Scott gave Jamie a soft smile when he said he hadn’t considered the love he had for his friends as love, his smile turning a touch rueful when Jamie pointed out none of his mates had ever said they loved him. “No, it’s not awful. And you’re not a terrible mate. Blokes tend to be pretty shit about talking about our feelings, but we should be telling our mates we love them more. I should be. And I do love you,” Scott added with a gentle smile. “I never had siblings, but I imagine I love you the same way I’d love a younger brother that I’m proud of.” Scott felt like an idiot for never saying that before now. But at least Jamie didn’t seem shocked at the concept of his friends loving him. “And I know you love me and Theo and Cal. Romantic love is just a different version of that. Sort of like—how you feel about your best friend, so Theo probably, but deeper than that. And if you also wanted to hold his hand and kiss him.” Which, Scott realized as soon as he said it, was a terrible example. He should not be saying anything about a bloke kissing a bloke. Especially not his best mate. Not that that was what he was saying. And he wasn’t entirely convinced Jamie didn’t want to kiss a bloke. But he hadn’t said that and Scott did not need to be putting that out there. Or maybe he did need to, if Jamie was struggling this. Merlin he was a terrible role model. He took a long sip of the beer he ordered and hoped Jamie didn’t notice how weird what he’d just said was.
When Jamie had said his mates had never said they loved him he wasn't expecting Scott to take that as a thing to correct. He also wasn't expecting the proud of him comment. Or the way he felt a little emotional over all of it. He was fully prepared to tell Scott something along the lines of Scott being a better older brother than his own once he'd gotten past the lump in his throat. Instead Scott continued talking and Jamie got the surprise of his life. He sputtered, eyes wide. Scott just said it so casually. Even naming Theo. Then just took a drink waiting for Jamie to fess up to the fact that he was, at least by Scott's standards of love, in love with Theo. "I-" What did he even say to that? Jamie could lie. He lied a lot actually. Especially for a bloke so many people thought was a standup bloke. But he lies by omission, or skirting around the edges of the truth. He didn't like straight up lying. Especially not to someone he was close to. Someone who had confronted him with hte truth in such a direct way. Jamie could probably lie his way out of this. But if he did he wasn't sure he'd be able to look at Scott again without feeling guilty and sick over it. There was also the fact that he'd been so surprised he'd let that surprise show and that likely would make any lie even more obvious. "How did you know," he whispered, looking tense and worried. Clearly Scott didn't have a problem with it or so Jamie thought. But he couldn't help worrying Scott knew because he was obvious. It was a lot easier to hide things when he didn't like the bloke he was fooling around with. Even easier when he wasn't fooling around. Maybe being with Theo had made hiding things harder.
Fuck. Jamie was clearly thrown off by what Scott had just said, and Jamie being thrown was as sure a sign as anything that what Scott said had clearly been weird. Honestly what had he been thinking, trying to explain romantic love in terms of a bloke best mate you wanted to kiss? He might as well have just confessed to Jamie that he—nothing. There was nothing to confess. This was fine. Jamie was an easygoing bloke. Scott could walk this back, laugh it off. Only the way Jamie was looking at him kind of felt like it was reaffirming all off Scott’s fears about coming out. When Scott let himself daydream about coming out to the people in his life, Jamie had always been someone he imagined would take it well. The look Jamie was giving him was not that. But—it was fine. Scott could redirect this and deal with the hurt from that later, in private, after he made sure Jamie knew that had just been a stupid comment, a joke even. Scott was so busy panicking he almost missed Jamie’s whispered question. “I—what?” Scott asked, his panic and stress replaced with confusion that was clear on his face. “How did I know what?” Scott was baffled. He was the one who’d been weird. And even then all he’d said was that being in love was like how he felt about his best mate if he wanted to kiss him, that wasn’t even implying anything about Jamie. Unless Jamie wanted to—oh. Fuck. Was it—Theo? Realization flashed across his face before he schooled his expression as best he could. This was not Scott’s business. This was not something he wanted to know, because then he’d be faced with an impossible choice of telling Jamie about himself or not telling Jamie about himself. But he wasn’t sure he could walk this back. He wasn’t going to be dismissive when Jamie looked shell shocked. Fuck! “I wasn’t trying to imply anything,” Scott said softly, leaving it there. Offering Jamie an out without pushing for it. Bracing for the possibility that Jamie might say something that Scott couldn’t ignore or offer an out for.

















