Chasing Golden Light

I was raised Evangelical Christian and questioned most of it from a young age. Going to college and learning about the United Church of Christ and Quakerism helped me to heal and stop making generalizations, but questions still lingered.

I respected Jesus as a teacher, but still couldn’t believe he was the “Messiah”. I had a light bulb moment when the Hebrew Bible scholar I met said “only Christians call it the ‘Old’ Testament”. This is what made me form my own analyses of Christianity based on what I’d seen in modern pagan communities like Kemetism.

In those groups, I see a lot of discussions and debates that lack conclusions because many of their current traditions are based on reconstruction. Due to many reasons, most local traditions have been disrupted by cultural hegemony. This means there is a rupture in the lineage of these spiritual practices and countless traditions have been lost. Many of the priests and priestesses in modern pagan communities have to be researchers and digital archaeologists as well: I think this is a huge reason why the resurgence of paganism is closely tied with widespread Internet access.

I noticed that the same ways of debating things without knowing which sources to point to is something that came up in many Christian communities as well. And I realized there was no reason for this because Jewish people are still here. The “Old” Testament isn’t old to them and despite the persecution they have experienced, Judaism still survives. 

I’m not an expert on Judaism, but websites like My Jewish Learning helped me to understand things better. I learned to stay in my lane and just listen when Jewish people discussed different sects of Judaism and debated surrounding Reform Judaism. 

The seeking and questioning that I see among many Christian theologians seems misguided because most of them ignore Jewish interpretations of the first half of their Bible. Why not consult the source? While many practitioners of paganism would love to have such a rich wellspring of knowledge and history, I wonder if it’s just pride among most Christian theologians or a misunderstanding of how key Jewish culture and Judaism itself is to their religion?

I am praying that we’ll see more Christians genuinely seeking and respecting the viewpoints of Jewish people regarding the Bible from now on. 🙏🏾 I think that could be the foundation of amazing interfaith work and allyship to Jewish people!

I think this article by “My Jewish Learning” is a good starting point:  What Do Jews Believe About Jesus? Let me know if you have other recommended resources!

When sharing Konkokyo with others, the goal isn’t to make them a Konkokyo believer but rather to present the ideas and beliefs of Konkokyo that can potentially enrich their life. 

Konkokyo isn’t forcefully evangelical like other religions that I’ve witnessed. The founder, Konko Daijin-sama, emphasized that all people are children of the Divine Parent and that we should respect other religions. 

2010 - All of the questions I’ve ever had pile up and I finally pray and make peace with the belief that Christianity isn’t for me even though I held respect for Jesus and continued to pray for God (I can go more in-depth on this another time). 

2015 - I meet my friend, Luna, who introduces me to Konkokyo and visit the　Shirokane and Shiba Churches in Tokyo. I didn’t know much about Konkoyou at the time, but Luna was kind about answering my general questions.

2016-2017 - I do more research on the history of Christianity and other religions. I begin to think more deeply about Jesus, cultural appropriation, and what it meant for non-Jewish people to declare someone the “Messiah” and refer to the Hebrew Bible as the “Old Testament” after meeting a Hebrew Bible scholar.

2017 - I move to Japan and work full-time. 

2018 - After years of therapy, I began to form genuine emotional connections with people around me and started to pursue spirituality on an emotional and personal level rather than just an intellectual one. I started to listen more to practitioners of Buddhism and Shintoism and how various philosophies showed up in local social work projects. 

2018-2021 - I earnestly researched and sought teachers and resources on Christianist, Zen Buddhissm, Tibetan Buddhism, reiki, paganism, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, culturally-sensitive witchcraft/magick, regional folk magick, and a wide range of spiritual beliefs. I think Sadhguru, Dogen, and A Course in Miracles had a particularly major effect on me. I would still recommend lessons from A Course in Miracles’ (ACIM’s) workbook to anyone if they asked me today! They’re very good meditations and you can read them here: https://acim.org/workbook-lessons-overview/workbook-table-of-contents/

2021 - After various events and changing jobs, I decide to ask Luna about Konkokyo again. I realized there were three Konkokyo churches in the town I was moving to -- my first time living in an area with Konkokyo churches since leaving Tokyo!

December 31st, 2021 - I decide to visit the one church in my area with a homepage. I called ahead of time, but they were very nice to me even though I my cellphone signal was TERRIBLE. I ended up making it in time for the New Year’s ceremony. I didn’t understand much of what was going on, but the atmosphere felt right and I decided to keep going!

January 2022 - February 2022 - I kept going to the same local church and learned more about Konkokyo from various English books, toritsugi (divine mediation with the minister -- I’ll write more about my personal experiences with that another time too!) , and in-depth conversations with the ministers. My favorite phrase in daily life is still “With Kami-sama” (With God/the Divine Parent).

Late February/Early March 2022 - I end up making plans to move back to America and with the help of the ministers, my visit to the Main Church in Konko-cho, Okayama is planned!

March 27th, 2022 - After travelling to Tokyo, Osaka Kyoto, Nara, and Hiroshima, I finally made it to Konko-town with just enough time to visit the current Konko-sama for the first time and have toritsugi. That first day I was pretty nervous and didn’t know what to expect! I ended up receiving lots of help and even delicious ramen! I slept well at the Tosaya Inn before waking up for morning prayers with other believers and Konko-sama at 3:45 in the morning. I had a dream that night that also made me feel more at home/at peace in Konko-cho.

March 28th, 2022 - I started the morning with a DELICIOUS breakfast at Tosaya, where I was staying. I visited sooooo many places thanks to the kind work of several people (I’ll see if I can name names in the future! I’m so grateful for all of your help and haven’t forgotten!) We took our time visiting and praying at several places, including the Founder, Konko Daijin-sama’s birthplace. I cried after toritsugi there and had genuine, personal spiritual encounters at each place. On top of that, I also got to speak with the founder of Bodaiju, a community outreach project in Konko-cho. We spoke about so many things regarding mental health and social work, and I felt renewed motivation to pursue a degree in that field!

After a long, enriching day, I once again slept well at Tosaya.

March 29th, 2022 - I had toritsugi again with Konko-sama and visited several sites once again. I cried tears of gratitude and release. I have so many feelings about Konkokyo and its history that I want to share here -- that’s a whole other post though! :) 

I left Konko-cho and received gifts that I will be forever grateful for. While traveling, both my heart and stomach were filled :P

I’m now back in America and about to start my new job as an administrative assistant as a substance abuse clinic. I felt a little lonely after leaving Konko-cho and meeting so many amazing people, but in my heart it is truly a “see you again” rather than “goodbye” :)

I just finished "Turning Red" and I'm happy I wasn't in a theater: I cried and sobbed so loudly at the ending!!!

The part with her ancestor was so beautiful. For all the crazy, Black Sheep of our families: we are who are ancestors have been waiting for! We are the culmination of their wishes and dreams and what they've been striving for. Our ancestors have been waiting for an era like ours where so much beautiful individuality can finally shine through. ✨

I'll make a longer post about my thoughts on freedom/happiness vs. fulfilment/joy soon (both sides are key)!

Please watch "Turning Red" if you haven't already 😁

I received this book from the librarian while in Konko Town visiting the Konko Hombu (Head Church/Main Church). It was published in 1933, so I feel truly blessed to have been trusted with this treasure. There’s so much I could write in gratitude to the mitama and current believers who make it possible for me to read this book and sacred books, but for now I’ll say “Thank you ❤”

(I think there might be overlap between this book and the more recent publication titled “Voice of the Universe”. If anyone knows, please let me know! I’ve been reading Voice of the Universe out of order, but I think I’d benefit from reading it from cover to cover at this point 😅)

The passage that caught my eye this morning is this one:

“Rather have the faith of the plum blossom than the faith of the cherry blossom. While the cherry blossom falls quickly, the plum blossom, having struggled with hardships, falls not easily.”

-Divine Interpretations, XXIX

I was chatting with a friend about life and faith earlier. I was truly amazed by her faith in Kamisama, and thought of her when I read that verse. I understood more deeply what I learned from ministers and other Konkokyo believers: that life’s difficulties are things that can push us closer to God/Tenchi Kane no Kamisama if we also keep our faith.

If someone loses their faith during a difficult situation, they’ll become more distant from Kamisama; but if they keep their faith they will grow closer to Kamisama. I realize now that it is not our problems that push us away from our connection to Kamisama and their Divine Will, but our own choice to have faith (or not).

I think that for our human hearts, “everything happens for a reason” doesn’t make sense, but Konko-sama told me during toritsugi (mediation in which we express our joys and concerns to God) that “nothing is meaningless”. I strongly hold on to those words now, realizing that it is up to me how I see things. If I saw things in my life as meaningless, then that would make painful things even more painful, right? When I believe that I can turn painful things into divine lessons, I feel my heart soften. I think many lessons are not for our logical minds, but for our emotional hearts. 

A plum blossom doesn’t bloom instantly. It starts as a bud, and then slowly blossoms. In the same way, healing after a particularly painful or traumatic event takes time. By reflecting on my path to emotional healing, I’ve learned how to truly love, support, and connect with others around me. 

I know now that “nothing is meaningless”. I think those words by Konko-sama are very similar to the American saying “Turn lemons to lemonade”: