i donât know who you are. i donât know when iâll meet you, or if iâve met you already, if weâve had a full conversation or only know each other from a brief exchange and occasional glances. all i know is that i think about you all the time.
my brother has this girl that heâs in love with. theyâve liked each other since she was a freshman in high school and he was a junior, and now theyâre in their twenties and theyâve never dated because the timing hasnât been right, but theyâve both agreed they want to as soon as theyâre back in the same city. i donât know if theyâll be right for each other long-term, but sheâs smart and sheâs beautiful and sheâs kind and he loves her and says she knows him better than anybody.
i donât have anyone like that, anyone whoâs known me the way that sheâs known him. theyâve watched each other go in and out of relationships, helped each other pick up the pieces each time they fell in love with someone else and got their heart broken, and theyâve loved each other through all of it. iâve got one friend who has been with me as long as theyâve been there for each other, and while i do love her, sheâs all but become my sister and thatâs what we are to one another.
so i watch him and iâve been watching him for years and iâm reaching the point in my life where i want what heâs got. not the lack of an official relationship and the distance, but that certainty, that knowledge that they have to be together and itâs either going to last or theyâll finally be able to move on with their lives. i want that, and so i think about you.
i donât know who you are. i donât know if youâre the pain in the ass that iâve been calling my friend for the last nine months (whom i do love even if he annoys me to death on a regular basis), if youâre the painfully smart and attractive regular who frequents the same coffee shop that i do, if youâre in my honor society or some random person that iâm going to meet one of these days.
what i do know is that youâre always there in the back of my mind. i made a vow to myself that this year is going to be my year, that iâm going to get that 4.0 and have a social life and be active in my honor society and work out and make myself proud. itâs not for you. itâs for me and all the battles that iâve fought on my own to get to this point, but youâre still there in the background.
youâre there because i canât help but wonder if youâll be a part of this year, if iâll finally manage to have a real relationship with someone, if things will really fall into place for me this year in the way that they did for my mother thirty years ago.
i donât know whatâs going to happen, or who youâll be, or where iâll meet you, or if iâve met you already. i just know that when itâs time, iâll be ready.
iâve had twenty years to become a kickass human being. i just hope you can handle this level of awesome.
snowghoul
kianamaiart
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
gracieabrams
vaporwave
romaincrisis
