Because...

Well, recently that verse has been John 1:14. 

Real talk:  I’m relatively familiar with the book of John.  My favorite stories of how Jesus interacted with people are found in John 4 and John 8.  Both conveniently are stories about how Jesus interacted and related with women.  Then we skip a few chapters and we are watching Jesus wash the disciples’ feet in John 13. Could.You.Imagine!?  And don’t even get me started on John 15!  Let’s say I hypothetically had a list of “Chelsea’s Top 5 Favorite Books and/or Chapters of the Bible,” John 15 would be in the Top 3.  But who has those kinds of lists? (also, I haven’t even mentioned 1 John!) 

Suffice it to say, John is one of my favorite authors.  Paul and John constantly compete for “Chelsea’s Favorite Biblical Author.”  Seriously, who has these kinds of lists besides me?? 

Per the usual, I’m reading several books.  And I’m working my way through the SheReadsTruth John study, however this verse first started showing up while I was doing the SheReadsTruth Advent study.  Yes, this post is about 2 weeks in the making, but when you work in retail, the holidays tend to win.  However, I survived and here we are!  (pause please:  go ahead and follow the link to preorder an amazing book by Jennie Allen entitled “Nothing to Lose.” And while you are at it, order a few highlighters because you will need more than one.  I just finished it as part of the launch team, and it has garnered a spot on “Chelsea’s Most Highly Recommended Books” list!  I clearly love lists.)

So, I’m just be-bopping along through the Advent study when all of a sudden, John 1:14 shows up.  Here are several versions of the verse.  The first is the HCSB version that is actually in the Advent study.  The others are versions that I tend to use when studying scripture.

“The Word became flesh and took up residence among us.  We observed His glory, the glory of the One and Only Song from the Father, full of grace and truth.” HCSB (emphasis added)

“And the Word (Christ) became flesh, and lived among us; and we [actually] saw His glory, glory as belongs to the [One and] only begotten Son of the Father, [the Son who is truly unique, the only One of his kind who is] full of grace and truth (absolutely free of deception).”  AMP (emphasis added)

“So the Word became human and made his home among us.  He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.  And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.” NLT (emphasis added) 

“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 KJV (emphasis added)

Two phrases jumped out at me.  The first was “took up residence among us.”  And the second was “we observed His glory.”  Neither phrase would be considered new to me.  I’ve read them before.  In fact, there are multiple variants of these phrases throughout the entire Bible.  But for some reason they just made me stop and reflect.  Especially the idea of being able to “observe His glory.”  Full disclosure…I read that verse over 2 weeks ago.  Since then, not only have I not been able to get it out of my head, but it has shown up at least 8 other times in seemingly unrelated ways, including it was the verse they put on the screens during the offering time at church (which was the moment that I was like, “Ok, God, what do you want me to learn or share about this verse because that’s not exactly related to giving an offering.”)

So, I began researching.  Turns out, a lot of really smart people have written a lot of really smart things about this verse.  And I am not going to pretend to be remotely as smart as those people; I’ll just try to put my spin on what I learned!

Here we go…

Starting with “took up residence among us,” we see that Jesus was relationally driven.  As shown in the other versions, there is an implication of doing life with others around him that was a defining quality of Jesus.  Someone way smarter than me described this concept as “pitching a tent.”

(And I wish I could remember who it was, but we see it in the definition found here from Barnes’ Notes: “The object of John was to prove that "the Word" became "incarnate." To do this he appeals to various evidences. One was that he "dwelt" among them; sojourned with them; ate, drank, slept, and was with them for years, so that they "saw him with their eyes, they looked upon him, and their hands handled him," (1 John 1:1.) To "dwell in a tent with one" is the same as to be in his family; and when John says he "tabernacled" with them, he means that he was with them as a friend and as one of a family, so that they had full opportunity of becoming familiarly acquainted with him”1 )  

I like to think Jesus would have used hashtags like #tentlife #bestlife or #meetatthetent #lifehappenshere to describe this idea.  He lived among the people, he built a life with those people, and he valued those relationships.  And I think we forget those details when we are reading about his ministry.  Jesus didn’t need to come as a baby.  Jesus didn’t need to grow up among the people.  Jesus didn’t need to create a life on this earth that included relationships with those around him.  But God.  God is love.  God knew we needed a literal representation of that love to walk among and associate with us.  And that just blows my mind!  God needed us to know that we are so loved.  He demonstrated that love and desire for relationship through Jesus.  In the same way God’s presence was with the Israelites over and over again in the desert, Jesus was the actual embodiment of God’s presence in the New Testament.  And, goodness, I’m so glad I have a God who is in relentless pursuit of me in such a tangible way.

(just wait…it is about to get c r a z y!)

Upon further research, I have learned there is also a deeper historical meaning to this phrase.  Its meaning would not have been lost on the predominantly Jewish audience, but we probably gloss over its meaning today.  Remember the Israelites and the rules and regulations that God created in order for a covenant to be upheld between both parties?  Well, a lot of that revolved around the tabernacle.  Because they were roaming the desert the tabernacle was usually a massive tent.  God’s presence would “dwell” in the tent of the tabernacle, and a select group of Levites would perform the required ceremonies to atone for sins.  The Israelites were fully aware of the presence of God every time they passed the tent of the tabernacle.  But here’s the thing, they knew God’s presence was real, but they never were able to enter into an actual relationship with him due to their sin.1  For the most part, God’s glory and presence were set apart from his people.   Jesus changes our story!  The same word, eskēnōsen  (from the root word skene2), which describes how God’s presence dwelt, or “tabernacled,”  among the Israelites in the tabernacle also describes how Jesus physically lived with and among the people3!  By Jesus physically living among the people, they were able to have a relationship with God the Father.  Gone were the rules and regulations that governed the tabernacle, well almost.  Jesus was God incarnate, and he was the catalyst that moved God’s presence from in to among.  And that is amazing!    He was ready to hang out with his disciples.  He was ready to do life with them.  However, even in the early stages of his ministry, he was preparing them for his departure.  The tabernacle was a temporary holder for God’s presence, and so was the earthly body of Jesus.3  Jesus living on earth started the process of drawing God’s presence out of the tabernacle, but Jesus’ death and resurrection ensured we’d never need the tabernacle again.  Both were as necessary as they were temporary.

Phew, thanks John…that’s a lot packed into a 5 word phrase.  But this verse just gets better!  We’ve established a few things, and we aren’t even halfway through the verse!  First, we know Jesus is the Word of God in the Flesh.  So, we should be paying attention when he speaks and observing what he does.  He’s literally here to teach us who God is and what it means to “be image bearers.”  Second, we know that Jesus was actually on the earth so that he could interact with those around him.  Third, we’re about to explore how we are able to observe his glory.  I love how these sentences build on each other!  Without being in the flesh, Jesus couldn’t have resided among us. (because you have to be alive to reside somewhere.)  And without Jesus actually residing among us, we would never have the privilege of observing his glory.  (because it’s hard to observe a characteristic of someone if that person never existed.) 

I love the AMP version of this statement:  “we [actually] saw His glory.” 

I found myself reading that phrase over and over; letting it seep into my soul. 

Honestly, I wasn’t really sure what made me stop when I got to this phrase.  Again, it isn’t earth shatteringly new for me.  I’ve read it many times prior.  But as I reflected on it, I realized that I was jealous of the early followers.  They actually saw Jesus.  They were able to interact with him!  How amazing would that be?!  However, as jealous as I am, I know I would have been just like them. Yes, they observed his glory.  Yes, they got experience the #tentlife #bestlife moments with Jesus.  But they didn’t fully grasp what that meant from time to time.  It’s easy for me to read this verse in the context of the entire story of Jesus.  We are on this side of the resurrection.  We have the Bible in its fullness.  They had the Old Testament scrolls (which weren’t exactly the Old Testament that we know of today…similar, but just a smidge different) and they had the moments they were living.  They didn’t see how it was going to play out until it was played out and Jesus was meeting them for breakfast days after being crucified.

(This story is documented in John 21 and serves as a perfect bookend to John 1:14.  Wow, just had this thought!!  In the first chapter of John, we learn the intimacy behind why Jesus came to earth the way he did.  Then in the final chapter of John, before he is to ascend one last time, we see him seeking out his closest friends and inviting them up for a breakfast on the beach.  That means over the course of 20 or so chapters, we get a glimpse of Jesus dwelling among his people.  We are given a glimpse into the glory they experienced!)

The beautiful thing about Jesus is that he invites us in.  The concept of dwelling and observing in this verse allows for both parties to participate.  In fact, the Greek word for “observe” is theaomai.  And it means “to behold, look upon, view attentively, contemplate, look on with admiration.”4 Another way to think about theaomai is that it “always means ‘beheld with actual physical sight.’”3We are invited into intentionality with Jesus because his glory is something we can observe.  Jesus is essentially saying, “I’m the glory of God in human form.  I’m going to take up actual space in your life.  I want you to study my actions and pay attention to my words.  I’m going to blow some minds and drop some mics, and you’ll get to be there for all of it, but only if you want to.  Because of all you get to observe during our time together, every generation after you will get a glimpse into my glory.  Don’t miss this.”

John wrote these words years after the ascension.  I bet with every story he recounted he paused to observe, for the second time, the glory of who Jesus was.  I wonder if he longed for the physical reminder.  I wonder if he wished he hadn’t missed certain things.  One thing is very clear, John didn’t miss the fact that it’s in the dwelling that the observing happens.  When it comes to Jesus, #tentlife truly is the #bestlife.

Jesus, never let me forget to create a home with you.  Never let me forget to observe your glory.  Remind me that you invite me to have breakfast on the beach with you.  Remind me that in those moments, I have access to your glory.  I am so thankful you find ways to draw me closer so I can observe your glory in new ways. 

“Make yourselves at home in my love.  If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love.”5

1. http://biblehub.com/commentaries/john/1-14.htm

2. http://biblehub.com/greek/4637.htm

3. http://soniclight.org/constable/notes/pdf/john.pdf (pg 27)

4. http://biblehub.com/greek/2300.htm

I often use my time running as time to think and pray.  For the last few days I’ve had a phrase bouncing around my head: what if we were the generation who decides that a grassroots movement of empathy and radical love is stronger than government? 

It took me 3 miles to work out the exact phrasing, but it became my prayer as I ran past landmarks of my city. 

Because, what if? 

What if that’s the response the church had to recent events, including election results?  It isn’t anything beyond what we are already called to do. So, why does it seem like the church has become a source of contention and not a place of refuge? 

“It’s easy to make a point.  It’s hard to make a difference.”  This is a quote on a coffee mug that I got at a leader event at church about a year or so ago.  And the timeliness of it being the one I decided to use today is not lost on me. We are all so desperate to make a point that we are forgetting we were called to make a difference.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to heaven and find out that I missed making a difference because I thought it was easier to make a point.  Think about it.  If all you intend to do is make a point, you don’t have to worry about the emotional or relational side of life.  You can drop into any situation, make a snap judgement, and simply leave.  But in order to make a difference, you have to actually show up.  You have to be involved. You have to get to know all the people and their stories.  Isn’t it amazing how Jesus demonstrated this over and over again?

Friends, let's have those conversations.  Let's look past the surface and get to know everyone as an image bearer. Let's start loving people. Because at the end of the day we are ALL so loved by a God who risked everything for a messy, broken world. And if God can make the first move toward us, why can't we make the move toward each other?

I’ve been in Atlanta for four year. FOUR YEARS!  

Originally, there was no way I was going to move to Atlanta.  For real, God and I had some hard core prayer sessions about it (I really didn’t want to move here.) I avoided specifically asking God about Atlanta for months.  I like to think if you don’t mention it, then it isn’t a possibility.  But we all know God doesn’t operate that way.  So…I had to learn to wrap my mind around Atlanta and all that was about to go with moving to a new city.

For starters, I knew absolutely no one in the city.  Second, I’m an introvert. Third, as much as I was praying about moving and wanting change, I’m not really fond of change.  I like stable, consistent, generally risk-free types of events.   But I increasingly found myself craving change and the desire to move never left. So here we are…

I remember sitting down for coffee about a week before I moved with one of my former middle school cheerleaders. She was about to go off to college, and this was the last time we’d be able to sit down and hang out before we both went our separate ways.  She looked at me and asked, “but how do you make friends as an adult?”  Want to know about anxiety feels like? That. That is what anxiety feels like.  Anxiety, in that moment, felt like knowing I was about to have to make friends without an already defined environment, such as school. Until that moment, no one had really asked me that question.  I’d been asking God that question for months, and we were still working on a game plan.  I looked at her and said, “you know what. I have no idea! It’s not like in high school or college, where it is designed for you to make friends.  And I’ve had the same group of friends (mostly) since high school.  Sure, I made new friends in college, but that was part of living on campus, etc.  So, I guess, I’ll find out next week!”  She then asked, “are you scared?”  Geez, I was already trying to hide a panic attack! But when you know she’s really asking because she’s about to have to make new friends and start a new adventure, you realize the question isn’t just about what you are about to do.  She’s asking because she’s about to do the same thing.  So, you be honest.  “Yes, I’m scared.  But you know what; I know this is what God is telling me to do.  And I know he will provide.  I have to trust that.”  That coffee session created the parameters I was about to put around the move God was pushing me toward.

When I got ready to move, I had a major heart to heart with God.  I remember writing in my journal, “Listen, God, if this is what you want me to do and where you want me to go, then I’m going to need you to come through.”  Yes, I actually wrote those words down.  There was another entry that went like this, “God, this is me throwing down a challenge flag. You are going to have to walk before me and beside me on this move.  Because that is the only way this is going to work. In fact, I’ll give us 8-12 months.  That sounds good.  I can survive 8-12 months.” Yep, again, those were my actual words.  I remember reading the story of Gideon in Judges 6.  At least 3 times, Gideon asked God to show him it was really God. First, Gideon wanted to know it was God talking to him (Judges 6:17), and of course, God passes the test.  Next, Gideon wanted to make sure God actually wanted to use Gideon to save Israel, as God promised.  Gideon knew the promise God made, but wanted to double check the necessity of his role in that promise.  We see in Judges 6:36-40, not only did Gideon double check, he triple checked! And each time, God provided what Gideon needed so that he could step into the role God had in mind for him.  This was my “Gideon moment.”  This was my chance to say, “God I need for you to specifically provide the following for me.  I need to know that you are God, that you are good, and that you are going before me. I need to know that I am staying within your will for my life.”  Isn’t that ultimately what we all want? To know that we are stepping out of our current spaces and into the will that GOD has planned for our lives?  And what a wonderful God we have!  He not only allows us to ask for reassurances, but he provides when we ask!

Honestly, when I moved, I had very few expectations.  There were definitely more unknowns than knowns.  And my introverted nature was not very happy with the understanding that it was about to be forced into extrovertedness (yes, I just made that a word) for an unforeseen amount of time.  But, at the end of the day, God had given me enough peace to know that this next step was being made with his direction and his provision was going to be enough.

Four years later, I’m still trusting that God will provide.  Only now it’s not based on what I hoped he could do. It’s based on what I’ve seen him do.

Last week, Buckhead Church wrapped up their Single Series on relationships (a recap is coming, I promise!)  So, of course, we talked about it.  We agreed with what Andy Stanley1 presented…based on research, interviews, and just general observation we live in a society that has devalued relationships2.  And it’s not that no one wants a relationship. We’ve just entered a culture where you can get some definition of a “relationship” without any effort.  All three of us are guilty of using online dating apps.  We’ve used everything from eharmony to tinder. And guess what?! WE.ARE.STILL.SINGLE!  

While we didn’t come up with a brilliant plan to land a man, we did find encouragement in knowing we aren’t alone. We also decided there is a difference between “being picky” and “having standards.”  And it’s a big difference!  The way I defend my singleness when people tell me I’m “just being picky” sounds like this, “No, I’m not being picky.  It’s not my fault he doesn’t love Jesus.”  Can I get an ‘amen, sister?!’  Seriously, I can look beyond some of the “gosh, this is what my ideal guy would look like” checklist items for a guy who is truly pursuing Jesus and is living a life that demonstrates it without him telling me he loves Jesus.  It doesn’t mean I’m going to fall for the first guy who loves Jesus.  But it does mean that he gets a fair shake.  Because honestly, at the end of the day, whether we like it or not in order for a relationship to work there has to be chemistry.  And we can only convince ourselves into thinking there is chemistry for so long until we have to decide, “do I like like this guy, or am I just enraptured because he has met the one criteria most guys don’t.”  And you know what, that’s not an easy decision, nor is it a fun conversation to have with the guy.  However, if you don’t truly love Jesus, it doesn’t matter if you look like Chris Hemsworth or Adam Scott (geez, I have a thing for Australians!), it will not work out between us…it will just make telling you “I’m sorry, we can’t date” WAAAAAY harder!

I put a lot of weight into the “loves Jesus” requirement.  God and I have had many conversations about why it’s so important to me.  Because there are days where it would be easier if it wasn’t so important.  I’d probably be in a miserable marriage, or I’d be divorced, or I could still be single. But I’m content knowing I’m still single because I’ve held onto that one requirement like a life raft.  It’s ultimately because God is an important aspect of my life. I lead several groups, I’m passionate about learning about Jesus, and I want to be challenged in my walk with my Heavenly Father.  These are all things that make “loves Jesus” so vital to any future relationship.  And that’s a hard quality to find in real life, much less using online dating apps!  (Plus, let’s be honest…I am not really a fan of constant streams of small talk. And that’s all online dating is. So, it just doesn’t fit my personality.) It’s also my one and only deal breaker. If a guy can’t meet me where I know God wants that guy to meet me, then it won’t work.  Try explaining that to people…the looks you get are incredible!

So, even though it looks like I’m being too picky.  I’ve just learned to lean into a loving Heavenly Father.  I’ve learned I need someone who will complement (with an ‘e’ not an ‘i’) that area of my life as a partner. I want to see him walk the walk so that I know we can walk through this thing called life together.  I’ve also learned that God is protecting my heart. It doesn’t mean that I won’t experience heartbreak because I have.  You have to kiss a few frogs first, right?  It does mean that I’m allowing God to lead me.  He’s protected me from making compromises in moments of weakness.  He’s protected me settling for someone who wasn’t His best for me.  And I can trust that as I continue to obey and pursue Him, He will continue to work out His best for me. In.His.Time.

In the end, my friends and I decided that it’s okay to appear picky when it’s really just having standards that we won’t compromise on.  We also decided there is a difference between being picky for the sake of being picky and having standards we won’t compromise on.  Basically, God made three very strong and confident women who have made pursuing a relationship with God a priority over how many “swipe right” matches we can get…no matter how entertaining some of those matches are!  And we have to trust He has three equally strong and confident men who are pursuing a relationship with God waiting for us somewhere.  Until then, we have to stay focused on what matters, and that means not adjusting our standards.  It looks like challenging ourselves to keep moving forward, and continuing to love Jesus. In the words of a Disney princess, “Someday my prince will come!”  

Oh, and don’t get me started on this whole “princess syndrome” nonsense…I’m a daughter of a King and because of that my man better be a prince ;O)

1   http://www.npmsingles.org/current-series/2016/6/20/part-3-falling-for-it  (do yourself a favor, and go here to watch the previous 2 parts of the #NoFilter series! http://www.npmsingles.org/series)

2 http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

Wow!  I graduated from college TEN YEARS ago!!!  And the crazy thing is that my life is not what I thought it was going to be when I graduated.  Don’t get me wrong.  I currently love my life!  But getting to this place hasn’t always been easy, or fun.  There are still times and days when I revert back to believing lies over truth.  But thankfully, because of the experiences over the last 10 years, I know how to fight against the lies.  (Unfortunately, I don’t always do it well or with grace, but eventually God works it out in me.)

I have a degree in Early Childhood Education from one of the best schools in South Carolina, and potentially the Southeast, for education.  I interviewed for three positions in three districts and was offered every single one…that doesn’t happen!  I accepted the one closest to home, and in the district I graduated from.  On the outside, it looked like every goal I set for myself was about to be accomplished.  On the inside, I was battling some very real demons.

Fast forward a few months, and I found myself hiding in the bathroom during lunch and recess trying to hold it together more days than I cared to admit. Needless to say, the “dream job” wasn’t quite the dream I thought it was going to be.  Additionally, things with my dad were still a mess and getting worse. Basically, my career as a teacher lasted one semester. Four years of college education gone in less than four months.  I know that sounds super dramatic, but when you are 22 and life is making you think the only thing you are good at is seemingly taken from you in a matter of months, the lies don’t just show up, they start yelling!

About a year after my disastrous go at teaching, my relationship with my dad basically hit rock bottom.  I met with my pastor, and he encouraged me to start counseling.  Turns out I hadn’t actually processed through my parents’ divorce. (They had been divorced for almost 6 years at that point, and I couldn’t talk about it without crying even with my closest friends and small group.  But I was “totally fine, guys, totally fine.”)  And so I started counseling.  

Originally, I started counseling because I needed to process their divorce, but it quickly turned into processing the lies in my life and learning to look for truth. For two years, I learned about the lies I believed, what events caused me to believe those lies, and ways to overcome them.  I also learned how to separate events that happened to me from events that I caused.  For example, the teaching thing…that was an event that happened to me, and wasn’t a reflection of my abilities.  It was one of those unfortunate circumstances.  Which I know doesn’t make it sound any better, but it ultimately became a springboard for me to take risks that I had been too scared to take before.  

I’m not a natural born risk taker. I have taken risks, but I don’t naturally gravitate toward risks.  I like rules, I like knowing what to expect, I like having a plan.  Risk taking to me means I have to give up the security I find in those things.  While I was meeting with my counselor, I mentioned my aversion to risks, but how I also felt I was missing out on plans that God has for me by not taking risks. At the time, the biggest risk I could think of was moving out of South Carolina.  Like any good counselor, she encouraged me to give them a try.  To start with the small ideas (a day trip to NYC that I randomly mentioned to her one day).  And to pray about the big ideas (moving out of SC).  

So I did.  I filled many journals those few years.  I took multiple day trips to NYC. I mentioned my desire to move *out loud* to my small group.  I started taking steps toward that goal.  I worked on going places where I might not know anyone.  I prayed. I picked a city or a career.  I prayed.  I changed the city and prayed some more.  I asked God different forms of the same questions.  I asked God questions I sort of knew the answer to, and lots of questions I didn’t know the answer to, and even some I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to (am I going to be single forever, for example...not my favorite to ask because what if I’m going to be single forever?!?)  But I asked questions.  That time of prayer and questioning was ultimately what I needed. I needed to know that I could go to God with the big things and the little things, when my life was together and when it was falling apart, and that he was going to be there.  I needed to learn what his voice sounded like. But more importantly, I needed to learn how to listen and respond to his voice.  I learned how to be content without being complacent.  I learned how to extend grace, not just to other people but to myself as well.  I learned about a loving Father, and I learned to rest in that love.

Those two years were hard. Necessary for sure.  But hard nonetheless.  I’m not going to lie, 10 years later, I still have a lot of unknowns. There are some questions that haven’t gone away.  (“Dear God, will I meet my future husband soon?”, for example)  My 10 year plan I wrote for myself in college is about to expire. But you know what, I learned to take risks, and I actually took some! (Hello…I moved to ATLANTA! And I didn’t know ANYONE.  But I made friends!) I learned that I can survive when life doesn’t follow the map I think it should. In 10 years, I’ve learned more about myself and God than I could have ever imagined!  And I think ultimately, that’s the point.  The point isn’t how well you can control your life to make it conform to some preconceived notion of how it should be.  I mean, it would be great if life would follow some rules, but experience has taught me otherwise.  The point is how well we find freedom in God’s grace and confidence in our faith that HE ultimately is working all things for HIS good and HIS glory.

The other day, I read an article on a reputable website.  (here’s the link:  Being a Single Christian Girl )  A few hours later, one of my friends posted it to one of my leader groups as sort of a conversation starter.  Well, it didn’t really start much conversation.  But it was interesting that he posted that particular article.  There are a lot of great points in the article.  I think the author might be slightly jaded on women’s small groups, and that breaks my heart.  Without my small group, I would not have made it through some really tough moments in life. I will be the first to admit, my small group is basically the exception to the rule.  I guess technically I’m not in the group anymore since I moved to Atlanta, but I still call them my group.  The leader, Cynthia, is my mentor.  She’s done life with me since I was in 10th grade!  Not to give away my age…even though I’m sure I already have in a previous post…but excluding my family, she’s been in my life the longest.  A few of the original group members still meet at her house every Monday night to do life together (they’ve picked up a few newbies and obviously lost a few of us due to moves).  She actually just performed her first of [hopefully] many wedding ceremonies.  In fact, I already told my mom that Cynthia is performing my hypothetical ceremony. I even told Cynthia before the wedding, and she said she’d keep praying I find my husband, haha!  (No lie, since high school she has been praying for each of our husbands.  So, future hypothetical husband, wherever/whoever you are…just know you have been prayed for by a very special person for a very long time.  In addition to meeting and earning my mom’s approval, you will have to do the same with her.  Consider yourself warned.  a n y w a y s . . . )

Here’s my take on the article:  I mostly agree.  As I stated, it breaks my heart that the stereotype women’s groups typically get, and the experience most women take away from those groups, is that it’s a time to complain about being single, learning how to be a ‘good wife’, etc and we shy away from how to be a strong women created in the image of an even stronger God.  I think it stems from traditional teaching that occurs during what I call “big church.” That’s the main sermon where the teaching can default to be very family oriented and in a way it becomes “old school.” Yes, a large population of church going folks are married and/or have kids.  However, a large population does not meet one or more of those criteria.  So, how do you create a sermon that relates to both demographics?  You can see the challenge.  This is why groups are so important.  They create a space where you can translate Biblical theology on a personal level.  And you are able to do that in a space with people who are on the same wavelength as you. You are able to express struggles that are unique to your phase of life and find that you aren’t the only one facing that struggle! (amazing, right??!!)  Can you imagine if we shifted from “gosh, I want a husband, blah, blah blah…” to “wow! Look how great our God is, and guess what?! He created ME in HIS image!!  I want to learn about that God!”??  We would become a force to be reckoned with as women and as followers of Christ! 

I thank God every single day for putting Cynthia in my life.  She still does an amazing job with balancing both the theology and the real moments...her favorite questions are, "so any boy stories?" and "how's your walk with God?" She was the one who taught me the meaning of help meet ("ezer") and how Eve wasn't just some pretty young thing for Adam ;O)   Yes, that was part of God’s plan.  However, it was just part of it.  Eve is also intended to personify characteristics of God only a woman could. That's our purpose...to reflect our creator to the world, and if we don't know the creator we're created in the image of it doesn't matter if we're single or not (and that's actually really encouraging!!!)

Compliments…

I don’t know about you, but I find them very difficult to accept.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate them, it’s that I don’t believe them about myself.  Sure, I’ll smile and say “thank you,” but my mind is thinking, “nothing they said is true.”  

This is especially true when people compliment how I look.  I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my body.  There is always something holding me back in truly believing positive comments.  The last several weeks have been full of God pursuing my heart on this topic.  People have mentioned things about my appearance or my character in general—all good, positive things—but I had a hard time believing them, especially as they pertained to my appearance.  God has placed verses about believing truth over lies in just about every book, devotion, etc I’ve been reading lately.  It keeps coming up in conversations in what appear to be random moments.  But none of it is random, it is all on purpose.  It is all part of God teaching me how to reflect the image of my Creator to the world in a more authentic way.

Today, I’m sitting on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.  (well, by the time I actually post this I’ll be back in Georgia.)  And, you guys, THIS PLACE IS BREATHTAKING!!  I’m talking you can’t sit where I’m sitting and not be in awe of the handiwork of God!  Looking at this massive piece of artwork, drinking coffee, that is called a canyon, I keep thinking three things: 1. How BIG God is 2. How small I am 3. If he can take the imperfections of rocks and piece them together to create a perfectly beautiful canyon, why can’t I believe he did the same when he created me? But even in remembering the smallness and finitude of my life, standing in the presence of something so big and beautiful I was reminded that when God looks at me, he sees beauty!  He sees His redemptive love that he poured out on us because he desires a relationship with a broken people.  He sees his Son!  The magnitude behind those statements was insane as I literally sat on the edge of a canyon!

And just like the Grand Canyon reflects our God, so should I.  This means accepting who I am.  No.matter.what.  It means being okay with my appearance…good, bad, and ugly.  It means letting those positive statements soak into my heart so that I can reflect the truth to the world that we have a loving, beautiful Creator who “delights in his creation.” (Isa 62:4; Ps 45:11)

While on this trip, I’ve had a few moments where different people have complimented me, and each time I became more aware of how often and how quickly I discredit what was said about me with a lie that I believe about myself.  And it’s a lot! And that’s not good!  

The set up moment happened without me realizing it was going to be a set up…God’s good about sliding things into our daily lives that he’ll use later, isn’t he??  I co-lead a singles running group at church with two other amazing ladies.  They both demonstrate gratitude, encouragement, and love for God in ways I haven’t seen or experienced in a really long time.  Every couple of days or so, one or both of them send out a prayer or a picture of a devotion that stood out to them or just a verse that they felt would encourage the group.  It’s amazing to be surrounded by people who are so in tune with what God is doing around them!  So, one of my co-leaders sends out a text (that directly related to a conversation I had with an old friend less about a month ago…in fact, I think he used some of the same phrases!  I’m telling you, God is good!)  Her prayer was this: “I love how God speaks and reminds me of His truths.  I pray today He will fill you with His Love and remind you that you are extremely valuable to Him.  He sacrificed His Son for you, for me, for all of us.  We are redeemed, and are able to live in love each day because of Jesus #youareHis #youareloved”

After that moment, two separate people told me I “looked fit” or that I was “pretty.”  Both times I immediately started going through the usual rebuttal in my head while my face and mouth smiled and said “thank you.”  Instead, I was thinking, “yeah, but I’ve got a long way to go, I just know how to dress to appear thinner.” Or “I’m wearing work out clothes and have sunglasses on and you can only see my face from profile, you can’t possible think I’m pretty.”  Seriously, those are my thoughts.  It actually hurts to type those words because I know they hurt the heart of my Creator.  I didn’t get very far in my thought process this time before God started reminding me of the truth.  The truth that I’m created in his image.  The truth that I’m loved by the Creator of all things.  The truth that he truly delights in me!

So sitting on the South Rim, I praised God for loving me, for creating me, for putting people in my life to speak truth when I lean toward lies.  And I thanked him for putting me in front of one of the most beautiful, breathtaking examples of his work while he continued to work on my heart.  My prayer became: “God, I stand in awe of the beauty you create, including me!  I stand in awe of how big you are, yet how much the small details matter to you!  Thank you for reminding me of your wonder, of your glory, of your heart for me.  ‘May we never lose our wonder…’”

Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City” or “The Desolate Land.” Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight” and “The Bride of God,” for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride. ~Isa 62:4 (NLT; emphasis added)

For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. ~Ps 45:11 (NLT; emphasis added)

The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And the expanse [of heaven] is declaring the work of His hands. ~Ps 19:1 (AMP)

Let them praise the name of the LORD, For His name alone is exalted and supreme; His glory and majesty are above earth and heaven ~Ps 148:13 (AMP)

So, here is what my Tuesday is looking like…it’s 70* outside.   I’m wearing shorts and a tshirt.  I’m sitting outside.  I’ve got the new Hillsong Worship cd playing (O Praise His Name is currently on repeat #sogood!)  OH, and did I mention it is February 2.  According to the calendar, it’s technically still winter.  But, alas, I live in the south, so we don’t really know what it means to endure a “real winter.”  When it gets below 60* everyone thinks it is freezing and we are all going to die.  Seriously…a few weeks ago, half the city shut down at 3pm due to a threat of snow.  I mean, it was cold, but whatever.  Despite the uncertainty of humanity surviving freezing temperatures, days like today are blessings from God that I’ve come to enjoy about the south.  When you work in retail, there is an unwritten rule that your days off will typically have the worst weather of the week.  To be able to enjoy the sunshine and warm temperatures on a day off is amazing!  (it’s also causing me to procrastinate on cleaning my house, but that’s neither here nor there…I just have to vaccum! And finish laundry.)

Also, here’s another funny fact about today.  It is Groundhog Day.  Apparently good ol’ Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, so it means an early spring.  Looks like at least for today in the south, he got it right!

Fun fact about me:  I read a lot of books.  And by that I mean, A LOT of books, and usually several at a time.  I’m almost done with Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray (AMAZING!!  Highly recommend), so I figured it was time to start reading a few more.  Also, with groups starting back I needed to get some potential ideas for the year.  Per various Instagram posts by some of my favorite authors, I decided to put my Amazon Prime membership to work and order a bunch of books.  First up is Steadfast Love by Lauren Chandler!

I have this somewhat strange habit of reading books from the very beginning. As in from the Acknowledgements and Dedication pages all the way to the Notes and About the Author pages.  I think it stems from my high school years where my teachers actually assigned us questions about those pages.  (yes, they were very thorough teachers! But they were hands down my favorites!)  Additionally, my mentor has assigned us to specifically read the Acknowledgement and Foreword of several books before we started reading the actual text.  I remember we had an entire small group night based on the Foreword of a book…an entire night!  Next time you pick up a book, take a few minutes to read those often overlooked pages at the beginning.  They speak volumes into the author’s desire for their audience and they set the tone for the book by giving a small glimpse into ‘their tribe.’ Those people who have done life with them.

Well, I didn’t even make it to chapter one before I was pulling out my pen, highlighter, and journal!

Here’s what I’m most excited about based on those first few pages:       “Your grace is sufficient.” (pg ix)  Who doesn’t love being reminded of the powerful nature of God’s grace in our lives!     “Sometimes when it feels like God’s breaking our anchor—He’s really breaking our idols—what we were holding on to more than we were holding on to Him.  Sometimes God allows all our anchors to break—so we know the only unbreakable anchor we have is Him…[she] never stopped considering the steadfast love of her Father.” (pg xvii)  That last phrase “never stopped considering”…I couldn’t get past that for a few minutes.  How often do I try to do it on my own, and only turn to God when I’ve exhausted all my options??  How many times does my anchor break and I try to make a new one??  Do I truly consider (take time to pause and reflect) God’s steadfast love in the middle of a storm, or is it an afterthought?  Something I should just do because the Bible says I should?  To “consider,” we have to look beyond the immediate situation, it requires us to be active participants.  We can use those moments to reflect on the greatness of God, to praise his name, and to remember that through it all, we can believe that He is a good God!  There is freedom in looking toward something bigger than us.  There is something comforting about paying attention to the promises of God.  There is power in bringing honor to His name through praise!

I wish I could say that in every storm of life, I took time to “consider the steadfast love of God,” but honestly, there were times where that wasn’t the case.  I pushed forward, relying on my own strength.  Stopping to consider made me nervous.  Because it meant I was letting go of my “momentum.”  When instead, had I stopped, even for a moment, I would have been able to realign my thoughts and my actions with a loving God who can weather any storm of this world.  I missed out on the beauty of letting God lead me and love me.  And friends, he longs to love us if we let Him!

Now that I’ve thoroughly processed the Foreword and the Introduction, I can dive in to the first chapter and see what God has to teach me about his steadfast love and unfailing grace!  

Also, I should probably finish cleaning my house…and that pile of laundry!

Tonight was week one of the next single series at Buckhead Church.  There have been probably 3-4 since my last post referencing this event, so here’s a refresher.  The single series’ are special nights for the singles of ATL to worship together, fellowship together, and hear a great talk.  It’s another great thing that Buckhead Church/North Point Ministries (NPM) provides for those of us not in high school, but aren’t married with a  family…ya know, the folks most churches are like, “umm…yeah, so we aren’t sure what to do with you.  We created the ‘young adults’ ministry for you.”  (Let’s just go ahead and call the “young adult ministry” what is it…it’s someone’s attempt at a college ministry.  Not exactly a one size fits all model for singles ministry!)  There are singles who are single because of a death of a spouse, or divorce, or just never married.  Then you’ve got the singles who have kids.  You also have the singles who are young professionals.  You see where the struggle of creating a ministry to serve all these different phases of life that are connected because of one little word: “single.”  That’s what I love about single series nights!  We are reminded that we aren’t in this thing called life alone!

Anyways, I digress.

This particular series is entitled “Game Changer.”  Tonight our senior pastor, Andy Stanley, spoke.  And, wow, was it awesome!!  The summarizing statement was this: “adversity in my life can be the focal point of God’s activity in my life.”  I mean, stop here for a second.  Even when life doesn’t make sense, or it hurts, or we are thrown a curve ball, or it is just confusing.  We have to trust that he’s right there with us…because, guess what?!  He is beside me every step of the way and he’s working on something!  Honestly, that’s a really easy sentence to type.  To actually believe it and let my faith be tested in trials…not so easy.  I’ve been there, we all have.  That moment (ok, moments) where we look up and suddenly life isn’t quite where we thought it would/should be.  I’ve written about a couple of those moments in previous posts.  How we let adversity and trials test, grow, and stretch our faith, our confidence, in a good God is the game changer in our lives.  When we challenge ourselves to start seeing trials not as a setback, but as a moment to reach out and take hold of a victorious God who is right next to us, that’s when we see growth and maturity in our faith.  Does that make the situation any less difficult, or sad, or heartbreaking? No, not at all.  But it gives us hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time, one day at a time.  It gives us strength to look toward something bigger than us.  It gives us reassurance that we aren’t in this alone.  It’s trusting God to do what only God can do.  It lets us ask tough questions to a loving God.  It’s relying on something we can’t always understand or see.  It’s creating a relationship with our God that becomes so much sweeter when the clouds break and we see the sun shining in our lives again.  It’s standing victorious in the storms because our soul has found a safe place.  Game.Changer.

We sang several songs, but the words of two of them really hit me in my heart based on recent conversations and events.  I’ve put the words at the bottom of the post, but the first was “Good, Good Father” by Chris Tomlin.  The chorus reminds us of who God is…a good, good father.  The chorus also reminds us of who we are…loved by him.  Because he’s a good father, we are loved.by.him.  It’s not because I’m a good daughter that he loves me.  No, it’s because HE is good!!  I mean, come on!  I don’t have to prove to him that I’m worthy of his love.  He already paid the adoption fee by sending his son.  I’m his daughter, and because I’m his daughter, he loves me!  While singing the chorus, I found myself asking God to never let me forget this truth.  Over the last few weeks, it has become very obvious that I’m believing my usual set of “not enough” lies.  (and they are a post for another day.)  I also found myself being challenged by it.  What would my life look life if I actually lived every moment in the truth that I AM LOVED and not because of what I did or didn’t do, but because of HIM!  There is freedom to be found in embracing that, and I want to live life in that freedom, don’t you?!  The next song was “Sons and Daughters” by North Point Worship.  My favorite part (aside from the whole song!) is the refrain at the end…”when the lies speak louder than the truth, remind me that I belong to you.  When I can’t see past the dark of night, remind me you’re always by my side.”  In the refrain, I heard God speak…”Chelsea, you belong to me.  Those lies you are hearing and believing?  They aren’t an accurate statement of who you are.  You are my daughter…I get to have the final say, not the lies.  Trust me.  Believe me.  Embrace who I’ve created you to be.  Abide in my love.”  

So, here I am.  Learning to filter lies out by holding onto the truth.  Learning that I am a precious daughter of God.  Learning that every day is a process.  Learning that adversity breeds maturity.  Learning to trust when life is hard.  Learning to celebrate when life is good.  Learning to remember who God says he is and who God says I am.  Learning to accept the love of a good, good Father.  Learning to abide.

You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are And I'm loved by you It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am ~Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin

Before he spoke creation, The God of Heaven knew our names Formed in his perfection, We are his glory on display

And his heart is good, he is always kind With the cross he proved, he is on my side We are the sons, we are the daughters of God No matter where we go, we are close to the father’s heart And though we stumble, he will not let us fall We are the Lord’s and he will never forsake his own We are the sons, we are the daughters of God

His love he lavished on us And called us children of the King And in his loving kindness He chose the lowly and the weak

~chorus~

Well, I’m going to give this blogging thing another shot.  It’s been quite a while since my last post.  Lots has happened too.  For starters, I turned 31.  I took a much needed vacation.  My youngest brother is teaching English in Paris, my other brother moved to California, and my sister started nursing school!  Oh, and I’m still single. So clearly, some things haven’t changed!

Anyways.  I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and learning the last few months, and God has been teaching me so much!!  To jump back into the blogging world, I think I’m going to take some of the coolest things God has taught me and just do mini posts for a while.

So, here we go.  Last year, I started my year by picking a word to be the focus for that year.  I picked “intentional,” and while I didn’t exactly stick to that focus all year, I definitely took steps in the right direction.  This year, I’m going with “abide.”  This word has been a favorite for a long time, but I started reading “Abide in Christ” by Andrew Murray, and there is one chapter that I just can’t get past because of the impact it had on me. And, guys, it’s HUGE!!  

My challenge this year is going to be to live this out.  Even in the moments when I want all the answers or feel the need to plan out what’s next.  I need to first take the time to abide and just be with God.

Ok, first of all.  Lauren Daigle just released her first album, How Can It Be, and it is amazing!!!  She performed at the Atlanta Dogwood Festival over the weekend.  She put on a great show!  Plus, they had advanced copies of her cd, and she hung around to sign autographs.  I bought 2 copies thinking I would give one to my roommate, since we both like her as an artist.  But after I got them signed, I decided it would be awesome to send one as a surprise to my mom.  So, a signed ‘advanced’ copy of the cd is currently on its way to SC.  Can’t wait for my mom to get it in the mail!!

Secondly…it has been FOOOOOOORREEEEVVVVERRRRRR since my last post!!  (unofficial nod to The Sandlot!)

There is no other reason than life has been winning the last few months.  And it has a very solid lead!  I was talking to a co-worker today about how we were actually hoping it rains on our next day off so we won’t feel guilty about spending all day in bed, binging on Netflix, and eating junk food.  Just the idea of doing something other than going to work makes me tired!  And exhausted is not a state you want to live in very long.  Don’t get me wrong…I have done some awesome-ly fun things the last few months.  I’ve just had to rush from point A to point B to point C, and rushing makes me exhausted.  I’ve sat down to write this post more times than I care to admit.  In fact, I have at least 5 partially finished posts from the last few months.  A couple are completely incoherent because I fell asleep while typing them.

Anyways.  Back to this post.  God has been doing some crazy awesome things in my life lately.  30 has been fantastic, and I’m actually pretty pumped to see what 31 has in store!!  It also has been a year that God has made it very clear it is time to start putting into practice the things he has been teaching me over the years.  You know, “impart my wisdom to those around me (or at least myself).”  Learning new things is great, but if we don’t do anything with it then we are just full of random facts.  Which probably makes you a great team member for trivia, but as far as life is concerned, not so much.  We are intended to learn and in turn grow!  Times of growth allow us to lean into a God who ultimately has our best in mind and knows the best way to get us to that best, whether we go along with him or not!  Growth requires strength.  Growth requires patience.  Growth requires allowing God to cultivate what only he can bring out in our lives.  It is not always easy.  But the end result is definitely worth the frustration.

At the end of each semester, I ask the group members of the groups I lead where they would like to go next semester.  Book of the Bible, person of the Bible, topic, characteristic of God, life issue, etc.  I do some research and gather 5-8 books that pertain to the most common themes.  They get a few weeks to look at the options and vote on their top 2.  From there, I pick the one with the most votes.  Well, I hadn’t done that with our college group until this past semester.  Mainly because we were still establishing a boundary of trust and creating an environment where discussion can occur, but also because they are in college…it was just easier to say, “hey, here’s the book we are going to walk through this year.  Here are ways you can purchase it.  Have it by this date.”  Also, I had a feeling if I asked them what they wanted to study, they were going to say “relationships” or “why wait” or something along the lines of how God defines sex/relationships.  And honestly, I just wasn’t prepared to go that route.  I knew it was inevitable, but wasn’t ready! 

So, here we are.  Almost done with one of the most challenging semesters I’ve ever had the privilege to lead a group through.  I have a feeling we will revisit this topic as I don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface.  It is an awkward topic!!  It still carries a very taboo connotation.  Unless you go to a mainstream church (which we would classify ourselves as being part of, but even “big church” doesn’t touch too much on the topic of sex), talking about sex just doesn’t happen outside of once a week in youth group.  Side note: did anyone ever notice how the “sex talk” in youth group always happened around Valentine’s Day or during Prom season.  It’s not that group has been a disaster this semester, but it definitely has not gone super smoothly!  It has been a growing season for me.  I would not consider myself to be the best during growing seasons.  I like to be in control.  I like to have the answers.  I also like making people feel comfortable.  I’m a great hostess in that sense.  I may not be Pinterest Peggy, but I will have snacks and cute napkins.  However, beyond that I always aim to build trust quickly with others.   For some reason, people just open up to me.  I listen, genuinely or otherwise.  I try to give some version of advice.  I usually create convoluted statements.  Somehow, God shines through.  He always does!

We picked a book, and for whatever reason, they just aren’t connecting with it the way we had originally hoped.  I can honestly say God will still use it to teach everyone something, but dang, it’s been hard to find that something!  We’ve got about 2 weeks left, and as I try to find a way to wrap up this topic *for now* I keep coming back to the question “Why wait?”  Because...seriously…why should I wait?  I’m about to get really honest and open, and I hope I can make my thoughts make sense!  This has been something God has been putting on my heart for several months now.  Between this study, conversations, my own feelings/thoughts, and several other books I’ve been reading (which we’ll get to later!), I’ve had a TON of time to think about this question.

Why wait?

We live in a culture that is so sexually saturated; we have become numb to the ideal God lays out for us in scripture.  We live in “real,” not “ideal.”  So what’s the difference?  How do we go about defining God’s “best” or “ideal” in our lives?  How do we stay satisfied when we perceive God’s “best” to not be “enough” or contrary to our “real”?  How do we pick ourselves, or others, back up when we decide we are going after “good enough” instead of “ideal”?  And, more importantly, why does it matter?

I had a conversation with a dear friend last night, and the timing was completely God!  This is a friend who I’ve been in group with for over 15 years.  We’ve done a lot of life together!  We’ve been there during the ups and downs.  We’ve been there to help navigate the mess of a fallen world.  For some reason, God kept putting her on my heart all last week.  Remember when I was going to focus on one word this year?  And that word was “intentional”?  Well, I’ve done a really fantastic job of staying intentionally unintentional in a lot of areas of my life.  You know, “I’ll make a note to do that after work.” Or, “I just don’t have time to start that conversation.”  Or any number of excuses.  That’s where I’ve been the last few months.  This just reinforces that last night’s phone call was completely ordained by God!

I could tell she wasn’t sure how to start or even what she wanted to say, but she just had to talk.  And, wouldn’t you know it…the topic was “why wait.”  She’s a friend who has had a very blessed life.  For whatever reason, God has decided to protect her from a lot of messes other people have gone through in our group and in her circle of friends.  To borrow from Jennie Allen, her spheres of influence are unique!  And yet, God has equipped her to lead and love well in all of them.  She and I had very similar upbringings…we were in our respective churches essentially 24/7.  We did AWANA, Sunday school, VBS, you name it, we were there and involved!  As I mentioned in a previous post (or maybe it was one of those drafts I have been working on!), I didn’t realize what my upbringing meant until I got to ATL.  And it’s been crazy to see how God is using it now!

Anyways, back to the conversation.  One night during group, the status of everyone’s virginity was solidified, if you will.  There have been members of that group, who I personally suspected weren’t virgins anymore, and there were a few who I just wasn’t sure about.   We never officially discussed it.  I just knew which side I belonged to.  Looking back, we never actually did a study on “why wait.”  We did Captivating, but that was about the extent of it.  If the topic came about during another study, then we discussed it, so it wasn’t like we avoided it all together.  I guess we just assumed everyone was on the same page when it came to sex.  Obviously, we live in a fallen and messy world, so that generalization can probably be seen as overly optimistic, but that’s ok.  One thing really stuck out to me during this conversation.  She said, “I mean, it’s not like this isn’t something I struggle with too.  And just because I’m still a virgin doesn’t make me any better than the next person.  I struggle with sin and fall to various temptations.  So, what makes this sin feel so different?  Why does hearing everyone say they weren’t virgins anymore feel like a kick in the gut?  Why do I suddenly feel like I’m doing life alone?  And, honestly, why should I wait?  I mean, why have I been so protective of this area of my life only to hear other people haven’t?”

She put into words feelings I have struggled with for YEARS!  Because, honestly, what’s the point?  Our culture has diminished its value anyway.  In fact, it has become so diminished finding out someone is a virgin is like saying you saw the Loch Ness monster or something equally ridiculous!  Remember a few years ago on the Bachelor (or maybe the Bachelorette) when it was discovered the final couple was “waiting until marriage.”  The collective gasp of the nation was crazy!  It made headline news for weeks…and then again after they got married!  It’s almost as taboo to be a virgin in our culture (and even our church groups) as it is to talk about sex in the church.  No wonder so many people don’t know how to answer the question about why you should wait! 

Leading this study and walking through the book we picked has made me really start to think about my answer to the question.  Without sounding pious, obviously the answer is because “that’s what the Bible says to do.” (1 Thess 4:1-4; 1 Cor 6:18; Eph 5:3; to name a few!)  But the Bible also says not to cuss (Eph 5:4).  Oops.  The Bible also says not to gossip (hello, Proverbs!).  Big oops!  The Bible says to be in the world but not of the world (Jn 17:16-18; Rom 12:1-3).  So, why do/should I hold onto this command, when I so easily disregard others?  It is in these moments of transformation, sanctification, and worship that we are able to present our lives to God so that HE can work in and through us (Eph 2:8-10).  Ok, great!  But what does that look like practically?  Honestly, it doesn’t make “waiting” any easier!  I think it comes down to our ability to trust in God and what he says he will do, he will do.  His will and plan is ultimately the best, most ideal thing we can chase after.  So, why do we insist on running with all our might away from his best when it comes to sex?  I have yet to find a satisfying answer.  I’m beginning to believe that this side of heaven, I probably won’t get one.  God created it to be holy.  It was tarnished with the fall.  And ever since, the devil is spinning it in such a way, we can’t help but be drawn to it.  Remember in the garden?  He never promised Eve a more glorious future.  He simply spun her existence in the “ideal” as not being “enough,” she was “missing out” on life because God put a boundary around that area of the garden.  Satan is a master marketer!  Her trust faltered.  She began doubting that God and what he created and sanctified as his was enough.  What is it that causes us to falter?  I think it always comes down to our ability to trust.  Do we truly believe God’s best for us is better than our good enough, or are we going to make our good enough look better than God’s best?  Are we willing to accept God’s best in moments when good enough looks better or has a better marketing campaign?  Honestly, there have been moments when I’ve felt like I’m probably missing out because of my decision on sex.  There have been moments where I’ve thought, it really doesn’t matter.  But for some reason, God has provided a level of protection over this area of my life.  It’s something I hold onto, and in my heart, I know the reason is deeper than “because God said so,” even if I can’t put it into words.  It’s because he knows me!  He knows the level of guilt I would place on myself.  He knows it’s not the best he has for me!  It’s because he knows I need something worth fighting for, worth holding onto, worth trusting in.  I think it’s also because he decided a long time ago this was going to be an area he was going to protect in order to bring me closer to him.  He knew my parents were going to get a divorce.  He knew the hurt and pain I was going to experience.  He knew the process of healing I was going to have to go through before I could even accept the notion of a relationship.  He knew.  He never promised it would be easy, or fun, or glamorous.  But he promises he will never leave me.  He will never stop loving me.  He will continually make me new in moments of weakness.  He will never stop sanctifying and restoring me.  He is constantly reaching out with a grace so overwhelming in moments of hurt and pain and self-loathing.

How can it be?

How can a God so holy, so big, so loving surround himself with guilty, ashamed, messy people??

How can it be?

Ok, so I had a completely different topic I wanted to write about and even started typing it out.  It was a great little post.  BUT then, Valentine’s Day.  whomp, whomp. Honestly, I don’t hate the “holiday.”  I just don’t particularly care for it.  Like, it would never make my list of Top 5 Holidays.  The last few years have been slightly harder when it comes to this ever so special day.  There were a couple of years that I was bitter about not having a significant other.  Then I just stopped caring.  Which apathy is almost as bad as bitterness.  You don’t want to live your life in either of those attitudes.  Then God and I had a very real, very serious chat.  The idea of falling in love with God during this time of singleness became a driving force.  I’ve lived that way for the last 3 years.  And let me tell you…it’s been an AMAZING 3 years!  The desire to be married, go on a date, go get coffee is still there.  It's still very awkward when the sweet Southern ladies ask me about myself, and I literally say, "well, I work and run half marathons."  "Yes, dear, but what about a boyfriend?"  "Nope, I'm the definition of single...the only reason I sort of have a pet right now is because they came with my roommate." *blank stares happen and crickets chirp*  It's hard to explain why you are single in a society that values dating and relationships, because that fuels our desire to fit in and belong. But the desire is kept in check by my desire to submit and love a gracious God who lavishly loves me!  This year, especially the last few months, have been about finding what that looks like in daily life.  In the traffic jams, in the annoying people moments, in the frustrated with friends or myself moments, in the ups, the downs, and in the good and the bad.  It’s not easy, folks, not easy at all.  But thankfully, I can feel a difference in my heart attitude.  God has been pursuing me for so long.  And he pursues YOU!  He loves us with a never ending, overflowing, jealous love.  His love is unconditional, lacks strings, and is given freely.  Find rest in that. I used to think, “I just need to get out of SC.  The ‘man of my dreams’ is not in SC.  God told me so.”  Well, I still think all of that.  I’ve had some conversations with God regarding this element of my life.  He has yet to tell me where the man of my dreams is from, but we did establish it was not in SC.  So here I am…I’m thirty (which is so weird!)  I’m single.  I’m living in an amazing city.  I’m more in love with my God than ever before.  And I’m not giving up on God answering this prayer. The following is a note I randomly wrote out a few years ago.  It was the turning point in my thought process and heart attitude in regards to dating and relationships.  Not a whole lot has changed-just a few details.  It’s been amazing to walk this journey called life with God and I’m so excited to see what comes next.  Until then, to quote a Disney princess (because honestly, who doesn’t like and/or want to be a Disney princess one day.  Yes, I’m a fairytale lovin’ kind of girl)…”Someday my prince will come.”

I was driving to church the other day and got to thinking about Valentine’s Day. The perfect time to remind myself that "hey, I'm sinlge...awesome." In fact the perfect card for me would read something like this: "dear Chelsea, Here's your yearly reminder that you are a year older and still single. congrats on 27 30 years! love, Valentine’s Day" Seriously, that was the thought process I had driving to church. TO CHURCH! Depressing? maybe. Hilarious? slightly. True? completely. Such a bleak outlook, eh? But, we form opinions based on experiences and events, so it is completely valid. Don't get me wrong...I am a sucker for cheesy chick flicks, rom-com, and fairytale type movies and stories. I haven't given up on my turn at love. However, I am completely fine being single on Valentine’s Day this year. (it’s getting a smidge depressing being the only single member of management on staff and having to work Valentine’s night, however!)  It took me awhile and lots of prayer but I'm confident in who God has made me as a single woman!! Sure, I'd love to have a dinner date or someone special in my life, but God has taught me so much about myself and His awesome power during this time of singleness that I can see the necessity of it.

So, I decided/realized that this year felt different. Maybe it was God working on my heart. Maybe it has been conversations with friends. More likely a combo of the two. While I was driving to work yesterday, I heard God speak...and it made me smile! All it took was 4, small, quiet, but powerful words spoken straight to my heart with so much love and passion that only God could get to that place. "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made." Umm...wow!! Then again, because God knows I miss things sometimes. "Chelsea, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I LOVE you!" I just had to smile! God knows me so well and is ready to meet me right where I need him.

As I reflected on my Valentine from God (the verse is at the end of the post), I realized 2 3 things. 1. God wants my praise. Everyday. All day. In everything. 2. he wants my heart/soul not just my mind. Because my mind jumps on board faster than my heart; which is why I know God is doing something awesome this year!!! 3. God wants all of this so I can bring HIM glory. He wants to be the center of my life.

Who knows...next year someday on Valentine’s Day, maybe I will have that ‘someone special.’ Until that happens, I'm excited for what God has brought into my life just since January and I am pumped to see what is coming next! Happy Valentine’ Day to everyone...especially my single friends! Remember, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made and God makes everything glorious!!

One thing God has made abundantly clear this weekend is that there is an intentionality to life.  We may not always chose intentionality, but there it is always there.  God was intentional from the very beginning, he is in the now, and he will be forever!  As you know, the Elevation CD, Wake Up the Wonder has been on repeat the last few months for me.  Walking into the Phillips Arena this weekend, I never would have thought that God was intentionallyusing that cd (or are they called "ep" now...I don't know) to prepare my heart and bring into the attitude HE wanted it to be in!  I'll elaborate more later, but the theme of that album is that we have an unstoppable God, full of beauty, glory, power, and grace.  But more importantly we have a God who defeated death and overcame the world! That theme was carried throughout the entire Passion ATL1 weekend from the speakers to the worship..."tetelestai"..."it is finished!" resonated in an arena full of 20,000 people ready to worship the fact that Jesus has won!  It doesn't mean our lives will all of a sudden be easy, in fact, Jesus basically guarantees there will be struggles.  But he provides relief if we intentionally, obediently, and prayerfully go before him every day.

Another thing God made clear this weekend is that it's all about his glory.  And his glory is all about his beauty.  And his beauty is all about the rescue provided in the person of Jesus.  So, in essence, his glory and his beauty are a person.  We can have a relationship with God's glory and God's beauty because we can know Jesus! 

Finally, God pointed out that because of who he is...in his glory, in his beauty, in his intentionality, in our struggles, in our worries, in our triumphs, in our moments of hurt and loss and pain and joy he is the rock that anchors it all!  And because of this unfailing anchor, we should seek to praise him in everything we do.  Lately, finding ways to praise God...making praise a habit...has been a challenge that God is walking me through.  It's not that I'm an ungrateful person, but I think sometimes I get so caught up in the everyday, that I forget it's all because of him.  I remember to praise him after being provided relief after a season of hurt, but do I remember to praise him during the seasons of ordinary?

There is just so much bouncing around my head right now, but I'll leave you with these lyrics.  They aren't from the conference because some of those songs haven't been released yet, but they will probably pop up here soon!  This is from the song "Your Glory" by All Sons and Daughters.  It pretty much summarizes this weekend.

Your Glory by All Sons and Daughters (emphasis added)

Ever have one of those moments where things just seem "off?"  I know I have had plenty of them!  In fact, I'm kind of going through one of them right now.  I think holidays, especially Christmas, are always hard when you are single.  Thankfully, most of my friends and all of my siblings are also single, so I'm not the only one.  But, seriously, how many Christmas movies don't end in "happily ever after?"  How many co-workers, customers, and random family friends have someone you just "have to meet...he's a great guy"?  How many family functions or work parties would be easier if you just had a date to bring?  And then you have friends who announce pregnancies (who also happen to be the same age as your younger sister and you were once upon a time their high school small group leader) and you just look at your life and think, "really! how is this happening??" 

Well, that's a snapshot of my life around the holidays every single day.for the last 30 years.  It really is awesome.  [insert sarcastic eye roll and scoff here.]  See, I warned you I was self deprecating sometimes!

Today, I've really been trying to focus on the fact that it doesn't matter that I'm single.  In all honesty, it doesn't bother me most days.  I've learned to embrace it.  I'm learning to embrace that it's all part of God's plan for my life.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  One benefit to spending my 20s single and starting my 30s single is that I have to rely solely on God.  I've gotten to fall in love with the God who knows me inside and out...every flaw, every struggle, every moment of insecurity and weakness, but also every positive, every smile, every moment of joy and happiness have been shared with someone who holds those moments together!

This post didn't originally start as a reflection on my relationship status, so I'm not sure how I'm going to bring this whole thing around, but I'm going to try!  Here are a few encouraging nuggets of truth God has been placing on my heart this week, but especially tonight:

"Stories like Abraham's teach us that faith does not require an explanation.  Faith rests on God's promises." Living So That by Wendy Blight (emphasis mine)

"A love that will not let me go.  My soul will rest in you alone.  I give you back this life I owe.  To know you Jesus, more and more.  I love you, Lord.  I love you, Lord.  Jesus, I adore you.  I love you, Lord.  I love you, Lord.  Teach me how to love you more."  I Love You, Lord by Elevation Worship (emphasis mine)

I know what you are thinking...but I want an explanation, God!  I think the same thing some most days.  We live in a culture of immediate access to information, and when we have to wait for an explanation (or proceed without one!) we fall into unease because it's foreign territory.  But don't miss this!  Without faith, we wouldn't need a God.  And what makes God God is his ability to be all-knowing and a sure provider for his children.  He sees the whole picture!  He demands our faith just by being who he is.  And when we rest in that, we have the opportunity to turn our heart attitude to one of love and worship.

"God's Son has all the brightness of God's own glory and is like him in every way.  By his own mighty word, he holds the universe together." ~Hebrews 1:3 (CEV; emphasis mine)

"He is the sole expression of the glory of God [the Light-being, the out-raying or radiance of the divine], and He is the perfect imprint and very image of [God's] nature, upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power." ~Hebrews 1:3 (AMP; bold emphasis mine)

"The Son radiates God's own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the might power of his command." ~Hebrews 1:3 (NLT; emphasis mine)

I'm not really sure what drew me to this verse tonight.  It was part of an advent reading plan I was finishing.  I always find it interesting how God will put exactly what we need to hear in front of us no matter what.  This verse was tucked into a reading that was proclaiming the birth of Jesus, and it was exactly the reminder I needed!  GOD sustains us! GOD holds everything together!  GOD is the reason all of this is even possible!

I don't know about you guys, but I find encouragement in reading about the power of our God.  Also, finding rest in that power...what is better than that?! So, wherever you are tonight, let the glory of God surround you.  Find rest in his glory and power and strength.  Embrace that he is God.  There is no one else above him.  Then praise him!  For me that looks like taking this extended season of singleness and thanking God that I get to be a small part in his grand plan.  There is still a reason for my singleness.  I may not see it now, but God is working on something pretty great.  And every now and then, I just need to be reminded of that fact.