.

if you arent someone the church wanted dead 300 years ago are you really living

my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so hard

Why is it on Tumblr Mobile™ you can close the app and open it 3 days later and still be on the same spot of your dash, but then other times you switch out of the app to respond to a text, and when you immediately come back, it’s gone, your family is gone, your house is gone, your dignity is gone.

that is pretty much how it went + I told him he needed to wear my tshirt

people who change their phone’s font to that squiggly one are not to be trusted

Can’t risk it

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

Not worth the risk

not risking it

Bless the UK

personally I like to think steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th but someone asked him when his birthday was when he was doing his little show tour thingy and he just said it as an accident and/or a panic response in a bid to seem even more patriotic and everyone believed him and now it’s like 100 years later and he’s too deep in the lie to back out now bc he knows all the avenger’s would fucking publicly roast him if he admitted july 4th wasn’t actually his birthday- like he would literally never live that down- so he lives his life in fear that some bitch ass historian is gonna find his birth certificate and expose him