east of eden

cheselswood | exclusive blog for narrativefm | penned with love by katie

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there wasn’t much that she could say to ches in this situation… she misses the other, of course, but sev is not allowed to say otherwise, not allowed to even look at those like ches in the town, much less speak to them. something about that…never sat right with her. it always felt so…confusing. after all, only those without sin are allowed to throw the first stone and while they may not be stoning people these days, this feels like a new form of it. outcast others who may need their help to come back to the light more than anything. “ i’m… sorry to hear that. ” and she was, truly, sorry. “ he’s doing well, your father. if you are curious. ” he hasn’t spoken about you, your name hasn’t been mentioned. words unspoken, unsaid, and true all the same. but how could she tell the other such things?  it would be cruel. the next comment, she’s not sure what to say, so she chooses to say nothing. if ches asked for forgiveness, would she even be forgiven? if she repented, would her words be heard? she just didn’t know.

as each second passed, the chance of them being discovered, of her speaking to someone that was banished to be looked at, would be found out and trouble lies ahead of her. as much as she wishes she could tell ches more, to talk freely without such worries that linger behind every word, she cannot. the world is not a kind place… but maybe, this brief moment could be kind in itself. that’s all she can really offer to her lost friend.

“ thank you ches, that is very kind of you. ” and it was, but would she actually take up the offer of help if she truly needed it? that was something sev wasn’t quite sure on. not being able to accept help resulted in the difficult of asking for it, a thought to try and overcome another day. “ one can only pray that those in disagreements will come to an understanding soon. ” is that even possible? perhaps not. but she can still hope, still pray, still wish. her eyes drift behind her, expecting the chapel doors to be wide open and a member of the church standing there, but they were closed and still as can be. she let out a soft sigh, one of relief perhaps, before looking back at ches. “ i should — um, get back to my chores. ”

“It’s not the first time he’s completely forgotten I exist. I should have never expected anything more from him.” Ches confesses. But did she believe Sevda when she said that her father was doing well? Not entirely. But was that her own anger and desire for this to be eating him alive, yet unable to speak about it even with his wife speaking, or was it the child who’d grown up with him as a father? It was better to play along though, to pretend this wasn’t the same man who’d drilled into her that her best face should be forward as long as she could recall. Not only with his words, but by his example. “I’m glad that he’s doing well, though.”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true either. But it was better than the alternative, wasn’t it? Kinder, at the very least, despite the fact it hurt her more. She supposed her feelings around her father were the most complicated out of her feelings towards everyone in the church, however. Maybe that was the only thing that didn’t really change after her ex-communication, come to think of it.

“It’s no problem, really.” Offering to support her friends through this was the bare minimum she could do, probably. Even if Ches’s stances on the church, well in particular, Pastor North, were likely not the same as Sevda’s thoughts. She was entirely capable of keeping her thoughts about the man to herself for however long she needed to. Maybe it wasn’t genuine to put herself into Youtuber mode with her friends, but if that's what she had to do in order to be a good friend, so be it. “I’ll add it to my prayers at night, and hopefully, if He wills it, what’s come to be will come to pass soon.”

And when Sev mentions she should get back to her chores, she nods, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear as she glances to the door one more time. At least she hadn’t managed to get Sevda into trouble during this discussion. At least, not yet. “Of course. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything. It’s not bothering me, or anything. It was nice seeing you.” And yet, she can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt when she turns to leave. What if they’d been waiting for Ches to leave before they pounced? What if-

i can’t take another panic episode when i get off the stage, man 

a ches elswood playlist (spotify link)

tracklist under the readmore | trigger warnings: mental health struggles, abusive / toxic relationship references, death, vomiting mention, drowning reference, suicide (this one is a better safe than sorry warning, I wasn’t sure if it applies or not and I’d rather overtag then under)

Location: Movie Rental Inc. With: Anyone @narrativestarters​

“One thing that I’ll never get used to, no matter how long I live here,” August said, muttering bitterly under his breath as he perused some of the DVDs – all of which had broken-ish plastic covers. He was sure he had seen all of these movies. Twice. 

He would see them once, with friends, just to be surrounded by laughter. Then, he would watch them by himself, just to feel like himself. It was strange to feel a certain emptiness set in, but he at least felt like he was forming his own opinion on any one of these movies.

“It’s the low movie selection. Not even a movie theater. They can’t even mail some newer fucking DVDs. Jesus.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you know you need to actually ask the owner in order to get what you’re looking for sometimes, right? Movie rentals aren’t really profitable, even Netflix operates at a loss, so letting Alec know you’re looking for something in particular helps. He gets stuff in for me all the time.” Ches doesn’t mean to be rude, but it wasn’t like she could just stand there and let this man shit-talk her friend’s business when she knew Alec was trying his best in a market that was guaranteed to lose you money no matter what you did. Plus, she had the feeling he hadn’t thought of asking if this was his complaint, so it was worth mentioning just in case he wasn’t aware he could. “What are you looking for? I can ask him about it if you’re nervous. I don’t mind.”

Well he could also just could get mail order Netflix, but there was no way she was going to mention that still existed. No, she’d rather convince August to support her friend, and the more people in town who didn’t realize that was a thing - the better in her eyes. Was it selfish to withhold the information? Yes. Did she care? Not really. 

“Are you in the mood to torch something? Because I could go for setting something on fire right now.” Okay, usually Ches would try to excitedly think of a DIY involving fire and her urge to set things alight was one of excitement. Right now though? Well, it wasn’t an urge stemming from joy. And it was almost as if she could sense the dog besides her disapproval of her coping methods. That, or she was projecting on the golden retriever. Actually, no, she was definitely projecting the logical thoughts she was having onto her dog as if it’d get her to stop herself. And yet, here she was regardless.

Well, Ches had managed to see the other two North children she adored since their father’s disappearance but there was one in particular that she hadn’t been lucky enough to run into to check on. And maybe it was crossing a line to check in on Serenity, but she was worried... and so, she figures it wouldn’t hurt. She could always try to pass it off as an accidental run in, bumping into her when running errands or something. But then she sees the girl, and she can’t help but throw away her plans. “Hey Ser. I know we’re not supposed to talk, but- would you mind if we- please?”

━━         𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁         ◞        location.         𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏       𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒕         .

there   was   a   splatter   of   something   on   the   side   of   his   shoe   and   it   was   kinda   ,   sorta   ,   really   pissing   him   right   the   fuck   off.   it   had   been   an   all   white   shoe   once   ,   a   long   ,   long   time   ago.   but   after   years   of   wearing   them   nearly   to   the   sole   in   mad   dashes   and   late   night   binges   ‘till   the   sun   came   up   ,   it   was   moreso   a   miracle   that   there   weren’t   more   stains.   then   again   ,   give   him   thirty   minutes   and   he   probably   wouldn’t   remember   to   be   pissed   about   it   in   the   first   place   ,   until   the   next   time   it   caught   his   eye   ,   of   course.   there   was   always   some   other   shit   he’d   grow   to   be   mad   about   ,   and   it   was   only   unfortunate   timing   that   found   him   sitting   out   on   the   curb   at   a   quarter   past   three   am   in   the   first   place   ;      his   legs   kicked   out   in   front   of   him   ,   and   his   sneakers   within   his   line   of   sight.   there   was   a   nasty   little   gash   somewhere   in   the   vincinity   of   his   right   brow   ,   and   his   knuckles   were   busted   something   ugly   ,   but   it   was   really   the   ache   across   his   ribs   that   kept   him   stagnant   ,   debating   the   pros   and   cons   of   ringing   up   a   friend.   

               ❛               fucking   shoes   man.   fucking   shoes.               ❜               then   again   ,   maybe   he   could   just   lay   back   and   chill   there   until   someone   straggled   by.   it   wasn't   that   far   off   from   sunrise   ,   or   at   least   until   some   early   bird   bullshit   crowing   crazy   fuck   wandered   by   ,   right   ?

                                                                                ╱         @narrativestarters

By all accounts, it was luck that Ches stumbled on Hughie.

It was likely odd to see her without Clover, but considering where she’d been the dog was better left at home. And would anyone connect it was Ches sneaking back home with a perhaps too satisfied grin on her face if she didn’t have her dog? Who knows. What Ches did know is that she wasn’t exactly keen on explaining the marks going down her neck, or what she’d just been doing, so the less people who connected the dots the better.

Still, when she spots a man on the curb, she has to do a double take, and when she realizes exactly who it was? She rushes to his side. “Hughie? Shit, shit shit.” She curses as she pulls her bag off her shoulder to pull out a first aid kit. Knife, bow repair tools, snacks, why did she carry so many snacks, and there it was. “Please tell me the other guy got it worse, because if not I’d be more than happy to fix that.” For all her talk about appreciating the concept of Hughie hurting someone, the concept of someone else hurting him just made her angry. Hell, she’d also be more than happy to find a way to completely ruin whoever did this to him’s life too for daring to lay a hand on him but that’s an urge she’s going to have to wait to process until later when she has time to think about how strong her reaction was. Right now, she has way bigger priorities.

it   was   impossible   for   hughie   to   have   held   back   a   scoff   at   her   words   (   not   that   he   tried   particularly   hard   ,   anyways   )   his   features   twisted   into   all   sorts   of   righteous   anger   and   gritty   disgust   at   the   mere   idea   of   missing   a   man   like   pastor   noah   fucking   north.   he   was   a   stain   on   humanity   :   the   worst   of   the   absolute   worst.   and   sure   ,   hughie   might’ve   had   years   to   nurture   those   feelings   and   fan   the   flames   ,   but   he   was   certain   that   no   sane   person   alive   could   blame   him   if   they   knew   the   truth   as   he   did.   if   only   they   had   seen   the   pastor   for   what   he   really   was.   (   monster   ,   devil.   )   even   those   words   felt   far   too   kind   for   the   pastor   ,   just   another   attempt   at   downplaying   what   horrors   he   brought   forth   and   preached.

and   jesus   ⸻   his   hands   were   shaking   from   just   the   thought   of   the   man   ,   takeout   container   beginning   to   crumble   within   his   clenched   fist.   he   wanted   to   stab   a   motherfucker   with   his   chopsticks   ,   and   considering   ches   was   the   only   person   around   ,   he   forced   himself   to   take   a   step   back   ,   to   breathe.   (   lock   it   down   ,   lock   it   down   ,   lock   it   down   ).   it   almost   felt   like   detaching   himself   from   reality   ,   but   in   a   way   that   was   all   too   familiar   at   this   point   in   his   life.   after   all   ,   one   couldn’t   dive   head   first   into   a   lifelong   crusade   for   vengenace   without   developing   any   coping   mechanisms.   he   was   in   this   shit   for   the   long   haul   ,   and   after   many   a   trial   and   error   attempts   ,   he   had   realized   that   sprinting   would   get   him   fuckall   in   terms   of   winning   the   race.

         ❛         man   ,   a   part   of   me   almost   wishes   he   would   come   back.   s'like   he   escaped   without   any   real   punishment   ,   and   where’s   the   justice   in   that   ,   y'know   ?         ❜         and   yeah   ,   pastor   north   disappearing   was   probably   the   only   thing   keeping   him   out   of   jail   for   attempted   murder   ,   but   hughie   owed   the   man   a   good   beatdown   or   twenty.   hell   ,   his   fists   weren’t   the   only   ones   itching   for   a   taste   of   the   man’s   flesh   ,   demanding   retribution   with   every   drop   of   blood   spilled.   so   maybe   it   wasn’t   fair   ,   but   at   least   it   reined   in   much   of   the   violent   ,   murderous   tendencies   that   arose   from   just   a   close   proximity   to   the   man.   

         ❛         nah   ,   don’t   worry   ‘bout   anyones   crocodile   tears   though.   if   they   start   pulling   some   shit   like   that   ,   i’ll   just   have   to   make   sure   to   give   them   somethin’   to   really   cry   about.         ❜         and   just   like   that   ,   the   sudden   onslaught   of   rage   over   pastor   north   was   cooled.   it   wasn’t   fair   on   ches   for   him   to   throw   their   time   away   so   he   could   stew   in   anger   ,   and   it   wasn’t   like   she   made   it   easy   to   stay   mad   in   her   presence.            ❛         aw   ,   ches.   you’re   gonna   shoot   us   down   like   that   before   we   can   even   give   it   a   real   shot   ?   you’re   breakin’   my   heart   here.   m'pretty   sure   me   spawning   kids   is   like   ,   illegal   at   this   point.         ❜         besides   :   kids   ??   straight   up   shudder   inducing   ,   if   you   asked   hughie.   

         ❛         indigestion   who   ?   i   literally   have   the   stomach   of   a   raccoon   ,   a   goddamn   possum.   iron   lining   and   all   that   good   shit.   now   tell   me   more   'bout   how   you   like   me   ,   huh   ?   a   little   bloody   ,   like   a   steak   ??         ❜         the   grin   to   follow   up   with   his   words   could   be   considered   all   too   smug   and   charming   ,   hell   ,   even   a   little   dirty   at   the   edges   as   he   chased   the   idea   of   a   compliment   like   a   dog   with   a   bone.   so   he   liked   being   told   he   looked   good   ,   liked   the   appreciative   looks   and   shared   moments   of   something   !   suck   his   ass   or   sue   him.   it   wasn’t   like   he   was   the   type   to   ever   dig   deeper   ,   or   to   search   for   more   ,   and   so   what   if   he   enjoyed   the   passing   flirtations   with   any   and   all   who’d   offer   it.   wasn’t   exactly   a   crime   ,   now   was   it   ?

         ❛         but   forget   the   life   debts.   just   keep   me   in   mind   whenever   you   grab   some   ,   and   that’s   thanks   enough   for   me   ,   ches.         ❜         another   few   mouthfuls   ,   something   close   to   a   moan   of   appreciation   ,   and   yeah   ,   it   was   definitely   good   enough.            ❛         egg   rolls   …   ?   i   could   kiss   you   right   now.   actually   ⸻         ❜         leaning   across   the   counter   ,   it   was   easy   to   smack   a   quick   kiss   to   the   side   of   her   head   ,   pulling   back   with   a   cheeky   grin   as   he   snagged   one   of   the   very   egg   rolls.   sure   ,   he’d   managed   to   get   a   smear   of   sauce   across   his   front   ,   and   his   lips   had   left   a   bit   of   grease   near   her   temple   ,   but   man   ,   well   deserved   on   all   accounts.   

Someone else would have been scared. No, forget that, Ches should have been scared the second Hughie’s fists began to shake. But she isn’t, and she doesn’t move, despite the fact she knew if anyone else had a similar outburst she would try to step out of the way. Because Hughie would never hurt her, not intentionally at least, as far as she saw things. She’s not entirely sure what to say or do, and maybe one of these days she should actually ask him how to help. If speaking to him could help ground him, or touch, or anything she could provide really.

But, this time she just lets it run its course, only reaching out to touch one of his hands for a brief moment when he’s calm enough to speak again. “I don’t disagree. Even if he’s dead, that’s letting him off too kindly, and it’s not fair.” Death and escaping the consequences of his actions was a mercy. He should have been trapped in a cell, forever to face what he’d done for the rest of his life.   But, Pastor North’s death kept Hughie away from him at least.  She didn’t have to worry about him flying so off the rails that even she wouldn’t be able to afford to get him out of the mess he’d stumbled into this time.  And that was one thing she was grateful for.

“Awww, you’d be willing to pick a fight to defend little ole me? Now I want to propose to you, shit.” Ches laughs, but at least it was reassurance that if someone actually complained he’d handle it. “I suppose I’m willing to compromise, you let me watch you kick the shit out of someone and I’ll drop the first condition. I don’t know about you but I think that’d be a fair deal.” Purposely the condition he hadn’t mentioned when teasing her, of course, and he’d probably know it’d been intentional by her grin. “On an actually serious note for a second though, you know you could just text me lunch orders and say you’re too busy here to go grab them yourself, if you’d like. I’m on summer break and bored out of my mind, so I’m not going to protest getting some Hughie time in. I mean, name a better way to spend my summer, I dare you.”

“Says the man who just told me I shouldn’t compliment him when eating. I see how it is, if I’m saying you look great you don’t want to hear it but the second I bring up how you’d look with a bit of blood...” She laughs, but despite playing along she can’t help but wonder if this is a good idea. Sure, flirting was all fun and games to her, and Hughie didn’t seem like the type to confuse what she was offering with something she couldn’t give to him. But it was still a gamble, right? “I mean this in the most respectful way possible, of course, but you’d look hot. Plus you remember that Indiana Jones scene, after he gets hurt and he’s like here’s all the places that hurts and she’s kissing them and shit. I’m not saying you’d get a girl to actually fall for that, but I sure as hell think if you tried it they’d play along. I’d consider it, at least.” She smiles, glancing over to the door for a moment before she continues. “But I already know you don’t need me to tell you what you can see in the mirror, and you’ve got an open store, so I think that’s enough ego stroking for right now. Unfortunately, as much as I’d love to tell you all about what I’d think about you being a bit bloody, I think traumatizing the customers would get you fired.”

     FOR A GIRL OF HER CALIBER, hal knows he should be intimidated. he still is, sometimes, when she’s not there and he’s reminded of his place in the world and ches’ place in the world and the church’s place in all of that. but she has been nothing but compassionate towards him in the time that they’ve known each other, and where, at this point in his life, most people try to offer answers they don’t have, ches only offers her company. and sometimes, company is the best anyone can really do. it’s certainly the best hal can ask for.

twigs and dead grass crunch under their feet as they navigate their way back towards the town proper. the abandoned shaft gets farther and farther away until the site disappears behind the trees, and with it, hal’s curiosity. his attention is centered fully on ches now and an anecdote about her youth, a memory that entrusts to hal a brief glimpse into her life before holy cross. “is jules… a sibling?” he inquires, head tilting slightly towards her, squinting as the afternoon sun blinds him from the tree line behind her. “no, ma’am, i eat everything on the table. can’t waste god’s grace.” he smiles a toothy grin. 

Despite the amount Ches tends to blabber, she actually didn’t mind it when Hal got quiet. And as they start to walk back towards town, Clover at her side, she would have been content to allow the only sound to be the things crunching under their shoes. But then he asks her about Jules, and for a moment she wishes she’d never mentioned him to Hal. “Julien, my eldest brother. He died a couple years ago. I still really miss him a lot, and I know they say time heals all wounds, but...” If it did, this one was probably going to take a couple decades at this rate, unfortunately. “You know though, you remind me of him a bit sometimes. He wasn’t really one for words either, but when he spoke you wanted to listen.” She explains, barely resisting the urge to play with her hair again. Why did she have to mention a comparison she’d drawn between Julien and Hal? 

The girl from Youtube calling him a cute quiet boy was…uneasy. He was quiet, and it wasn’t that out of place to call a 22 year old a boy, but cute? Did Ches think him a kid? “Okay.” He said, wanting to move on from that as soon as he could. “For transparency’s sake I should tell you I already know your name.” He took her hands and shook it. “It’s nice to meet you as well.” He echoed. 

Jude had not expected his indifference to be met with such enthusiasm. “I am sure.” He said. She wasn’t going to suggest anything cruel or dangerous, surely, so would that much  trust be required? Unless - “If I can make one request,” Jude said. “That you don’t film …wherever it is and turn this into one of your videos.” He had not wanted to admit to her that he was aware of those, but the idea of him featuring in one of her vlogs was that much more mortifying. “Once or twice. Not in a while.” Jude said. It had been back when Mother still felt up to leaving the house from time to time. He hadn’t had much of a varied diet. Mother sent him off with a shopping list for ingredients, accepting no negotiations, and take a break from her computer to cook in the evening. She didn’t stray from the same five things in rotation, and he was sick of it.

“Definitely for a different day.” He agreed - halfheartedly. Ches had put the idea into his head now. That was perhaps the last place in Holy Cross he hadn’t visited yet, and it would be a lie for Jude to say he wasn’t curious about it. One day, he had to go. There was no reason why it shouldn’t be one day soon. 

Jude, of course, was immediately distracted by the final thwarted suggestion. “That is a shame.” He lied. “Bu, if you’re curious to know, horror.” Bookstores normally disappointed him there. Most only knew to stock Lovecraft, Stephen King and maybe Stephen King’s sons. Annoying as that was, it wasn’t why he liked avoiding bookshops, however. He could never be certain he wouldn’t see mother’s name on the spines of somne of the titles.

Ches blinks when he mentioned he already knew her name. “And yet, I don’t know yours.” But she tries to move right past it, and ignore the potential awkwardness that’ll likely ensue from him knowing about her channel. But which girl was she to him? The professional one who made feature length documentaries on theme park attractions and occasionally get lucky enough to snag an interview with someone involved in a topic she’d discussed or the hyperactive girl who built stuff with her friends and enjoyed finding projects that’d allow her to use her blowtorch far too much. And when he asks her not to film whatever they did she knows.

“Hey, don’t worry about that. I usually only put people on camera if they’re comfortable, and we’ve had a long lengthy discussion about payment and liability, contracts, lawyers, you get the gist. I’m way more flexible with Defunctworld and Defunctworld Live! since there’s no tools involved, of course, but I’d never put someone on film without their consent and approval. Maybe that’s why my uploads take forever, come to think of it.”  Maybe it wasn’t as spontaneous to have someone on her channel as one would imagine, but this was her livelihood. One scandal, one mistake, and there went her income. Of course she crosses her ts and dotted her is. She liked being able to afford to eat, and sure while she was earning enough money to cover her bills and stashing excess, that didn’t mean she wanted to risk anything. She liked her career, even if it wasn’t what she was going to do for the rest of her life, it was something she enjoyed doing until she had her doctorate in her hand. “I was more asking because stranger danger, and all. A man did just go missing, after all. Although you and him wouldn’t fit the same victim profile, so to be fair, you probably have nothing to worry about too.”

She nods when he says he’d been once or twice. “I haven’t been yet. I’ve heard it’s something though.” Ches admits, “so I’m thinking, maybe we should try it. I’ve been hearing how awful it is for a year, and as far as I’m aware they’re not associated with the church so...” The automatically made it way better for chit chatting than Carol’s at least. She wasn’t even entirely sure they’d serve her if she went in, and this was one instance she wasn’t exactly in the mood to test her luck on. Wait, was that disappointment she sensed when she brought up the mine? “You also want to explore the spooky mine the locals insist we shouldn’t go too? Nice. Well, if you ever schedule an expedition before I do, I’d love an invitation. I’d need to ask a friend to keep an eye on Clover girl here, because her safety is top priority but.. well I know exactly who to ask already.”

And oh, he’d tell her she was being stupid the second she brought it up to him. But it’d be so worth it, she couldn’t resist, and the thought only makes her more excited at the concept of exploring it someday.

“Did you want me to pass on a message?” Lucy scanned the desk, looking for some kind of writing materials nearby. A lidless biro, and an open notebook she didn’t know the origin for. She didn’t yet reach for either, however. “I mean, I completely get it if it’s private - but he does like me to pass on - I mean I’m supposed to…” She pulled her ponytail tighter again. “I’m more articulate than this, normally.” Lucy smiled, an obviously performative gesture. Her face was not built to smile. 

“I get it, don’t worry.” Lucy shrugged off the onslaught of reassurance. It was a little embarrassing that Ches thought all that was required for someone like Lucy. She could handle someone being mildly disappointed at her presence. “Why do you think you’re lucky?” She asked, with sincerity. Ches spoke of wanting to sit watching a movie indoors with her dog - what Lucy wouldn’t give to do the same, but she had rent to pay and two mouths to feed. “I’m fine.” She responded a bit too abruptly. “I am…fine. I just…you know…got out the wrong side of the bed. But I’m not on edge. No reason for that.” She spoke quickly, the phrases barely having room to distinguish themselves. 

If Ches liked to talk, Lucy feared she also might like to interrogate, which was not what she felt like right now. She could listen fine, but Lucy didn’t have any speeches prepared for her customers right now, and complaining - as much as she was a fan of that - would be unprofessional. “Is there, um…did you only come in to talk to Alec or were you also looking to get something? Because I can help with the latter.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll be back in here for another movie at some point, I’ll ask him about it later. I wanted to ask him if he had any idea on where to find an older movie, Kevin Bacon. Tremors, actually. But my copy doesn’t play on American players, and I’m still waiting on a part to fix the one it’ll actually run on so I was hoping maybe he had an idea. It’s not that important, you know?” Ches explains, although it’d sure be a stroke of luck if he could manage to find a copy. Sure, she’d buy an American copy if she had to, but she’d rather not replace her copy and slide money towards Alec for his help if possible.

She raises an eyebrow when the girl asks her why she feels lucky. “The less people there are, the less I need to worry about.” It’s not very descriptive, but she didn’t feel like getting into her reasoning with Lucy. Why get into her mental health with someone she didn’t know that well? It didn’t seem like a smart idea to her. And when Lucy says she’s fine, and dismisses the concern way too quickly, despite the obvious signs that there was something wrong with the answer she doesn’t press. If she didn’t want to get into it with Lucy, the reverse was likely true. It was best to leave it be, and so she nods. “I keep debating putting my bed against the wall so that stops happening.”

A joke, not her best by a long shot, but what else was she supposed to say?

𝐀   𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊   ,   𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓.The   concept   is   nearly   as   foreign   to   her   as   freedom.   Even   when   her   body   is   still   ,   her   mind   races   ,   exhausted   beneath   the   weight   of   constant   planning   ,   an   eternal   quest   for   CONTROL.   It’s   why   she   can’t   sleep   some   nights   ,   laying   in   her   small   bed   ,   staring   at   the   ceiling   and   praying   until   her   mind   grows   incoherent.   Trust   ,   just   behind   rest   in   a   long   list   of   things   Grace   will   never   have   —   unachievable   for   God’s   prophet   ,   a   woman   destined   for   greatness.   “   You’re   so   kind   ,   Ches.   ”   She   sighs   ,   fixes   a   tired   gaze   on   the   woman.   “   I   wish   ….   “   Trailing   off   ,   teeth   finding   her   lower   lip   ,   she   shakes   her   head   ,   looks   away.   “   Never   mind.   That’s   not   fair   of   me   to   say.   ”

Grace   highly   doubts   Ches   prays   every   night   —   if   she   did   ,   if   she   truly   had   a   connection   with   God   ,   she   never   would   have   risked   her   position   at   Holy   Wisdom   like   she   had   ,   never   would   have   let   herself   be   ex-communicated.   Still   ,   Grace   reveals   none   of   this   ,   instead   smiles   thankfully.   “   Thank   you.   And   no   prayer   could   ever   be   counterproductive   if   it’s   genuine   and   honest.   God   knows   when   our   intentions   are   IMPURE   and   He   will   punish   us   if   we   lie   to   Him.”   As   she   continues   ,   Grace   has   to   focus   on   neutral   features   ,   on   eyes   slightly   widening   in   meek   surprise   ,   soft   lips   falling   open   ever   so   slightly.   “   You   can’t   say   stuff   like   that.   ”   A   worried   glance   at   the   nearby   Holy   Wisdom   members   to   make   sure   no   one’s   heard   ,   then   Grace   wraps   her   arms   around   herself   ,   frowns.   “   I   might   if   you   keep   talking   like   that.   I   want   to   be   your   friend   still   ,   Ches   ,   but….   ”   She   sighs   again   ,   allows   herself   to   sag   beneath   her   exhaustion.   “   It   doesn’t   matter   ,   right   now.   I   just   want   my   Father   to   be   okay.   ”

“Kind’s not the word I’d use for it. It’s just basic human decency.” But Ches never did like it growing up when people called her kind. Kind made her sound like some Disney princess chattering to the wildlife on a forest floor, and while, to be fair, she’d actually love to befriend wildlife the rest of the concept made her feel ill to her stomach. But it was clear Grace had more to say, and she was censoring herself for Ches’s sake. Shit. “Hey, it’s okay. I don’t mind if you finish what you were saying, fair or not.” She reassures her friend. “Right now the priority is making sure we do what you need, okay?”

the moment the girl quipped back, she felt her nerves ease, the anxiety of even asking begin to slip with each rise and fall of her chest. eyebrows raised her mouth opening to answer, her finger raising, a slight step forward, only to be shut down once more, taking the same step back and pressing her lips together. okay so, a voice? that wasn’t necessarily her strong suit. her superpower? the ability to SHUT UP and listen. although, most days, she’d considered it a curse. the further on the girl rambled, lexus’ confusion only intensified, lips parting as complete bewilderment covered every centimeter of her face. brows pinched together, hazel eyes widening at the influx of information. – IT’S FUCKING WOOD. how is there this much to know about fucking wood? 

the fact of the matter was, lexus shouldn’t have been the one walking the hallowed aisles of the hardwood store – it should’ve been her father. he should be the one picking out the wood, only turning to her the minute he’d wanted a color choice. that was her real job in the grand scheme of it all. the redhead’s voice seemed to drift off, fading into the background as her own thoughts came to the forefront and at the end of it all, only one questioned seemed to remain. HOW DID SHE EVEN GET HERE? a bottle of vodka and way too much tiktok thirst traps, leaving the daddy kink, seemingly permanently embedded in her mind. confusion wasn’t even the word that lexus could use as the girl’s voice came back into focus. mouth gapping, she felt her lashes flutter, shaking. “i… my house is white and – black… so like,” lexus stopped before turning her glance back to the woods, hazel eyes still widened in… well, at this point; HORROR. “ oh my god, i am fucked.”

.

“No, you’re most definitely not fucked. It’s okay.” Ches reassures Lexus quickly. “Odds are you’re going to want an oak. And we can always stain it if we need to.” And in that moment she wished calling up Hal was an option, because if he’d been here she was pretty sure he would have been able to point the girl in the right direction without rambling to the point things became worse, just like Ches had seemed to do. But she couldn’t call Hal to explain wood usage and what the best to use would be, because in doing that she’d be revealing the fact she still talked to him. 

Maybe if she prayed enough, God would bless her with his ability to calmly explain. But for now….

it’s   something   of   a   whirlwind   and   a   half   ,   the   sudden   onslaught   of   energy   that   bursts   through   the   door   ;   ches’   words   catching   him   at   about   a   mile   a   minute   ,   long   before   he’s   even   got   the   sense   of   things   to   get   up   from   behind   the   counter.   he’s   heard   it   before   ,   something   something   girl   as   a   hurricane   ,   girl   as   a   fucking   reckoning   (   and   how   the   words   have   never   suited   a   person   better   ,   but   oh⸻   how   they   truly   ,   truly   do   ).   but   unlike   walking   into   lightning   storms   and   chasing   thunderclaps   by   the   boom   ,   there’s   no   sense   of   apprehension   here   ,   not   even   an   inkling   of   fear   to   flicker   across   his   mind   as   he   moves   to   greet   her.

               ❛               hey   ,   at   least   they’re   talkin’   ‘bout   the   guy   cause   he   finally   lost   the   last   of   his   marbles      ,   huh   ?   if   we’re   lucky   maybe   he’ll   do   us   all   a   favour   and   just   kick   the   whole   damn   bucket   while   he’s   out   there.               ❜               and   there   was   a   very   real   temptation   here   to   just   get   up   and   lock   the   door   behind   her   ,   a   siren’s   call   in   the   form   of   shutting   out   the   rest   of   the   town   even   for   a   short   hour   or   two.   maybe   he’d   just   flip   the   closed   sign   front   facing   and   pass   it   off   as   an   honest   mistake.   anything   to   embrace   this   comfort   of   understanding   ,   to   cling   to   this   two   man   land   of   solitude.   

               ❛               mi   casa   su   casa   ,   baby   ,   you   sit   wherever   the   fuck   the   want.   'sides   ,   what’re   they   gonna   do   :   complain   ??               ❜               his   tone   was   entirely   too   mocking   of   the   nonexistent   customers   that   weren’t   even   there   ;   overly   confident   in   knowing   that   no   one   would   pick   a   fight   ,   but   the   stubborn   itch   that   almost   wished   someone   did.   (   but   that   was   the   simple   curse   of   being   his   mother’s   son   ,   to   crave   the   violent   ,   filthy   scraps   of   the   world.   )               ❛               but   bringing   me   lunch   ,   ches   …      hey   ,   if   i   proposed   to   you   right   now   ,   would   you   say   yes   ??               ❜               and   just   like   that   ,   all   bitter   thoughts   dispersed   in   the   face   of   beautiful   ,   beautiful   chinese   take   out.   heaven   sent   ,   holy   graced.   this   was   the   real   altar   to   worship   before   ,   fuck   the   culty   cunts.

               ❛               now   don’t   go   giving   me   butterflies   before   a   meal   ,   ches.   i’ll   get   indigestion.               ❜               all   solemn   faced   school   boy   sincerity   ,   he   didn’t   even   bother   with   wiping   his   hands   of   sweet   and   sour   sauce   and   grease   as   he   reached   out   to   take   her   hand.               ❛               you’re   right.   i   could   definitely   work   the   baseball   bat   angle   ,   thank   you   very   much.   but   somethin’   'bout   hittin’   them   bare   knuckled   and   hollerin’   always   scares   'em   even   more   ,   y'know   ??                  ❜               

then   again   ,   maybe   it   was   just   the   unbridled   rage   he   had   a   tendency   to   show.   creeping   behind   thin   walls   ,   the   lurking   shadows   that   only   peeked   through   with   his   masks   peeled   back   just   so.   then   again   ,   what   would   they   know   about   the   boy   who   sat   there   ,   stabbing   splinter   wood   chopsticks   at   the   near   neon   orange   chicken   in   his   container   ,   grinning   wider   than   he   had   in   days.   a   little   unhinged   ,   but   all   softened   edges   when   he   pushed   ches’   own   food   towards   her   (   this   time   the   chopsticks   perfectly   splinter   free   ,   napkins   layered   beneath   to   seperate   the   grease   that   soaked   through   ;   oily   ,   thick   ,   drowning.   )

“No, only the people like us are talking about that. There’s some people who think he’s actually coming back, and they want him back, and it’s complicated because I want to say he clearly took the bag and fled the country to escape the feds but I can’t. Because seriously, why else would he fuck off? But, I can’t say that because if I do I’m going to hurt people I don’t want to hurt.” But Ches didn’t come to Hughie for a therapy appointment, this was supposed to be a break from everything that was stressing her out, not a moment to unload it. “Guess it doesn’t matter why he’s gone though, the thing that matters is he’s gone. May he be treated in the afterlife as he treated others in his life, and may it last for all eternity. Right?”

Was it bad to wish Pastor North was tormented, forced to watch his entire life destroyed over and over again, for all eternity? Perhaps. Did Ches ever claim to be a good person though? No. Sure, she didn’t purposely go out of her way to be a bitch either but for all intents and purposes anything good she did was solely because it was what she wanted to do at the moment, not because she was actively trying to be some amazing person.

“No, the worst thing they could do is cry. I don’t know about you, but if someone started bawling about how I’m allowed to sit wherever I please and they’re not I don’t think I’d know how to handle it.” Someone yelling or getting hostile was an easy reaction, Ches didn’t like using the ability but it wasn’t like she couldn’t will herself to cry at a moment’s notice. Although lately, depending on how close they were to her and how angry they were, maybe the tear actually wouldn’t be fake come to think of it. But she doesn’t move now that she has his permission to go onto his side of the counter, it was quiet anyway, she didn’t need to hide quite yet. “I might. But I’ve got two conditions, open marriage and I want kids down the line. I’m even willing raise them on my own so....”

Okay, actually maybe the second one actually was a serious condition if anyone ever wanted to propose, but honestly the odds of Ches saying yes to such a thing were as high as Pastor North actually coming back. Slim to none, and it was preferable that way.

For a moment, Ches almost cracks a completely inappropriate joke about stroking egos, but it’s the look on Hughie’s face that causes it to die on her tongue as he clasps her hand. “Well it’s a shame that indigestion is a concern, huh, because I have a comment about you fist fighting people too. Specifically what I think about the concept of your fist being covered in someone else’s blood. A shame. Oh well, Hughs, maybe I can tell you next time...” She teases him with a wink, and honestly it only dawns on her how easily it could be confused as flirting rather than just playing around with him after the words leave her mouth. But Hughie knew better, right? She didn’t have to clarify, and so she does not, she just takes her own chinese food from him to dig into. “God, this is worth the drive every fucking time. Thanks again for letting me know it exists. If you ever need to collect that life debt...” There’s so much content in her words, genuinely pleased with her choice. After all, was there a better place to be than eating chinese food with Hughie? She doubted it.