CheyF

I did a thing and actually left the house this weekend. The six mile hike was worth it! We got high enough up that everything is still frozen! Lizard Lake is so beautiful and calm. My writing brain knows there's a story here!

So yeah guys, depression is no joke. I've been on hiatus from most of life including social media. It's helping me reset and ground myself. I finally feel okay enough to actually get online.

Things always get better, I know.

But in the thick of it, in the suicidal ball under the covers when one side of your addled mind is encouraging you to get your surgical kit and do your worst and the only thing holding you back is the tiny voice of exhaustion and not wanting to have to get said kit or make a mess, it's hard to see outside of yourself.

I've been battling with anxiety as a fun companion too. Throwing up on my doorstep on my way to work, finally getting it together enough to drive (I haven't been riding the motorcycle, because it would be just too easy to let go) just to get to work shaking, crying, and utterly confused as to why it won't stop.

And just to stir it up, it's all been interspersed with three hour long panic attacks that leave my nervous system misfiring so bad that it feels worse than the flu.

We've decided that turtles are my spirit animal. Every time I get in the ocean, they gravitate towards me!

One of my favorite memories was when I was body surfing when a storm was coming in. I looked beside me and I had a turtle buddy for quite a while catching the good waves.

We also went sea kayaking and snorkeling off the coast!