Unquiet Mind

Model diary #13

VLOG 2 || BTS: Go-see

Model Diary #12 

I now have a Youtube channel!

Hi everyone! I'm starting fresh on my new Youtube channel. Today, I have uploaded my first vlog (YAAAAAAY)! I will soon be uploading more videos on modeling tips and how-tos for aspiring models or models-to-be.

Please support me as I start this journey of yet another dream I'm trying to reach, making a mark in the world by giving free modeling education or knowledge via Youtube. This will be based on my experience modeling for more than 10 years. :) But who am I right? Do I have that much credibility to teach anyway? To answer that question, I don't want to live my life with regrets. I want to live a life with passion and purpose. I want to be able to influence or leave a mark without having to wear a crown. ;) So here I am, taking a step one at a time. Please, no hate or don't hate, just appreciate, respect, and love. ♥ 

“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right.”

As an over thinker, I worry a lot. Whenever an opportunity comes, I have the desire to grab it, but because I worry too much - what if things go wrong, what if I regret it, etc., I end up not taking the chance anymore. So this year, I promised to change that habit of mine and just take some risks I feel or I know in my heart are worth taking.

At the Mossimo auditions, I was on my neutral energy and I came to the venue without expectations. I just said to myself - I’m grabbing this opportunity and come what may.

It was fun. It composed of 4 segments - runway in a black dress, a posing challenge, runway in swimwear and Q&A. The posing challenge was the most interesting, personally. We were asked to pose with a random object as props. The judges wanted me to grab a chair and create 3 poses with it. I was glad they said they were impressed and that they feel that I’m ready for this. During the whole audition process, the judges gave really good feedback. Deep inside I honestly hoped that I would get in the semi-finals but I have not heard back from them.

The Philippines' Next Top Model audition was something I was very excited to join because I have looked up to Tyra Banks and I used to watch episodes of America's Next Top Model, took note of Tyra's words of wisdom and hopelessly wished that one day I could join the competition.

A week before the audition, I prepared so much and I prayed harder than ever. On the day of the audition, I came very early. Applicants were asked to fill up a form (which I thought was useless in the beginning of the audition because when the aspirants made it to the first cut, the judges didn't bother reading what was written - our interests, background, experience, etc.

It happened so fast. The first part was a runway segment, then the interview (that’s if you have made it to the first part. The judges will just look at your physical appearance and the way you walk). If they like you during the interview process, as what I have observed, one of the judges will laugh with you and take pictures of you from his phone. I was nervous as hell! This was really a step closer to my dreams. It’s a really big dream since I was a kid. I wanted it so bad. No matter how I tried to calm myself down, I just couldn't contain my excitement. We were divided into groups of 5 and each of us had to walk and pose on the stage. I was the first one to walk! Before I took a step on the platform, I consistently prayed and I could feel how cold my hands were and my feet was already numb!

I made it on the first cut! My heart was beating faster as they called me to go up on the platform, where the judges were staying so they could interview me. When I stepped on the podium, I said hi to them and smiled. Only 3 out of 5 were at least polite and had the decency to at least listen to my answers. I get it, they don’t find me interesting by the looks of it, I respect that, but the least they could have done was listen. Towards the end of the interview, I was asked a simple question but it was really hard to answer in just simple words or short sentences, especially for someone who has an unquiet mind like mine. I was overwhelmed with the situation and the thought of wanting it so bad just got to me, I was too honest I blurted out that I was glad they noticed because, this is my dream. Now that was the big mistake! In the back of my mind I said, “Oh no, you missed your chance, Chennie!!!”

NEVER say “it’s a dream” or “it’s a dream come true” because to them, you’ll just be another common candidate, they’ll find it cliche, no matter how genuine it is for you. Even if I mentioned I have a different approach or perspective in modeling and how I appreciate it, they don’t seem to like it. They’re looking for answers that are I don’t know, intriguing?? I’m left to question but only those people can answer.

Sigh. Right then and there, I knew I didn’t make it even if I was told they will just contact me. I am not stupid to not get the signs or non-verbal cues. Of course, I was observing everything. After the audition, I broke down. I cried, I sobbed outside the audition area in my boyfriend’s arms. I was so disappointed with myself because I ruined my chance just because of the excitement and nervousness overwhelming me.

Later that night, I reflected on what happened. I went back to every detail. They say that “truth hurts”. Yes, it did, it hit me hard. I realised that a part of me was motivated because I thought of giving a sweet revenge to those who betrayed me and have pulled me down, that should not be part of it. It should just be for myself and ultimately for my dream. Since I was bullied as a kid, there’s always a desire in me to try to please people. Also, even if I was myself, I learned that I must not be too honest when answering questions for reality TV auditions, no matter how good and genuine my intention would be, because they will not understand or appreciate the answer, that’s the sad truth. I also learned that for auditions like this, people are really looking for really intriguing characters and personality, something that they think would emotionally affect the audience. I don’t know. Honestly, this defeats the purpose of really looking for someone who has the potential or talent and attitude to make it. Sigh. So, you cannot be too serious when answering their questions. You have to be yourself but don’t take things seriously. And I guess no matter how awkward things may get, you just have to be interesting to the eyes of these people (but of course without ruining your dignity).

This was not the case back in 2009 when I auditioned for Ford Models’ Supermodel of the World Philippines. They were really keen in looking for someone who really had the talent and they even molded us in our craft.

I guess I just now have to learn from those experiences and take those with me for the next opportunity. I am honestly close to giving up this dream. But I’m inspired by Pia Wurtzbach’s story before she finally reached her dream. If she can do it, I’m sure I can as well, right? :’)

“Nothing worth having comes easy.”

Reflection on colored candles in Simala

Devotees and tourists flock Simala to witness and pray to Mama Mary. Inside, there are specific areas for writing your intentions and thanksgiving. There is also a different section for lighting of candles to say prayers. These candles come in various colors but regular ones are also available on a cheaper price. The colorful ones have their respective meanings - ie., white for purity, green for prosperity, red for relationships, etc. 

Upon reflecting on these candles after I said my prayers, I realized how people have different lives and paths chosen. We all have different prayers and intentions (based on what we see on the candle stands in Simala, it’s colorful), but all of us is connected through faith. 

Gear & Glam fashion show

“Happiness pulses with every beat of my heart” - Terri Guillemets

...and that is the kind of happiness I find on the runway.  It was on open and wide runway, regardless, I was so happy I could cry for joy. It was the first time I walked on a big event since my hiatus. 

Everything now is back to zero. 

Zero as if I have just started modeling. 

I fought for what I thought was right (and I think now, I’m still right, no regrets. I just don’t want to be dumb and just play along when you know things are wrong, just so you could get shows or projects). They stained my name because apparently they have more power, I had to go quiet for awhile, and now I have no choice but to start from the bottom. 

I wore a black outfit that sort of channeled a ninja aura. I hoped for something fitting, but I couldn’t complain nor choose. I didn’t care for as long as I get to walk there again.

Behind the scenes, I was lonely. I felt so lonely. I say hi/hello to some models I have worked with, but I have no one to talk to and no one to take photos with. I was just at the corner staring at my phone, taking selfies, and taking random snaps (for Snapchat).

I see familiar faces, some I’ve worked with before, but I hesitate to say hello. There were some I definitely didn’t want to greet. The latter look at me as if they don’t know me even if they actually do. They just don’t want to say hello because someone with power has most probably brainwashed most of them. Because you know, in our industry, when one goes against the majority, they won’t value you anymore. As a result, you will no longer have a business because most likely you won’t get referrals.

When I’m on the runway and before the show, I still get nervous. I have been modeling for 11 years now and yes, I still get nervous. But I channel it to one fierce performance. 

As with photos, no photographer took a photo of me, because apparently, I’m with a different agency and for some, they don’t recognize me, so they don’t take photos of me on the runway. If it weren’t for my brother, I wouldn’t have photos on this show. It’s so sad to see how unfair our world is, yet here I am still pursuing and doing it, simply because this is my passion and it makes me so happy. 

10 Things to Do Before and After the Go-See

Do some research. Know the client’s name and background the day before the go-see and try to incorporate a bit of that into your performance on the day itself.  

Drink plenty of water and sleep early. If you are hydrated well and when you get enough rest, it will naturally reflect outside. You will glow and perform effectively.

Be updated with their instructions. Make sure you’re in the know of the latest instructions about the go-see, ie., what they need models to wear and bring on the day of the go-see. 

Practice your walk. (Look up for how-to videos on Youtube to guide you further)  If you don’t have a good walk, they won’t certainly imagine you wearing their brand. So work on it. ;) Practice...practice...practice!

Bring your setcard/s or portfolio. Regardless if they require it or not, it’s a must to bring your setcard (these are cards with the model’s statistics and photos laid out for the clients to see).

Bring a pair of heels. This is another thing you must bring. Just in case the clients require you to bring heels, bring nude/beige or black heels.

Bring a ballpen with you. Because certainly, there will be an information sheet that you’ll need to fill up.  

Wear light make-up and preferably tie your hair. 

Wear a plain fitting LBD (little black dress, but not the very skimpy ones)

Model Diary 9

Denim photo shoot for portfolio

I enjoyed this photo shoot. It was not the typical high fashion, “posey” type of photo shoot. And I didn’t have to show dramatic facial expressions, plus there was only minimal make-up on my face.

It was definitely something new in my entire modeling existence. 

It was a Nightmare...

In my case, it’s Dengue.

It gets rough and when it does, you will slowly get weak until there’s little energy left. Let me share my Dengue experience because I’m proud I came through this battle - one of the worst experiences I ever had.

Almost the whole month of September, I was dealing with my body feeling really heavy and weak. I felt that I had a fever but whenever I check my temperature, it didn’t show.

What I thought was flu turned to something worse.

The week after the doctor said it’s flu, I came to work not feeling well and eventually, I just couldn’t move anymore and my head was in so much pain.

This time, my temperature went high and it was inconsistent. It would go high up to 39 degrees Celsius. Everyone was already alarmed and worried, so they rushed me to the hospital. The resident doctor said that it might only just be something viral. So I went home again but the next day, it was already unbearable - I was crying because I was too weak and my head was too painful. Later that day, I was admitted to the hospital. It was confirmed after they ran a few more tests.

There were constant headaches, my joints were in pain; I also had a toothache. My whole body was in pain, I still had an on-and-off fever, and my taste buds were not participating.

I had to face my fear every 6-8 hours - NEEDLES! They had to take a new sample of my blood for testing to monitor my white blood cell and platelet count. My elbow pit was already bruised to a point that it was already almost numb every time they had to take another sample of my blood.

My hospital room was uncomfortable because it’s not as cosy as my bedroom at home. And in the middle of the night, I wake up to a sound of stones thrown at the window and to the room’s air-con. I just could not sleep soundly. I also hear mommy crying sometimes. It was sad and it was a torture.  

My lowest platelet count was (as far as I can remember) I think 26/27.

I was in the hospital for 8 days. It felt like forever! I missed the sun, the smell of the air outside; I missed the scene outside and I missed moving around and being active. The moment I took a step outside during my last stay there and the moment I finally could taste something, it felt so damn good! I was so over apple, apple juice and Mangagaw. 

I remember I once wondered what it’s like to experience Dengue. When I had it, I wished I didn’t ever say it at all in the first place! 

2016 was such a memorable year for me and it felt like it was a really short period! I guess it's true that time flies when you're enjoying.

In spite the challenges or trials, I’m happy for 2016, because I have become a more compassionate, goal-oriented and grateful person. I learned a lot because of the experiences and the people I met along the way. I will really have to agree that “Experience is the best teacher”.

Major things happened in 2016 for me - from a new career which I’m finally comfortable with; from buying a new phone from my first paycheck (from the new job); My sister flew to London; The modeling opportunities - first portfolio photo shoot and fashion show since my hiatus; 3 years with Aljen; My dengue experience (on the brighter side, that experience alone has helped me realize a couple of things which I might write about in a separate blog post); My 26th birthday; My brother passed the board exam - he’s now a registered civil engineer; Vacation in Negros Oriental, Reunited with cousins who flew from South Africa; Meeting new people and a few who have created an impact; To reconnecting and having new friends. I'm so grateful to have experienced everything regardless if it was bad or good. THANK YOU, God and thank you to everyone who made my 2016 memorable.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am working as an executive assistant on weekdays and I do part-time modeling. As a model and a right hand of my boss, I always have the mindset of always wanting to look my best - from staying fit, keeping a classy attitude, to expressing myself through fashion. I always invest on the basic clothing because I can pair the basics with anything. On another note, I love taking photos and I love posing for the camera (that’s part of what I passionately do). I love dressing up so I take photos of my outfits and post them on my Lookbook profile.

Now I tell you, taking the perfect OOTD (Outfit of the Day) photo is not an easy task as it really requires effort. But no need to worry, I’ll share some tips on how to do it like a model does ;)

1. Pick and wear an outfit that expresses a part of you

Take this as an example. I named this look basic black. This expresses my preference in fashion - simple, basic clothing. If you are into patterns, then go ahead and mix & match. Just be sure that you are comfortable in what you are wearing and that it certainly shows the real you.

2. Choose a good canvass.

Find the perfect canvass to use as your background. It can be a brick wall or a plain white or black wall, just make sure it creates a contrast between what you’re wearing and the wall itself. You also can have buildings or architectural spots as background, just make sure you stand out. Remember, you and your clothes are the accessories here. ;)

3. Strike a pose

Know your angles and experiment a little on poses. I suggest your shot should be taken in a worm’s eye view perspective, wherein the photographer shoots from an angle below to make you look taller and slimmer.  If you notice on my photos, I always create a symmetry or shape. I suggest you do the same, so your OOTD won’t come off as boring. 

Experiment on the elements of photography, until you get the perfect shot. 

Speaking of the perfect shot, you will need a good equipment on hand, like the #OppoF1s

The OppoF1s comes with a 13MP rear camera with an industry-leading imaging chip. The large pixels work to strengthen the dynamic range, which gives pictures more depth & detail for capturing exceptional photos. It has a 1/3.06-inch sensor, which helps in maximizing light sensitivity, so you can take OOTD photos at night time as well. You can keep the experiment going as the Oppo F1s has 3GB RAM and octa-core 64-bit processor for smoother multitasking and you can expand storage up to 128GB to take and save more of your photos.  

After taking your OOTD photos, you can confidently take natural-looking selfies with the Oppo F1s with its 16MP front camera, which gives more light and detail. It comes with filters too, perfect for the OOTD photos and for your selfies. 

July 3, 2016: My first photo shoot after a long hiatus

Our talent manager, JM organized a photo shoot for models to have uniform set cards ready before an upcoming big event. Make-up artists (Eunice Enrera was the one who did my make-up) and photographer Matt Pingkian joined forces to make this happen. So big thanks to all of them!

*In this model diary entry, you’ll see behind-the-scene photos below. 

Eunice was one of the make-up artists I’ve encountered who’s friendly and organized. I just loved how she started asking questions about my skin - if it’s sensitive, acidic etc. I loved the pre-make-up products she used for skin care. I found it really interesting because not all make-up artists do that. Plus, you can see how she’s so dedicated to it. So thumbs up to Eunice!

I was happy that Matt loved my performance and made me stay to do another set of photos. He didn’t recognize me even if I started almost 10 years ago (probably because I was on-and-off in the modeling industry, plus I had one long hiatus). I may have been in the modeling industry for a long time but I don’t think I have had a wide exposure even after I represented Cebu last 2009 in Ford’s Supermodel of the World Philippines. Even so, I believe I have not reached the peak of my modeling career yet. I have something yet to reach and I’m still not giving up on that. 

I was honestly nervous that I could not deliver. I felt that I’m already rusty. But as soon as I sat on the chair and the photographer was set to take photos, it all just came naturally and I was so happy. I just love to be around art and be involved with it. 

The first set was plain and simple. The second one’s couture, so they had to change my make-up to something darker. This time it involved more poses and angles. 

I have no photos of it. But I will soon upload it when it’s up and ready. ;)