he forgor

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

we all have that one cousin who rolls around a ball that picks stuff up

rabbits can be anywhere at any time. rabbits can even be on a device. rabbits can be on your device. rabbits can be eating your files. its fine. its sustenance. they are called bytes for a reason

"cold showers are better for you" WRONG! SCALDING HOT SHOWERS FOREVER!!!!!!!! 🚿🚿🚿🚿♨️♨️♨️🚿💧💧💧💧💦🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🚿💧💧💦💦💦🔥🔥🔥🔥🚿🚿🚿🔥♨️♨️🚿🚿🚿♨️♨️♨️🚿🚿🚿♨️♨️♨️🔥🔥🔥🚿💧💧💦💦💦🔥🔥🔥🔥🚿🚿💧💧💦💦🚿🔥♨️♨️🚿♨️♨️💧💦💦♨️🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🔥🔥🔥🔥🚿♨️♨️🔥🔥🔥!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Computer loves to be like "fuck! You sure you want to shut down? Youve got volume mixer open"

You can lie when you name things

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

scalloped potatoes that take the pain away

beef that makes you someone it didn't happen to

buttered rolls that make the world a little softer

Chefs you have 1 seconds to craft an unbelievably decadent dessert

this book I’m reading on female evolution for some reason uses bill and hillary clinton as examples of the typical differences between male and female vocal structures and the author is like “imagine if bill clinton had a throat sac like an ape which caused his voice to resonate” don’t say that? I don’t want to imagine that?

billiam clinton saying his famous line “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in a booming voice that can be heard up to two miles away and everyone starts hooting like monkeys and banging their fists on their chests