Alba Wolfe

I remember when we met, It felt as though my soul was finally home. Everything in me was telling me It's you. I finally felt the magic love of movies. For the first time I was done running. I was done with the games. I was putty in your hands. I'd have followed you anywhere. You made everything clearer in an instant. I used to laugh at, love at first sight, but the way our souls dance intertwined with each other. I can't deny, It was magical. I looked into your eyes, and our souls lit up the night sky. We didn't need to speak, we understood each other in the purest way. I still remember the last time we met, how we felt each others pain. You said after that it was bad timing. Honestly, I just think It's my karma. You were there everytime I kissed, and slept with someone new. And, I understand we may never meet again in this lifetime, and I'm so happy to have met you, regardless of the aftermath!

Is it more important to chase the demons that keep you up at night, or what gets you out of bed in the morning?

I become captivated by people's potential, more than who they are. I fall in love with the idea of them, I've created in my mind. I jump in so blindly, the red flags don't even phase me. It’s a dangerous game i play. Someone always gets burnt.

I've always changed my mind like the weather. I have an obsession with freedom that's been with me from as long as I can remember. I crave freedom in every area of my life. I love changing things as soon as I get bored. Sometimes though, I wish I loved routine. I admire those who do. A part of me craves that lifestyle, but It always ends up eating me alive.

I feel as though everything I've done the last 6 years has smacked me right in the face. My ego has taken a massive knock, but let's be honest it needed to get in check. Maybe It's karma for all the hell I've caused.

We were magic. We lit up the night skies, whilst everyone stared in awe. We were on fire ruling the world, until the gun shot put us out. We crashed down to reality, and everything blew up in smokes. Sometimes magic doesn't last.

I've ruined too many things by being too scared. I've let too many chances pass me, by thinking about the what ifs. I won't do this anymore. I have to take control back of my life, and live truly live. We have to do things that scare us to feel alive. We have to let go of the regrets, and what ifs, and live in the moment, because that is all we really have.

You said "If you really loved me, you'd come here. If you don't want me to kill myself, come and see me. I love you." You screamed it was in the name of love, but it was in the name of control. You loved pulling that card upon me, and have me begging you to drop the pills, and put down the knife. Until one day, i never came running.

I attract people who are damaged, who need fixing. I've slowly started to realise you can't fix people, they have to do that shit themselves.

Honestly, I've never given much importance to my privilege as a white person. I remember black guys I've dated always saying

I hope your pain eases soon.

I used to say how safe you made me feel. You used to say how comfortable you were with me. Our lives were so in synch. A slight touch, or brush of skin was electrifying. We had everything in common. I remember outside that sushi shop on my birthday, you sat down and told me

Maybe, we'll meet again, in another life, maybe, our souls, will recognise each other

We were two souls intertwined for a moment. It was magical, and I know, I'm selfish for trying to turn a feeling into something.

Sometimes I go back to that day and I wish I never said anything, but someone said it's better to say what you feel, than spend a lifetime regretting it. I'm trying to be more open and honest, I really am. No one tells you how it feels to not get the answer you want. How it feels to have your heart ripped apart from you. The self loathing and regret creep in to make you overthink why the fuck you said that. Is it my ego talking though?

I guess I just wanted to try and make sense of what I was feeling,