To be who I want to be

Videogame characters regularly do things that real life people cannot do.

I watched the Watermelon Sugar video on release day, I was super excited but when I watched it, it felt weird. Not like uncomfertable but something just didnt sit right.

I read something an instagrammer had written on one of her posts (instagram: @marielle.elizabeth(also an article on her patreon)) and it made sense of the feeling for me.

"The thickest juiciest thing in the music video shouldnt just be a fucking watermelon."

I felt that. I mean theres a little more to it but hell yes.

I have never felt so out of place in this fandom than right now. Even when I read people saying "oh well he says all bodies are beatiful but he wouldnt date a thick girl" I thought well thats his choice, I wouldnt date a woman but I can apreciate that all her body choices are valid because its not my body and its her decision how to live her life.

We get so indoctrinated in general life that I, A FAT WOMAN WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN FAT, didn't even notice why I felt off because im just so used to not seeing people who look like me on screens.

I recognise now that so many things influence how we percieve ourselves and other around us. Just because I am fat, and not necessarily your vision of gorgeous doent mean I don't belong.

Am I glamorizing obesity by wearing clothes that fit me, that have colors and styles I like (on the odd occasion I can find them)

Am I glamorizing obesity by showering, brushing my teeth, doing my hair and makeup

Am I glamorizing obesity by smiling and laughing

Am I glamorizing obesity by succeeding in my chosen profession, by engaging in higher education, by achieving my goals

Am I glamorizing obesity by going on dates, holding hands with my partner

Am I glamorizing obesity by believing the general public is not entitled to my medical history

Am I glamorizing obesity by refusing to be harassed by strangers

Am I glamorizing obesity by expecting basic respect

Am I glamorizing obesity by appearing in public while doing all of the above

Am I glamorizing obesity by existing

I saw this and had to share;

Throughout Primary school; my weight was monitored weekly and what I ate was written down by my mum for the school nurse to see everyday. That was all because they thought I was *too skinny* and that I wasn't being fed by my parents. They'd even sit with me occasionally during lunch to make sure I had food to eat.

So imagine how I felt when I was suddenly 4 stone (56lbs/25.4kg) heavier out of nowhere in high school. The whole monitoring shit I went through from the age of 6 just made me feel as though I needed to stay how I was (the weight I would have been beforehand) otherwise I was going to end up being fat.

I'm still super conscious about it now and I'm a damn adult 🤦🏻‍♀️

Let kids be kids