tubbo, coming home: we committed atrocities!

tommy: that’s nice did you get my milkshake

ranboo: yeah i got ur milkshake

tommy: good lad

no one would guess that Tubbo and Ranboo (incredibly feared villains) come home to be jokingly bossed around by Tommy (gets scared by horror games) 

tubbo: and then i was like ‘what if your eyes were on the FLOOR’ 

tubbo: this is a robbery! You will all be stuck inside here until further notice. until we get into that vault, all of you should fear for your-

ranboo: oh my god, tubbo, are those tommy's friends??

*wilbur, phil, and techno looking at the villains very confusedly*

tubbo:

bee duo is singling them out as Rivals. Bee duo are trying to be their Mortal Enemies

wilbur, coming to where Ranboo is committing a crime: It’s Me you want isn’t it. let these poor people go. i’m the one you want

ranboo, who Does Not Want Him Can He Please Leave Tommy Is Gonna Kill Him If Wilbur Gets Hurt: UHHH

wilbur: look tommy if i die tomorrow then i want you to know that you can have my US presidential sweater collection

tommy: your presid- wait why would you die tomorrow??

wilbur: we’ve been singled out by some very dangerous supervillains. they’re incredibly scary and Bad and we might die

tubbo:

tubbo: okay, sure, we could do that.

ranboo: yes that very much so is an option.

tubbo: but how about INSTEAD you just leave.

ranboo: GO far far away. *slips a twenty into his pocket* maybe buy that blond child you hang out with something nice.

Wilbur:

Wilbur: the blond child??

---later---

Wilbur: Tommy you don't understand. They knew who you were. I am so sorry I let them figure out who you were. I think they're going to try and kill you.

Jack: tubbo, ranboo, I don't know how to tell you this but...tommy could actually be one of the most dangerous villains out there and I don't want to see both of you get hurt

Tubbo and Ranboo, the most dangerous villains: what

Jack: I know right! I was shocked myself honestly...but don't worry boys I will bring that evil menace myself and finally bring justice!

Ranboo: but- *gets elbowed by tubbo*

bringing this back because i still think it's the funniest thing

Transcript:

Wilbur: Alright. Are you- Did you get elected?

Tubbo: No- (quietly) oh god... Yeah but I built the place!

Wilbur: Are you the sole leader?

Tubbo: Well, I d- I don't-

Wilbur: Tubbo. You have created an autocratic, capitalist dystopia with a social credit score, a 1% who live in golden towers, a giant corporation that controls all the other corporations-

Tubbo: No not- okay, okay, but to be fair-

Wilbur: ARE THERE UNIONS? TUBBO DO YOUR PEOPLE HAVE UNIONS?

Tubbo: YES there's unions- Look I even built union build- Okay you see this one here which is a slightly different grayer shade than all the others? That's the union building.

Wilbur: Okay? Why's there one? How many companies are there?

Tubbo, overlapping: There's one because there's only like- Three?

Wilbur: Why's there ONE union building for THREE different companies?

Tubbo: Yeah but- come on there's like 4k people that live here, max.

Wilbur: (laughing)

Tubbo: I think ONE union can handle four thousand people, right?

Wilbur: ... Tubbo.

Tubbo: Is that not how it works, is that really bad?

Wilbur: Tubbo you've created something...

Tubbo: Oh, no there is a second union building! It's down here, oh there's two! Two unions.

Wilbur: You've created something awful.

Tubbo: Have I?

Wilbur: Yeah. Tubbo you've- you've created something abysmal.

Tubbo: What?

Ranboo (joining call): Uh oh, what did he do?

Wilbur: Oh, Ranboo, he's created an autocratic capitalist dystopia.

Ranboo: He's cr-? Ohh not again!

Tubbo: No but I-

LOOK!!

👁👁

yes this was inspired by Ranboo’s buzzfeed unsolved stream

Info about the AU!

Tommy

the one who enters first

believes in ghosts, but pretends he’s not afraid (as is Tommy fashion)

occasionally cusses out said ghosts (a bad idea)

“you didn’t connect shit”

Tubbo

the backpack (carries equipment in bag and utility belt)

doesn’t believe in spirits, but still gets scared

pretends he’s not scared, since Tommy is worse than him and Ranboo is taller than a decent amount of creatures they investigate

“i’m dancing on your bridge, goatman!”

Ranboo

an actual demon

the reason the trio never finds anything concrete, but also the reason they’re still alive

can switch between a more demonic form and a human form with subtle demon features (oddly colored eyes, slightly elongated canines, small horns that he hides in his hair)

hasn’t told the other two, pretends to be neutral about whether spirits are real