Unfinished Lyric

or selfless to hide it

selfish to cut

or selfless to cover up

selfish to suicide

or selfless to not waste

selfish to compare

or selfless to empathize

selfish to reject the gift

or selfless to accept it

selfish to take it out on them

or selfless to hold some in

selfish to cry

or selfless to be human

selfish to not eat

or selfless to leave more for others

selfish to be myself

or selfless to be a role model

selfish to live

they were being constantly harassed and scrutinized for just being themselves, so they retaliated with a splash of bottled water. WATER. i wouldn't have blamed them one bit if they DID slap a bitch but no it was literally?? water???

what happened to the idea that bullied kids should defend themselves? i swear loads of people agreed on how unfair it is that victims get blamed for retaliating and yet when this happens suddenly its "they started it 🤷‍♀️" are you a shell of a human with no sympathy or are you just a petty kid who thinks they understand more than they do? probably a mixed bag, knowing the internet

also its pretty obvious that someone being attacked is probably gonna throw the attacker as a defense move because that gets them further away and they don't want to get beaten up anymore like??

tldr: if you're blaming nex's death on THEM because they messed with their BULLIES in a way that was basically harmless (and then fought off actual assault) you're a pos

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

I.

languid & loving:

slow mornings together

stretching out like the rest of our lives,

endlessly vast before us.

nothing but warmth surrounding,

pulling me deeper into,

into,

into…

every moment further entangling us,

close to the point of no return.

history can’t help but repeat itself,

past lives of us in every moment,

we’ve been through this before,

this kind of falling.

II.

fruit-seeking fingers,

berry juice on your lips,

tempting and tantalizing,

almost as much as you.

lattes and cappuccinos:

marking the moments of us,

caramel and vanilla,

syrupy sweet.

i tug on your head to bring it to mine,

hoping for one last lingering taste of coffee on your lips,

the most intoxicating pairing.

my love

and his coffee-sweet kiss

//////////

here’s a poem that’s currently getting published but wanted to share here with y’all first :)

on that note… buy me some coffee if you liked the vibe of this poem or anything else I’ve posted here. I’m getting through finals at uni and I’m desperate lol, Venmo me @stardusted_