Mind & Soul

“I’m pregnant” doesn’t that sound so beautiful & joyful to say. Don’t those words sound like so much hope and life. Two words so deep & so beautiful it’s almost like it’s too good to be true. I want a baby so bad, to love, kiss, hug & to grow. Only God knows how much we do. We plan our future around the possibilities & what “ifs” of a family. But feel down I have this unsettling feeling that I will never be able to get pregnant again. We’ve been trying for 3 years now & still nothing, just false hope & excitement. Watching friends get a positive pregnancy test back is like a stab to my heart & gut. Not because I’m not happy for them & their new journey but because why not me?! Why not us?! I know God has a prefect timing for everything & he does things in his time & his way but if I’m being honest I’m starting to loose faith. Starting to loose faith that this will never happen for us. Did I make the biggest mistake that caused me not to get pregnant?! Are we not compatible that our bodies are rejecting this miracle?! Is it because we aren’t married or have a house?! I’m scared to ask, I’m scared to say anything. At the end God has the last say and he knows how much we want a baby. That’s what you say right?! That’s the way you think right?! Why God why is this so hard?! I can’t help but feel like I’m the reason of our misfortune. I just want to cry scream & give up. But that’s just it I don’t want to give up. I want to fight I want to keep trying but when is enough enough?! When do you throw in the towel, when do you start living with this denial?! Please pray for us