aries: “i’m an aries”

taurus: super jealous and territorial but goes after everyones man 

gemini: judgy!! 

cancer: super specific about their sleeping situation like “it has to be 100% dark and i need a fan on and exactly 2.5 pillows and a queen sized bed to myself”

leo: would break their own fingers to be the center of attention for 5 seconds

virgo: the flakiest people ever, will call you 5 hours after you were supposed to meet and say they fell asleep

libra: will manipulate you for dumb reasons like make you think you want mcdonalds so it doesnt seem like it was their idea

scorpio: genuinely a little bit evil for no reason

sagittarius: never calm down???like please relax

capricorn: will fuck up their own life and then whine about it like it wasn’t 100% their own fault

aquarius: constantly says they don’t like petty/fake people but lowkey one of the most petty/fake signs / 

golden ticket: found

gobstopper secrets: leaked