kermit stan

I fuck wit title-only text posts. this shit is like talkin in an apartment hallway loud as fuck out the window

death as neither a kindly figure nor a grim spectre but as a funny little skeleton running around brandishing his scythe and going "i'm gonna getcha! i'm gonna getcha!" in a gremlin voice

yes yes you’re very beautiful. Bewitching, even. AWFUL parking job, by the way

got my new boyfriend from Ikea. Unfortunately he's made of particle board and with a single thrust of my hips I broke him into five pieces

your honor, in my defense: who cares like omfggggggggg who cares???????????? like. come On

Mr president. we added 300,000 jobs this month. but they were all. blow jobs