CheesyCaracal

I was so excited once I finished Thilia, and just wanted to continue with a different character as soon as possible. I started Thilia's lover, Beau next, but because I'm still not familiar with Procreate, after a while I just went back to my PC and started Alicia instead. 

I gave some thought of Thilia's role in a rogue-like game too. As I previously mentioned, she'd be an ally for sure, and I still have a strong feeling that she would give one-use items and small boons, boosting that sweet-sweet dmg. After that I realized that she enjoys cooking, and she also started to learn about medical herbs, so she could definitely provide food-based items that can have other beneficial effects. If you have progressed enough in her 'quest' or improved the bond with her, she'd just give an item time to time for free as a gift, probably stronger items as the relationship grows. Because she is a caster, I can imagine that she could give a temporary armor too, but I think this should be something tied to her quest as she learns more about her magical abilities. 

She could be found in the kitchen area cooking and creating potions, or she could tend the garden with Akiya, her teacher. I can imagine that she goes back to her room learning new recipes, or just disappears to spend some time with her boyfriend (so she wouldn't be a romanceable character, sorry :( ). Other times she could be found next to a pond - perhaps a random encounter in the first big area, but in that case this would be a rare occasion and unlocking a healing pond is a must to meet her during a run. 

Unlike the antihero Alicia, who would be another obstacle in the second or third area, not thinking the main character is strong enough to take the BBEG, Thilia would be full of support. She'd feel anger towards Alicia for sure, and she wouldn't be happy that the necromancer is in the camp. Thilia just couldn't accept the fact that Alicia is an ally somehow, and she would speak her mind harshly and clearly. 

After the sketch, the process was pretty straightforward. There's not much to say about it - I can only repeat how difficult it was for me to use the most basic brush I have without pressure sensitivity :DD

Although I felt excited to continue the drawing. It was fun to check on the illustrations from the Hades game, picking and choosing the right parts and forms for my girl until I got comfortable with the look, and it was such a nice challenge and change after my usual stuff. I was happy with her clothes and the pose as well because how dynamic it turned out to be - I enjoy posing my characters this way more and more.

Welp, Divinity OS2 stole my mind for a full month, but its grip on me has loosened since, so here I am, sharing the next drawing process of the style challenge. Finally!! :D

I immediately had an idea for the pose once I started working on Thilia, though I was a little bit worried about her arm reaching toward the 'camera', mainly because of her hand position. My job with the trident was not a cakewalk either, but at least I had an updated design somewhere in my files, sad and unfinished, that I was able to use as reference. And, because it had more detail than its first version, it was a pretty difficult task to put it into perspective. How fun.

After I established the flat colors, it didn't take too long to paint the shadows, mainly because I had a confidence boost. I still had trouble with the background though - ideally I would have painted something similar to the Hades maps, but I had no idea what kind of environment I should use and why. In this case a top down view of the character would have been nice too with the protag talking to Alicia, sooo...

Nah, it seemed to much work for an already difficult style challenge, so I just decided to add a textured bg with black frame around it. I was thinking about adding some shapes in the frame to make it a bit more interesting, but once I tried, it was pretty distracting and it felt messy as well. The character is already detailed enough, and I wanted the focus to stay on my menacing child.

During the coloring, another issue arose - the bones between her hands made a lot of visual noise. The shapes were extremely confusing with her torso that also has a ton of parts, and on top of that there was the magic blob too. At first it felt overwhelming and I didn't know how to approach the problem. I didn't want to hide everything behind the effect, making it too plain, but if I made it too transparent, it became unreadable. Dealing with the right color was also an issue because of the different tones on the clothes, but gradient came to the rescue. With the right opacity and right colors in the gradient, my problem was solved. After that I adjusted the shades of the bones to somewhat reflect they are affected by the magic.

Linearting was soooo baaad. I struggled with it when I was working on Thilia as well, so I think it's going to be a not welcomed, but returning motif until the end of this exercise.

Since I heavily rely on my lineart and line weight even when I work traditionally, it was pure suffering to stick with one brush size during this step. Funnily enough the brush I usually use for lineart also doesn't have a lot of pressure sensitivity, but I go back to thicken some parts of the artwork. It has a nice, creamy pencil texture too, but this time I chose a basic, untextured round brush, which is... Meh.

Happy New Year, folks!

The past year wasn't too kind to me, so I'm happy to say goodbye to 2024 and grab the opportunity to start fresh with 2025.

I really needed something to shake up my usual drawing sessions during the second half of 2024, and Hades 2 just marched in, ruining my September in the best way possible. Thanks to that I've found the spark and started working on a few drawings, trying to imitate the style of the game, but because I still had a lot on my mind and had another pack of complicated paperwork waiting for me, the progress was sluggish to say the least. Sometimes I left them for days or even weeks, just to pick up where I was - and usually completely lost what to do next. It was such a difficult task to imagine my teammates' and my own characters in this way too, that it made me struggle even more.

I originally started this challenge with Thilia, since she is usually my chosen one to experiment on, but I want to start the year with a banger, so I decided to share Alicia first :D I was so happy how she turned out, but before everything else: a tiny bit about the sketching phase.

Grieving part 3

I felt lonely all this way, even though the people around me are the most supportive community I've ever known. It comes with grief, I suppose, feeling alone, especially with the knowledge that different methods work for different people. No one processes the same, no one feels the same - similar, yes, but not like a mirror. The memories are different, the relationship is different, which unwillingly creates a gap, a wall, making it difficult to reconnect with others.

Empty shell is probably the best I can use to describe myself, and I didn't and wasn't able to hide it when I felt miserable. I knew I had to let everything out, so I could feel relief, making the journey a little bit easier for a moment, but everything reminds me of them. My favorite clothes, majority of my art supplies, even drawing, because they were the one who supported me from the start, they bought me my first drawing tablet, and because of this support, I was able to grow. And now it's gone, tearing the wound of my other parent's death open.

The road to acceptance is still far away, and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not forgetting - I'm embracing. Though I'm still waiting for their invitation for lunch or dinner after their flight, their bad jokes, I'm still looking at the chat in case they offer another round of art supplies and photos about their cats. I still have bursts of anger and hate, but the spite is slowly dying out thankfully. Days are becoming more bearable, and I can finally draw again, which makes me bit by bit happier - and hopeful. I also returned to learn new stuff, which I can't wait to continue, although paperwork can still interrupt my fun at any given moment, making me a mess of anxiety. I'm also preparing myself to open a new chapter of my life - I collected ideas, new wishes, made new plans, and while I'm still getting used to my new lifestyle, I can see the promise of something good that eases the pain.

(Grieving continues)

I felt the moment my parent passed away.

I was scared to leave their side the whole time, I was awake all night while they were still alive, waiting for their passing, but it came when I was away to move a bit and talk to the hospital staff who were so kind that they offered to bring in a matrass, so I can sleep next to my parent. I'll never forget the feeling how my stomach churned, how my mind silenced the world around me and screamed that I should be next to them in the room. This lingered only for a few moments, then disappeared. I believe this was the time when my parents finally reunited, 'cause soon a nurse came to tell us the bad news.

I couldn't believe that they were gone. I needed a comforting touch on my shoulder to start crying, and soon after I became numb for a few days with no motivation to do anything - and with a scary fascination of death. After that I had to start searching what comes next, so I had little to no time to just sit and let everything sink, life - careless as it is - went on as usual, which most likely made my anger burn much stronger. Feeling of unjust and envy tormented me, hate came in waves echoing intrusive thoughts I'm not proud of, and I kept asking why us.

For weeks I was forgetful, I was unable to stay focused and I just tried to survive. I had such an empty mind, and yet it felt extremely crowded at the same time. I wished to stay in bed, I didn't want to eat, talking to others was miserable, but the most difficult thing was traveling, seeing everyone else around me while I was in my own head, suffering in silence.

After another wave of legal stuff, I was debating myself quite a while now, and I decided to continue with this art process, mainly because to move on to easier and happier projects much sooner, not letting the heavy feelings I have inside linger. Just be warned that I'm going to talk about grief in great detail in the next posts, because this drawing is closely tied to my feelings and how in such an early stage of my life I processed - and still processing - the loss of the second parent, this time my role model.

So since the doctor called to tell me the bad news, I had to start somewhere, and I ended up with worldbuilding. Fortunately, I was already working on my version of moon elves, and their deity fitted the bill perfectly: my homebrew Moonmaiden, who paints the night sky with souls of the dead, giving them the opportunity to watch over their relatives, shining their safe way in the dangers of night, being there during the day as well, though invisible. Like the dead. They can't be seen, but their memory keeps them alive still.

The sketching process was easy - I was still in shock, in denial, and I still had hope that in the end everything works out. I kept clinging on words, like "may", "there's a possibility", "is stable right now", imagined that this is the darkest hour of the story, but it's going to be fine. Life shouldn't be this cruel to take away my parents, right? I still need someone to rely on if something sudden happens to me, I need a safe place to go back to, my future children (if I ever have one) will need a grandparent. Who am I going to ask about difficult situations if not my parent? I convinced myself that it's only a false alarm - probably to protect myself before crumbling to pieces -, even though deep down I knew it will be over soon.