Aquarian Thoughts

I got you when I was 7. We picked you out of a store window because my mum saw there were Australian cattle dogs for sale; they were always her favourite. We saw you and knew you would be ours. We watched you play fight your brothers and we named you metal Godzilla because of the way you fought.

You weren't metal Godzilla for long, we named you Xena.

You were always a strange dog, you were the first puppy I ever had. I loved to play with you. I even tried biting you on the ear one time like from the movie Snow Dogs. I thought it would work and I'd be alpha... you just bit me back instead.

You never really liked to play that often. I remember taking you out for walks and you always preferred to do your own thing rather than what I had planned for us. If I threw a ball you'd take it and go off on your own to play with it. Fetch was never a game for two with you. You were always cheeky and didn't live by any rules, especially any that were set by me.

You had issues, you were always anxious. You didn't like to be alone and you liked to follow mum around. If we kept you outside at all you'd bark your head off. You eventually got under our skin and we let you sleep inside.

You'd only ever be where mum was. You'd follow her everywhere and drive her nuts. She loved you though. She'd always say to me "you're my favourite daughter... Without a tail", as if I couldn't compete with you. But in a way I couldn't, there's nothing as loyal as a dog.

When mum died you changed forever. You had no one to follow and you'd roam around the house aimlessly looking for anyone and everyone. You'd peek your head in my door to check I was there. Sometimes you'd stay for pats, sometimes you'd just walk right out again... not walk, clip clop.

The vet was never allowed to trim your nails... the same way you wouldn't let the vet do anything to you. No one ever believes that you could be vicious, but no one's ever taken you to the vet. So instead of being a perfectly healthy older dog, you limp and clip clop everywhere - just the way you like it.

I remember the first time I felt lumps on you. It could have been two years ago maybe. I was giving you belly rubs and I felt them. Cysts or tumours I couldn't be sure. I remember telling my dad and him explaining that doing anything about it would be more harmful than them just being there. You have so many more lumps now, but he had a point.

I remember the last time I got to play with you. It was probably about a year ago now. I'm surprised your legs even worked for you to run and jump around the way you did. It was the most exciting day we had in years. I had hyped you up and you got excited to play and wrestle and jump around. I hadn't seen you happy like that in years.