you are not for everyone

cashiers don’t actually care what you buy you could buy a fork a toaster and a bath plug and i wouldnt notice all i’m thinking abt is “in five min it will be one hour until two hours before i can go home”

my mom: *makes me wash 1 more dish than my sister* me: i am the backbone of this family u are nothing without me. When I Die. Then U Will Realize

I truly go into housewife mode when im someones girlfriend like I will make u pancakes and bacon every morning and suck u up whenever u want

this a lie

im literally dating this girl this a lie

she dont even know how to cook a pancake what is this

I’m listening

did you get the ketchup

Fuk st Patrick’s day

fuk u that’s my momma bday

I said fucc the holiday.. Tell mom I said happy early bday

ight

Put it back quietly, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and practice your surprised face.