Growing Pains

It’s a verb. That’s the first thing. It’s an active engagement with all kinds of feelings—positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones. But it’s a very active verb. And it’s often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow. It’s like the moon. We think it’s disappeared, and suddenly it shows up again. It’s not a permanent state of enthusiasm. I’m thirty-five years in a relationship, I practice. And I have two boys—I practice. It’s not just romantic love.

What happens when the reasons you first fell in love with them become the very reasons you're falling out of love?

Chasing Chapters \\ The Midnight Library (Matt Haig) + mental health + self-acceptance

Late-night supermarket runs, leading into 2am conversations about our future while sitting cross-legged on the sofa. I don't think I ever lived properly before I met you.

In this vast universe of ridiculous coincidences and missed chances, I feel infinitely blessed to have crossed paths with you.

I’m sorry that your heart’s been broken before and your kindness taken for granted, but I promise that I won’t make the same mistakes. I’m not about to take the best damn person to ever walk into my life for granted.

Oh gosh, it scares me that I might be falling in love alone. Me with my bright eyes, heart on my sleeve, head in the clouds, ready to trust fall and hoping you’ll catch me.

For years I thought my heart had forgotten how to feel and built up enough barriers to stop myself from falling. But now you’re in my life, I’m scared that I’ll fall too hard and have to pick up all the pieces.

I’ve always loved sad songs, but now whenever I play one, every line makes me wish and pray that I’ll never end up having to think of you when listening to them.

I'm not sure how I manifested you. You, who's beyond my wildest dreams; you, who endlessly fascinates me during our long conversations; you, who never makes me feel insecure or unwanted.

6.26am thoughts that I wish I could send to you, but I’m posting them here

Siren Song//Catharsis

And just like that, the chapter of you and I closed before we even had a chance to meet in real life.

I'm treading the fine line between wanting to ask you where this is headed and just keeping silent, enjoying your company for as long as this lasts.

Falling in one-sided love through a phone screen.

Maybe falling for you was inevitable, and maybe I'll be left heartbroken, but maybe, just maybe, you'll be worth it.

Why did it have to be you, of all people? Someone on a different continent, someone in a different timezone, someone half a world away?