Now this may come off as silly right out of the gate since my first couple of posts have been fairly heavy, but i want to talk about guilty gear music. Its been in the back of my mind for months now, but my friends dont like rock that much. I dont want to force them to listen to it because its important to me. Still, this is the first time that an album or soundtrack just... followed my story to the exact details. It started off with the release of Elphelt Valentine, just a couple weeks after i first bought the game. Her song, "Extras", related to feelings i started having just a tiny bit before the release of the song. That is, it was my first time even considering love in my life. I wanted nothing to do with the hassle, but puberty worked its wonders. But, as it tends to go with teenagers, my view on love was ideallistic. I saw it as something i desperately needed, something perfect and happy. Cuddles and kisses. It does make sense given the lack of all of those in my life. But, the thing is... thats literally what the song is about. Precisely and exactly. The next character to release was A.B.A. I was at the lowest point in my life. I was vomiting almost daily, i was tired and wanted it all to end. All of that coupled with my first crush lead to... me being a little out of it. I just wanted to exist. Yet again, precisely what aba is all about. The next character was Slayer. Finally, i understood my feelings better. I didnt need cuddles, i needed to love and to be loved, truly. I matured. I started living in the moment. Slayer wasnt as much a parallel to me as much as he was the ideal version if my current mindset. Up next was Venom. I started to change. A lot more than i ever have, and for the better. I had family members say i was a different person. I started seeing my change less as shifting from one state to another, and more as rebuilding based on the same groundwork. The man i used to be died. I moved away from everything i got familiar with in order to just live as the real me. Once again, Venom delivers. This one is incredibly specific, but nothing misses. Every last letter in that song was me. Then... there was a break. Lucy released, a guest character from Cyberpunk (the anime). Next was Jam. A gag character. Relatable, but... to most people, not just me. And now, Robo Ky. I wanted him in the game very bad. But, im on vacation. Ive had a lot of time to think things through, and realised ive been accepting what society handed me for far too long. I dont want to be hateful. I never did. I want to feel. To embrace someone and let them feel the tired beating of my heart, holding on for dear life in an ocean of loneliness. And i have those people now. Its only thanks to how they treated me that i am making these changes. Because now i have something i care about. And i needed that for a while now. I wrote about it in my main blog. It was dramatic and didnt fit the tone of the blog, so i made this one. I thought about this every day until now. So, imagine my surprise when i listen to Robo Ky's theme for the first time yesterday. This is the most accurate one of all. It made me understand myself so much better. Its the first time a song knew me better than i did. I wont ramble on, since this post is already far too long to read, so i will simply quote the song.
"But no, im not all alone, im not built by hate. Every beat of my heart is linked with a nearby breath. Stitched to my heart, someones prayer. I may gripe, but im here. This is who i am."
