Only what's necessary.

.................hh...

Heheheheh........

HHAHh!! HAH!!! HHhow....how would you like...HUHha...to be...to be...RrrichEHHEHEHCH!!

OHHH MY GOD. FUCK. THAT’S GLORIOUS.

Why yes of course!!! I may have quite a sum as is, but if you’re offerin--

n-no!!! NO!! YOU CAN’T--

!!.....

Well! Isn’t this a strange variety of asks here. I meannn, unique! Unique variety.

Let’s see...

Uh, I’ve been ‘me’ this whole time; teeth, claws or otherwise. Being hungry doesn’t change that! Nothing does. Simple as can be!

Question 2! Now, this is a shift in tone...I....can’t say I know what you mean. I’m not going to lose anything. My business is very financially stable and I don’t really appreciate these kinds of questions! They’re kinda threatening....to be honest.

Third....last but not least...

...

....whew...okay.

It’s. Cheap.

Short for Cheapskate-ler. And I’m pretty sure most birds say more than just ‘cheep cheep’. They can...uhm....’honk’ or ‘squawk’ or make twittering noises, y’know?

Also, I bet that ‘Cheep’. C, H, E, E, P isn’t even in the dictionary! But you know what is? CHEAP. C, H, E, A, P.

So as many have correctly guessed...no affiliation with birds.

Oh I’m not cranky! I’ve already made that pretty clear, I should think. Being hungry doesn’t make me cranky, actual problems do. I work pretty well on an empty stomach actuuuuaaallyy....

Now if you’ll excuse me, eating this sandwich with my teeth like this is probably going to be tricky and I’ll need to take my time.....!

*monch*

Hmph. Oh, I’m fine. Justifiably upset as you can see, but fine!

This magic anon has changed into a bit of a waste of time after all...At this point I just need to stop thinking about it and focus on what really matters.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike....

All the work I have to catch up on!

Buuuut first! I’m going to have this sandwhich right here...!

Welllllllllllllll of course! You think that I’d forget myself?

What do you mean, anyway? Is it the magic anon? I mean, just because I look like a ‘greed-ler’....whatever that is....--doESN’T mean that I’d just forget what I rightfully am! A Once-ler!

...er. THE Once-ler.

...didn’t I.....just answer this one? Or. No no.....This is an anon this time. Huh! What a coincidence! Well I guess....um. Do you mean something different perhaps?

Are you talking about other people called ‘The Once-ler’? Cause I remember them too! There are certainly lots of them out there...and as I’ve mentioned I know a few. And I didn’t forget them. Clearly! Not that it would really make a difference if I did or didn’t...

.......But you did say ‘THE’ so...do you think there is just one out there? You talking about someone specific? Do you mean me?

...was there some absolute first guy called Once-ler or......???

YEEEEES!!??!!! YES I DO!!!

FOR CRIPES SAKE!!!!!!!

I am the Once-ler!!!! I’m not going to forget ME! That would never happen!!!

THERE! I answered your question!!!

Yup! Claws! I have them! I suuuure do!

Ahahahahaha................

But why...?

......er...I don’t understand this.

A Greedler? Im a Once-ler. The Once-ler! Except I’m not the only one called The Once-ler so I’m Cheap! I mean, erm...The Cheapskate-ler to be precise.

I know some other folks...some other Once-ler folk like...Thespian-ler and Game-ler.....buuuuuut I’ve never heard of anybody who calls themselves Greed-ler.

I mean, why would anyone call themselves something like that? That’s just like openly saying you’re a greedy person! Why would you want to admit to that or flaunt it around for that matter?

So then, back to my previous point! What about these....claws? Or seeing green even?! I mean, sure some other businessmen like me that I’ve seen have looked a bit...strange....but.........but....

Now that I think about it, maybe they were just dealing with DUMB magic anons like me right now!!!

Um?.....excuse me??? Ugly?!?

...I made these myself... See, I needed new ones...because....Because my other ones broke. What’s a guy to do when he breaks his glasses? Take any spare materials he’s got to craft new ones, of course!

And er, that’s what I did.

That’s what you call ‘being resourceful’; The staple of ANY cheapskate.

And suuuuure....You may be calling them stupid or ugly or whatever......but why don’t you ask everyone else who complimented them and even wanted to commission me to make a custom pair for them?

My glasses have got nothing but glowing reviews.

...

W-what...?

Uhm....not to burst your bubble or anything but that...this doesn’t make any sense.

Don’t you know I’m the Cheapskate Once-ler? Didn’t you hear me even one of the many many times I told you all that I am The Once-ler? Or more specifically The Cheapskate-ler?

You can’t just stand here and change my name with your...magical puffs of smoke and sparkly, glittery bippity boppity??

I am CHEAP! I’m not gr--

-eedy.

Oh hey!! That’s really nice of you folks, but you know I’ve got a personal assistant now. Mat can do all of this and all that. So thanks, but I don’t think I need the extra help!

I ah, especially don’t need a suit fix. I fixed it all up myself a while back, y’see? I’m actually really good at sewing and knitting and all that--heh, what did you expect? I run a business centered around that sort of thing!

Alsooo....Pretty sure what you’re saying about the animals isn’t true either. Annoying as they may be they’re pretty much harmless!

Right, right. I’m pretty sure it’s not as bad as you say, Ga....Rev.....Uhhhhhhh....

--Now wait, hold on, just WHAT is your name?? You’ve never told me! Do you even have one?!

Ahhhh!!! Well thank you, folks!!! Admittedly the fact that my birthday was just around the corner slipped my mind! I guess that’s what happens when you’re as busy as I am!

But gosh, look at all this stuff!!! That watermelon will last a while---now that’s smart! I bet you’ve taken some of my tips to heart. Though I forgot how much the average melon o’ water costs....hah! Doesn’t matter! Thank you!

And a homemade blanket! I’m so flattered! You sure seem to know how to knit and I would know! But I suppose it’s all in your namesake, hm? Naturally, the Knit-ler would make a great blanket.

As for the package; the bow is a nice touch! There’s a lot of stuff here, that’s amazing!! I’ll have to look through that later!

Hey!!--uhhh....You!! Personal Assistant! Did you hear? It’s my birthday! Will you get me something too? R!G: Ah, well to put it into words that I feel even you could understand...No. I despise you.

C: .......................Uh...Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that’s not nice! And on my birthday no less!...g-give or take......

C: All I did was ask...you don’t need to be so ruuuuude about it.

...

Well sure..! It’s really long...his hair, I mean. And it looks nice! You know, not messy. But...it does take more water and soap to wash it I bet. Definitely takes more time to brush...I probably would never grow my hair that long.

Anyway, I don’t think that matters as much as the quality of his work...and I have got to say he’s a good worker! Very organized and focused....

See, I work reeeaaallllly hard and I do most of the work in regards to my business. More than the average CEO, you could say. So it's good to get a little bit of support with all that so that I can do even more!

I showed him the ropes and picked it up in no time. I must be a great teacher!