Chardo B.

What would be your most memorable family trip? Me? Nothing.

A “family trip” was planned. I was hesitant cause the reason we were traveling up north for 4 days was because my brother is leaving for a while. Nonetheless, I looked forward to it. 

Family bondings never really worked for us. There’s always someone who ruins everything for us.. for me rather. I try to keep my sanity up whenever I’m in a room with them. It apparently makes me weak when I do..weird!

I care for them, really. But, as most kids feel about a parent, I will never be good enough for them. So why try anyways? 

We try to conceal imperfections in our family; we try to appraised ourselves; we try to make ourselves better than everyone else. Why do we?

Anyways, LA-SF-NV-Sac. 4 day trip.

Usually when I go for trips, I try to milk the fun and adventures. This was not it. I did not jinx for anything wrong to happen on our trip. But.. there it was, a trigger. At this point, my day was already ruined. For just one little thing.. the smallest thing that could’ve been fixed, drained. My motivation and mood at that point changed. I try to keep it sane, I kept myself busy. I drove. My mind was still racing. I was thinking “Ah this will pass.. as long as it won’t trigger again, I’ll be fine.” TRIGGERED!! Why won’t you listen? We try to reason, we try to fix it, we try to not make it bad, but you’re only making it worst. We can’t talk to you because it’s disrespectful, because it’s not right.. because we have no right. Okay fine. I’ll stfu! Then you start to mumble something. louder and louder. Okay what’s the problem? No answer. Anger. Blood boiling. Gets quiet.

And yet another trigger! What should I do? Say something? stay silent? get trashed, walk all over, disrespected, yelled at. 

The reason this relationship is broken, was because it wasn’t built in the first place. There was no connection, no comfort, no love, no trust, no affection. This relationship started off as rocky, painful, and terrifying. 

The love was not shown through any kind of language. Basic hierarchy. Head is always the decision maker and it decided to tear everything apart. The child is a slave lived to grow up to follow their footsteps and aide them till they can no longer rule. 

I always think achieving something is great since it reflects highly on the higher ups. Only to be degraded, laugh at, stepped on. Sad.

How can i enjoy a family vacation if the family is not even connecting to each other. You’re afraid to say something because you might not like the outcome. It’s not approachable, not a shoulder to cry on, not a safe place for me to be around. 

So, how can I fix a person who won’t even accept criticism? Apparently it's already selfish to enjoy your life, spend your hard work, and to live a day happy.

Something beautiful at 4 in the morning. 😊

I’m considered a night owl. I get most of my energies at night.

Life is unpredictable. That’s the truth. 

I’m not really good with confronting my problems, my feelings, and my well-being. What I do, I create distraction.

Today was not it. The fact that I missed important news was appalling for me. I was always involved, always aware, always paying attention. My auntie died recently (a couple days before I found out actually). My pervasive mind was more focused on work and not life. 

This title is misleading. Where to actually begin? 

25 years of life. I’m a big coin now and that’s worth more than a dime. Crazy how life shapes you to become who you are today. My life is a mess and thats my truth. I’m at a point where big decisions are about to be made.. by me. alone. The fact that I’ve reach this far is a blessing. When I was a child, I was well taken cared of, loved, nurtured... accepted and that says a lot.

Growing up, I have taught myself how to be independent; how to fend for myself; how to experience; how to be involved; how to make decisions, but most importantly, I’ve learned to move forward.

25 years. What to expect? A lot, I supposed. 

Well, for what its worth, I have a lot to look forward to. Time to face my biggest challenges yet in order to achieve my goals. It may seem far-fetched but who knows what will happen anyways?

Seven of clubs represents a small amount of money.

It could mean a relief of financial problems or buying something for a steal price.

In general, it signifies trifle economies, but it is also an excellent omen for huge wealth.

Why?