idyllic dream

You had found yourself in this same situation many times before, though most of those times, you only did it because it felt like something you should do — some kind of ritual you had to perform just to prove, once again, that you had failed.

The first few times, Joshua stood by your side in the bathroom, his hopeful smile assuring you that this time would be different. But after twelve negative tests, he stopped. You couldn’t really blame him; it was hard to keep hoping when the answer was always no.

So the bathroom had become an all-too-familiar place. Your movements, peeing on the stick, setting a timer, waiting on the toilet, were mechanical.

Never before, though, had you taken a test so certain that you were pregnant. The morning sickness, the sudden sensitivity to smells, the swelling of your breasts, those were all clear indicators. You weren’t entirely sure how you knew, but you did. The test was only a formality, a confirmation.

Well, maybe you did know how. You’d made a deal with the demon king — and slept with an incubus more times than you could count. Of course you were pregnant. It would be strange if you weren’t. Jeonghan didn’t strike you as the kind of guy — or rather, demon — who didn’t keep his promises.

You couldn’t remember the details of your deal, but one thing was certain: you were going to have a baby.

The alarm on your phone went off, signaling that five minutes had passed. You took a deep breath and blindly reached for the test on the sink.

The word pregnant was printed in bold black letters.

“Okay.”

You never really expected to be back at the doctor’s office again, at least, not to see a gynecologist for a pregnancy. The feeling of waiting was odd, the tests in your bag felt heavy on your lap.

Ever since you found out about the baby two days ago, your heart had been constantly in your throat, as if something could go wrong at any moment. It had become hard to fall asleep, your mind too busy running wild, making up crazy scenarios about how it was all just a dream, how you’d wake up in a pool of your own blood, how there was, in fact, no baby at all, and you’d simply been so desperate that your mind had conjured a phantom pregnancy.

Enough was enough. You forced yourself to call your doctor and beg for an emergency appointment. It had been over two years since you’d last seen him — two years since you disappeared without a word. You had simply quit. There was only so much pain one person could endure before they finally forced themselves to stop.

“You said it was an emergency appointment,” Minghao said, looking at you with a small smile.

Your doctor had always been kind. His eyes were gentle, and his patience, endless. He’d explained the same things to you over and over again, never losing that calm tone.

“Sorry, I know how busy you are,” you said, sitting down across from him.

Minghao just shook his head, that same reassuring smile still on his face. You wondered if he knew why you were there—if he had any idea at all.

Once upon a time, he had exhausted every possible option. He’d guided you through every step, offered comfort when Joshua stopped coming to appointments after yet another failed attempt. Eventually, your visits had turned into long talks. he’d ask how you were holding up, if there was anything else he could do for you, insisting that you seek help beyond him, beyond a friendly ear willing to listen.

Then came the point when Joshua started to hint that you might be having an affair with your doctor, which, on its own, was bad enough. But given the circumstances, it was unbearable. You were falling apart, still hoping for a child, and instead you got accusations.

“It’s fine,” Minghao said softly. “What can I help you with today?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” he blinked at you, studying your face as if you’d suddenly grown three eyes and a pair of horns.

“I know it sounds crazy, and I know I was the problem,” you said quickly, “but I’m telling you the truth. Look.”

You reached into your purse and pulled out a small plastic bag containing all thirteen pregnancy tests you’d taken, each one of them positive.

“Wow. Okay.”

“See? Emergency.”

He let out a breath and smiled faintly. 

“Alright then. Let’s get you tested.”

Minghao had been so curious about the test results that he’d made you wait while your blood was analyzed and, to be even more certain, he wanted an ultrasound done.

The entire process had been nerve-wracking: having your blood drawn, sitting in the too-white waiting room, your heart pounding against your ribs. You’d spent years working toward having a child, and the thought of being a single mother didn’t scare you. Still, there was this small, hollow ache in your chest.

It was so embarrassingly human of you, to finally have something you’d wanted with all your being, something you’d gone to great lengths to achieve, and yet still crave more.

The more you have, the more you’ll want, your grandmother used to say. For the longest time, you thought you were immune to that. You’d always been good at accepting things as they were.

But now, you realized the problem wasn’t having a child on your own—that had been your choice. Divorcing Joshua hadn’t changed that. All the no’s and closed doors had simply become part of life.

What caught you off guard was wanting to go through it all with Seungcheol by your side. That hadn’t been part of the plan.

A month with him, that was all you had. Thirty days that somehow felt like a lifetime. He had been the curveball, the unexpected turn in a life you thought you’d finally understand. You couldn’t help but wonder if Jeonghan had known this would happen when he sent Seungcheol your way. Could he see the future, too?

“Does Joshua know?” Minghao asked, stepping back into the room.

You shook your head. 

“It’s someone else’s. Joshua and I divorced last year.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s been a long time. It’s okay now.”

And it truly was. It had taken you a while to accept that your marriage was over, long before either of you ever said the word divorce. The loneliness had lingered for a time, but even that had faded eventually.

“For now, everything seems normal,” Minghao said, scanning the chart in his hands. “But I want to have weekly appointments, okay? This was a hard pregnancy to come by, that alone is reason enough for caution. But the fact that you’re pregnant with twins…” he paused, meeting your eyes. “There might be complications. I don’t want to take any chances with you.”

Twins.

It wasn’t exactly a surprise, though it was still surreal. After years of struggling to get pregnant, suddenly, bam, not just one, but two babies. But twins ran deep in your family: your mother was a twin, her mother too, your siblings, and even your sister’s children.

And now, you were going to have twins.

“My womb is not exactly baby-friendly,” you said with a small laugh.

Minghao gave you a sad smile, half tempted to scold you but choosing to stay silent.

“Set up an appointment for next week,” he said finally. “And don’t hesitate to call me if anything happens, okay?”

It took all of Seungcheol’s willpower not to simply cross the street and go to you. He hated the look of loss in your eyes, hated that he felt responsible for it, hated even more that he was the probable cause of it.

Seungcheol knew that he was in too deep, he had dived in without ever checking if he’d be able to get back to the surface again.

“Don’t you think you’re getting too attached to this woman?”

His job, if he could even call it that, was easy for him. He did what he was supposed to do and then left, never caring about the person he crossed paths with or how his presence would affect them. He did as he was told and left without a care in the world, as if it were just any other day.

He wished he could say that with you it was just like that, or even that the sex was so damn good that he needed to go back for seconds and thirds, as many times as he possibly could have you. But it wasn’t just that.

He knew, somehow, the moment he laid eyes on you that it was going to be too much, that he would have a problem. Even as his mind screamed at him to run away, he took a step closer to you, and that had been his gravest mistake.

One look at you was all it took for him to fall into a rabbit hole with no exit, one he didn’t intend to ever leave. Until he had to. Until he was forced to.

“I just want to make sure she’s really pregnant.”

It was pointless to try to lie, but the words still slipped out of his mouth.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes but didn’t try to stop Seungcheol from following you. If that was the closest he could possibly get to you, then that was what he would do.

“We both know the first night was more than enough. However, you still chose to go to her every night since. It’s been two months.”

He didn’t need to be told how long it had been.

The days he spent with you were some of the most normal days he’d ever had. He didn’t feel like an unloved child or someone a demon was raising just because he’d cut a deal with a greedy person. When he was with you, he felt normal. He was just a guy who went home to his girl after a day at work.

The whole thing was mundane, so ordinary. And he loved it. Every single second of it was precious to him. Every time you complained about your work or your siblings.

He remembered you dragging him into a phone store, picking one out for him while he stood there awkwardly under the stares of the employees.

“Seungcheol, come here,” you urged, motioning with your hand. “You have to pick a model and a color.”

He dragged his feet across the wooden floor, not really wanting to but unable to say no to you.

“I don’t understand why I need a phone,” he grumbled.

You rolled your eyes as if the answer couldn’t be more obvious.

“So we can talk if we need, or want to.”

“I can be there whenever you need or want me,” he said, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you closer.

You tilted your head to the side, eyes slightly narrowed.

“Should I call for you like kids call for Bloody Mary? Be in the bathroom, all scared?” you teased, shaking your head.

Seungcheol leaned down until his mouth was close to your ear.

“Preferably naked.”

You pushed him away, hitting his arm in the process, but Seungcheol saw you trying to hide a smile.

“Who’s going to pay for this?”

You simply rolled your eyes at him.

“That black card you have in your wallet.”

You chose to stay by his side, despite the strange looks from the salespeople. You never seemed to care about what others thought, you just did as you pleased, and Seungcheol loved that. When he was around humans, he always felt like he was being watched, but when he was with you, he simply was. He just existed by your side.

“She isn’t showing any signs yet, and she hasn’t taken a test.”

“Again, we both know she’s already pregnant.”

Seungcheol chose to ignore him. There was nothing Jeonghan could say that would make him go away. He was following the rules — as per Jeonghan’s wish and demand, he no longer had any contact with you — but he was never told that he couldn’t follow you around.

“This isn’t how we do things around here, Seungcheol. You know that very well.”

All he had was a small glimpse of your profile when you turned your head, startled by a drunk man shouting on the other side of the street.

Even from so far away, you looked like an entirely different person. He couldn’t help but wonder if the change he saw was caused by him. If it was, he hated himself for it.

Jeonghan sighed beside him, beyond done with Seungcheol’s nonsense.

“You want to hear me say it? Fine. I like her. There’s something about her that keeps drawing me in, and I can’t seem to stay away. I’ve tried, she’s pushed me away, and even so, I keep going back.”

That made Jeonghan laugh.

“I don’t think she’s pushed you away at all, considering how she still opens her door every time you knock, and her legs too.”

Seungcheol had to suppress the urge to punch Jeonghan. That was a fight he did not want to start. He wasn’t fond of losing, and Jeonghan could easily beat him.

He sighed and stood still, watching as you entered your office building. He stayed there for a few minutes, holding on to the lingering feeling of you still being near.

All that was left for him were his memories and imagination, nothing more than that. Every night, he went home to his empty apartment, wishing for nothing more than to go to you, or even to use the stupid phone you’d forced him to buy, just to hear your voice. He was left in a place of pure darkness, all alone.

For the first time, the dark made him uncomfortable.

“I thought you could do this without getting involved. Maybe I expected too much of you. Should I pay her a visit? Make sure she keeps her doors and windows locked at night?”

He turned around quickly, anger clear in his eyes, so clear that even Jeonghan, the demon king himself, was forced to take a step back. Not out of fear, but surprise.

Seungcheol had always had a temper and was quick to let it show, but never quite like that. This level of anger came from the desire to protect someone. To Jeonghan, it was like seeing someone he knew better than anyone suddenly revealed in a new light. He wasn’t sure he liked it, this new version of Seungcheol.

“You’ll do no such thing. I’ll stay away from her.” Then he added, his voice low, a threat they both knew Seungcheol wouldn’t be able to keep: “We’ll both stay away from her.”

Jeonghan turned around, adjusting the sleeve of his dress shirt.

“For your sake, I’m going to pretend you didn’t use that tone with me.”

You thought you saw him once, a few steps ahead of you on the way down to the subway. The bright red hair, the purple suit, everything was just right, from his height to the way he walked. Perfect.

It was him. There was no way it wasn’t. You were sure. You’d never get him wrong. Even in the sea of people at rush hour, you knew.

You called his name once, and the man froze. There was this sudden rush of emotions flowing through your body, everything you had managed to bottle up during the time he was gone. All the emotions you had stopped yourself from feeling for six weeks were right under the surface, boiling beneath your skin.

Once again, you called his name. But this time, the man didn’t seem all that bothered. His steps remained at the same pace, in perfect synchrony with the rest. You were the one trying to swim between people, trying to get closer to him, just enough so you could touch him, just enough so you’d know that he was still alive, out in the world but not by your side.

You were one step behind him, within arm’s reach, when someone bumped into you, making you trip over your own feet. You looked away from the redhead for just one second, one measly second, a blink of an eye. But it was enough. More than enough.

When you looked up again, he was already gone.

You stood in the middle of your sister's kitchen. Wonwoo, your brother — Nina’s twin — stood to her right, while Jihoon, her husband, stood to her left. All three of them looked at you, expectation clear in their eyes.

It’s not like you didn’t see them at all. You actually were in their company quite often, but they were usually the ones setting up the meeting. The last time you had asked to meet the three of them together was when you told them about your divorce.

“I want to tell you something, but you can’t freak out on me.”

Your sister rolled her eyes. She probably would have crossed her arms over her chest, if not for her round belly. Instead, she patted her stomach slowly, as if trying to calm the baby down.

“That’s a great way to make sure someone doesn’t freak out.”

“You have to promise,” you demanded.

Wonwoo just nodded. You knew he would never freak out like Nina, he was too kind and polite for that, but you could already imagine his eyes going wide. Still, he would stay silent; it would just be easy to spot the wheels turning in his head.

“Fine, okay!” Nina raised her hand and rolled her eyes again.

You knew it was a lie, but that would have to be enough.

“You too, Jihoon.” He had stayed quiet, as he usually did, watching the entire exchange.

Perhaps Jihoon was the first one to notice that something had happened to you, that something had changed. But he didn’t want to pry and ask, and he certainly didn’t tell his wife something was wrong, because the last thing she needed at that stage of her pregnancy was to worry. And Jihoon didn’t even know if something was wrong. Not every change has to be a bad one.

“I promise to try to hold her back if she does freak out,” he said.

“No one’s gonna freak out,” Wonwoo added.

“Okay, fine. Good enough.” You took a deep breath before finally saying, “I’m pregnant.”

You could hear dust falling, that’s how quiet the three of them had gotten. It was like they were frozen on the spot. Out of all the things you could have possibly said, that was the last one that could have ever crossed their minds.

Your sister was ready to hear about some sort of reconciliation with Joshua, which would have been met with petty words and maybe a few screams (and had it not been for the baby, maybe a few slaps too). Wonwoo wasn’t sure what to expect. He thought it had something to do with your job, maybe you needed to move away.

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” came from your sister.

“Did she just say that she’s pregnant?” from your brother.

“Say it one more time,” Jihoon asked.

After you found out about the pregnancy and got the confirmation from Minghao with the tests, you kept the news to yourself. You had gone through enough short-term pregnancies to keep your mouth shut until it was certain.

You knew that you were pregnant. You knew that it would stick, that probably the worst car crash in the world wouldn’t be enough to take your babies away from you. Still, deep down in your bones, there was the fear that it could end just as suddenly as it started. So you didn’t tell anyone anything.

Minghao still demanded to see you every week, running tests every chance he got. He became increasingly excited each week, the reassurance of the tests making him certain that this time, you’d happily deliver your babies.

You would have kept the news to yourself for another month, had it not been for the small bump that started to form. Soon enough, large shirts and dresses wouldn’t be enough to hide it, and you wanted your family to hear about it from you, not because someone saw you and told them.

“I’m pregnant.”

You took a couple of steps to the side, so there was nothing in front of your belly when you lifted your shirt up. Soon enough, a small bump was in full view for the three of them.

“Yeah, pretty sure she said pregnant,” Jihoon said, shaking his head slightly.

“How’s that possible?” Wonwoo was trying to make sense of it all.

“You and Joshua…?”

“Of course not Joshua,” you, Wonwoo, and Jihoon said at the same time.

Nina wasn’t dumb. She knew that you would never go back to Joshua. She had seen the way you looked at that guy at the wedding, and the way he looked at you. Those weren’t the looks of people who had just met. She saw the way he had looked at Joshua, too, as if killing him slowly with his eyes. But she also remembered how much you had loved him, and how broken you were when he left.

“It’s just me, actually.”

Your words were enough to confirm her suspicions that it was the guy from the wedding. She would have never imagined you two together, but somehow, it had made sense that night.

Wonwoo was the first to get closer to you. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into a tight hug.

“Are you okay?” he asked against your head. “Is the baby okay?”

“Yeah.” You patted his back, welcoming his rare hug. “I’ve been going to the doctor weekly, ’cause, you know…”

“Yeah.”

“All three of us are fine.”

All hell broke loose at that sentence. Nina screamed, Jihoon did his best to calm her down, explaining that all that excitement wasn’t good for the baby, and Wonwoo held you at arm’s length, his hands on your shoulders.

“You’re having twins?”

Ever since you thought about having kids, there was this little voice in the back of your mind saying that if you ever got pregnant, you’d have twins. It ran in the family — and you knew you wouldn’t escape that heritage.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“I am! It’s just a little weird, I think. But I can do it on my own.”

“You know, that’s even better. Men are useless anyway.”

Your sister pulled away from Jihoon, laughing as she pushed Wonwoo aside and hugged you instead, struggling a little due to her big belly.

“I’m standing right here,” Jihoon said, his tone bored yet playful.

“You’re not alone, okay? We’re here for you,” Wonwoo said, coming to your other side and hugging both you and your sister.

“Yeah, whatever you need,” Jihoon added.

“I don’t want to make plans for now. I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be crushed again in the future.”

“That’s not going to happen,” your sister scolded you.

“It could.”

“It won’t. I’m certain of it.”

Perhaps the worst part of being left behind are the memories — tiny moments that don’t seem to fade away, no matter how much you try.

It would have been so easy to fall back into the same routine as before: to overwork yourself until your mind stopped bringing back memories and thoughts, until there was no trace of Seungcheol anywhere. But your siblings wouldn’t allow that. Your sister was constantly on your back about it, while Wonwoo was much quieter with his worries, though his calls came just as frequently as Nina’s.

There was no need to overwork yourself when there was already so much to do. Having one kid was a lot of work, you always knew that much, but two was so much more. All of your worries had doubled.

Still, the memories of Seungcheol lingered in your mind.

You had so much to do, so much to worry about, and yet he still managed to remain the center of your thoughts.

When you divorced Joshua, you saw it coming. In a way, you were ready for it. You were in bad shape because everything had piled up, him leaving, the constant letdowns. It all came crashing down at once.

And with Seungcheol, you knew he was going to leave, eventually. You knew it every night after the first one — the one that was supposed to be the only night. Each time he came back, you were one step closer to never seeing him again. And yet, he kept coming back, so you allowed yourself to imagine that he might stay.

That he would stay.

During the day, you’d get this tingling feeling in your chest, the anticipation of finally going home, because that meant you’d see him. And every time, it was a surprise: would he be waiting for you outside the office, or at home? Or would he only show up much later in the night? Whichever the case, he still showed up.

And then, suddenly, there was only silence.

You expected it, but it still hurt.

You couldn’t shake off the cold of the nights without him, how you’d reach for him in your sleep, only to wake up to an empty bed and the echo of loneliness.

You had postponed it long enough. There was only so much waiting one could do to start shopping for babies, and having two at once didn’t help. You kept waiting for something. For him.

It was silly. You knew he wasn’t going to come back — at least, not to you. It was simple and clear as day. And yet, you hoped, wished, and prayed. Nights were spent hugging a pillow that still, somehow, smelled like him. But there was only so much self-pity you’d allow yourself to drown in.

Your sister had offered to go with you, but you’d denied her time and time again. The decision wasn’t planned in advance. You were on your way home from work when you decided to make a detour to your favorite Chinese takeout. It was a mistake, because only a few stores away stood a huge baby store.

The truth was that you had avoided them like the plague, purposely going out of your way so you wouldn’t have to cross paths with any. Until it was right there in front of your eyes, huge and glowing in all its pastel shades.

You took a deep breath and went in, your heart hammering in your chest as you walked down the aisles. The perfect division of pink, blue, green, and yellow. Tiny dresses and tiaras. Bodysuits in all sizes and colors. Your heart swelled at the sight of the pastel walls filled with teddy bears. You had anticipated that moment for so long, a wish rooted so deep within your soul that you were willing to make a deal with a literal demon to see it fulfilled. And yet, somehow, you allowed yourself to sink back into self-pity once again.

You took another deep breath and approached the lady behind the counter.

“Hi,” you said in a low voice.

“Hi! How may I help you today?” she asked with a bright smile, making part of your nervousness dissipate.

“I need baby essentials,” you said with a small laugh, slightly embarrassed. “I’ve been delaying getting stuff.”

She clapped her hands loudly, attracting the attention of the other people in the store. Then she hid her smile behind her hand and bowed her head lightly in apology.

“You came to the right place! We have everything you might need. Do you know the babies’ sex yet?” she asked, turning her back to you as she started scanning the shelves, already deciding what to get first.

You shook your head. When you first imagined yourself having kids, you wanted it to be like it had been for your parents. They always said they never really wanted to know if they were having a boy or a girl. “I would be happy no matter what, so there was no point in finding out,” your mom once said. And since all of your births had been close together, having clothes that weren’t gender-specific meant both Wonwoo and Nina could share them.

“No,” you said softly, shaking your head. “But I’m going to need it all doubled.”

The seller gasped in excitement, both hands suddenly covering her mouth. You laughed, lightly caressing your overgrown belly.

“Oh, this is fantastic!”

It was only an hour later when you managed to get away from the counter to look over the stuffed toys and other things you thought you might need, or maybe just things you thought were cute and wanted to get.

For the longest time, you simply window-shopped, and now that you had the chance to finally get something, your mind was simply going blank.

The saleswoman stayed close by, not because she thought you might take something, but this time to help.

Every time you had more than two items in your hands, she’d politely ask if she could take them for you, the initial giddiness gone, taken over by professional smiles and quiet words.

The entire day was going well, bringing you happiness, making you remember all the reasons why you had even started the mess you currently found yourself in. Until Joshua.

Your head was down, looking over baby bottles, trying to decide which one you should take, or even if you should take any, considering that there were still a few months before you were due, and you wanted to read some more tips on what was best and most recommended for each case, when you heard your name being called.

Your eyes shot up at the mention of your name; the surprise in Joshua's eyes was evident.

Out of all the places in the world where you could have possibly met him, the baby store was the last one you could have ever imagined. Still, there you stood, separated only by a shelf and a finite amount of baby supplies.

Different from the time you saw him when you were working at your sister’s wedding, you didn't feel the need to hide from him, but you had no desire to talk to him. So you simply nodded, acknowledging him but not saying a word, before taking a step away from him.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Good," was all you said, forcing out a smile.

You didn't want to be rude, but you also didn't want to talk to him.

"What brings you by?" he asked. You looked around the store, the answer was simple enough. There was no need for you to say it out loud. "Oh, is Nina pregnant again? Or maybe Wonwoo finally settled down?"

You shook your head, finally getting out from behind the shelf, your grown stomach on display for anyone to see. It was difficult getting clothes. Your belly grew so fast that you simply couldn't keep up, so most of your shirts and dresses did nothing to hide it. And, to be absolutely honest, you didn’t want to hide.

A look of pure shock found its way to Joshua's face, his skin turning pale. He couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of him. The main reason why the two of you got a divorce in the first place was because you couldn't bear children, and now there you stood, in front of him, clearly pregnant.

"How is that possible?" he whispered.

"I don't think I need to explain to you how babies are made. If I remember correctly, we gave it a fair shot."

You tried to walk past him. You had gotten more than you should have, and Wonwoo was probably close by. There was a chance things might've gotten out of hand if the two of them saw each other, and that was the last thing you wanted. Not because of Joshua, not at all, but because of yourself. Dr. Xu had advised that you stay as far away as possible from any sort of stress. A fight between your brother and your ex-husband would bring just that: stress.

"In this case, I believe you need to explain it to me, yes?" he said.

You simply rolled your eyes and tried to walk past him. Long gone was the time you felt the need to give him any sort of explanation about your life. It had been years since your marriage had ended, and it took a long, long time to finally let go. There was no reason for you to try and get back to the idea of him. Because, in the end, that was all Joshua was: an idea.

"You can't simply pretend that this isn't, at the very least, weird. I was there. I saw the test results. I watched over you after each miscarriage. This doesn't make any sense!"

His quiet and sweet voice had grown loud, attracting attention from the other customers in the store.

The last thing you wanted was for him to make a scene, to ruin what had been a perfect day.

"Listen, Joshua..."

There was no time for you to finish your sentence before you felt a presence by your side, and a second later, the weight of an arm being wrapped around your shoulders. Lips were pressed over your hair, lingering perhaps a bit longer than they should have. You already knew who it was before you even looked up.

His presence was all too familiar. It had been months since you last saw him, and yet it was as if he had never left to begin with. Your body simply adjusted to his, your free hand wrapping around his waist like it was meant to be there the entire time.

"I think you just couldn't shoot your shot, dude," Seungcheol said, his tone teasing. His voice traveled through your body, your skin, once cold, suddenly warm under his touch and sound. "Some men are like that sometimes."

Tentatively, you looked up at him. Seungcheol looked very different from the last time you saw him. This time, he took the persona of just a regular guy. His hair no longer had the length it once did, almost touching the base of his neck, but was cut short, the front strands slightly spiked up. The bright red had given way to what you suspected was his natural hair color, such a dark shade of brown that it was almost black. The characteristic purple suit was gone, in its place, a simple black T-shirt, exposing the muscles of his arms, and jeans.

"I was there when she got the test results back," Joshua said, his tone angry, cheeks turning a shade of red. "I know what it said. She's the one unfit to have a child. There's nothing wrong with me."

Ah, so that’s what the issue was. There was no real problem when you were the one in pain, when you were the one suffering. The issue started the moment he was the one who started to look bad, not feel bad. You didn’t think Joshua was capable of feeling bad about anything regarding your relationship. That was long done and gone. The issue started when he thought there was something wrong with him.

"Like I said, you just couldn't shoot your shot," Seungcheol said, his tone much harsher than it had been just a few minutes ago. "Let's go, baby."

Seungcheol put his body between Joshua and you, making sure your ex couldn’t reach you, even after he tried. If looks could kill, Joshua would probably be long gone.

You kept staring at the glass of water in front of you, as if it could possibly contain all the answers you wanted and needed.

At the same time that it had been easy to fall back into Seungcheol, it was even easier to remember all the reasons why you shouldn’t have done that.

Never mind that the man is an actual demon, who had shown up at your door not because he wanted to but because he was told to. Somehow, you could walk past that. The real problem was when he left. He was gone, as if he had never even been there to begin with.

It was like the feeling of waking up from a dream so vivid that you can't help but think it's true — and yet that’s all it was, a dream. The only thing left behind was what made you believe that it wasn’t really a dream.

You kept running your hand over your stomach, trying to keep your mind quiet, but there was no way. You kept drifting back to those minutes in the store, how he didn’t let go of you until you explicitly told him not to touch you. He was by your side when Joshua exited the store, fuming. He pretended to be someone who was only helping you put the bag inside the car when Wonwoo finally arrived. He was gone again. But at the same time, he wasn’t.

The reason why you were still in the kitchen was because you knew he was in your living room. You could hear Seungcheol’s footsteps as he waited for you. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do, what you should say. The most obvious thing would be to simply tell him to fuck off. The deal was clear: he was supposed to come in, get you pregnant, and leave. End of story. But he chose to stay, and you chose to believe that he could stay.

You stood up, put the glass in the sink, and turned the light off. There was no reason to delay a situation that could no longer be avoided. You had stayed in the kitchen for two hours after you took notice of his presence. Even after so long, he didn’t leave.

Seungcheol halted his steps once he noticed you in the hallway. He had been thinking of the best way possible to approach you. He had made the decision to face Jeonghan’s wrath and punishment after choosing to go against his orders. But he also knew that it wasn’t as simple as that.

Because the truth was that he left. Nothing could change that. There was no going around it. But there wasn’t a second after he walked out that he didn’t regret it. It was partially his decision, partially Jeonghan’s demand. Jeonghan, because every time Seungcheol even tried to get close to you, Jeonghan would immediately call him back, demand his presence. But there was also a little bit of him, wondering what it would be like, what he could possibly offer you other than what you had bargained with Jeonghan.

There wasn’t much to him to begin with. He was a kid his parents sold out, and a demon that could only harvest energy by sleeping with people.

He couldn’t help but wonder what he could possibly give to someone, especially someone like you. You were so good and always somehow managed to see the best in him. You didn’t look disgusted when you saw him in your bed the next morning; you were surprised, sure, but your face didn’t twist when you noticed him.

Seungcheol could still remember the light blush on your cheeks when you realized everything that went down. How, when he came back to your house that night — because he couldn’t bring himself to stay away — you welcomed him. How every time after that it was so easy and made him feel whole for the first time in his life. How he was happy just by sleeping by your side.

The entire time, though, he kept wondering what he could possibly give you, what he had that could be of worth to you.

"You can’t just do that, you can’t just not show your face for months and then come back as if nothing at all ever happened."

Your voice was tired, and you kept your eyes closed, a hand on your forehead.

He wanted to say something — anything — but his mind went completely blank as he looked down at your exposed belly. The pajama shirt had ridden up, leaving your stomach completely out in the open.

Seungcheol knew that he hadn’t been gone for that long. And he had watched you from afar, so he had seen the changes in your body, but having you right in front of him at that moment, with no fabric to hide your skin.

"You're showing so much already," he whispered, amazed. Seungcheol had to contain the urge to come closer to you, to hold you.

You rolled your eyes, not believing that those were the first words he decided to say to you after so long.

"Yeah, well, having two babies growing in the space that was supposed to fit one will do that to you."

You stood there, tempted to sit down but refusing to move an inch because you didn’t want to show any sort of weakness in front of him.

"Don’t be angry at me, I had no choice."

You simply shook your head.

"There’s always a choice, Seungcheol."

He closed his eyes at the sound of his name on your lips. He had missed it so much. He had missed you so much.

"I’m telling you the truth."

"Fine," you sighed, giving up the resolution of standing up and choosing the comfort of the armchair that had become your favorite piece of furniture.

Seungcheol leaned over the couch, gripping the back of it.

"When you went to Jeonghan, you knew that you’d be doing this on your own," he said in a low voice.

"You think that I don’t know that? You think I don’t know how pathetic and crazy I look?" you scoffed. “The first few times you showed up, I sort of expected it to be the last one. I was aware of what I was getting myself into. But then you kept showing up, and it wasn’t just about the sex anymore. I forgot about trying to get pregnant or having a baby, I was just having fun. It was easy to forget, it was so easy to just fall for you.”

You wanted to pull the words back inside your mouth as soon as they slipped out. You didn’t mean to say that, to openly admit it. Those were feelings you wanted to keep to yourself only, that should have been kept inside. Be yours and only yours.

“Shit,” you said, covering your mouth.

“What did you just say?” Seungcheol breathed, his eyes wide and filled with tears.

“Nothing,” you shook your head, keeping your gaze low.

There was no reason to look at Seungcheol. You knew the second you met his eyes, all your resolve would fail and fall. There was no doubt in your mind that you would simply let yourself fall into him once again.

“You said you fell… for me,” he whispered, as if not believing he had said the words.

“You should go,” you whispered, holding your hands tightly until your knuckles turned white.

“No,” he refused.

“Get out.”

“No.”

“You want to hear it? Fine.” You forced yourself to stand up with some struggle. Your face turned into a scowl when Seungcheol moved to help you. “I fell for you. I was the human stupid enough to not only cut a deal with a demon but also to fall for another one. I fell for you, but you have nothing to worry about, I’m used to being someone who wants things she could never have.”

You moved your hand in front of yourself in an attempt to show that it was indeed fine. You had thought about the entire situation for a long time, and as much as you missed him, you knew how pathetic it was on your side.

Finally, Seungcheol moved closer to you. One second he was behind the couch, the next he was in front of you. His hands came up to cradle your face, his thumbs pushing your chin up so he could look into your eyes, like that would make him understand what you were saying, like he could make sense of the word love.

“Why would you do that?”

His voice was so low, almost like he was talking to himself. His eyes kept searching yours, while you refused to look at him.

You were so close to cracking. One look at him would be enough.

Fuck, one glance.

“Isn’t that the million-dollar question,” you snorted.

His hands were so warm, like just that small touch could remedy and cure everything that was out of place.

“Listen…”

“I don’t want to listen. I want you out.” You grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands down, away from your face.

“Let’s talk about this,” he begged.

“Get out!” you all but screamed.

Seungcheol’s eyes went wide, not really believing what had just happened.

A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door and your name was being called out, almost in desperation. You were never more thankful for your neighbors. You turned your back to him and pulled the door open.

“Is everything okay?”

Seokmin and Mingyu stood at your door — worry all over their faces, before suddenly turning to anger when they took notice of Seungcheol’s presence.

“It is, thank you. He was about to leave.”

“Thank you for doing this, Hoon.”

You stood by the door, a hand moving over your belly. It was getting harder and harder to do things. You felt way too heavy; sometimes it was even hard to breathe. That was why you had called Jihoon for help.

This time, you hadn’t called Nina. In her eagerness to help, she would completely take over. You had just asked Jihoon, and begged him not to tell her anything. You knew she’d be upset, and you felt bad about it, but this time you wanted it to be your choice alone.

“Well, I have some experience painting baby rooms,” he laughed lightly.

Jihoon stood with his back to you, running his hand over the wallpaper covered in air balloons. He moved with the ease of someone who had done the same thing many times, not only when his children were born, but whenever they decided they wanted new colors in their rooms. Just like their mother, they enjoyed changing things up a little too often.

“I’m sorry if I’m being rude here, but… does the dad know?”

Your entire body went stiff at the mention of Seungcheol. Not that Jihoon actually knew him, but still.

It had been a few days since you last saw Seungcheol, and you had been doing your utmost not to think about him or about what had been said in your living room. You didn’t want to think about the look in his eyes when you told him that you had fallen for him, or when you kicked him out. You refused to think about all the times you saw him waiting outside the building when you left for work in the morning, and how he was still there when you came back at the end of the day.

He never dared to follow you inside the building or any other place. It was as if he just wanted you to know that he was there.

“He knows,” you forced yourself to say.

Jihoon didn’t like that answer, you could tell by the way he didn’t turn to look at you, and how his grip on the wallpaper tightened.

“You said having a baby was impossible for you.”

“I know. It just… somehow happened.”

“Was Joshua the problem?”

“No, it was really me.” you laughed.

“So you’re saying it was a miracle.”

You weren’t sure if you could call a deal with Jeonghan a miracle — but miracle was a much nicer word than bargain with the devil king. You also weren’t sure Jihoon, or any of your siblings, would ever believe you if you decided to tell them the truth.

“Yeah, something like that.”

This time he turned to look at you, a tiny smile on his face. “Well, miracle or not, I’m happy for you.”

You knew it was about to happen the moment you turned off the lights. It was like you could feel his presence before you even saw him. You didn’t doubt it, you just knew.

Ever since that night at your place, when you kicked him out, Seungcheol had been coming over in the dark hours. At first, he stayed in the living room. He didn’t dare come any closer. He would wait for you outside your work, walking behind you at a distance.

After you made the mistake of acknowledging his presence, he started staying longer, sleeping in the living room, just outside your bedroom door.

A couple of nights after that, he was inside your room, still by the door.

It made you wonder if all the other times you thought you saw him, he had actually been there, vanishing just before you laid eyes on him. At that moment, it didn’t seem unlikely.

“Please don’t do this,” you begged the empty room. “If you can’t stay, just don’t come around at all.”

Seungcheol was a shadow in the corner, a faint sound behind your back letting you know he was there.

“I don’t know how to stay away from you,” his answer came in a whisper, as if admitting it shocked him as much as it did you.

He moved across the room until he sat on the floor beside you. His eyes were filled with tears, his hand raised halfway toward your face, trembling, as if he were holding himself back from touching you.

The sight made your own eyes swell with tears.

“I keep thinking that I could have this life with you,” he murmured, resting his chin on the mattress, so close you could feel his breath on your cheek. “I keep thinking that I could have this mundane life: grow old with you, see these babies come into the world, raise them with you. Love you the way you deserve to be loved. I’d give anything to have that.”

If there had been any chance of you not crying, it vanished the moment you heard those words. The lump in your throat was so big it hurt to breathe, like you were expanding from the inside out too fast.

“I need you to know that the reason I left was because I was pulled away, and then forced to stay away from you. But also because I thought I had nothing to give. How could I be someone of importance to you, when I wasn’t one myself?”

You ran your hands through his hair. It was still a surprise to see it shorter and dark. Seungcheol closed his eyes at the contact, almost purring when you ran your thumb over his cheek.

“Seungcheol,” you whispered. “All I ever wanted from you was you.”

“I love you,” he said, his face twisting, as if saying the words was both a relief and a wound. “I want to stay so badly, but I don’t know how… Jeonghan has my life. If he pulls me back, I have to go. But I want to stay with you. Here. I love you, and I want to stay.”

You forced your body into a sitting position and pulled Seungcheol closer the moment a sob escaped his lips. He kept whispering the same words over and over again.

“I love you,” you finally said aloud, making Seungcheol wrap his arms even tighter around your waist. “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog and leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

You had found yourself in this same situation many times before, though most of those times, you only did it because it felt like something you should do — some kind of ritual you had to perform just to prove, once again, that you had failed.

The first few times, Joshua stood by your side in the bathroom, his hopeful smile assuring you that this time would be different. But after twelve negative tests, he stopped. You couldn’t really blame him; it was hard to keep hoping when the answer was always no.

So the bathroom had become an all-too-familiar place. Your movements, peeing on the stick, setting a timer, waiting on the toilet, were mechanical.

Never before, though, had you taken a test so certain that you were pregnant. The morning sickness, the sudden sensitivity to smells, the swelling of your breasts, those were all clear indicators. You weren’t entirely sure how you knew, but you did. The test was only a formality, a confirmation.

Well, maybe you did know how. You’d made a deal with the demon king — and slept with an incubus more times than you could count. Of course you were pregnant. It would be strange if you weren’t. Jeonghan didn’t strike you as the kind of guy — or rather, demon — who didn’t keep his promises.

You couldn’t remember the details of your deal, but one thing was certain: you were going to have a baby.

The alarm on your phone went off, signaling that five minutes had passed. You took a deep breath and blindly reached for the test on the sink.

The word pregnant was printed in bold black letters.

“Okay.”

You never really expected to be back at the doctor’s office again, at least, not to see a gynecologist for a pregnancy. The feeling of waiting was odd, the tests in your bag felt heavy on your lap.

Ever since you found out about the baby two days ago, your heart had been constantly in your throat, as if something could go wrong at any moment. It had become hard to fall asleep, your mind too busy running wild, making up crazy scenarios about how it was all just a dream, how you’d wake up in a pool of your own blood, how there was, in fact, no baby at all, and you’d simply been so desperate that your mind had conjured a phantom pregnancy.

Enough was enough. You forced yourself to call your doctor and beg for an emergency appointment. It had been over two years since you’d last seen him — two years since you disappeared without a word. You had simply quit. There was only so much pain one person could endure before they finally forced themselves to stop.

“You said it was an emergency appointment,” Minghao said, looking at you with a small smile.

Your doctor had always been kind. His eyes were gentle, and his patience, endless. He’d explained the same things to you over and over again, never losing that calm tone.

“Sorry, I know how busy you are,” you said, sitting down across from him.

Minghao just shook his head, that same reassuring smile still on his face. You wondered if he knew why you were there—if he had any idea at all.

Once upon a time, he had exhausted every possible option. He’d guided you through every step, offered comfort when Joshua stopped coming to appointments after yet another failed attempt. Eventually, your visits had turned into long talks. he’d ask how you were holding up, if there was anything else he could do for you, insisting that you seek help beyond him, beyond a friendly ear willing to listen.

Then came the point when Joshua started to hint that you might be having an affair with your doctor, which, on its own, was bad enough. But given the circumstances, it was unbearable. You were falling apart, still hoping for a child, and instead you got accusations.

“It’s fine,” Minghao said softly. “What can I help you with today?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” he blinked at you, studying your face as if you’d suddenly grown three eyes and a pair of horns.

“I know it sounds crazy, and I know I was the problem,” you said quickly, “but I’m telling you the truth. Look.”

You reached into your purse and pulled out a small plastic bag containing all thirteen pregnancy tests you’d taken, each one of them positive.

“Wow. Okay.”

“See? Emergency.”

He let out a breath and smiled faintly. 

“Alright then. Let’s get you tested.”

Minghao had been so curious about the test results that he’d made you wait while your blood was analyzed and, to be even more certain, he wanted an ultrasound done.

The entire process had been nerve-wracking: having your blood drawn, sitting in the too-white waiting room, your heart pounding against your ribs. You’d spent years working toward having a child, and the thought of being a single mother didn’t scare you. Still, there was this small, hollow ache in your chest.

It was so embarrassingly human of you, to finally have something you’d wanted with all your being, something you’d gone to great lengths to achieve, and yet still crave more.

The more you have, the more you’ll want, your grandmother used to say. For the longest time, you thought you were immune to that. You’d always been good at accepting things as they were.

But now, you realized the problem wasn’t having a child on your own—that had been your choice. Divorcing Joshua hadn’t changed that. All the no’s and closed doors had simply become part of life.

What caught you off guard was wanting to go through it all with Seungcheol by your side. That hadn’t been part of the plan.

A month with him, that was all you had. Thirty days that somehow felt like a lifetime. He had been the curveball, the unexpected turn in a life you thought you’d finally understand. You couldn’t help but wonder if Jeonghan had known this would happen when he sent Seungcheol your way. Could he see the future, too?

“Does Joshua know?” Minghao asked, stepping back into the room.

You shook your head. 

“It’s someone else’s. Joshua and I divorced last year.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s been a long time. It’s okay now.”

And it truly was. It had taken you a while to accept that your marriage was over, long before either of you ever said the word divorce. The loneliness had lingered for a time, but even that had faded eventually.

“For now, everything seems normal,” Minghao said, scanning the chart in his hands. “But I want to have weekly appointments, okay? This was a hard pregnancy to come by, that alone is reason enough for caution. But the fact that you’re pregnant with twins…” he paused, meeting your eyes. “There might be complications. I don’t want to take any chances with you.”

Twins.

It wasn’t exactly a surprise, though it was still surreal. After years of struggling to get pregnant, suddenly, bam, not just one, but two babies. But twins ran deep in your family: your mother was a twin, her mother too, your siblings, and even your sister’s children.

And now, you were going to have twins.

“My womb is not exactly baby-friendly,” you said with a small laugh.

Minghao gave you a sad smile, half tempted to scold you but choosing to stay silent.

“Set up an appointment for next week,” he said finally. “And don’t hesitate to call me if anything happens, okay?”

It took all of Seungcheol’s willpower not to simply cross the street and go to you. He hated the look of loss in your eyes, hated that he felt responsible for it, hated even more that he was the probable cause of it.

Seungcheol knew that he was in too deep, he had dived in without ever checking if he’d be able to get back to the surface again.

“Don’t you think you’re getting too attached to this woman?”

His job, if he could even call it that, was easy for him. He did what he was supposed to do and then left, never caring about the person he crossed paths with or how his presence would affect them. He did as he was told and left without a care in the world, as if it were just any other day.

He wished he could say that with you it was just like that, or even that the sex was so damn good that he needed to go back for seconds and thirds, as many times as he possibly could have you. But it wasn’t just that.

He knew, somehow, the moment he laid eyes on you that it was going to be too much, that he would have a problem. Even as his mind screamed at him to run away, he took a step closer to you, and that had been his gravest mistake.

One look at you was all it took for him to fall into a rabbit hole with no exit, one he didn’t intend to ever leave. Until he had to. Until he was forced to.

“I just want to make sure she’s really pregnant.”

It was pointless to try to lie, but the words still slipped out of his mouth.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes but didn’t try to stop Seungcheol from following you. If that was the closest he could possibly get to you, then that was what he would do.

“We both know the first night was more than enough. However, you still chose to go to her every night since. It’s been two months.”

He didn’t need to be told how long it had been.

The days he spent with you were some of the most normal days he’d ever had. He didn’t feel like an unloved child or someone a demon was raising just because he’d cut a deal with a greedy person. When he was with you, he felt normal. He was just a guy who went home to his girl after a day at work.

The whole thing was mundane, so ordinary. And he loved it. Every single second of it was precious to him. Every time you complained about your work or your siblings.

He remembered you dragging him into a phone store, picking one out for him while he stood there awkwardly under the stares of the employees.

“Seungcheol, come here,” you urged, motioning with your hand. “You have to pick a model and a color.”

He dragged his feet across the wooden floor, not really wanting to but unable to say no to you.

“I don’t understand why I need a phone,” he grumbled.

You rolled your eyes as if the answer couldn’t be more obvious.

“So we can talk if we need, or want to.”

“I can be there whenever you need or want me,” he said, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you closer.

You tilted your head to the side, eyes slightly narrowed.

“Should I call for you like kids call for Bloody Mary? Be in the bathroom, all scared?” you teased, shaking your head.

Seungcheol leaned down until his mouth was close to your ear.

“Preferably naked.”

You pushed him away, hitting his arm in the process, but Seungcheol saw you trying to hide a smile.

“Who’s going to pay for this?”

You simply rolled your eyes at him.

“That black card you have in your wallet.”

You chose to stay by his side, despite the strange looks from the salespeople. You never seemed to care about what others thought, you just did as you pleased, and Seungcheol loved that. When he was around humans, he always felt like he was being watched, but when he was with you, he simply was. He just existed by your side.

“She isn’t showing any signs yet, and she hasn’t taken a test.”

“Again, we both know she’s already pregnant.”

Seungcheol chose to ignore him. There was nothing Jeonghan could say that would make him go away. He was following the rules — as per Jeonghan’s wish and demand, he no longer had any contact with you — but he was never told that he couldn’t follow you around.

“This isn’t how we do things around here, Seungcheol. You know that very well.”

All he had was a small glimpse of your profile when you turned your head, startled by a drunk man shouting on the other side of the street.

Even from so far away, you looked like an entirely different person. He couldn’t help but wonder if the change he saw was caused by him. If it was, he hated himself for it.

Jeonghan sighed beside him, beyond done with Seungcheol’s nonsense.

“You want to hear me say it? Fine. I like her. There’s something about her that keeps drawing me in, and I can’t seem to stay away. I’ve tried, she’s pushed me away, and even so, I keep going back.”

That made Jeonghan laugh.

“I don’t think she’s pushed you away at all, considering how she still opens her door every time you knock, and her legs too.”

Seungcheol had to suppress the urge to punch Jeonghan. That was a fight he did not want to start. He wasn’t fond of losing, and Jeonghan could easily beat him.

He sighed and stood still, watching as you entered your office building. He stayed there for a few minutes, holding on to the lingering feeling of you still being near.

All that was left for him were his memories and imagination, nothing more than that. Every night, he went home to his empty apartment, wishing for nothing more than to go to you, or even to use the stupid phone you’d forced him to buy, just to hear your voice. He was left in a place of pure darkness, all alone.

For the first time, the dark made him uncomfortable.

“I thought you could do this without getting involved. Maybe I expected too much of you. Should I pay her a visit? Make sure she keeps her doors and windows locked at night?”

He turned around quickly, anger clear in his eyes, so clear that even Jeonghan, the demon king himself, was forced to take a step back. Not out of fear, but surprise.

Seungcheol had always had a temper and was quick to let it show, but never quite like that. This level of anger came from the desire to protect someone. To Jeonghan, it was like seeing someone he knew better than anyone suddenly revealed in a new light. He wasn’t sure he liked it, this new version of Seungcheol.

“You’ll do no such thing. I’ll stay away from her.” Then he added, his voice low, a threat they both knew Seungcheol wouldn’t be able to keep: “We’ll both stay away from her.”

Jeonghan turned around, adjusting the sleeve of his dress shirt.

“For your sake, I’m going to pretend you didn’t use that tone with me.”

You thought you saw him once, a few steps ahead of you on the way down to the subway. The bright red hair, the purple suit, everything was just right, from his height to the way he walked. Perfect.

It was him. There was no way it wasn’t. You were sure. You’d never get him wrong. Even in the sea of people at rush hour, you knew.

You called his name once, and the man froze. There was this sudden rush of emotions flowing through your body, everything you had managed to bottle up during the time he was gone. All the emotions you had stopped yourself from feeling for six weeks were right under the surface, boiling beneath your skin.

Once again, you called his name. But this time, the man didn’t seem all that bothered. His steps remained at the same pace, in perfect synchrony with the rest. You were the one trying to swim between people, trying to get closer to him, just enough so you could touch him, just enough so you’d know that he was still alive, out in the world but not by your side.

You were one step behind him, within arm’s reach, when someone bumped into you, making you trip over your own feet. You looked away from the redhead for just one second, one measly second, a blink of an eye. But it was enough. More than enough.

When you looked up again, he was already gone.

You stood in the middle of your sister's kitchen. Wonwoo, your brother — Nina’s twin — stood to her right, while Jihoon, her husband, stood to her left. All three of them looked at you, expectation clear in their eyes.

It’s not like you didn’t see them at all. You actually were in their company quite often, but they were usually the ones setting up the meeting. The last time you had asked to meet the three of them together was when you told them about your divorce.

“I want to tell you something, but you can’t freak out on me.”

Your sister rolled her eyes. She probably would have crossed her arms over her chest, if not for her round belly. Instead, she patted her stomach slowly, as if trying to calm the baby down.

“That’s a great way to make sure someone doesn’t freak out.”

“You have to promise,” you demanded.

Wonwoo just nodded. You knew he would never freak out like Nina, he was too kind and polite for that, but you could already imagine his eyes going wide. Still, he would stay silent; it would just be easy to spot the wheels turning in his head.

“Fine, okay!” Nina raised her hand and rolled her eyes again.

You knew it was a lie, but that would have to be enough.

“You too, Jihoon.” He had stayed quiet, as he usually did, watching the entire exchange.

Perhaps Jihoon was the first one to notice that something had happened to you, that something had changed. But he didn’t want to pry and ask, and he certainly didn’t tell his wife something was wrong, because the last thing she needed at that stage of her pregnancy was to worry. And Jihoon didn’t even know if something was wrong. Not every change has to be a bad one.

“I promise to try to hold her back if she does freak out,” he said.

“No one’s gonna freak out,” Wonwoo added.

“Okay, fine. Good enough.” You took a deep breath before finally saying, “I’m pregnant.”

You could hear dust falling, that’s how quiet the three of them had gotten. It was like they were frozen on the spot. Out of all the things you could have possibly said, that was the last one that could have ever crossed their minds.

Your sister was ready to hear about some sort of reconciliation with Joshua, which would have been met with petty words and maybe a few screams (and had it not been for the baby, maybe a few slaps too). Wonwoo wasn’t sure what to expect. He thought it had something to do with your job, maybe you needed to move away.

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” came from your sister.

“Did she just say that she’s pregnant?” from your brother.

“Say it one more time,” Jihoon asked.

After you found out about the pregnancy and got the confirmation from Minghao with the tests, you kept the news to yourself. You had gone through enough short-term pregnancies to keep your mouth shut until it was certain.

You knew that you were pregnant. You knew that it would stick, that probably the worst car crash in the world wouldn’t be enough to take your babies away from you. Still, deep down in your bones, there was the fear that it could end just as suddenly as it started. So you didn’t tell anyone anything.

Minghao still demanded to see you every week, running tests every chance he got. He became increasingly excited each week, the reassurance of the tests making him certain that this time, you’d happily deliver your babies.

You would have kept the news to yourself for another month, had it not been for the small bump that started to form. Soon enough, large shirts and dresses wouldn’t be enough to hide it, and you wanted your family to hear about it from you, not because someone saw you and told them.

“I’m pregnant.”

You took a couple of steps to the side, so there was nothing in front of your belly when you lifted your shirt up. Soon enough, a small bump was in full view for the three of them.

“Yeah, pretty sure she said pregnant,” Jihoon said, shaking his head slightly.

“How’s that possible?” Wonwoo was trying to make sense of it all.

“You and Joshua…?”

“Of course not Joshua,” you, Wonwoo, and Jihoon said at the same time.

Nina wasn’t dumb. She knew that you would never go back to Joshua. She had seen the way you looked at that guy at the wedding, and the way he looked at you. Those weren’t the looks of people who had just met. She saw the way he had looked at Joshua, too, as if killing him slowly with his eyes. But she also remembered how much you had loved him, and how broken you were when he left.

“It’s just me, actually.”

Your words were enough to confirm her suspicions that it was the guy from the wedding. She would have never imagined you two together, but somehow, it had made sense that night.

Wonwoo was the first to get closer to you. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into a tight hug.

“Are you okay?” he asked against your head. “Is the baby okay?”

“Yeah.” You patted his back, welcoming his rare hug. “I’ve been going to the doctor weekly, ’cause, you know…”

“Yeah.”

“All three of us are fine.”

All hell broke loose at that sentence. Nina screamed, Jihoon did his best to calm her down, explaining that all that excitement wasn’t good for the baby, and Wonwoo held you at arm’s length, his hands on your shoulders.

“You’re having twins?”

Ever since you thought about having kids, there was this little voice in the back of your mind saying that if you ever got pregnant, you’d have twins. It ran in the family — and you knew you wouldn’t escape that heritage.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“I am! It’s just a little weird, I think. But I can do it on my own.”

“You know, that’s even better. Men are useless anyway.”

Your sister pulled away from Jihoon, laughing as she pushed Wonwoo aside and hugged you instead, struggling a little due to her big belly.

“I’m standing right here,” Jihoon said, his tone bored yet playful.

“You’re not alone, okay? We’re here for you,” Wonwoo said, coming to your other side and hugging both you and your sister.

“Yeah, whatever you need,” Jihoon added.

“I don’t want to make plans for now. I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be crushed again in the future.”

“That’s not going to happen,” your sister scolded you.

“It could.”

“It won’t. I’m certain of it.”

Perhaps the worst part of being left behind are the memories — tiny moments that don’t seem to fade away, no matter how much you try.

It would have been so easy to fall back into the same routine as before: to overwork yourself until your mind stopped bringing back memories and thoughts, until there was no trace of Seungcheol anywhere. But your siblings wouldn’t allow that. Your sister was constantly on your back about it, while Wonwoo was much quieter with his worries, though his calls came just as frequently as Nina’s.

There was no need to overwork yourself when there was already so much to do. Having one kid was a lot of work, you always knew that much, but two was so much more. All of your worries had doubled.

Still, the memories of Seungcheol lingered in your mind.

You had so much to do, so much to worry about, and yet he still managed to remain the center of your thoughts.

When you divorced Joshua, you saw it coming. In a way, you were ready for it. You were in bad shape because everything had piled up, him leaving, the constant letdowns. It all came crashing down at once.

And with Seungcheol, you knew he was going to leave, eventually. You knew it every night after the first one — the one that was supposed to be the only night. Each time he came back, you were one step closer to never seeing him again. And yet, he kept coming back, so you allowed yourself to imagine that he might stay.

That he would stay.

During the day, you’d get this tingling feeling in your chest, the anticipation of finally going home, because that meant you’d see him. And every time, it was a surprise: would he be waiting for you outside the office, or at home? Or would he only show up much later in the night? Whichever the case, he still showed up.

And then, suddenly, there was only silence.

You expected it, but it still hurt.

You couldn’t shake off the cold of the nights without him, how you’d reach for him in your sleep, only to wake up to an empty bed and the echo of loneliness.

You had postponed it long enough. There was only so much waiting one could do to start shopping for babies, and having two at once didn’t help. You kept waiting for something. For him.

It was silly. You knew he wasn’t going to come back — at least, not to you. It was simple and clear as day. And yet, you hoped, wished, and prayed. Nights were spent hugging a pillow that still, somehow, smelled like him. But there was only so much self-pity you’d allow yourself to drown in.

Your sister had offered to go with you, but you’d denied her time and time again. The decision wasn’t planned in advance. You were on your way home from work when you decided to make a detour to your favorite Chinese takeout. It was a mistake, because only a few stores away stood a huge baby store.

The truth was that you had avoided them like the plague, purposely going out of your way so you wouldn’t have to cross paths with any. Until it was right there in front of your eyes, huge and glowing in all its pastel shades.

You took a deep breath and went in, your heart hammering in your chest as you walked down the aisles. The perfect division of pink, blue, green, and yellow. Tiny dresses and tiaras. Bodysuits in all sizes and colors. Your heart swelled at the sight of the pastel walls filled with teddy bears. You had anticipated that moment for so long, a wish rooted so deep within your soul that you were willing to make a deal with a literal demon to see it fulfilled. And yet, somehow, you allowed yourself to sink back into self-pity once again.

You took another deep breath and approached the lady behind the counter.

“Hi,” you said in a low voice.

“Hi! How may I help you today?” she asked with a bright smile, making part of your nervousness dissipate.

“I need baby essentials,” you said with a small laugh, slightly embarrassed. “I’ve been delaying getting stuff.”

She clapped her hands loudly, attracting the attention of the other people in the store. Then she hid her smile behind her hand and bowed her head lightly in apology.

“You came to the right place! We have everything you might need. Do you know the babies’ sex yet?” she asked, turning her back to you as she started scanning the shelves, already deciding what to get first.

You shook your head. When you first imagined yourself having kids, you wanted it to be like it had been for your parents. They always said they never really wanted to know if they were having a boy or a girl. “I would be happy no matter what, so there was no point in finding out,” your mom once said. And since all of your births had been close together, having clothes that weren’t gender-specific meant both Wonwoo and Nina could share them.

“No,” you said softly, shaking your head. “But I’m going to need it all doubled.”

The seller gasped in excitement, both hands suddenly covering her mouth. You laughed, lightly caressing your overgrown belly.

“Oh, this is fantastic!”

It was only an hour later when you managed to get away from the counter to look over the stuffed toys and other things you thought you might need, or maybe just things you thought were cute and wanted to get.

For the longest time, you simply window-shopped, and now that you had the chance to finally get something, your mind was simply going blank.

The saleswoman stayed close by, not because she thought you might take something, but this time to help.

Every time you had more than two items in your hands, she’d politely ask if she could take them for you, the initial giddiness gone, taken over by professional smiles and quiet words.

The entire day was going well, bringing you happiness, making you remember all the reasons why you had even started the mess you currently found yourself in. Until Joshua.

Your head was down, looking over baby bottles, trying to decide which one you should take, or even if you should take any, considering that there were still a few months before you were due, and you wanted to read some more tips on what was best and most recommended for each case, when you heard your name being called.

Your eyes shot up at the mention of your name; the surprise in Joshua's eyes was evident.

Out of all the places in the world where you could have possibly met him, the baby store was the last one you could have ever imagined. Still, there you stood, separated only by a shelf and a finite amount of baby supplies.

Different from the time you saw him when you were working at your sister’s wedding, you didn't feel the need to hide from him, but you had no desire to talk to him. So you simply nodded, acknowledging him but not saying a word, before taking a step away from him.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Good," was all you said, forcing out a smile.

You didn't want to be rude, but you also didn't want to talk to him.

"What brings you by?" he asked. You looked around the store, the answer was simple enough. There was no need for you to say it out loud. "Oh, is Nina pregnant again? Or maybe Wonwoo finally settled down?"

You shook your head, finally getting out from behind the shelf, your grown stomach on display for anyone to see. It was difficult getting clothes. Your belly grew so fast that you simply couldn't keep up, so most of your shirts and dresses did nothing to hide it. And, to be absolutely honest, you didn’t want to hide.

A look of pure shock found its way to Joshua's face, his skin turning pale. He couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of him. The main reason why the two of you got a divorce in the first place was because you couldn't bear children, and now there you stood, in front of him, clearly pregnant.

"How is that possible?" he whispered.

"I don't think I need to explain to you how babies are made. If I remember correctly, we gave it a fair shot."

You tried to walk past him. You had gotten more than you should have, and Wonwoo was probably close by. There was a chance things might've gotten out of hand if the two of them saw each other, and that was the last thing you wanted. Not because of Joshua, not at all, but because of yourself. Dr. Xu had advised that you stay as far away as possible from any sort of stress. A fight between your brother and your ex-husband would bring just that: stress.

"In this case, I believe you need to explain it to me, yes?" he said.

You simply rolled your eyes and tried to walk past him. Long gone was the time you felt the need to give him any sort of explanation about your life. It had been years since your marriage had ended, and it took a long, long time to finally let go. There was no reason for you to try and get back to the idea of him. Because, in the end, that was all Joshua was: an idea.

"You can't simply pretend that this isn't, at the very least, weird. I was there. I saw the test results. I watched over you after each miscarriage. This doesn't make any sense!"

His quiet and sweet voice had grown loud, attracting attention from the other customers in the store.

The last thing you wanted was for him to make a scene, to ruin what had been a perfect day.

"Listen, Joshua..."

There was no time for you to finish your sentence before you felt a presence by your side, and a second later, the weight of an arm being wrapped around your shoulders. Lips were pressed over your hair, lingering perhaps a bit longer than they should have. You already knew who it was before you even looked up.

His presence was all too familiar. It had been months since you last saw him, and yet it was as if he had never left to begin with. Your body simply adjusted to his, your free hand wrapping around his waist like it was meant to be there the entire time.

"I think you just couldn't shoot your shot, dude," Seungcheol said, his tone teasing. His voice traveled through your body, your skin, once cold, suddenly warm under his touch and sound. "Some men are like that sometimes."

Tentatively, you looked up at him. Seungcheol looked very different from the last time you saw him. This time, he took the persona of just a regular guy. His hair no longer had the length it once did, almost touching the base of his neck, but was cut short, the front strands slightly spiked up. The bright red had given way to what you suspected was his natural hair color, such a dark shade of brown that it was almost black. The characteristic purple suit was gone, in its place, a simple black T-shirt, exposing the muscles of his arms, and jeans.

"I was there when she got the test results back," Joshua said, his tone angry, cheeks turning a shade of red. "I know what it said. She's the one unfit to have a child. There's nothing wrong with me."

Ah, so that’s what the issue was. There was no real problem when you were the one in pain, when you were the one suffering. The issue started the moment he was the one who started to look bad, not feel bad. You didn’t think Joshua was capable of feeling bad about anything regarding your relationship. That was long done and gone. The issue started when he thought there was something wrong with him.

"Like I said, you just couldn't shoot your shot," Seungcheol said, his tone much harsher than it had been just a few minutes ago. "Let's go, baby."

Seungcheol put his body between Joshua and you, making sure your ex couldn’t reach you, even after he tried. If looks could kill, Joshua would probably be long gone.

You kept staring at the glass of water in front of you, as if it could possibly contain all the answers you wanted and needed.

At the same time that it had been easy to fall back into Seungcheol, it was even easier to remember all the reasons why you shouldn’t have done that.

Never mind that the man is an actual demon, who had shown up at your door not because he wanted to but because he was told to. Somehow, you could walk past that. The real problem was when he left. He was gone, as if he had never even been there to begin with.

It was like the feeling of waking up from a dream so vivid that you can't help but think it's true — and yet that’s all it was, a dream. The only thing left behind was what made you believe that it wasn’t really a dream.

You kept running your hand over your stomach, trying to keep your mind quiet, but there was no way. You kept drifting back to those minutes in the store, how he didn’t let go of you until you explicitly told him not to touch you. He was by your side when Joshua exited the store, fuming. He pretended to be someone who was only helping you put the bag inside the car when Wonwoo finally arrived. He was gone again. But at the same time, he wasn’t.

The reason why you were still in the kitchen was because you knew he was in your living room. You could hear Seungcheol’s footsteps as he waited for you. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do, what you should say. The most obvious thing would be to simply tell him to fuck off. The deal was clear: he was supposed to come in, get you pregnant, and leave. End of story. But he chose to stay, and you chose to believe that he could stay.

You stood up, put the glass in the sink, and turned the light off. There was no reason to delay a situation that could no longer be avoided. You had stayed in the kitchen for two hours after you took notice of his presence. Even after so long, he didn’t leave.

Seungcheol halted his steps once he noticed you in the hallway. He had been thinking of the best way possible to approach you. He had made the decision to face Jeonghan’s wrath and punishment after choosing to go against his orders. But he also knew that it wasn’t as simple as that.

Because the truth was that he left. Nothing could change that. There was no going around it. But there wasn’t a second after he walked out that he didn’t regret it. It was partially his decision, partially Jeonghan’s demand. Jeonghan, because every time Seungcheol even tried to get close to you, Jeonghan would immediately call him back, demand his presence. But there was also a little bit of him, wondering what it would be like, what he could possibly offer you other than what you had bargained with Jeonghan.

There wasn’t much to him to begin with. He was a kid his parents sold out, and a demon that could only harvest energy by sleeping with people.

He couldn’t help but wonder what he could possibly give to someone, especially someone like you. You were so good and always somehow managed to see the best in him. You didn’t look disgusted when you saw him in your bed the next morning; you were surprised, sure, but your face didn’t twist when you noticed him.

Seungcheol could still remember the light blush on your cheeks when you realized everything that went down. How, when he came back to your house that night — because he couldn’t bring himself to stay away — you welcomed him. How every time after that it was so easy and made him feel whole for the first time in his life. How he was happy just by sleeping by your side.

The entire time, though, he kept wondering what he could possibly give you, what he had that could be of worth to you.

"You can’t just do that, you can’t just not show your face for months and then come back as if nothing at all ever happened."

Your voice was tired, and you kept your eyes closed, a hand on your forehead.

He wanted to say something — anything — but his mind went completely blank as he looked down at your exposed belly. The pajama shirt had ridden up, leaving your stomach completely out in the open.

Seungcheol knew that he hadn’t been gone for that long. And he had watched you from afar, so he had seen the changes in your body, but having you right in front of him at that moment, with no fabric to hide your skin.

"You're showing so much already," he whispered, amazed. Seungcheol had to contain the urge to come closer to you, to hold you.

You rolled your eyes, not believing that those were the first words he decided to say to you after so long.

"Yeah, well, having two babies growing in the space that was supposed to fit one will do that to you."

You stood there, tempted to sit down but refusing to move an inch because you didn’t want to show any sort of weakness in front of him.

"Don’t be angry at me, I had no choice."

You simply shook your head.

"There’s always a choice, Seungcheol."

He closed his eyes at the sound of his name on your lips. He had missed it so much. He had missed you so much.

"I’m telling you the truth."

"Fine," you sighed, giving up the resolution of standing up and choosing the comfort of the armchair that had become your favorite piece of furniture.

Seungcheol leaned over the couch, gripping the back of it.

"When you went to Jeonghan, you knew that you’d be doing this on your own," he said in a low voice.

"You think that I don’t know that? You think I don’t know how pathetic and crazy I look?" you scoffed. “The first few times you showed up, I sort of expected it to be the last one. I was aware of what I was getting myself into. But then you kept showing up, and it wasn’t just about the sex anymore. I forgot about trying to get pregnant or having a baby, I was just having fun. It was easy to forget, it was so easy to just fall for you.”

You wanted to pull the words back inside your mouth as soon as they slipped out. You didn’t mean to say that, to openly admit it. Those were feelings you wanted to keep to yourself only, that should have been kept inside. Be yours and only yours.

“Shit,” you said, covering your mouth.

“What did you just say?” Seungcheol breathed, his eyes wide and filled with tears.

“Nothing,” you shook your head, keeping your gaze low.

There was no reason to look at Seungcheol. You knew the second you met his eyes, all your resolve would fail and fall. There was no doubt in your mind that you would simply let yourself fall into him once again.

“You said you fell… for me,” he whispered, as if not believing he had said the words.

“You should go,” you whispered, holding your hands tightly until your knuckles turned white.

“No,” he refused.

“Get out.”

“No.”

“You want to hear it? Fine.” You forced yourself to stand up with some struggle. Your face turned into a scowl when Seungcheol moved to help you. “I fell for you. I was the human stupid enough to not only cut a deal with a demon but also to fall for another one. I fell for you, but you have nothing to worry about, I’m used to being someone who wants things she could never have.”

You moved your hand in front of yourself in an attempt to show that it was indeed fine. You had thought about the entire situation for a long time, and as much as you missed him, you knew how pathetic it was on your side.

Finally, Seungcheol moved closer to you. One second he was behind the couch, the next he was in front of you. His hands came up to cradle your face, his thumbs pushing your chin up so he could look into your eyes, like that would make him understand what you were saying, like he could make sense of the word love.

“Why would you do that?”

His voice was so low, almost like he was talking to himself. His eyes kept searching yours, while you refused to look at him.

You were so close to cracking. One look at him would be enough.

Fuck, one glance.

“Isn’t that the million-dollar question,” you snorted.

His hands were so warm, like just that small touch could remedy and cure everything that was out of place.

“Listen…”

“I don’t want to listen. I want you out.” You grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands down, away from your face.

“Let’s talk about this,” he begged.

“Get out!” you all but screamed.

Seungcheol’s eyes went wide, not really believing what had just happened.

A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door and your name was being called out, almost in desperation. You were never more thankful for your neighbors. You turned your back to him and pulled the door open.

“Is everything okay?”

Seokmin and Mingyu stood at your door — worry all over their faces, before suddenly turning to anger when they took notice of Seungcheol’s presence.

“It is, thank you. He was about to leave.”

“Thank you for doing this, Hoon.”

You stood by the door, a hand moving over your belly. It was getting harder and harder to do things. You felt way too heavy; sometimes it was even hard to breathe. That was why you had called Jihoon for help.

This time, you hadn’t called Nina. In her eagerness to help, she would completely take over. You had just asked Jihoon, and begged him not to tell her anything. You knew she’d be upset, and you felt bad about it, but this time you wanted it to be your choice alone.

“Well, I have some experience painting baby rooms,” he laughed lightly.

Jihoon stood with his back to you, running his hand over the wallpaper covered in air balloons. He moved with the ease of someone who had done the same thing many times, not only when his children were born, but whenever they decided they wanted new colors in their rooms. Just like their mother, they enjoyed changing things up a little too often.

“I’m sorry if I’m being rude here, but… does the dad know?”

Your entire body went stiff at the mention of Seungcheol. Not that Jihoon actually knew him, but still.

It had been a few days since you last saw Seungcheol, and you had been doing your utmost not to think about him or about what had been said in your living room. You didn’t want to think about the look in his eyes when you told him that you had fallen for him, or when you kicked him out. You refused to think about all the times you saw him waiting outside the building when you left for work in the morning, and how he was still there when you came back at the end of the day.

He never dared to follow you inside the building or any other place. It was as if he just wanted you to know that he was there.

“He knows,” you forced yourself to say.

Jihoon didn’t like that answer, you could tell by the way he didn’t turn to look at you, and how his grip on the wallpaper tightened.

“You said having a baby was impossible for you.”

“I know. It just… somehow happened.”

“Was Joshua the problem?”

“No, it was really me.” you laughed.

“So you’re saying it was a miracle.”

You weren’t sure if you could call a deal with Jeonghan a miracle — but miracle was a much nicer word than bargain with the devil king. You also weren’t sure Jihoon, or any of your siblings, would ever believe you if you decided to tell them the truth.

“Yeah, something like that.”

This time he turned to look at you, a tiny smile on his face. “Well, miracle or not, I’m happy for you.”

You knew it was about to happen the moment you turned off the lights. It was like you could feel his presence before you even saw him. You didn’t doubt it, you just knew.

Ever since that night at your place, when you kicked him out, Seungcheol had been coming over in the dark hours. At first, he stayed in the living room. He didn’t dare come any closer. He would wait for you outside your work, walking behind you at a distance.

After you made the mistake of acknowledging his presence, he started staying longer, sleeping in the living room, just outside your bedroom door.

A couple of nights after that, he was inside your room, still by the door.

It made you wonder if all the other times you thought you saw him, he had actually been there, vanishing just before you laid eyes on him. At that moment, it didn’t seem unlikely.

“Please don’t do this,” you begged the empty room. “If you can’t stay, just don’t come around at all.”

Seungcheol was a shadow in the corner, a faint sound behind your back letting you know he was there.

“I don’t know how to stay away from you,” his answer came in a whisper, as if admitting it shocked him as much as it did you.

He moved across the room until he sat on the floor beside you. His eyes were filled with tears, his hand raised halfway toward your face, trembling, as if he were holding himself back from touching you.

The sight made your own eyes swell with tears.

“I keep thinking that I could have this life with you,” he murmured, resting his chin on the mattress, so close you could feel his breath on your cheek. “I keep thinking that I could have this mundane life: grow old with you, see these babies come into the world, raise them with you. Love you the way you deserve to be loved. I’d give anything to have that.”

If there had been any chance of you not crying, it vanished the moment you heard those words. The lump in your throat was so big it hurt to breathe, like you were expanding from the inside out too fast.

“I need you to know that the reason I left was because I was pulled away, and then forced to stay away from you. But also because I thought I had nothing to give. How could I be someone of importance to you, when I wasn’t one myself?”

You ran your hands through his hair. It was still a surprise to see it shorter and dark. Seungcheol closed his eyes at the contact, almost purring when you ran your thumb over his cheek.

“Seungcheol,” you whispered. “All I ever wanted from you was you.”

“I love you,” he said, his face twisting, as if saying the words was both a relief and a wound. “I want to stay so badly, but I don’t know how… Jeonghan has my life. If he pulls me back, I have to go. But I want to stay with you. Here. I love you, and I want to stay.”

You forced your body into a sitting position and pulled Seungcheol closer the moment a sob escaped his lips. He kept whispering the same words over and over again.

“I love you,” you finally said aloud, making Seungcheol wrap his arms even tighter around your waist. “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog and leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕