penned by hazel-grace.

when lexus pulled back, he nearly stumbled chasing the kiss to last longer. his eyes opened expecting to see her angry and pissed at him cutting off yet another conversation. but there she stood, as still as he was, their eyes looking into one another. god would someone just DO something, he finds himself yelling internally. yet here he stood, not doing anything either.

then suddenly— their lips CRASHED into one another, brad holding nothing back as a moan was muffled into their kiss, caused by her bite to his lip. before he could register all this that was happening, she’d pushed him down onto the bed, his legs buckling back easier than he’d expected. the erotic nature of her nails DIGGING into his skin sent him into some sort of frenzy, a deep groan emerging from him. his hands gripped her hips harshly, pushing them down onto him so that she could feel how hard she was making him. his tongue tangled with hers, his mind fogging through their sloppy kisses.

now THAT’S more like it, he responds to her in his head. and for a second, he forgets who he’s even doing this with. his eyes opening to see lexus hovering over him. and it’s almost like getting hit with some sort of wrecking ball. “—what the fuck’s gotten into YOU..” he says, half amazed while simultaneously smug, knowing he was responsible for this new side of her emerging. no complaints on his end, that’s for fucking sure. 

his hand unclasps from her hips to sneak down past the fabric of her skirt, his fingers pressing against her underwear. he could feel just how WET she was getting through the material, digits rubbing over her in attempt to get any sounds from her. god this was so… this was so DIFFERENT but fuck he was so turned on that there wasn’t anything that was gonna keep him from fucking the shit out of her regardless. anything to get him to not keep their conversation going. 

“look how fucking WET you’re getting for me.. i haven’t even touched you.” he spoke in a low growl, sure she could feel him harden below her. “you’ve thought about this before— HAVEN’T you…” brad instigated with a bitten back smirk, his fingers just pushing past the cloth of her underwear. “…me, fucking the absolute daylights out of you.. waking up with your throat hoarse from screaming..” his words trailed off, lips ghosting over hers— teasing them as a will he continue to kiss her or leave her hanging type of motion. 

“take your fucking clothes off..”

          her breath kept hitching, even with each move she made, that seemed so sure and confident, like a routine she’d practiced time and time again, it still scared the ever loving shit out of her ; because moments like this shook her, made her vulnerable, weak and open to critic and rejection. still, she swallowed down the lump that began to form in her throat. the cocktail of vodka redbulls, and tequila 5 hour energy shots. basically, any booze within arms reach, and anything that promised her enough energy to get through the calls and emails that she couldn’t seem to escape. HAD SHE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BEFORE? 

    lexus had been a fan of his music far before she’d ever worked for him, when his music, the lyrics so angst ridden, telling a story of the lost, something that had spoken so loud to her once upon a time ago, sometimes, still does. though the perception of him has been skewed from his total dickatude. “ -- what’s gotten into me? ” she asks, her tone almost incredulous. pink swollen lips parting as brows perk, lust filled hues glaring down at him. “ i’ve been up for nearly three days, the last thing i had to eat was a celery stick and a piece of watermelon from craft services, because that’s all i had time for, not to mention i’ve had a CONCERNING amount of caffeine, whatever the fuck they put in redbull, and the last time i’ve had ANY sex was months ago. plus, you’ve been a complete asshole, so it seems like you need someone to properly satisfy you, since the groupie bitches, OBVIOUSLY, aren’t cuttin’ it. ”

lexus’ words were quickly replaced by the elicited moans that fell from her lips as he presses his hands into the soft lace that covered her, leaving little to nothing up to the imagination, and for once, she was rendered speechless, hands bracing against his chest. gasping out into the air, as eyelashes fluttered in slight shock. any trail of thought she had now disappearing into the abyss that they’ve created for themselves. dark and endless, just like the nights that seemed to drone on, and maybe now she understand, even if it’s just a little bit, of what this life takes from you, how it can tear you down. hell, it’d gotten to the point where even she wanted to call one of her previous life’s “ doctor ” that would prescribe her some adderall to get her through it all. ultimately, she didn’t go through with it. 

letting herself get lost in his touch, hiking her skirt up for better access as her mouth sat agape. hips absentmindedly rolled against his, the feeling of his hardening shaft only making her head fall back in pure bliss. “ shut the FUCK up and do something about it then, ” lexus quips back quickly, biting down onto her lip, before her fingers all but tear the buttons as she began to undo the buttons that traced themselves down her chest, hips automatically rolling into his touch. before the devious smirk widens across her lips, backing off of him as she rolled her eyes, slowly picking at the buttons, slow, teasing him just as he did her. “ typical bradley, ” she tsks, shaking her head, as she picked the last of her buttons off, tossing it onto the hotel’s bedside chair. hands reach back to the curve of her lower back, slowly dragging the zipper down as she spoke again. “ -- expecting me to do all the work, ” she muses as the expensive garment pooled around her ankles, revealing the matching set. “ i’m going to expect you to do the rest, sorry to make you lift a pinky.”

brushing shit off is what brad did BEST— procrastination was practically an olympic sport to him at this point. plus, it was usually a 50%+ chance it’d be dropped by morning, so it was an easy out. he should’ve expected the latter with lexus, but it was worth a shot. christ with the direction this conversation had gone, he was surprised she was still here instead of a mile up the fucking road. 

brad nearly jumps when she raised her voice, shocked something like that could come from her. his head pulsed slightly from her raised voice, his eyes not daring to look in her direction. oh god why couldn’t this night just be over with a flick of a switch. he wasn’t in the mood for one on one time with ANYONE, even lexus. but she was persistent, and he had to give her props for that. the grip on his chin was rough, usually something that would cause a retaliation from the rock star, but his hands remained at his sides, STUNNED at her lunge to get his attention. she sure as hell had it now. 

“…i’m not paying you to be my therapist, alright?” there wouldn’t be NEARLY enough money in the world for that job. though his words were meant to come out a little more like a stomp to the ground, his tone was anything but. he was DEFEATED. she was stubborn like him— pushing through the steel walls he keeps attempting to put up to hide what’s underneath. perhaps that’s what he needs, someone not to give up so easily, but in some cases, it would’ve felt easier if it was that way. to him, anyways. 

his eyes switched between hers, seeing a smaller reflection of himself in her eyes. he wonders if he LOOKED as shitty as he felt right now. he doesn’t want to talk, his temple pulsed and his brain felt scrambled to try and put to words what the hell was going on. this was too much to think about when he felt like this and he had pretty much no way around it. he wanted to disappear. “i…i don’t… KNOW… i don’t know..” his eyes diverted to their feet, only inches apart. it was in this moment when he realized just how close they were now. and even though the interrogation statements were made, neither of them really made the effort to move away. 

with his mind already SPIRALING, brad found his impulses pushing him even closer to her, closing the gap between their lips. 

she should’ve left, run for the fucking hills to never look back, but it was brad van fucking doren. the two things lexus had prided herself on. her tenacity -- always so hard working, dedicated beyond belief and the second? her music taste, though some may not expect it from the prim and proper lexus. both of which seemed to revolve around planet brad. for years, attached to his side, planning every last bit of his days, pulling him up from drunken nights, down to ridding the groupies from the night before, making sure all NDAs were signed and their lips STOOD sealed. any relationship she’d began, quickly coming to a halting standstill, ending soon after as her flakiness caused indiscretions, arguments that blasted through hotel room walls, only for their feelings to be dismissed once more, an emergency ALWAYS arising. 

as he speaks, her brow only perks as slight anger sneaks back in, her grasp on his chin only tightening, a threat to open his fucking mouth and SPEAK. words she’d begged to hear, tales of muse and inspiration, stories of dreams and inhibitions, caution thrown to the wind. if she hadn’t proven it by now, she doesn’t know how she will.  though, as he continues, her grip loosens, watching as genuine pain and confusion tears through his mind, a hint of sadness spreading across her lips as she blinks up to him -- her head nodding. “ okay, ” is all she can say, praying that she’s widened the crack, even just a little. 

silence hangs stale in the air that surrounds them, tired bright blue eyes staring to the pair of deep brown hues that she’d long fallen for -- though it’d been long gone in the years of torment, in that moment, it seemed to trickle back in.  lexus shouldn’t be as shocked as she is when he’s leaning in closer, lashes softly fluttering, her mind in a complete haze as she let her body take control, and for a moment, as her lips are moving in perfect unison with his, before her mind butts in with a dramatic WHAT THE FUCK. her instincts are telling her to run. run because this.. she -- lexus wasn’t supposed to fall. her career came first. lips tear away from his, her hand coming out to strike him across the face, her hand stinging, as she glanced at him with slight shock. at her own actions, the kiss, her thoughts. it’d all seemed to flood together at once. the years came in waves, and she imagined every single time he’d barked his orders to her, endless nights of insomnia, mixed with booze to finally allow herself to fall DEAD asleep, erasing every worry, making her brain stop so she could actually sleep. still, she’d always cared, and he never pushed TOO HARD. but this? what if this crossed the line? her mind was reeling as her mouth stood agape, trying to determine her next move, cerulean hues peeking up to him through long lashes, and for a moment she probably looks horrified, completely undone and entirely enraged but as she searches every inch of his face, the way his lids seem to heavy, the way his lips part just slightly, heaving pants breathing out, every mole she’s seemed to memorize, the pink hue of his lips -- but instead, she abandons it all. fuck it. 

nimble, anxious fingers pull on his shirt, never pulling back but instead pulling him close, the fabric clenching tightly in her fist, pulling him further into all she was. she stood tall or rather short at five-three, but it still hadn’t stopped from taking every bit of strength she’d had in her, her lips moving in perfect sync, teeth gripping around his bottom lip, releasing as she pulled away. lexus lived in a haze, but there’d been no regret in any movement, every action so calculated and exact as she led him to the bed, using her strength to push him down into the comfort of the sheets that now laid below him, legs straddling around him as she crawled up his body, fingers scraping their way up his torso before half mooned nails sunk their way into his skin, leaving their mark as she pressed her lips to his once more. lexus’ tongue skimmed over his bottom lips, wanting him to make her forget, swallow her whole and help disappear into what seemed to grow to this moment, her words only muttered by his lips, begging to ease out any lingering worries he may have had.  

what did he deserve someone like her? this asshole who reeks of cigarettes with a temper equivalent to a pubescent teenager. she was more patient than anyone who’d even ATTEMPTED to deal with him, and that’s one of many reasons why he can’t afford for her to walk out on him. financially and..well.. just overall. he just wants this night to be over so he can shut his eyes and go the fuck to sleep to get this migraine out of his way. but of course, there had to be ONE more thing.

without even thinking, brad let out an exasperated scoff, pushing off of the ground with a grunt to walk to the dresser. “REALLY, lexus, we couldn’t just… leave this how it was?” his tone was irritated, mostly from his headache, but also— he HIMSELF didn’t really know what went wrong. it all just kind of… blended together. the skyrocket of popularity turned to new friends which turned to new BAD habits— habits that are hard to crack. perhaps it was the fact that the greed got to him, something he’d NEVER admit aloud, but he was sure everyone around him was well aware. 

though his back was turned to her, he took in every word that was pelted his way, his eyes zoning out into the slightly opened drawer. his exhausted self became weak, unable to come up with anything to counteract the truth that lexus was spewing. “yeah well…” he starts, a usual pairing of words from the male before saying something stupid. but this time, he just walked over to his bed to sit on the edge of it. brad stared at his feet, his eyes unable to bring themselves to her. “can i just.. i’m REALLY tired..”

“ leave WHAT the way it was ?! because simply brushing something off isn’t fixing the problem, bradley! ” she’s tired. it’s been two days since she’s slept last, the days blurring into each other, mind constantly working whether it’d been emails that flooded his inbox, fans HOPING for replies on socials -- she needed to make them happy too. and social media companies? they weren’t personable enough. LEXUS is the one who’d kept his career on track, trying her best to make sure every dm was acknowledged, whether it be a short message or a heart -- she herself knew the feeling of loving him -- his words ; THE MUSIC. so exhaustion was worth it if it meant bradley was adored by everyone, just as much as she’d adored him, even in this moment. so he sure as FUCK was going to stay up and listen to her words, no matter what exhaustion raced through him. 

“ NO! ” the word came out loud, harsh and unforgiving, her voice ragged and roughed by  nights that seemingly had no end. blue-green oceanic hues are widened with anger now, misting with tears as she shakes her head. “ tell me! please! because i can’t ... wrap my fucking head around it !” she’s snapping, spiraling down into this a hole of her own self-doubt because the person who’d been her very muse, had also been her downfall. the stranger who’d stolen her heart now replaced by the asshole who for some reason STILL held onto it. 

𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑖𝑟𝑐𝑛𝑤𝑙𝑙 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑵𝑬

(  trigger tw : sexual-ish acts, NSFW - ish, light choking.  ) platform  heels  carried  her  through  the  room,  almost  gliding  as  the  sunlight  streamed  through  the  curtains,  secluding  them  from  the  rest  of  the  world,  finally  hers,  in  his  entirety. no  more  secret  rendezvous,  no,  now  she  was  the  one  who  he’d  proudly  paraded  her  through  the  school,  like  she  was  a  trophy  ;  one  only  he  was  worthy  enough  to  win. knees  are  padded  by  the  comfort  of  the  bed  she’s  grown  so  accustomed  to,  they  slide  against  the  egyptian  cotton  sheets. The  blonde’s  legs  are  straddling  his  waist  now. long  nails  slide  against  the  sheets  as  her  body  leans  forward,  an  innocent  facade  dripping  off  of  every  word. “  am  i  everything  you  wished  for ?  ”  she  question,  her  words  almost  purring  into  his  ear,  long  nails  dragging  along  his  chest,  the  soft  pressure  paling  his  skin,  watching  it  raise  as  she  sunk  them  further  into  his  skin. the  way  he’s  looking  down  at  her,  as  though  she  was  an  angel  and  the  sunlit  blonde  hair  was  her  heavenly  light  and  halo  ;  love  and  desire. those  eyes,  that  look,  it  sent  a  sharp  burst  of  want  throughout  her  body.

   “  i  would  love  for  you  to  fuck  me …  whenever  and  HOWEVER  you  want ... ”    her  curve  hugging  skirt  tightened  as  her  hips  rolled  into  the  ones  that  sat  below  her. she  knew  the  words  he  needed  to  hear,  what  would  soothe  constantly  ragged  nerves  ;  and  the worries  that  the  world  outside  of  those  four  walls  held. it  was  like  something  unworldly  guided  her.  the  time  in  which  they  spent  together  showing  her  exactly  what  needed  to  be  done. claws  wrapped  around  his  jaw, fingers  gently  splaying  over  his  neck, wondering  how  it  would  feel  to  press  just  a  little  bit  harder, just  as  he  did  with  her, still, she refrained. cassie  positioned  herself  so  her  head  was  against  his,  kissing  at  the  space  just  behind  his  ear. “  you  control  what  i  wear …  what  i  eat ... who  i  talk  to. ”  she  feels  once  strong  hands,  now  go  slack,  and  now  she’s  the  one  seizing  control  of  the  little  bit  of  power  she  can  hold  onto  –  grasping  the  limp  hand,  letting  it  slide  past  her  lace  covered  chest,  gently  wrapping  it  around  her  throat,  just  as  it  did  time  and  time  before. taking  his  other  hand,  she  brought  it  to  her  chest,  tightening  his  grip  around  her breast,  a  soft  moan  coming  out as her head leaned back, letting long lashes flutter closed, her hips roll against his teasingly -- slowly. “  i  want  every  guy  you  know,  to  want  to  FUCK ME  …  but  they  can’t  ;  because  they  know  i’m  yours. ”  her  voice  holds  promises  she  knows  she’ll  keep,  even  if  it  ruins  her  completely,  more  than  it  already  has  ;  though  she’s  not  sure  how  that’s  even  possible  at  this  point. “  i BELONG  to  you …  and  i  promise  that  i  will  never  complain,  because  –  ,  ”  her  voice  pauses  again  from  the  kisses  she  leaves.  wide,  cerulean  hues,  glance  up  innocently, peeking  through  long  lashes  as  she  finally  trails  her  way  down  to  the  waistband  of  his  boxers,  lipstick  marks  acting  like  scorch  marks  from  her fiery  touch. she  wanted  to . “  –-  i  trust …  you  know …  what’s  best. ”

𝐰𝐡𝐨 : 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧 & 𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭. 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 : 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 ; 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 : 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ; 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 : 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 & 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍.

‘ i don’t want a replacement ’ the words CUT through her like a rigid, serrated knife, setting like a flame in her chest, BURNING at the wound. 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ? turn around and continue to allow the 𝔡𝔢𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔩 𝔠𝔶𝔠𝔩𝔢 they seemed bound forever to repeat ? then, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚒𝚖 ; and the moment honey brown hues lock onto the oceanic hues, almost like a wounded puppy, BEGGING for forgiveness. plump, pink lips begin to part, READY to allow the dominoes to not only fall, but all around OBLITERATE ; ready to spew venom and daggers, words she was SURE would kill not only her, but HIM with pain, shut close.

 and for the FIRST TIME since she’d known brad, perhaps for the first time in her entire life, she was speechless ; listening to words she was sure she would NEVER hear come from the man’s lips that stood in front of her. any words that began to intrude on her thoughts, fleeted away promising to be unheard. this time it was HER EYES tearing themselves away from him, looking down to slightly shaken hands, nervously picking at her cuticles. 

THIRTY TWO HOURS. the exhaustion had began to hit her like a speeding bus, but still, tired blue-green hues glance up through long lashes, almost innocently ; and she watches as he rubs at his head, most likely BEGGING for the growing headaches to dim their light. SHE KNOWS, because he’s done this to her almost nearly every night. but -- never to this extent. “ things need to change, bradley. or... i swear. i’m done. i - i ... ” the usual confident and DEMANDING tone, now, tiny and unsure, because she knows every word in that statement is probably A LIE, of course she’d never leave his side, no matter how much she tries to convince herself otherwide. lexus shakes her head ; letting her gaze lower once more, swallowing down the emotion that had began to RISE, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill over the rims of her eyes, voice strained as she let out a breath before speaking. “ i uh — i need to make calls, for you but ... but MORNING ... 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒.. ” lexus reaches out for the hair tie that lies on the countertop, bringing long tresses into a messy bun. perhaps by morning she’ll be gone, but honestly, that probably isn’t the case, not anymore. not when she sees his face.