Blogger's Day

I am very grateful and very blessed.

I am first and foremost, grateful to God. Without Him all this I have right now is nothing. Everything I am and everything I have is all from Him. He has loved me and never left me. He has blessed me with an amazing husband and lovable second family. I am super duper happy.

Secondly, I am grateful for... OF COURSE! The best husband ever in the entire universe and everything else that comes with him! Hahaha! I love him to the ends of the earth! I love him to the moon and back infinity times! I love him! Love him! Love him! I can't imagine a day without him really. He's very shy but the moment that it's just me and him he makes sure that he gives me all the love in the world. He cooks the best foodies for me and preps like he's the most awesome chef in the whole world. He makes sure I am comfortable in anything we do and what I look, what I wear, what I say and even think. No, he's not telling me what to do or what to think but... He makes sure that I can be myself in whatever I do or think or say. He wants me to be able to voice out. He waits for me to calm down. He listens to me intently. He loves me unconditionally. He takes care of me. He even gave me a full body massage today even though I was only expecting he will massage my back. Up until my fingers and toes he made sure I was pressed and destressed. He gives me stuff I ask him and no, I do not take advantage of it. We talk about it like the adults we are and ask each other if I really need it. And even if I sometimes rationally thought about not really needing it he tells me just buy it if you really want it. He makes sure to tell me how much he loves me everyday. He tells me the most romantic yet silly things that I usually see in movies or K-Dramas I've been watching. He's so patient. He's so understanding. He's the sweetest, lovable, handsomest, cutest, most macho guy ever.

And yes, of course, he has his flaws. Nobody is perfect. He is perfect in God's eyes and he still perfect in my eyes. We have our days too. We argue. We haven't fought big time but we talk about when it'll happen, one should be able to calm down and calm the situation down. We do have our moments were we both become angry and raise our voices but we find the right moment also to let the incident die down and apologize to each other. Most of the times you really got to think of it... Less talk, less mistake. I am not saying not to speak at all. Yes, of course, you have to, but then again... Choose your words wisely. One mistake plus another mistake will not equate to solving the problem. Take turns. You spoke now let him speak, take turns. Do not dismiss him or let him dismiss you. Do not be physical as well. Why? Why would you hit each other? Or let the stronger one hit the weaker one? Why? Just to gain fear? Nope! You need RESPECT. We both need RESPECT. And that is why I am grateful for my husband everyday. I know I haven't been there yet. We are still babies on our relationship but we saw so much in our lives already and would know what we want and do not want from our relationships. This is not a game anymore like I do not like you anymore I'll just change you. NO!

Before we even started dating I already told him I like him but I am not in this to have a one -night thing or just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I am in it for the long haul. Meaning... I will not break up with him just because. We will work out things, we will not get stuck in one place but we will go to places together and be with each other forever.

It’s been a year! Well after 367 days after. I have been out for a year. So many things happened. 

Pandemic. Resigned from job. Got engaged. Got married. 

It was such a rollercoaster of a year and thank God I ended it with a high note. Hope I can finally get back on the horse of blogging again. Needed a space to share my thoughts.

I feel like my mind is going to blow right now... I feel unaccomplished. I feel lost. I feel poor. I feel unhappy. I feel like I’m useless. I feel restless. I feel like nothing good will happen to me anymore... There’s just so much negativity... I cannot find any silver lining in all the crappy things that’s happening in my life right now. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so exhausted. I do not like my job. I do not like the environment. I just wanna be somewhere else. Somewhere I can start from scratch, nobody knows me. Somewhere I can find the happiness I’ve been looking for. Somewhere I can be who I’m meant to be.

Two-faced people.

I hate two faced people. I was at the department store and was browsing and looking for a particular shade of lipstick. Then I thought of this brand I saw and maybe there will be one that I wanted. I went in and there were two ladies just talking. They ignored me and my friend and did not even take a second to at least ask us if we need help with anything. Whilst there’s this people who came in (Caucasian looking) and they were all running towards them.

Discrimination. Racism. Jerks.

that’s what you call itI hate those type of people. This just teaches us that this society still isn’t learning. They judge you by your looks. They do not even understand the impact they are doing to themselves. Karma is a bitch. You’ll get what you deserve. 

I only needed you... You are my home. You are my love. You are the only one who makes me happy... You are my soulmate... I thank God for your life everyday. The moment I saw you this morning you lifted my spirits up! You make me so happy. You made me feel like eating everything that I said yesterday... I love you to infinity and beyond and to the moon and back infinity times! You’re the very best as I always say... thank you for being so patient and understanding with me... I’m sorry if I’m otherwise... all my burdens and worries just left me the moment I saw you today...

I wanna isolate myself from the world. I wanna go some place where I can be alone even just for a few hours or days or weeks... until I have healed... I am sick right now... not physically and mentally but emotionally. I need to heal my exhausted heart. I need to heal my mind. I need to heal my soul. My soul yearns for another day off. I yearn for days wherein I do not have any worries. For days, I do not need to be someone for someone. For days, I only tend myself and take care of myself. Even for just a day or two... I need time for myself... I wanna enjoy my favorite hobby. I wanna watch nonstop. Sleep, eat and repeat. Are those days over? Will I never experience those anymore?

I’m so exhausted right now. I’ve been helping people my entire life. No one even helps me. No one even appreciates me. No one even understands that my life does not revolve around them! I wanna go somewhere alone. For a month or two or three... or somewhere far wherein I won’t be eaten alive by this modern age predators who only thinks I have nothing else to do but stay on their pace. I’m fed up. I wanna be around people who helps each other out. I wanna be able to work around people who also works. People who doesn’t depend their entire life to me. People who can show teamwork too. I’m just so exhausted right now. I want a break again! I wanna go somewhere very far...

You’re frustrated. I’m frustrated. He’s frustrated. She’s frustrated. Everybody’s frustrated. Why? Why do we always have to have this feeling... when can we ever satisfied? I wanna be able to enjoy my life like how the millionaires are doing? I wanna be able to have a good looking body like the instagrammers or the VSCO girls or the make-up gurus... or anyone who is famous in social media right now? How do they all look like they got their lives on track already? But on second thought.. are they really living “The Life”? Well... because of what they’re portraying I envy them! This is why I’m frustrated. How come I try to live a decent life with my decent job and go back home and not buy expensive stuff or go do expensive things but everything seems less. I help. I give. I think about others before me, but what do I get? No money. No fun. Work. Work. Work. When will I get my fair share? I’m pushing 31 years old by March 2020... and here I am second week of February... Broke. In debt. No savings. No one understanding my situation. Am I alone? Is it only me who’s experiencing it? I’m super duper pissed... when will I get my life?

You know you're in love when you just can't seem to sleep, After seeing that person that you've been taking a leap. Oftentimes you might hear, knock it off there's plenty of fish in the sea. But life has given me one intelligent person who just looks goes on as it is. He makes me wonder how and why. He keeps me alive and so high. I'm not drugged or whatever, But I feel like I'm in cloud 9. It might not make sense to most of you, But I don't care. My hopes of him liking me might not be even fair. I just have to wait and see, What's in store for me. Coz baby you keep me up, Like a soda pop ;)