charsumi's wonderful thoughts

i really wish i posted more on here but honestly it would get repetitive just going over the same shit i always do. i now hate my ex, i have dysphoria over everything about myself, my relationships and whatnot with the people currently in my life are so strange and i feel like ive just made so little process in bettering myself. instead going back on old habits time and time again, swearing this time its different. swearing this time im not getting in over my head. i know ive changed, i know ive become better, but ive also became worse in some aspects. i truly am pathetic but honestly if i were to wallow in it any longer i fear thats all i'll be able to do for quite awhile. god that sounds gay as fuck lmao i haaaaaate emotions oh my god. either way im doing okayish, i think my lack of sleep has been catching up to me. I suuuuck at taking care of myself but that'll change, just like everything right now it will change, i will eventually pull myself up, just yknow. gotta actually get the feeling to. fuck my ex btw i hate him sorry i keep bringing him up but he has been p ming me the o off lately. that's a little incomprehensible but if you follow this blog you are used to this. im fucking done with minecraft though dude holy shit ive been playing it almost daily for the last month i think thats the real reason ive just been feeling nothing but shitty these last couple of weeks. oh right the image here one sec uhhhhhhhh on pc typing this out so lemme see what i have here

but yeah hi! i think mostly why im writing currently is to hopefully distract from me thinking about mortality which is an ever present issue that keeps popping up for me. its just scary cant really say much else on it.

after like 8 months? (wow) i finally opened my ex's dms for the first time to kinda just remind myself that yknow it was always that bad and ive been doing myself a favor for finally being my own person. and like yeah it worked, im like still in awe it got that bad but hey learning lesson right there.

especially since too he very clearly has a lot more anxiety and paranoia about me than i do him at this rate but i dont really just wanna complain about my ex constantly on this blog especially since too there id say at least a 30% chance he is occasionally stalking it.

I honestly do hope he's doing well it makes me sick to think about him for too long but like i really hope he does move on with his life in a productive way.

tomodachi life is insanely good bee tee dubs, fuckin adore that game.

im very happy to have all of you people in my lives, yes all of you that actually read these and some of you that dont! even if there have been some hiccups i do feel like im starting to get back the time i was robbed by my ex.

man i said i wasnt gonna make this about him but like bleh bleh bleh.

i do really feel bad though cause i do think im hard to approach to a lot of people because again im such a fuckup and i will just forget to reply or i will think i replied to someone when in reality i didnt but im trying and i love my friends i just actually fucking suck at it!!!

uhh lets see here i got 15 minutes left on the food im cooking and i really should end this post its probably my longest yet. lemme see what image is going on this one to indicate that this is a semi serious post

fucking i guess bro have this on the end. whatever there was too much other shit i didnt wanna use in my gallery rn

im a heretic baybe

hi this is me after having this sit in my drafts for about a month, and yes i actually have some of these in drafts.

i dont know what i was going for but look i know what you're thinking now. "why the fuck do i even look at this blog?"

and honestly i dont know why you do either but thanks for stopping by i guess?

since im already down here as well i will say things are getting a little better? still not great and id rather not get into it but yeah.

i think a lot of whats been going good for me recently are temporary solutions though that im unsure how exactly to resolve properly but yeah.

also i just woke up so good morning

mitch digger dokapon skype thing i made and that i will provide 0 context for

example:

last to leave the goop.

100 slime vs 100 goop

24 hour chud market

i built a big 2 dollar bill

hide and seek but we tied karl jacobs to the roof of my car

is karl even still apart of mr beast anymore i never liked him.

and the side? heh.