for what felt like the last time for you both. His actions betrayed his words. His kiss was slow, soft, compassionate, so in contrast to his cold, sharp edged words. 

When he reached out to cup your face and felt the warm liquid on your cheeks, it broke him. But he had no right to feel so, for it was him who made you cry. How can he stay with you, how can he give you the love you deserved when he couldn’t even man up to accept his own feelings? 

At one end, his ego was shifting the blame on you, whispering every night to him that he needs to stay away from you if he wants to continue living his “dream life” in satisfaction. On the other,  his sane self was also telling him to stay away from you for he had done nothing but hurt you these past few months. You deserve better, and he needs to better for you.

And in the haze of shared kisses and cries, drunk of the delicate grip on your waist and fingers tangled in your locks, you knew Jaehyun loved you. But you can’t make decisions for him, and so despite your will, you had to let him go.

Jaehyun bangs the door to his apartment harshly as his mind flashes an image of you teared up. Despite spending weeks trying to convince himself he doesn’t find solace in you, his heart aches seeing you like that. And he had made that very clear with the sentimental kiss shared. 

Being with you made him realise how happy he can be if he left his idol life behind. All the fame, the wealth, it was worth nothing if he wasn’t happy. But he still cannot accept that it’s not you that no longer brings him joy, but his picture perfect life that robs him of happiness. 

Until the time he navigates his emotions, till the time he learns to accept, or learns to improve himself mentally, Jaehyun decides to stay away from you.

It's been weeks since you stepped outside of your room. You occasionally heard your grandmother cursing at Jaehyun in the loudest voice possible, hoping you would come out and join her. She would often complain how the tv wasn’t working properly, or how she couldn’t reach the container on the top shelf — anything that could possibly make you abandon the confines of the room. 

You found solace in your acrylics and oil pastels, painting your feelings on the canvas. It was the only thing that kept you sane. At times, you often wondered how Jaehyun was doing. Was he doing better? Had he found his joy? 

You knew it was understandable for Jaehyun to take a break considering his deteriorating condition recently, but you were sore that he had chosen to battle on his own and not with you on side. Even though you were sure he didn’t mean most of his words, you still found yourself tear eyed whenever you revisited the conversation.

Jaehyun had given you some of the sweetest memories, he had been the source of your happiness and had become an integral part of your life. To have him ripped away from you hurt like hell. 

At nights when your eyes would hurt from staring at the creaks of your ceiling, you would take a stroll down the shore. The salty taste of the air would coat your tongue and your eyes would glisten at the flashes of his smile, the whispers of his voice telling you he loved you. 

You missed him, and wondered if he felt the same.

Jaehyun doesn't feel the same, he feels worse. 

He should have known that cleaning his apartment on a sunday morning just because he wanted to be “productive” and get his shit together after the break up would make things worse for him.

He stares awfully long at the lavender coloured album titled “her”, which he had found on one of his shelves, sitting pretty and luring him near. 

With his hand practically shaking, he mustered up the courage to flip to the first page of his loved album, pupils dilating as his eyes landed on the first pic of you under a street lamp, the soft light illuminating your features and enhancing your appearance. You were smiling for the camera, eyes twinkling.

He remembers that day vividly: when you both pretended to be strangers in your own hometown just to get lost in the familiar streets. It was a simple excuse to be in each other’s company for a little longer. You were wearing a white top paired with a denim skirt, hair blowing with the breeze. 

He misses you. Quite rich coming from the man who suggested that you should part ways since ‘he no longer finds joy in you and being with you just added to the toll his schedule gave.’ 

Jaehyun hated the words he spat the night he showed up unannounced at your house. They were too cruel, all lies. He hopes you know he doesn’t mean any of that and one day, you will find in your heart to forgive him. 

When the night comes, jaehyun would lay in his bed and wonder if had made the right decision— if he was ever going to get better— and if by the time he does get better will you still love him— have you moved on— do you hate him— has the sweet memories with him now left a bitter taste on your tongue—

A train of thoughts that never halted. 

It’s been two months since your breakup and it’s been quite tough for Jaehyun. He has been dealing with insomnia, messing up dance steps, hitting the wrong notes and even fainting. 

After the members gave him an earful, he finally decided to meet a therapist secretly, thrice a week. Jaehyun did not miss the pitiful glances thrown his way wherever he opened up.

One thing the therapist encouraged him to do on a daily basis was writing down his feelings on a piece of paper. Jaehyun thought it was just a simple task but man, he did not expect the paper to absorb his thoughts so well. It was tough on the first day, he admits. It felt like scrapping a fresh clot. But as the ink glided on the paper, the heaviness in his heart got lighter. 

One fine night, when he was missing you so much to the point he was sure that he was going crazy, he picked up a piece of paper and let his thoughts mold into a song. Thanks to his overflowing feelings (and kidnapping mark to help him produce a melody), he was able to prepare the first draft on that night itself. 

The track, forever only, was close to his heart. It was so raw, so vulnerable, so personal. 

“You sing like you have divorced her and lost custody of your three kids.”

Jaehyun yeets the paper on Mark's face, causing a yelp to escape the young man’s throat. Jaehyun heaved out a sigh, slumping on the couch.

“Do you think it’s good?”

“I just gave you a compliment, dude.” Mark joins Jaehyun. “The goodbye and a final kiss, the way you sang that I know you replay that kiss over and over aga— STOP HITTING ME!”

Forever only received positive comments from both his members and the company. It wasn’t long before Jaehyun had stepped foot in the studio to start recording it. A month of hard work, and then forever only finally saw the light of the day.

In the meantime, when you came clear to grandmother about the situation between you and jaehyun— she started showing you profiles of ‘hot men near me’. “Grandma,” You interrupted the happy Mrs. Ahn talking about some Jeong Jungkook. “Why do you have an app named hot men near me?”

Then she smacked you with a pan :)

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

If a gaze could kill, your phone would have been in shambles. Your grandmother glares at the message sent by your ex, cursing at him and letting out an evil cackle as she skinned him alive in her cruel imagination. 

She might have “invaded” your privacy but can you really blame her when she saw a notification from “Jae ♡” pop up? Fuming, her shaky hands tapped at the screen. And smirked evilly until she heard a voice behind her.

“Grandma, I am starving.” You whined, fresh out of the shower. You blinked a few times upon registering the device in your hand. 

“Is that my phone?” Back straightening up, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, pretending to get mad. She nodded, anger still glinting in her eyes.

“Come on, you know it’s rude to access people’s belongings without their permission.” You jogged towards her with a smile plastered on your face, peeking to see what she was checking. 

She flips the phone screen the second you try to glance at it. “I prepared your favourite soup. Weren’t you starving? Quick, go eat it before it gets cold.” 

“Yes, commander.” She chuckles at your response, shoving the phone into her pocket. And just like that, you never saw his message.

“Are you buying these for your girlfriend? She is going to love it.” Jaehyun slightly smiles under the black mask adoring his face, taking the bouquet of red flowers in his hands and uttering a thanks to the florist.

You had left him on seen and though Jaehyun knew it was not ideal for him to show up in your new neighbourhood after his actions, he still did. He wanted to try and fail instead of regretting it in the future. 

So here he was, standing at the door of the house he was all too familiar, clutching the bouquet of roses out of nervousness. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.

“Greetings—” The smile on your grandmother’s face dropped as soon as she identified the man standing in front of her, the black mask and cap he wore all too familiar to her eyes.

Jaehyun bowed the second after, not missing the way her eyes were shooting daggers at him. He would be lying if he wasn’t scared, shifting uncomfortably in his place.

“Why are you here?” Her words were laced with spite, imitating your own too precisely. Does mastering the cold tone run in your bloodline? Jaehyun smiles at the thought.

“Uh— I am here to give your grand daughter something.” He mumbles in a quiet voice and it was only then did her gaze land on the bouquet in Jaehyun’s hand. “I am sure she doesn’t need them.”

Jaehyun sighed at the answer, fixing his cap. “I know I have hurt your daughter, but I am here to prove that I am willing to try again and face my weakness, to love her the way my past self wasn’t able to and to make her realise that I indeed did and still love her.” 

The sadness in his eyes made her heart clench a little and she wanted to pat his back to tell him it was alright. But how could she when the person he hurt was none other than her own grand daughter?

“It’s too late now, don’t you think?” Jaehyun said nothing and just dipped his head low. “Please……just please let me try. I promise I won’t hurt her…..again” Your grandmother sighed, calling your name, saying you have a visitor.

“I want you to stay away from her, but it’s her life and so it’s her who should make her decisions. Don’t get heartbroken if she gives you a piece of her mind…or a few slaps.” She rolled her eyes but somewhere, hidden in the depths of her heart was a voice that told her it was the right decision.

Jaehyun mumbled a small thank you, eyes peering inside the house to look at you, the gorgeous lady inside out, standing timidly in her flip flops and messy hair, yet still knocking the wind out of him.

You had come running to the gate upon hearing your name, confused as to who might be there to visit you. The sight of Jaehyun was something that left you numb, and you swore he could see the surprise painted on your face.

You looked at your grandmother who balled her right hand into a fist and pointed it towards Jaehyun as if telling you to punch him with all your might. You took bold steps towards the man dressed in black, a stark contrast to the way your heart was pounding.

“Hi,” Jaehyun’s voice was so warm and inviting, and the tenderness in his eyes that like you were some sort of precious thing he had vowed to protect. It caught you off guard. Meeting him still broke you down in a cold sweat. 

He handed you the bouquet with gentleness. “This is for you.” He uttered, a small smile visible on his face despite his mask. You accepted the bouquet, still eyeing Jaehyun as you were still in doubt as to what he was up to. 

No man shows up at his ex’s house and hands a bouquet with a smile on his face unless he is there to convince the ex to give him a second chance. But it was Jaehyun, the idol that has been packed with tight schedules and shootings so why would he be there for this petty reason? Didn’t being an idol drain him out to be dealing with you?

“I am sorry.” You blinked a few times. There was a visible confusion on your face. Jeong Jaehyun bought you flowers and apologised? Jaehyun took a second to register your actions. You didn’t slam the door shut in his face or threw the bouquet on him like he had imagined. 

Afraid that he was running out of time before you would close the door on him, he mustered up the courage to let his words reach you. 

“I know what I did was wrong…..it was selfish and maybe pathetic, and I regret it.” Jaehyun’s brain was in a haze, the script he had learned for this particular moment all too blurry and he was left with nothing to rely on except his true and raw feelings. So he shared them, even though it was one hell of a task for him.

“I get that you don’t even want to look at me, but please, just listen to me this time.” You avoided his gaze, silencing yourself and giving him a signal to go. Jaehyun understood it and took a deep breath. Boy, he wishes he does not end up crying in the process.

“I was a coward……I chose to leave you and never talk about my feelings. Thinking about them was scary because that would have meant me getting a glimpse of what I really felt towards this life. And I didn’t want to accept that after coming this far.” 

“When things got hard, crushing me under, I believed that I would be just fine. When my eyes lost all the light, I still blindly believed that. And soon helplessness developed into frustration, and that frustration went out on you. I am just so sorry.” 

“Yes, I am here to ask for a second chance.” He took in a deep breath, eyes fixated on the ground because he was so afraid of looking at you. “I just wanted you to know how I feel, that’s it. Whatever decision you take, I will abide by it.” 

The air becomes thicker, your chest feels heavier. Shit, shit. You were not over him, you still missed him. It didn’t help that his words seemed sincere. “I—”

“Please take your time.” Merely above a whisper, he said. What if you say no? Would this be the last time Jaehyun sees you? “Please think about it…” His eyes were now glossy. His gaze never leaves your face, just so he could crave your features in his memory, just in case this was his last chance of looking at you.

The sun dipped below the horizon, wind blew your hair, feet bare against sand, you had your hand clutching the bouquet. You closed your eyes, taking in every little sound the beach gave you. You don’t remember how long you have been walking. 

Do you want it? A second chance at the relationship which once felt everything? Do you still love Jaehyun? Your brain had shut down, refusing to comply with the situation. Your heart was aching. Was it because you were afraid of getting hurt again? Or was it because you have missed Jaehyun just as much as he had? How you wish you could find the answer to that.

Your thoughts about Jaehyun went in a loop, and it was overwhelming. You needed a distraction. Anything would work if it meant a pause to your contemplation. You dragged your eyes along the expanse of land, heaving out a sigh of relief as you noticed the bakery. 

Yes, food will surely work.. You rush to the place, the sweet smell and the slow jazz music immediately calming you down.

“Welcome!” The owner smiled. “Oh it’s you! It’s been a long time, what would you like?” You passed back a smile and skimmed over the pastries, pointing to a blueberry one. “This one!”

Lord, you were right. Food always works. You deserved this sweet treat. “Can I have another one?” 

“Sure!” As she picked up the pastry, the song switched. (forever only starts playing). It felt nice, the voice felt familiar—. Your lips parted. This was definitely Jaehyun’s voice. This was his song. Forever Only.

Your hands start shaking. Tears streamed down your face, and even though your vision was getting blurry, everything else started becoming clear. Do you want a second chance at this relationship? Hell yes. Do you still love Jaehyun? Yes, yes, yes!

“Here— are you okay?” The owner’s voice was full of concern as she bent down to check on you. Your sobs were getting louder each stanza. “I— I think I should stop this song—”

“No….please let me hear it. Everything.” And you did. Every single thing. Every ounce of pain in his voice. You were a mess, crying uncontrollably, holding onto the bouquet as though it was Jaehyun himself. Only when the song ended, you were sane enough to utter a thank you to the owner who was patting your back the entire time. 

“Are you feeling better now?” She asked and you nodded. “I am so sorry, it was just that the song got to me.” 

“No worries, it’s my favourite song, so vulnerable. Even I cried when I first heard it because it reminded me of my ex.” She chuckled. “I think I should refrain from playing this in my bakery. I can’t believe I made two people cry in a matter of thirty minutes. Before you a man in all black came and his hands were shaking when he heard this song, I mean he didn’t cry openly but his whimpers were enough—”

“A man in all black?” Your heart pounded. It has to be Jaehyun. “Was he wearing a mask and a cap?”

“Yes! Do you know each other—” You gasped and immediately got up, impatient to know where he went.

“When was he here? Do you remember in which direction he went?”

“15 minutes ago, and he went there.” That was it. You sprinted out of the bakery, not caring about your tear streaked cheeks and puffy eyes. A run of 2 minutes leads you to him, sitting with his back against you, staring at the water like it held all the answers. It was your spot. 

Your knees gave up and as the grainy sand scratched your skin, you let out a cry. Your mewls caught his attention and when he turned to find the source of this noise, his breath got caught. It was you.

One eye contact was all it took for you to cry out harder, eyes getting puffier and throat burning. Jaehyun rushed towards you, cupping your cheeks in his hands, a little hesitant at first. 

“I missed you.” You breathed out, hands snaking around his bicep. “So fucking much.” He was breaking down too. He pulls you in, embracing you with such a gentle yet stern grip, as if you were a mirage that would disappear if he lets you.

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a small kiss to your temple. “I always have.” You pull away, tear brimmed eyes looking at his. 

“I hate you.” You punched his chest. “First you part away, and then— you come for a second chance— and then I find out you wrote a goddamn song about me. Why such a depressing song? Haven’t I given you enough happy memories!?” 

“No— that’s not what I meant in that song—”

“Shut up. I was trying to crack a joke, lighten the mood.” 

Jaehyun stared at you. “...whilst balling your eyes out— ouch!”

“As if you look any better! Your eyes are puffier than mine! Even in such a situation you are bickering with me! Do you want me to go ba—”

The words died in your throat as his lips sealed yours. Jaehyun was a gentle kisser, slow and patient. But this time, his kisses lacked patience. It was as if they were trying to tell you how much he had missed you. His thumb tilted your jaw, deepening the kiss. You pressed your face closer to his, cutting down any space for air.

It was sloppy and messy, like all the longing had manifested itself into the swirl of your tongues, the grip of his hand on your waist and the scratch of your nail against his skin. How you wished your grandmother wasn’t at home—

“Just get a room, you two!” You chuckled in between the kiss at that, tightening your grip around Jaehyun to feel the flush of his skin against yours. Jaehyun breaks the kiss, dimples flashing seeing the red of your face. Gently, he tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear.

His lips, all swollen, glimmer and you can’t help but peck them. You feel like your heart is about to burst from your ribcage just by how full it feels.

Jaehyun can’t thank the heavens enough for the grace they have bestowed on him. How he had missed the sweetness of your chapstick and the echo of your voice. And as he leaned in to savour you again, he made a promise to himself. A promise that he will never run away from you again, that he will never let himself be the reason you shed even a single tear, that he will let you know that he loves you every single day, and will continue doing so until the last of his breath has left him.

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luna’s note ▸ yay, you made it to the end! thank you for taking out your time to read my story ♡ i hoped you liked it! please let me know your thoughts!, a small feedback can change my day for the better and give me motivation to bring more of such stories to you so please share your thoughts!

you can find more of my posted works here and fic ideas here!

He should have been in his bed, taking a rest because this day was just gonna be as hectic as yesterday, if not more. He wishes he could take a break, he really does but it’s his life that won’t allow it. 

Jeong Jaehyun is an idol, quite a famous one at that. He has a million fans who adore him and a team who stays by his side even at the worst times. He has the looks, he has the talents, he has the money, and he has the love of his fans. That should be enough to make him happy. Right?

Jaehyun’s expression drops at the thought. He ponders over it for a little while. Is he really not happy but just…..sad? He quickly shakes his head. No, there is no way. He is happy, it is just that today’s just one of those where you feel down and just can’t help it.

He roughly opens up a beer can, chunking the liquid down his throat in one go. Jaehyun’s mind was messed up. He didn’t even remember the number of cans he had consumed this night.

Tears burned his eyes. He looked down at the ground, a tear slipping down his porcelain skin. He closed his eyes shut before trailing them to the sea. And then, he felt at ease. 

The water looked so alluring, so tranquil that it called out to him, wanting to lure him inside. It seemed as though one dip and Jaehyun was going to forget everything that troubled him.

The desire to just sink in the water became so strong that he slowly stood up, the can dropping to the sand with a soft clash. Jaehyun soon started making his way towards the sea lazily. Should he really do this? Is this decision right? Jaehyun wasn’t sure but it seemed as though he was hypnotised, his legs were moving on their own, refusing to listen to him.

One foot in and he could feel the coldness of the sea. Somehow that coldness felt like a warm hug. He looked down. His foot was under the water, the sand tickling him. He liked the feeling so much.

He should dive in, one dip should not hurt him. His brain was shutting down as walked forward, his legs in the water. With each step, the water rose, up to his ankles, up to his knees, up his waist and soon he was neck deep in it, eyes closed as he relished in the moment. It felt so peaceful— like time had stopped, like all his worries had vanished, like the cruel world couldn’t hurt him.

His clothes were all drenched, sticking uncomfortably to his skin but he didn’t care, for all he cared for was the warmth and comfort the sea gave him. In a matter of seconds, he was completely under the water with no visibility. Why couldn’t he stay here forever? It would be pretty nice to be in a place where nothing could bug him. 

His eyes were getting heavier with each second passing by. Jaehyun couldn’t keep them open even if he tried. His body was exhausted and needed some rest. In a matter of seconds, his eyes gave up and his body sank in, deeper and deeper.

Jaehyun knew exactly what was happening, but he did nothing to help himself. Suddenly he heard a splash and the next thing he knew was two arms wrapping around his waist. His eyes shot open, looking over to meet the unexpected guest.

That person dragged him up to the surface and once she did, they both gasped for air. Jaehyun looked over to the person, his wet bangs blocking the view. From what he could get a glance from, his “saviour” was a woman.

His body suddenly became stiff, what if, what if you were a… stalker? Millions of scenarios flashed in his mind. If this leaked out Jaehyun would be in great trouble and his “perfect” idol image would be ruined. After all, which perfectly fit and content idol would choose to drown in the sea?

“Are you fucking insane?” You spat at the man beside you, your voice laced with anger and frustration. With his wet bangs covering half of his face and your hair in front of yours, you weren’t able to make out his face completely. The dim night light wasn’t so convenient in this situation either.

“What the fuck were you doing in there? You could have died!” Jaehyun scoffs at your words and it confuses the shit out of you. He has the audacity to what, scoff? Just after you saved his stupid ass?

“Died? Like d-i-e-d, died?” He said and mockery was visible in his tone. Jaehyun knew what he was doing. His voice and words were sharp, and curt. He knew he was acting like a jerk, but if you were a stalker and got to know that he did nothing after literally drowning himself, you could spread it and easily spoil his image. 

He has to be cautious, no matter what. “Miss, I don’t know who you are but you should not meddle in someone’s business. I wasn’t “dying” or “drowning”, I was just taking a dip.” 

Your expressions dropped at his words. He was taking a dip? Damn, now you feel stupid. But hey, this isn't really your fault. What would you expect if you were just passing by, heard a sob, saw a man with two empty beer cans lying at his feet and the next thing he did was gradually sink into the sea? Of course, you would freak out. 

Your silence made Jaehyun feel relieved. At least you bought his words. “Oh.” You thought aloud, still in the water beside him. Nice, now how the hell do you get out of this awkward situation? Your eyes roamed around. Beer cans. Your eyes lit up as you turned your face towards the man beside you, who, surprisingly, was already walking towards the shore.

You followed soon after. “Taking a dip doesn’t give you the right to throw trash here. “ You rolled your eyes, ears not missing the frustrated sigh of the man beside you. The stupidity from the event before was still within you, but hey, at least you pointed out how this man was trashing your sea. It’s surely gonna make you feel a bit better.

Jaehyun was bothered, almost annoyed as to why you were here. He just wanted to be alone this night, but the universe decided that this wasn’t a good option. Are you actually a stalker? 

“Pick up the trash before you go away.” How awkwardly could you have uttered these words? It feels right to leave this way since you have nothing to do with this stranger and the fact that you embarrassed yourself in front of him was already your cue to leave him alone. 

Not to mention the fact that this rude stranger couldn’t even say a ‘thank you’. You know you were mistaken, but still. 

The soft sound of footsteps against the sand makes Jaehyun look up. He figures you’re leaving and soon feels relieved. Once he makes sure you are no longer in his sight, he turns around and slumps down to the ground beneath him.

He continued gazing at the water for a while and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Water weirdly gave him a sense of comfort he needed and he does not want to go away from it.

His arms were thrown over his knees and his eyes took in every bit of the beauty nature offered him. Jaehyun worried about you. What if you had followed him all the way from his apartment?

A gentle, cool breeze was what it took to shut down his thoughts completely. You were a complete stranger to worry about at this moment. And even if you were a stalker, Jaehyun’s sure you are just not worth worrying about when he has the sea laid in front of him.

He loves the feeling the water gives him. At that moment, Jaehyun makes up his mind. He is going to visit this place whenever his schedule allows it. He spent about an hour sitting in the comforting silence and when it was time to leave, his gaze landed on the empty cans. Pick up trash before you go away. Your words rang in his ears making him roll his eyes.

“Great.” He muttered under his breath, picking up the cans and tossing them in the garbage can nearby.

“Are you a stalker?”

“EXCUSE ME!?” You looked at the rude stranger (who has now been termed as a jerk in your book) with shock painted all over your face. How dare he? He still looked at you with those dim eyes of his, waiting for a reply.

You scoffed. “And why would you assume it?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, glaring at you. ”Because you keep following me.”  

“I keep following you?” He has to be kidding you. Why would you follow this rude man? Does he think the world revolves around him? 

He nods his head, standing up and facing you. “I have been coming here for a month now,” Jaehyun tilts his head, hands in his pocket. “And whenever I am here, you are too.” 

You chuckle, passing him a smile. “Oh, so that’s the reason why you think I am following you!” Jaehyun becomes confused at your reaction. “I hate to break it to you, but I live here. Live as in l-i-v-e. I am not “following you” or “stalking you”, I am just taking a walk here.” You mimicked his words from your first meet, eyebrows rising in bliss to hear Jaehyun utter the same “oh” as you did. 

“Whenever I went out for a walk, I, unfortunately, saw your face. Every single time.” You paused. You wished you had a camera with you to capture the face Jaehyun gave. So helpless and taken aback. You won’t lie, you kinda felt proud of yourself.

Jaehyun was in disbelief. Do you seriously not know him, or are just pretending to not? “Whatever.” He whispers, more to himself but your ears could catch it.

“Still don’t believe me? I live right there.” You pointed to a house in the opposite direction. “It’s a less populated area but people do live here.”

Much like how you felt, Jaehyun feels dumb. So you actually live here. He cleared his throat, eyes darting back to the sea in an attempt to ignore you.

You squint your eyes at him. So this man couldn’t even say ‘sorry’ now? You don’t even have empty beer cans splattered on the ground so he could point it out. Talking about beer cans, you noticed he didn’t have any alcoholic beverages this time and seemed quite sober. 

That’s good. At least you won’t have to drag his ass out if takes a “dip”. 

You shook your head violently, getting rid of those thoughts. Why do you even care? Jaehyun sneaks a glance at you. Shit, you are still here. He doesn’t know how to deal with his situation, so he just crosses his fingers and prays you would go soon. 

Jaehyun swings his arms back and forth, taking tiny steps left and right. He froze when it finally clicked him. You want an apology. He locks gaze with you who had her arms crossed, a sly smirk he is sure he will grow to hate. How annoying can you get?

“I am sorry.” His voice was low and though you clearly heard him, you leaned in. “What? I couldn't hear you.” As annoying as it can get, Jaehyun thinks to himself, twisting his body towards you.

“I am sorry.” He repeats again, this time a little louder. 

“Oh yeah, for what?” Jaehyun, frustrated, closed his eyes shut.

“I am sorry for assuming you are a stalker….” Your smile broadened, a feeling of satisfaction washing all over. You hummed, taking a step closer. 

“As you should be,” You paused, examining Jaehyun’s expression. Seeing you stare at him, Jaehyun rolled his eyes. You are so irritating it makes him want to rip off his hair.  “Mr. jerk.” You finished, and Jaehyun was taken aback.

You passed him a quick smirk before running away, leaving him dumbfounded. Jaehyun was still trying to process what just happened. So not only are you irritating, you are rude too? The universe has to be kidding him. 

Surprisingly, you and Jaehyun crossed paths very often. It was as if every power in the world wanted you to see each other’s awful faces. You both pretended to puke at the sight. Even if any of you tried to visit the sea at a different time, you would still meet and thus, had no choice but to get used to it.

For you, Jaehyun roaming-around near the shore in the dead of night was a normal thing now. While for Jaehyun, you lingering behind him like a bothersome ghost was now a day to day routine. 

Jaehyun and you never talked after the latest incident and while you wished it would remain that way, looking at the scene before your eyes, you are afraid that is not going to be the case.

With the breeze cutting through your ear, you stared at Jaehyun in horror. Your eyes trailed down to the red liquid flowing down his hand. Jaehyun was bleeding. You know Jaehyun wouldn’t want you to interfere in his matters but how could you not when he was just standing with the red liquid smearing on his hand?

You jogged towards your house as fast as you could, banging the door open and rummaged through your stuff to find the first aid kit. You rushed back to Jaehyun, the sound of your rushed footsteps making your motives clear.

 You sat beside him, gently taking his wounded hand in yours. “Please don’t tell me you were just testing your strength like the time you were trying to take a dip.” Jaehyun didn’t say anything, eyes glued to the sand. He doesn’t know why he is letting you do this, but the way you ever so tenderly treated his wounds, it made his heart twitch. He was happy to know that you cared, even if you resented him.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked, his voice low. There was a hint of confusion in his voice, eyes finally taking a look at you. Your movements slowed down. Yeah, why are you doing this? The question left your brain hurting. 

“Maybe because I love guilt tripping myself. If I did nothing, my brain would replay this exact moment again and again to remind me just how much of a jerk I am to ignore a bleeding person.” You pressed the antiseptic harshly against his skin, making him slip out a low hiss. You wondered what caused him to do this. “And partly because you make me somewhat curious.”

“What?” You sighed, dragging your gaze upwards. As soon as your eyes met his, you froze. It was your first time clearly seeing his face and under the moonlight, he looked surreal. He was definitely one of the most gorgeous men you had laid eyes on.

As soon as realisation crashed upon you, you blinked quickly, shaking your head to get rid of your high thoughts. Have you gone crazy? Why would you think that this jerk is handsome?

You quickly glanced at him once more, biting the inside of your cheek. Okay, he is handsome. You pressed your lips into a thin line, heat rushing to your cheeks. You hated how he was the one making your body react this way.

"Because you have intentions of polluting the sea once again, don't you?" Jaehyun looked at the crushed can, shutting his eyes close. Brave of him to assume you were a decent human being. You are always going to be like that, aren’t you?

The metal top of the can had cut through his palm, adorning him with a fresh, deep wound. The antiseptic was burning into his skin. He was suddenly feeling dizzy.

Jaehyun stared at his bruised hand blankly. Why did he do this? Sure, he was frustrated after his manager screamed at him for not doing better because he was trying his best, but he was an idol. An idol who was supposed to maintain his perfect image no matter what. An idol who is not supposed to adore cuts and scratches on his body.

He withdrew his hand from yours within a second of realising that, and the scoff that made its way to your face was quite visible despite the dim light.

He knows you are trying to help him. You even tried to help on your first encounter. But he won’t let you do it again. He doesn’t know why it's always you who gets to experience his miserable side.

Jaehyun shifted in his place uncomfortably, he was still skeptical of your identity. What if, despite you confirming that you lived here, you were sent by his manager to keep an eye on him?

“You are ungrateful.” You whispered, tossing him a cloth and a healing cream. Jaehyun watched as you stood up, hands gripping the aid box’s handle tight. His eyes followed your figure until it became smaller and he wondered if you got hurt by his actions.

Once he couldn’t make you out anymore, he glanced at the things you’ve left for him. Carefully, and with much struggle, he applied the cream on his wound and tied it tightly with the cloth. 

“Where were you at night?” You froze, eyes meeting your grandmother’s kind ones. She had a smile on her face, as she waited for your reply. When you took a little too long, she spoke. “Was it because you couldn’t fall asleep?” 

You diverted your gaze from her concerned eyes. “How did you know?” 

She shrugged. “I heard the door bang loudly at night and I was worried if someone broke in, until I saw it was you, coming back with the first aid kit. Why the kit though, did you see someone injured?” You closed your eyes remembering the night prior. “I did.” 

 Your grandmother chuckled. “Seems like you don’t like that person.”

“Yes, I don’t.” You confessed immediately, looking at her once again. “He is arrogant, a jerk and literally all the synonyms of rude.” 

“He?” Your grandmother was now interested in the talk.

You nodded. “Yeah, he. He is a man that has been visiting the sea for a couple of days. One night he almost drowned, told me he was just taking a dip and the other night, he bled. When I tried to help dress his wounds, he just withdrew his hand.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, and did I mention he loves polluting the sea?” 

You paused. “And he didn’t even thanked me.”

“Thank you.” You almost choked on your saliva. You couldn’t believe your ears. Did that rude man just say thank you?? As in an actual thank you? Are you sure you aren’t dreaming?? You stared at Jaehyun in disbelief, eyeing him up and down like he was a ghost.

Jaehyun pressed his lips in a thin line, waiting for your response and when he saw you looking like you were complementing if it was actually him or not, he turned away, back facing you.

“What did you just say?” 

“Thank you.” He repeats and you dramatically cover your mouth with one hand. The night earlier after you had left, Jaehyun had felt bad. Maybe he should have thanked you for what you did. 

“Y—You know that word?” You asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I am hearing that from your mouth.”

“You can pretend you didn’t hear it, if that’s the case.” Jaehyun now thought that it would have been better had he kept his mouth shut. 

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I am going to forget that. With the new information that you have basic atticates and still chose to not put them in action, I could see you are a bigger jerk than I presumed to be.” He turned to glare at you and you passed him a mocking smile. 

No one could have ever thought this would be the start of a “friendship” between you, or in other words, Jaehyun would console you while your wet face would be pressed against his shirt.

“I hate my life, you know.” You hiccupped in between your sobs, vision blurred by your tears. 

Jaehyun sat stiff beside you, gulping as he was unsure of what to do. He had found you sitting on the same spot he sits at and when you spotted him, you scoffed and yelled: "Aren't your visiting days monday, thursday, saturday and sunday? Why the fuck are you here on wednesday? To annoy me?”

Turned out you were drunk, very drunk. He couldn’t spot any bottles beside you so he assumed you drank at home and came here to take a walk in the dead of the night, like you always do. 

He was irritated by your crying and so decided to shush you, but well, if shushing you meant sticking close to you with your head on his shoulder, your tears drenching his shirt, he has made a grave mistake by visiting on wednesday.

“Even though you are rude and arrogant and a jerk, I am going to rant to you—”

“Woah, woah. Why are you—.”

“BECAUSE I WANT TO! NOW SHUT UP YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!” You shouted, wiggling on your spot and then took a deep breath.

“So, listen here Mr. Jerk. See, my life right now is a mess, a complete mess. Why? That’s not something I am gonna tell you, you should know how to respect other people’s privacy—”

“I didn’t even asked—”

“Shut up!.” You paused. “ My family has a reputation, and for fitting that reputation you gotta have a job that the society thinks is woah. Are you getting what I mean? And I don’t really have interest in those types of jobs, so that’s why my mother decided what I gotta do with my life and destroyed my passion. Seems cool, right?” You chuckled. “ Now, she’s back, and I— oh fuck, I…..I don’t know what to do.” Your voice weakened, the grasp on Jaehyun’s handkerchief getting tighter.

“She was absent as a mother figure for my whole life and now she’s back, just to mould me into a perfect daughter. I hate it. I hate her.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do, he glanced over at you who still had her eyes closed and warm tears flowing through them. Your hand was clutching his handkerchief tightly.

He swallowed the bile harshly. “It’s..it’s not like you don’t matter…uhm, you do. Like, you give me some sort of company, even if it's annoying ” Your sobs had paused, and your eyes were now open. “Think about your grandma, your family, your friends, don’t they make you feel like you matter?” 

“I don’t have friends.” You lifted your head off his shoulder, Jaehyun relaxed instantly. “But my grandmother makes me happy.” A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. 

“So think of it, would your grandmother be happy if you vanished?” You shook your head. “She wouldn’t be.” 

From that moment on you talked about your grandmother (non stop), from her favourite colour to the way her eyes light up whenever she smiles, you told everything about her to the man next to you. 

You even went as far as to narrate her love story and you’re pretty sure if your grandmother comes to know of this she would smack you in the head with all the force she had.

You prated on and on, and then, you passed out. 

…….yeah, just like that.

Jaehyun was struggling to carry you on his back. It was the dead of the night and he was there knocking on people’s houses to ask if they knew where you lived, apologising for the inconvenience caused. While there were only a couple of houses in the area, they were scattered far apart. Luckily, one of the men knew where you lived.

“Ah, isn’t this Mrs Ahn’s grand daughter?” Relieved washed over Jaehyun at the man’s words. He could finally drop your heavy ass off his body. That relief soon was robbed away when he looked at how far your house was located. He sighed, thanking the man and then dragging you with him. God, he is definitely gonna need to spray a ton of back relief formula.

“Who— Oh my, is that Y/N on your back?” Jaehyun passed your grandmother a nervous smile, nodding his head. “What happened to her?”

“She got…uh, she passed out.” 

“Oh, dear! This is bad! please come.” Jaehyun accepted the invitation in an instant, dropping you immediately on the cream-coloured couch and letting out a sigh of relief. All those gym days and yet you still made his back ache. 

“I am sure carrying her wasn’t an easy task. Would you like to have something? Tea, coffee?” Jaehyun shook his head. “Then how about water?” 

“That will do, thank you.” While your grandmother went inside to fetch water, Jaehyun sat next to your spread-out figure, too exhausted after carrying you. His eyes scanned the surroundings. There were pictures of you everywhere. In one of the frames, you were smiling with your teeth on full display, your hair a mess. Jaehyun smiled, it reminded him of his carefree childhood.

“Dear, dear! I’m sure you are exhausted as hell. You couldn’t have found our house in a single try.” Your grandmother’s voice boomed. “What’s your name, child?”

“Jaehyun.” He quietly whispered, eyebrows furrowing when he saw the sparkle in grandmother’s eyes.

“Oh, are you perhaps the guy that has been visiting this sea recently?” Jaehyun nodded, he was surprised your grandmother knew about him. He wondered what you told her about him, but knowing you, you had probably told her all about how Jaehyun was a jerk. 

“I am Mrs. Lee and my grand daughter has been mentioning you quite often these days.” She chuckled, her laughter echoing. Jaehyun smiled. It warmed his heart to hear her laughter, seeming like a single hug from her would erase all his worries and pains. Mrs. Ahn handed out the water to Jaehyun with wrinkled yet soft eyes. 

A small talk turned into hours of gossip sessions filled with laughter and love. The heat of the coffee mug on Jaehyun’s fingertips was as warm as Mrs. Ahn’s presence. She radiated warmth and comfort, personality the epitome of sunshine. Tears almost formed in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so at home.

You greeted the morning with a stinging pain in your head, eyes not adjusting to the bright light escaping from the curtain. Everything was shaking, everything was blurry. God, just where were you?

“You’re up? I made you hangover soup, kiddo.” Your grandmother’s voice echoed to the room, the realisation that you were spread out on her couch hitting you. Oh, what a fool you were to fall asleep here—

Wait. 

Sudden flashes of yesterday’s night flooded through your brain, the pieces uncoordinated but still clear enough to make out how you made a fool out of yourself and let a stranger carry you all the way home. 

A gasp escaped your lips, cheek burning up from embarrassment. Just why all these things happen to you. 

“Grandma, have you ever seen a clown emoji?” You mumbled while staring at the ceiling. “That’s exactly what I am feeling right now. Exactly.” Maybe you should apologise to Jaehyun? Or maybe just bring a futuristic gadget to wipe off his memory? You don’t know.

Jaehyun’s bare feet came to a halt. Though he hadn’t looked back, he was sure he could sense your presence a few metres away from him. “Can you stop that?” His voice made you flinch, the susurration of waves filling the silence that followed. When you didn’t respond, he looked back, hands behind his back. 

For a moment, you stared into his brown orbs, the breeze gently swaying his hair. Then you diverted your gaze to the sandy ground below, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes any further.

Jaehyun patiently waited for you to take a step, start a talk, anything. Though in the back of his head, he knew why you were here. 

Taking slow, small steps towards Jaehyun, you stretched out your hand. “Here.” 

Jaehyun raised his eyebrow in surprise. It was his handkerchief, neatly ironed and folded.  He could smell the eerie smell of detergent from it. He took it without a word, a faint smile appearing on his face.

“About last night…” You started, bile building up in your throat. “I…I hope I hadn’t said something really stupid.” You continued a few seconds later, eyes squeezed shut as you waited for his answer.

He chuckled. “To your dismay, you did. First, you called me a jerk.” He took a step forward. “, shouted at me saying I should respect your privacy when I hadn’t even uttered a word and,” Another step towards you, the distance gradually closed. “Then proceeded to tell me your whole life story, contradicting your statement. I wanted to laugh at you for that, but the atmosphere was not quite appropriate for it.”

“I strongly believe saying that you are a jerk is not stupid. You are a jerk, it’s a fact.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah? At least I am not like someone who gets drunk and starts babbling nonsense sentences, and uses incorrect grammar.”

“I was drunk, okay!?”

“Yeah, yeah. Now can you get lost? You’re annoying me.” Rude. 

“Then why the fuck would you say that you like my company, and that i mattered?” Just exactly the words to make Jaehyun dead in track.

“I thought you didn’t remember anything.”

“There are still some rough patches, but this memory is as clear as the sky.“ Red crept over your cheeks. How could you forget? It was one of the nicest things someone had told you. Jaehyun's lips bloomed into a smile, an expression so soft you swear you were imagining it. 

“Do you think I am jerk—”

“Of course.” You answered in a heartbeat, face stern. Jaehyun stared at you for a while before curving his lips into a smirk. 

“Oh yeah? Grandmother Ahn said otherwise last night.” Your face scurried, confusion evident on it. You clearly remember telling your grandmother he was a jerk. 

“You said I was handsome.” 

“What—” You choked on your saliva. Your grandmother said what? “Hey, that's completely a lie! She only told you that because she didn’t want you to be hurt by my actual opinion!”

“Liar.” A teasing smile was all he gave before turning away and pacing forward in an attempt to run away from you. 

“Jaehyun! Where the hell are you going!? Come back here, we need to clear things up!” 

Days with Jaehyun by your side were peaceful, the chilly breeze didn’t seem to be bothering anymore, the moon and stars weren’t your only company anymore. Jaehyun was too.

You liked his company, and maybe you even liked him. Because you couldn’t stop giggling when you were with him, your stomach wouldn’t stop turning and your eyes would never seem to leave his. 

Yes, you liked him, just a tiny bit, but it was still enough to summon all the warmth and love in your heart when your gaze landed on him. Whenever his hand would touch yours, you would freeze, sparks flying all through your body as you would stare at the unaffected Jaehyun rambling about the importance of fruits and why you should eat them.

Everynight, you would wait for him to show up, walking the lengths of the sea in a gentle motion, fixing your hair when the breeze messed them up. 

Your nights earlier were consumed by looking at stars in gloomy sky, by hearing the soft clash of waves and wondering whether the water would be the one to lure you into eternal sleep. But now these same nights were marked with looking at the stars in his eyes and wondering if his touch would be as warm as the brown of his eyes. 

You hated nights, but if they meant sitting by the beach with Jaehyun and hearing his baseless arguments against the big bang theory, you wish the sun would never rise. 

“So, tell me what has led to you having late night visits at the sea.” Jaehyun looks a bit taken aback. He tears his gaze away from you, directing them towards the reflection of the moon in the water.

There’s silence. And it’s not comfortable. You shift upon the realisation. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s okay.” Jaehyun heaved a sigh, his back hitting the sand bed. 

“Do you like music?” 

“Music? Of course I do!” What about it?”

Jaehyun heaves a sigh. “Well, you know. I love music— correction: i loved music. It transported me to another world, where all my worries just scummed. When I would hear the faint of music, it silenced my thoughts, and it brought me peace. So I decided that in the future, I would explore music more, and build my career around it. And so I did exactly that.” Jaehyun didn’t want to continue, because he knew that all this talking would make him realise the thing that he had hidden deep inside him — he doesn’t like his idol life. 

He knew it deep down, but he will never, never, accept it. Because the moment he decides to accept how miserable his seemingly sparkly life actually was, will be the moment that he will realise how his sufferings and sacrifice to enter into the idol world were not worth it. All those years of brutal training and lost youth, they were nothing if they couldn’t fetch him real happiness. 

He couldn’t just accept that all his effort over the past ten years was nothing. It would break him, and he wasn’t ready for this. He won’t ever be ready for this.

“I— I am just tired right now since my manager says I am not quite improving. So I come here every now and then, the sound of the waves— it’s music, it gives me peace.” His lids fall shut, ears taking in the crash of waves against land. His eyes opened up as quickly as they had shut when he felt the warmth of your hand on top of his. 

The small gesture was completely unexpected, but Jaehyun welcomed it. The skin of your hand against his was so comforting, it calmed him more than the waves could. He could feel the warmth of your hand traveling through his body. 

With each passing second, the sound of waves began to fade and the thumping of his heart became evident. Blood rushed to his face. He liked this feeling — your touch felt so pleasant that it took all the strength in him to not intervene his fingers with yours.

That night, neither of you said anything else. It was a cold night but the pounding of your hearts and the hold of your hands made your body burn. You were right, his touch was just as warm as the brown of his eyes.

From that night onwards, something inside Jaehyun changed. His visits become more frequent and longer. Your fingers “accidentally” brushed against each other a lot more, and so did his smiles.

You were his safe place. Whenever he was with you, every worry, every doubt just disappeared. Even though Jaehyun didn’t share much about his life, you knew the raw, authentic parts of him.

Parts that were imperfect. Parts that were messy. Parts that made him Jaehyun. 

“Which one would you like to buy? It’s my treat!” Jaehyun smiled seeing you squeal at his words. You examined all the delicacies your local bakery had to offer. 

“Can I just take everything? They all look so tempting!” 

“No. I am not that rich.”

“You are so mean.” Jaehyun chuckled seeing you throw a glare at him. Your heart melts seeing his dimples poke out, face softening as your lips curl into a smile. How can you not adore this man? Just look at his dimples. 

The bakery owner giggled at the sight in front of her. “It’s nice to see couples coming here.” Even though she whispered to herself, both him and you caught her words. The chuckles died down, and— was Jaehyun blushing? You squint your eyes. His ears were definitely red. Wait, does that mean that he likes you too? The red on your cheeks deepens, and you are sure he notices, because as he walks you to your house, he turns you to face him.

“I like you.” There, he said it. Your mouth parts open in utter disbelief. Oh fuck. Did he just confess? Your lack of response sent Jaehyun into a spiral of thoughts. Has his confession been too soon for your liking?

“I— Are you joking right now?”

“Why would you think I would be joking about my feelings, Y/N?” He heaves in a deep breath, biting his lower lip. “I like you. You give me comfort, you make me forget about all my worries. With you, I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I have no imperfections. With you, I can be silly and goofy. With you, I feel loved.”

Your grip on your bag tightens, his words still sounding like a dream to you. “Jaehyun,” You trail, taking a step closer to him. It’s impossible to ignore the longing in the eyes of the man in front of you. He leans down until you can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. “I like you too.” You breathed, taking a pause to press your lips against his.

Jaehyun smiled, his thumb lifting your chin up. “I know, you were not really discreet in hiding that.” In an instant, his lips were on yours. You closed your eyes, your bag dropping on the ground as your hands slowly made their way around his nape. 

His lips were soft, perfectly moulding with yours. You could feel him smile as your hand tugged at the strands of his hair. He pulled you closer by your waist, his kiss so gentle and full of love that you felt euphoric. The synced thumping of your hearts, the adrenaline rush, sent sparks flying your body. 

You didn’t want to let go, holding onto Jaehyun as though he was the air you breathe. His free hand reached out to grab yours, caressing it before intertwining your fingers. He was on cloud nine, he could taste the lingering vanilla of the pastry you had and it made him dizzier. 

You pulled apart to catch your breath, panting and blushing. Jaehyun locked his forehead with yours, light giggles escaping his lips seeing how flushed you looked. He loved this sight, and lord, he can get drunk on it.

Months went by in a blur. You were on cloud nine, so in love with the man who held your hand delicately every time his gaze met yours. You were glowing from the inside, overwhelmed with all the right feelings. 

Everything was going smoothly, as though your story was one straight from the fairytales, until nct’s popularity increased and so did the pressure on Jaehyun. He no longer had time to visit you, and whenever you asked him about his idol life in the hopes to lessen his burden, he would immediately change the topic. You saw less of Jaehyun each passing day. You tried arranging dates with Jaehyun but it all boiled down to him being busy due to his packed up schedule. Eventually you noticed that his schedule was no longer an actual reason, but just an excuse to avoid you. 

You wondered how long it would take you to save your relationship that's falling apart, until one cold night Jaehyun appeared at your doorstep unannounced. One look at his clenched face and you knew. 

“Let’s break up.” The words that left his mouth still sounded like a thunderclap.  Your expression dropped, mouth ajar as you stared at the man in pure horror. You searched his eyes for something— anything that indicated he was joking, that he loved you like you did. To your dismay, you found nothing but orbs so dark that you could feel a shiver run down your spine. 

“What?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill. The lump in your throat grew heavier as your hands curled up into a fist. The aching rhythm of your heart took over your ears, eyes getting red. 

“Why?” Your voice gave in, barely above a whisper as you watched Jaehyun heave in a breath. His palms get clammy.

“You know my life is hectic. No breaks, no rest. I was looking for an escape like a madman, and I found one in you. Initially, it felt good. I was happy, you made me forget about my tedious life. But as my schedule got loaded up I realised that being with you…..It doesn’t bring me any joy. It’s taking a toll on me.” 

The words that seemed to escape his lips so easily, went through your heart like a dagger. He was lying, wasn’t he? How can it be that you bring him no joy? You saw his crescent eyes, his pearly smile, the smile whiskers that you found so adorable — every time he was with you. 

You were desperate to save your relationship, so much so that started sputtering anything that could make him stay. 

“Jae, if it’s about how hectic your schedule is, you don’t have to visit me here! I can always come to you—”

“No, you don’t understand—”

“I get that being in the spotlight is tiresome. You are exhausted and you want to rest. B—But what’s the need of breaking up? If it’s about visiting and spending hours talking with me at the beach, we don’t have to do it. You don’t have to come here for weeks, a month even. You can rest at home, we can always talk on chat. I promise I’ll keep it short so you don’t have to invest too much of your time in it. But, please, don’t break up. We can work this out.” 

“We cannot. I cannot. This relationship is draining me out. I have already made my decision Y/N, I have put a lot of thought into this. I am sorry but you cannot convince me to change my decision.” Your hands frantically grasped the doorframe to balance yourself. You cannot win this. You cannot make him stay. 

Sacred and unsure, your hands feebly make their way to cup his cheeks, and that’s when Jaehyun’s armour breaks. His hand rests on yours, fingers interviewing and you could feel his tough frontier shatter for a moment. 

A moment so vulnerable that he couldn’t help but gently press his lips on yours, tenderly taking you in for what felt like the last time for you both. His actions betrayed his words. His kiss was slow, soft, compassionate, so in contrast to his cold, sharp edged words. 

When he reached out to cup your face and felt the warm liquid on your cheeks, it broke him. But he had no right to feel so, for it was him who made you cry. How can he stay with you, how can he give you the love you deserved when he couldn’t even man up to accept his own feelings? 

At one end, his ego was shifting the blame on you, whispering every night to him that he needs to stay away from you if he wants to continue living his “dream life” in satisfaction. On the other,  his sane self was also telling him to stay away from you for he had done nothing but hurt you these past few months. You deserve better, and he needs to better for you.

And in the haze of shared kisses and cries, drunk of the delicate grip on your waist and fingers tangled in your locks, you knew Jaehyun loved you. But you can’t make decisions for him, and so despite your will, you had to let him go.

Jaehyun bangs the door to his apartment harshly as his mind flashes an image of you teared up. Despite spending weeks trying to convince himself he doesn’t find solace in you, his heart aches seeing you like that. And he had made that very clear with the sentimental kiss shared. 

Being with you made him realise how happy he can be if he left his idol life behind. All the fame, the wealth, it was worth nothing if he wasn’t happy. But he still cannot accept that it’s not you that no longer brings him joy, but his picture perfect life that robs him of happiness. 

Until the time he navigates his emotions, till the time he learns to accept, or learns to improve himself mentally, Jaehyun decides to stay away from you.

It's been weeks since you stepped outside of your room. You occasionally heard your grandmother cursing at Jaehyun in the loudest voice possible, hoping you would come out and join her. She would often complain how the tv wasn’t working properly, or how she couldn’t reach the container on the top shelf — anything that could possibly make you abandon the confines of the room. 

You found solace in your acrylics and oil pastels, painting your feelings on the canvas. It was the only thing that kept you sane. At times, you often wondered how Jaehyun was doing. Was he doing better? Had he found his joy? 

You knew it was understandable for Jaehyun to take a break considering his deteriorating condition recently, but you were sore that he had chosen to battle on his own and not with you on side. Even though you were sure he didn’t mean most of his words, you still found yourself tear eyed whenever you revisited the conversation.

Jaehyun had given you some of the sweetest memories, he had been the source of your happiness and had become an integral part of your life. To have him ripped away from you hurt like hell. 

At nights when your eyes would hurt from staring at the creaks of your ceiling, you would take a stroll down the shore. The salty taste of the air would coat your tongue and your eyes would glisten at the flashes of his smile, the whispers of his voice telling you he loved you. 

You missed him, and wondered if he felt the same.

Jaehyun doesn't feel the same, he feels worse. 

He should have known that cleaning his apartment on a sunday morning just because he wanted to be “productive” and get his shit together after the break up would make things worse for him.

He stares awfully long at the lavender coloured album titled “her”, which he had found on one of his shelves, sitting pretty and luring him near. 

With his hand practically shaking, he mustered up the courage to flip to the first page of his loved album, pupils dilating as his eyes landed on the first pic of you under a street lamp, the soft light illuminating your features and enhancing your appearance. You were smiling for the camera, eyes twinkling.

He remembers that day vividly: when you both pretended to be strangers in your own hometown just to get lost in the familiar streets. It was a simple excuse to be in each other’s company for a little longer. You were wearing a white top paired with a denim skirt, hair blowing with the breeze. 

He misses you. Quite rich coming from the man who suggested that you should part ways since ‘he no longer finds joy in you and being with you just added to the toll his schedule gave.’ 

Jaehyun hated the words he spat the night he showed up unannounced at your house. They were too cruel, all lies. He hopes you know he doesn’t mean any of that and one day, you will find in your heart to forgive him. 

When the night comes, jaehyun would lay in his bed and wonder if had made the right decision— if he was ever going to get better— and if by the time he does get better will you still love him— have you moved on— do you hate him— has the sweet memories with him now left a bitter taste on your tongue—

A train of thoughts that never halted. 

It’s been two months since your breakup and it’s been quite tough for Jaehyun. He has been dealing with insomnia, messing up dance steps, hitting the wrong notes and even fainting. 

After the members gave him an earful, he finally decided to meet a therapist secretly, thrice a week. Jaehyun did not miss the pitiful glances thrown his way wherever he opened up.

One thing the therapist encouraged him to do on a daily basis was writing down his feelings on a piece of paper. Jaehyun thought it was just a simple task but man, he did not expect the paper to absorb his thoughts so well. It was tough on the first day, he admits. It felt like scrapping a fresh clot. But as the ink glided on the paper, the heaviness in his heart got lighter. 

One fine night, when he was missing you so much to the point he was sure that he was going crazy, he picked up a piece of paper and let his thoughts mold into a song. Thanks to his overflowing feelings (and kidnapping mark to help him produce a melody), he was able to prepare the first draft on that night itself. 

The track, forever only, was close to his heart. It was so raw, so vulnerable, so personal. 

“You sing like you have divorced her and lost custody of your three kids.”

Jaehyun yeets the paper on Mark's face, causing a yelp to escape the young man’s throat. Jaehyun heaved out a sigh, slumping on the couch.

“Do you think it’s good?”

“I just gave you a compliment, dude.” Mark joins Jaehyun. “The goodbye and a final kiss, the way you sang that I know you replay that kiss over and over aga— STOP HITTING ME!”

Forever only received positive comments from both his members and the company. It wasn’t long before Jaehyun had stepped foot in the studio to start recording it. A month of hard work, and then forever only finally saw the light of the day.

In the meantime, when you came clear to grandmother about the situation between you and jaehyun— she started showing you profiles of ‘hot men near me’. “Grandma,” You interrupted the happy Mrs. Ahn talking about some Jeong Jungkook. “Why do you have an app named hot men near me?”

Then she smacked you with a pan :)

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?

“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment. 

“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!” 

“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.

Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?” 

“100% a hi.”

“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence. 

If a gaze could kill, your phone would have been in shambles. Your grandmother glares at the message sent by your ex, cursing at him and letting out an evil cackle as she skinned him alive in her cruel imagination. 

She might have “invaded” your privacy but can you really blame her when she saw a notification from “Jae ♡” pop up? Fuming, her shaky hands tapped at the screen. And smirked evilly until she heard a voice behind her.

“Grandma, I am starving.” You whined, fresh out of the shower. You blinked a few times upon registering the device in your hand. 

“Is that my phone?” Back straightening up, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, pretending to get mad. She nodded, anger still glinting in her eyes.

“Come on, you know it’s rude to access people’s belongings without their permission.” You jogged towards her with a smile plastered on your face, peeking to see what she was checking. 

She flips the phone screen the second you try to glance at it. “I prepared your favourite soup. Weren’t you starving? Quick, go eat it before it gets cold.” 

“Yes, commander.” She chuckles at your response, shoving the phone into her pocket. And just like that, you never saw his message.

“Are you buying these for your girlfriend? She is going to love it.” Jaehyun slightly smiles under the black mask adoring his face, taking the bouquet of red flowers in his hands and uttering a thanks to the florist.

You had left him on seen and though Jaehyun knew it was not ideal for him to show up in your new neighbourhood after his actions, he still did. He wanted to try and fail instead of regretting it in the future. 

So here he was, standing at the door of the house he was all too familiar, clutching the bouquet of roses out of nervousness. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.

“Greetings—” The smile on your grandmother’s face dropped as soon as she identified the man standing in front of her, the black mask and cap he wore all too familiar to her eyes.

Jaehyun bowed the second after, not missing the way her eyes were shooting daggers at him. He would be lying if he wasn’t scared, shifting uncomfortably in his place.

“Why are you here?” Her words were laced with spite, imitating your own too precisely. Does mastering the cold tone run in your bloodline? Jaehyun smiles at the thought.

“Uh— I am here to give your grand daughter something.” He mumbles in a quiet voice and it was only then did her gaze land on the bouquet in Jaehyun’s hand. “I am sure she doesn’t need them.”

Jaehyun sighed at the answer, fixing his cap. “I know I have hurt your daughter, but I am here to prove that I am willing to try again and face my weakness, to love her the way my past self wasn’t able to and to make her realise that I indeed did and still love her.” 

The sadness in his eyes made her heart clench a little and she wanted to pat his back to tell him it was alright. But how could she when the person he hurt was none other than her own grand daughter?

“It’s too late now, don’t you think?” Jaehyun said nothing and just dipped his head low. “Please……just please let me try. I promise I won’t hurt her…..again” Your grandmother sighed, calling your name, saying you have a visitor.

“I want you to stay away from her, but it’s her life and so it’s her who should make her decisions. Don’t get heartbroken if she gives you a piece of her mind…or a few slaps.” She rolled her eyes but somewhere, hidden in the depths of her heart was a voice that told her it was the right decision.

Jaehyun mumbled a small thank you, eyes peering inside the house to look at you, the gorgeous lady inside out, standing timidly in her flip flops and messy hair, yet still knocking the wind out of him.

You had come running to the gate upon hearing your name, confused as to who might be there to visit you. The sight of Jaehyun was something that left you numb, and you swore he could see the surprise painted on your face.

You looked at your grandmother who balled her right hand into a fist and pointed it towards Jaehyun as if telling you to punch him with all your might. You took bold steps towards the man dressed in black, a stark contrast to the way your heart was pounding.

“Hi,” Jaehyun’s voice was so warm and inviting, and the tenderness in his eyes that like you were some sort of precious thing he had vowed to protect. It caught you off guard. Meeting him still broke you down in a cold sweat. 

He handed you the bouquet with gentleness. “This is for you.” He uttered, a small smile visible on his face despite his mask. You accepted the bouquet, still eyeing Jaehyun as you were still in doubt as to what he was up to. 

No man shows up at his ex’s house and hands a bouquet with a smile on his face unless he is there to convince the ex to give him a second chance. But it was Jaehyun, the idol that has been packed with tight schedules and shootings so why would he be there for this petty reason? Didn’t being an idol drain him out to be dealing with you?

“I am sorry.” You blinked a few times. There was a visible confusion on your face. Jeong Jaehyun bought you flowers and apologised? Jaehyun took a second to register your actions. You didn’t slam the door shut in his face or threw the bouquet on him like he had imagined. 

Afraid that he was running out of time before you would close the door on him, he mustered up the courage to let his words reach you. 

“I know what I did was wrong…..it was selfish and maybe pathetic, and I regret it.” Jaehyun’s brain was in a haze, the script he had learned for this particular moment all too blurry and he was left with nothing to rely on except his true and raw feelings. So he shared them, even though it was one hell of a task for him.

“I get that you don’t even want to look at me, but please, just listen to me this time.” You avoided his gaze, silencing yourself and giving him a signal to go. Jaehyun understood it and took a deep breath. Boy, he wishes he does not end up crying in the process.

“I was a coward……I chose to leave you and never talk about my feelings. Thinking about them was scary because that would have meant me getting a glimpse of what I really felt towards this life. And I didn’t want to accept that after coming this far.” 

“When things got hard, crushing me under, I believed that I would be just fine. When my eyes lost all the light, I still blindly believed that. And soon helplessness developed into frustration, and that frustration went out on you. I am just so sorry.” 

“Yes, I am here to ask for a second chance.” He took in a deep breath, eyes fixated on the ground because he was so afraid of looking at you. “I just wanted you to know how I feel, that’s it. Whatever decision you take, I will abide by it.” 

The air becomes thicker, your chest feels heavier. Shit, shit. You were not over him, you still missed him. It didn’t help that his words seemed sincere. “I—”

“Please take your time.” Merely above a whisper, he said. What if you say no? Would this be the last time Jaehyun sees you? “Please think about it…” His eyes were now glossy. His gaze never leaves your face, just so he could crave your features in his memory, just in case this was his last chance of looking at you.

The sun dipped below the horizon, wind blew your hair, feet bare against sand, you had your hand clutching the bouquet. You closed your eyes, taking in every little sound the beach gave you. You don’t remember how long you have been walking. 

Do you want it? A second chance at the relationship which once felt everything? Do you still love Jaehyun? Your brain had shut down, refusing to comply with the situation. Your heart was aching. Was it because you were afraid of getting hurt again? Or was it because you have missed Jaehyun just as much as he had? How you wish you could find the answer to that.

Your thoughts about Jaehyun went in a loop, and it was overwhelming. You needed a distraction. Anything would work if it meant a pause to your contemplation. You dragged your eyes along the expanse of land, heaving out a sigh of relief as you noticed the bakery. 

Yes, food will surely work.. You rush to the place, the sweet smell and the slow jazz music immediately calming you down.

“Welcome!” The owner smiled. “Oh it’s you! It’s been a long time, what would you like?” You passed back a smile and skimmed over the pastries, pointing to a blueberry one. “This one!”

Lord, you were right. Food always works. You deserved this sweet treat. “Can I have another one?” 

“Sure!” As she picked up the pastry, the song switched. (forever only starts playing). It felt nice, the voice felt familiar—. Your lips parted. This was definitely Jaehyun’s voice. This was his song. Forever Only.

Your hands start shaking. Tears streamed down your face, and even though your vision was getting blurry, everything else started becoming clear. Do you want a second chance at this relationship? Hell yes. Do you still love Jaehyun? Yes, yes, yes!

“Here— are you okay?” The owner’s voice was full of concern as she bent down to check on you. Your sobs were getting louder each stanza. “I— I think I should stop this song—”

“No….please let me hear it. Everything.” And you did. Every single thing. Every ounce of pain in his voice. You were a mess, crying uncontrollably, holding onto the bouquet as though it was Jaehyun himself. Only when the song ended, you were sane enough to utter a thank you to the owner who was patting your back the entire time. 

“Are you feeling better now?” She asked and you nodded. “I am so sorry, it was just that the song got to me.” 

“No worries, it’s my favourite song, so vulnerable. Even I cried when I first heard it because it reminded me of my ex.” She chuckled. “I think I should refrain from playing this in my bakery. I can’t believe I made two people cry in a matter of thirty minutes. Before you a man in all black came and his hands were shaking when he heard this song, I mean he didn’t cry openly but his whimpers were enough—”

“A man in all black?” Your heart pounded. It has to be Jaehyun. “Was he wearing a mask and a cap?”

“Yes! Do you know each other—” You gasped and immediately got up, impatient to know where he went.

“When was he here? Do you remember in which direction he went?”

“15 minutes ago, and he went there.” That was it. You sprinted out of the bakery, not caring about your tear streaked cheeks and puffy eyes. A run of 2 minutes leads you to him, sitting with his back against you, staring at the water like it held all the answers. It was your spot. 

Your knees gave up and as the grainy sand scratched your skin, you let out a cry. Your mewls caught his attention and when he turned to find the source of this noise, his breath got caught. It was you.

One eye contact was all it took for you to cry out harder, eyes getting puffier and throat burning. Jaehyun rushed towards you, cupping your cheeks in his hands, a little hesitant at first. 

“I missed you.” You breathed out, hands snaking around his bicep. “So fucking much.” He was breaking down too. He pulls you in, embracing you with such a gentle yet stern grip, as if you were a mirage that would disappear if he lets you.

“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a small kiss to your temple. “I always have.” You pull away, tear brimmed eyes looking at his. 

“I hate you.” You punched his chest. “First you part away, and then— you come for a second chance— and then I find out you wrote a goddamn song about me. Why such a depressing song? Haven’t I given you enough happy memories!?” 

“No— that’s not what I meant in that song—”

“Shut up. I was trying to crack a joke, lighten the mood.” 

Jaehyun stared at you. “...whilst balling your eyes out— ouch!”

“As if you look any better! Your eyes are puffier than mine! Even in such a situation you are bickering with me! Do you want me to go ba—”

The words died in your throat as his lips sealed yours. Jaehyun was a gentle kisser, slow and patient. But this time, his kisses lacked patience. It was as if they were trying to tell you how much he had missed you. His thumb tilted your jaw, deepening the kiss. You pressed your face closer to his, cutting down any space for air.

It was sloppy and messy, like all the longing had manifested itself into the swirl of your tongues, the grip of his hand on your waist and the scratch of your nail against his skin. How you wished your grandmother wasn’t at home—

“Just get a room, you two!” You chuckled in between the kiss at that, tightening your grip around Jaehyun to feel the flush of his skin against yours. Jaehyun breaks the kiss, dimples flashing seeing the red of your face. Gently, he tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear.

His lips, all swollen, glimmer and you can’t help but peck them. You feel like your heart is about to burst from your ribcage just by how full it feels.

Jaehyun can’t thank the heavens enough for the grace they have bestowed on him. How he had missed the sweetness of your chapstick and the echo of your voice. And as he leaned in to savour you again, he made a promise to himself. A promise that he will never run away from you again, that he will never let himself be the reason you shed even a single tear, that he will let you know that he loves you every single day, and will continue doing so until the last of his breath has left him.

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luna’s note ▸ yay, you made it to the end! thank you for taking out your time to read my story ♡ i hoped to liked my story! please let me know your thoughts!, a small feedback can change my day for the better and give me motivation to bring more of such stories to you so please share your thoughts!

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