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anytime I tell him anything about what the fuck ever he listens to me but doesn’t actually take it into any consideration…

but why the fuck when anyone tells him the same exact point ive attempted to get across to him he actually fucking takes that shit into thought even though I tried my hardest to help him in a way I felt was the healthiest for HIM.

okay… now.. just a couple hours ago… he tells me he wants to use my phone to call his brother to pick him up, removing himself from the situation. here I am like okay you’re gonna fucking do it… his brother comes & he said he ‘confessed’ his addiction.. (which I am very proud of him for doing so) I don’t understand why he didn’t go through with it but you know I do kind of at the same time.

regardless he still came to telling somebody who is clean who he was afraid to tell that he actually had an addiction he barely started finding himself even after I told him when I first saw it…

what initially fucked me up emotionally was after everything he tried telling me he actually changed & all this good stuff but then something had to overcome him to say to me “ hey & I’m just warning you, you better do all your shit tonight because tomorrow I’m throwing anything I find, away.”

….. thats when I gave up & realized he hasn’t heard anything I’ve spent so much effort into telling him.

that was his ignorance showing && I felt hurt & insulted…

all of a sudden you’re laying there with a bible saying things people have said before as well as attempting to actually explain what I’ve even said before my own damn self.

I tried so hard to not let him become devoured by an addiction.

But then again I finally realized he never realized what I was really saying constantly to him & why the fuck I was always saying it.

He feels guilty for his personal reasons & I’ve tried to make my point of Self Punishment will not help anybody, across to him… but for some reason he still thinks in his own way he deserves all of it & any of it…

When no one does.

Self forgiveness is a difficult but clarifying step.

In all its entirety..

I didn’t just say certain things for no reason. …

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Sorry for the random rant but I have no one to actually confide in who’ll listen to me when I need it .

Don’t judge anybody over their own addiction which also includes yourself.

(via addiction-n-depression)