Chastity Ideas

We always talk about “signs of a terrible Dom” so let’s talk about some signs of an actually good Dom

They ask you about your day: They show compassion and actually want to listen about how your day went

They ALWAYS want to keep fields of communication open: Whether you’re in the middle of a kinky-as-fuck scene or you two are in a heated argument, the means of communication is ALWAYS open. Once you give your safe word, IT IS DONE

Aftercare is a top priority. No matter what this is for you in particular, they put a lot of emphasis on aftercare (cuddling, movie watching, bath time, etc.)

They aren’t afraid to scold you when you actually mess up. Sometimes we fuck up, both with our dynamics or we screwed up something at work or school. Doms will scold you, put also help cheer you up and might even offer ways to make it positive

Sex might be apart of the dynamic, but it’s not the focus. I get the fact some people get involved with other BDSM partners for the sole reason of sex, but outside of those VERY SPECIFIC DYNAMICS, sex is NOT the sole focus. It might be a fun “add on”, but it’s NOT the primary objective (penetrative sex or other forms of sex acts).

They are concerned for your safety, but don’t overdo it. They want you safe, but don’t take it to the paranoid level where they need to track every little thing you do.

They respect your privacy. EVERYONE has secrets (”skeletons in your closest”), even among romantic partners who have been partners for a long time, people have stuff they just don’t feel comfortable confessing every little thing in their life. A respectful Dom understands this and doesn’t need to go spying on you or attempt to invade your privacy (track internet history, track phone usage, track where you’ve been, etc.)

They trust you. A Dom who doesn’t trust you will purposely try to fuck up the relationship/dynamic, they will show severe jealousy, and other negative aspects. A Dom that trusts you will respect YOU as a person as well as you to keep your word on different things.

When disagreements happen, they use constructive language. There is not a healthy relationship on this earth that is 100% argument/disagreement free. However, whenever these do happen, it is NOT a “me against you” style argument (”I WON THE ARGUMENT”, none of that). It is done in a way with minimal accusatory/hurtful statements

This is a rule I strictly enforce. He has adapted over time so that he can wear his chastity device at all times now so I keep it locked on him unless I play with him. I’m not as strict as some women when it comes to rationing his orgasms.

I generally only make him wait seven to fourteen days between releases. However, I am very strict in how he has that orgasm. I never give him the slightest chance to masturbate on his own.

Before his chastity device is removed, he is restrained very well. Whether I fuck him, use my hand, or just tease and deny him is purely my choice and I never tell him in advance what I am going to do to him. He is helpless and just along for the ride. It is locked back on every time before releasing him from the restraints.

The reason I do it this way every time is because I want to ensure he isn’t thinking about some random woman when he feels the pleasure, but is thinking about me personally. I want him conditioned to lust for and be obsessed with only me.

He has to look at me the whole time. He can’t close his eyes or look away from me or I will stop touching him. If he isn’t looking me directly in the eye when he orgasms, he will wait longer for release the next time.

His pleasure and orgasms belong to me as much as his body does and I enjoy the intimacy doing it this way creates. Watching the pure pleasure on his face when he ejaculates followed by the look of gratitude he feels for me afterwards makes it exciting for me.

One of my favorite games to play with him is “You Pick.” I’ll lay out all of our dildos in front of him and tell him to pick one, but I’ve already written on a piece of paper what’s going to happen with the dildo. Sometimes the answer is he gets ass fucked with it, sometimes he has to demonstrate his blowjob technique with it. Other times I use it to get off in front of him. He never knows, but it’s fun to watch him try and think it through. “Relax sweetie, there is no wrong answer, at least not for me!” LOL

For the kinky female led relationship, there is one activity that should not be overlooked, because it can play an important role in strengthening the D/s aspect for both the dominant and the submissive.  Many women may be hesitant to sit on a submissives face, and prefer he gets on his knees to perform oral, however, there could be massive benefits that are missed because of that hesitancy.

Facesitting has a similar impact on both partners, as pegging does. Pegging humbles a submissive, and empowers a dominant, because it’s a complete role reversal. He’s the vulnerable one, he’s being penetrated, and he’s experiencing what it means to not be in control as she thrusts into him at her own pace. He’s helpless to stop her, and the first few times this is done, the power exchange felt is very intense.

Knowing that she can take him with her cock at any time, just because she feels like it, brings out extra submission in him. Especially when she penetrates him when he’s not in the mood, her dominance over him becomes very real. As she discovers her power through this, she comes to enjoy the strap on, and can have orgasms of her own, just by using it on him. Pegging can be used as a disciplinary device as well, and is often more effective than painful punishments.

Ordering him to get her cock, and help her put it on, then taking him with it can be very effective especially if he’s kept in chastity. Pegging can often be the only way he’s allowed sexual pleasure. It’s a complete shift in what he’s used to as a male, and that’s why it’s so powerful in the D/s dynamic.

Facesitting can have the same effect, except, it doesn’t require role reversal, and instead, celebrates each other for who they are. It doesn’t create an inferior or superiority complex, but it really does compliment the dominant and submissive roles perfectly. While seeing a submissive on his knees is a pretty sight, facesitting takes it to a whole new level because of the psychological aspect.

The idea of being under her, looking up at her beauty as she lowers herself onto his face, promotes some of the strongest submissive feelings a submissive can have. It’s also the perfect place for her to be, as she can control exactly where she wants him to pleasure her, be it the front or back door. The ability to grind on his face is also a bonus.

She will feel like she owns him, and the view she can have, facing his body, can be of great amusement, as she gets to play with his body, perhaps out of discipline, or pleasure, while he is busy pleasuring her. It’s particularly powerful if his arms are tied down and he’s truly out of control. She can remain on his face for as long as she wishes, until she’s completely satisfied.

Her scent will intoxicate him, and it will make him addicted to her more so than he was before. The feeling of powerlessness being under her will have him deep in subspace, more obedient than ever. Even more so than pegging. Pegging, chastity, and facesitting all compliment each other beautifully, and help to completely own him. It’s not just about owning his sex life. It’s also about owning exactly how he can give her pleasure. Facesitting becomes a luxury for him.

She can have all sorts of fun with facesitting as well. Facesitting makes him eager to provide oral pleasure, but she can facesit him and take even that pleasure away with a face dildo. She can have good penetrative sex with him, using his face, and his only reward is her scent and fluids on his face. He’s quite literally an instrument of her pleasure, in total submission. Completely in his place.

This opens her up to being able to use him in any way she pleases. Her pleasure becomes his reward. She becomes sacred to him. His face is her throne. There is no greater purpose for him, than when she is on his face. She is his universe. Completely owned, and totally devoted.

One of the best ways to make anal play exciting is by giving a prostate massage.

What is the Prostate Gland?

The prostate is a gland in the male reproductive system that produces a milky-like fluid that combines with sperm to form ejaculate.

The prostate can be stimulated through the rectum, and according to anal play lovers, leads to incredible, full-body orgasms.

Where is the Prostate Located?

The prostate gland is located roughly 3-4 inches (7.5-10cm) from the beginning of the anal canal, and it’s about 1 inch (2.5 cm) across.

The prostate gland is just behind and above the deepest portion of the penis, and it’s right below the bladder. The urethra (the tube running from the bladder and out the penis) runs right through the center of the prostate. The gland is located on the other side of the rectum (the last portion of the digestive system).

How to Massage the Prostate

Get your lubricant ready and lather up your finger. Remember to trim your nails, keep them clean and use some gloves if you prefer them for anal fun.

Now it’s time to get your partner turned on. Arousal makes the prostate begin to fill up and get larger, which makes it both easier to find and feel more pleasurable.

Prostate Massage Techniques

Once you’ve gotten your partner in the mood and you’ve found his prostate gland, there are a lot of different massage moves you can try. Many of these will sound similar to G-Spot massage techniques, for good reason. The prostate is the male G-Spot or P-Spot!

Try doing a “come hither” motion with your fingertip. Use the pad of the finger, not the tip, in order to avoid scratching. And remember – stroke, don’t poke! Keep a slow, steady rhythm and use firm pressure.

You might need to vary the temp and pressure until you find the right combination for him, so start off slower and lighter, and then add more. If you’re using two fingers, try the “come hither” motion at the same time, or try “finger walking.”

Another popular move is tapping. Start off with the pressure you use when typing on a keyboard and try going faster or slower. Each time you change things up, ask him to tell you if it feels better or not.

Everyone is a little different, so listen to feedback and watch how the body responds. If you have two fingers on the P-Spot, you can tap them together or alternate as if you’re playing the piano.

You can also do big circles across the entire prostate, little circles on just one spot, or do little circles and move them around. With circles, it’s easy to go too quickly, so try to keep a steady rhythm. Some people like to put on some music with a strong beat or bass line to help them keep the pace.

Don’t forget that stillness can be incredibly pleasurable too. Keep a constant pressure without movement, or try gently pulsing the pressure while maintaining contact. Sometimes, that can be someone’s favourite prostate massage move.

Just as when you’re giving someone a shoulder rub, it’s good to do one technique for a bit and then change it up. The nerves get used to it if you stick with one thing, so keep his body paying attention by varying what you do every so often. The one exception to that is when he’s getting close to an orgasm. When that happens, stick with whatever is working.

What does a Prostate Orgasm feel like?

Speaking of orgasm, you’ll know it’s about to start because you’ll feel his prostate swell and then quiver. That’s the gland squeezing the fluid into the urethra, where it mixes with the sperm that has been carried from the testicles. Once that happens, the muscles of the pelvis will start to contract and cause ejaculation. So once you feel that fluttering on your finger, keep going because there’s no holding back from that point.

While some men can enjoy prostate play and stimulation without anything else, many guys say that they enjoy penis pleasure at the same time or that they need it in order to have an orgasm. You might be able to use one hand on his penis while your other hand focuses on his P-Spot. If you have trouble coordinating that, he can use one of his hands on his penis while you give all of your attention to his prostate.

Erection Difficulties

One thing to note is that some men find that they don’t get as erect during anal penetration or prostate stimulation. Nobody knows for sure why it happens, but it doesn’t seem to get in the way of the pleasure. So don’t let it stop you – if he’s curling his toes and giving you all the other signs of enjoying himself, trust that.