~Star-Lost~

Breathe… Breathe… Just breathe.

 Jisung's heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest, his hands were shaking, fingertips cold and numb. His thoughts were running miles a minute, fear, pain, confusion; however, he couldn't grasp any of them. His whole body shivered, like ice under his skin. 

The bathroom lights were cruel, too white, too stark; he wanted the light to consume him, anything to end this cold fear he was feeling.

He knew he needed someone, anyone.

Then the door opened, and a familiar scent filled his nose, warm cologne and clean laundry. So distinctly Minho.

“Sungie? Hey, look at me, baby.”

Jisung forced his eyes to look up, eyes blurry, breathing fast, and ears buzzing dizzily. However, he would know Minho's form anywhere. The older dropped to his knees in front of him, his face tight. Minho was used to this, but that didn't make it any easier. Jisung's breathing was still fast, but it was better than it was a few minutes prior. 

“God baby,” He whispered, stroking Jisung's puffy cheek “You’re shaking so bad.”

Jisung tried to speak, but all that came out was a broken sound. Then Minho pulled him into his arms, rocking the shaky boy back and forth.

“You’re ok,” Minho whispered into Jisung's hair, “I’m sorry I wasn't here earlier.”

Jisung shook his head, sniffing

“I’m sorry I woke you.. I was just, it was so scary, Min. It was just so much worse this time.”

Minho let out a soft breath, not annoyed at him, but at the fact that Jisung felt the need to apologize at all.

“None of that.” He murmured firmly, “I told you to wake me up whenever this happens. Sungie, I’m here.”

The younger nodded, swallowing hard. Where Minho's body was warm, the rapper was still shivering, his body desperately trying to regulate itself. 

“You’re freezing,” Minho whispered, pulling back just enough to take off his jacket before slipping it over Jisung’s shoulders, pulling him back into his arms immediately. “There you go, honey. Nice and warm. Breathe with me, ok?”

Jisung nodded, eyes fluttering as he tried to match the breathing of the man in front of him. It took a few minutes, but eventually his chest started to loosen, and all the tension in his body rushed out.

“There you go, baby,” Minho softly stroked his hair, “I’m so proud of you.” 

Jisung leaned into the touch, almost wanting to cry. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky. Just when he was about to spiral again, A gentle voice cut through his thoughts. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Minho shushed, whipping a tear from the younger's cheek.  “You must be exhausted.” 

The dancer stood offering his hand, when he felt the younger take it, he pulled him up, keeping his hand in his as he walked to his bedroom. Settling the boy into his warm bed and cuddling up next to him. 

“I love you, Min,” Jisung muttered tiredly, voice soft.

Minho smiled

“I love you too, Sung.”

It was late when Jeongin shot awake, shoulders heaving, sweat dripping down his face, his blanket twisted around his legs. He breathed in short, shaky bursts. A few minutes passed, and he took a moment to breathe deeply, trying to calm his panicked breaths, trying to tell himself it was just a dream. When his breathing slowed a little, he swung his feet over the side of the bed, knowing there was no point in trying to go back to sleep now. 

He slowly started padding his way to the kitchen, wanting to get some water in hopes of calming his racing heart. But as he neared, he heard the sound of keyboard keys clicking from the dimly lit kitchen. A small smile pulled at his lips, the fear immediately numbing a bit.

He fully stepped into the room, and he wasn't shocked to see his hyung typing away at his laptop, headphones over his ears as he softly hummed to whatever beats he was working on. 

When the younger walked into the kitchen, giggling slightly when his roommate startled.

 “Oh, Innie,” he whispered. A quick scan of the boy was all it took for the older to notice how pale the younger boy was. “Are you ok? It’s late…” 

Jeongin nodded, making his way to the cabinets and grabbing a cup in his still slightly trembling hands. “Yeah,” His voice was quiet, filling the cup with cold water. “Just had a nightmare… I’m ok though.” 

Chan nodded, saving whatever he was doing before closing his computer and standing, a steaming mug clutched in his hand, walking towards the skittish boy. 

“Why are you awake, hyung?”  The younger boy asked as Chan approached. 

“Just” Chan sighed, his features tensing for a moment “can’t sleep.” 

Jeongin nodded, his heart squeezing at the familiar answer. It’s what he had expected from his hyung, but he still felt bad for the male. 

He was shocked out of his thoughts when Chan spoke again. “Do you want some?” He asked, gesturing to the warm mug in his hand. “It's sleepy-time tea– it’s supposed to help.”  

Jeongin nodded, lips curving into a small smile. “Sure, thanks, hyung.” 

Chan nodded, making his way to the kettle to boil more water. He glanced back at his maknae, who was staring into space, the claws of the nightmare obviously still grasping at him. 

“Do you want to talk about it, Innie?” 

The younger shook his head, snapping out of whatever thoughts were holding him. “No, I don’t want to relive it.” He whispered back shakily, “It was just… so real, you know?” He muttered, voice trembling.

Chan nodded. “I’m sorry, baby. I know it sucks,” he whispered, sympathy dripping from his words.

Jeongin shrugged as Chan poured the boiling water over the tea bag in the mug. “It’s… fine, I just need to get my mind off of it.” 

Chan nodded, pressing the warm mug into his dongseang's hands. “Want to watch a movie?” He questioned, rubbing Jeongin’s shoulder, “I’m not really tired yet, and it’ll hopefully distract you some.”

 Jeongin thought about it before nodding, watching as a dopey grin spread across the older's face, his dimple popping out of his cheek. 

Chan took Jeongin's arm and brought him to the living room, turning the TV on. Putting on some random cheesy romance he found, causing the maknae to fake gag. Chan giggled and took a sip of his tea. 

Sitting on the couch, Jeongin curled into Chan's side instinctively. Chan smiled, throwing a blanket over both of them and kissing the younger's hair. As the movie continued, they fell into a comfortable silence. 

About a quarter into the movie, Chan's eyes began to grow heavy, and when he looked down, Jeongin was already fast asleep against his chest, breathing steadily and deeply. With this knowledge, Chan allowed his eyes to close as they fell into a peaceful dreamland.

It’s late, and you and Felix have already been tucked into bed for a couple of hours now–or so you thought. Rolling over, you had expected to feel Felix's warm body resting beside you, but you were instead met with cold sheets. You slowly opened your eyes, looking over to see your boyfriend's empty side of the bed. Confused, you looked around groggily, noticing the lights in the connected bathroom were on, light spilling through the ajar door.

You pulled yourself out of bed, feet hitting the cold floor, causing a shiver up your spine as you made your way to the door. You set your hand on the doorknob, and were starting to push it open when the door was suddenly slammed shut. You jumped a little, shocked. 

You got your bearings back quickly and knocked on the door. “Lixie? Hey, what’s wrong?” It was silent for a moment before you heard small sniffles on the other side of the door, the boy in question’s voice very shaky. “Nothing!” He whimpered out, “I’m ok.” You sighed, leaning against the door frame. “You’re obviously not.” You sighed, “What’s wrong? Can I come in?”

You heard the Australian boy on the other side sigh wetly; the lock on the door clicked, and the door swung open just a little, a squeaking sound accompanying it. You took this as an invitation, the door squeaking a bit as you opened it. 

Felix was leaning against the counter, eyes trained on the mirror in front of him. His eyes are red and misty, and tracks of tears streaked down his cheeks, which were red and blotchy as if he had been picking at them. 

You came up behind him, hugging his waist. “Hey, Pretty Boy,” You whisper, eyes soft, “What's going on? Are you feeling sick?” He quickly shook his head quickly and quietly, his eyes still intently trained in the same area, having not been torn away since you walked in. 

His weak voice suddenly broke the comfortable silence that had taken over the room. “A-Are they ugly?” He whispers, finally moving his eyes to meet yours in the mirror. 

You hummed in confusion. “Are what ugly, hm?” Felix sighed, speaking up again. “My freckles,” his voice cracked at some point during the sentence, “they’re ugly, right?” You quickly shook your head, shocked at his proposal. 

“Baby no… Your freckles are gorgeous,” You whisper, eyes soft. “You know I love them.” He just hums, obviously not convinced. And you could see the weight of his own mind and hateful comments pushing onto him. 

“People say they make my face look dirty, or that they don’t suit me…” His voice wavered, eyes tearing up with fresh tears again. “And they’re right. I look so wrong with them.” He mumbles out, fingers picking at his already irritated skin. “ I wish they would just disappear!” His voice raised, obviously agitated.

You catch his hands and carefully force them away from his face, not wanting him to scar his beautiful cheeks. 

“Hey,” you whisper firmly. “Your freckles are beautiful, just like the rest of you.” You make eye contact again and smile sadly. “Yes, I know some select fake fans say those nasty things, but the rest of your fans love your freckles,” You mumble, bringing one finger to his face and tracing any patterns you could see in the mocha-colored dots on his cheeks. “I've seen so many comments saying that they look like constellations or, that your eyes couldn't hold all the stars, so they spilled onto your cheeks. And I agree wholeheartedly.” 

Turning Felix away from the mirror to face you, you lean closer and focus on one freckle in particular. “And you have a heart-shaped one riiiight here.” You kissed the said heart-shaped dot on his salty left cheek, making the boy giggle wetly. Now face to face, you could notice just how heavy the boy's eyes looked and how dark the bags around his eyes looked. Without hesitation, you laced your fingers through his, taking his hand you led him out of the bathroom, flipping the light off behind you.

“Now, no more worrying your pretty little head. You’re gorgeous, and what you really need is sleep.” He smiles faintly, letting you shove him back onto the bed, pulling you along with him, causing you to lie down willingly. 

Once you both had settled in and were about to fall asleep, you heard a small voice break through the darkness. 

“Thank you for everything. I’m sorry I woke you.” He whispered, and you ran a hand through his bleached locs. “Anytime, Lix, now sleep.” And he didn’t need to be told twice. Before you even finished the sentence, the boy was out, breathing even and sleep claiming him again.

He was exhausted, so exhausted. Tired of waking up every morning in the same way he had been for the past… however long. Tired of living the same way in the same way on the same day over and over again. He was tired of living. He’d been stuck in a loop for so long,so long he didn’t even remeber when it started. And the worst part? He didn’t even know what the universe wanted from him. Today, though, today he was going to end it, even if it meant ending his whole life. 

When he woke up, he stood from his bed, the same stormy day it had been for so long. He ate the same breakfast and wore the same clothes, attending the same three classes; however, by the time night fell, he deviated from his normal path home and headed to a bridge over a rushing river. 

When he got there, however, his eyes widened when he saw the frame of a small boy standing on the edge of the railing before his body fell into the thrashing river, no doubt killing him instantly. Something in Changbin shifted, and he fell to his knees, suddenly feeling very nauseous. He let the rain fall over him, not even feeling it dig deep into his bones. He just watched someone who didn’t seem far from his age, most likely younger, end his life. He didn’t know how long he sat there before he got up, letting his body fall into the same routine it’s been in. 

He woke up the next morning feeling numb; at least it was something new. Even if he didn't know the boy, he watched him end his life, end his story, and he was gonna stop it. Maybe this hell he had been living in had some kind of good. 

He let his body fall into its schedule, the smae food, clothes. However at the end of his last class of the day he left early, rushing to the same bridge he had been at the day before. The rain was still pouring but he still didn’t care. 

Out of breath when he arrived, he glanced up, the same soaked boy on the edge of the railing, leaning dangerously close to losing his footing. Changbin suddenly bolted towards him, pulling him back. What he didn’t expect was for the bridge to creak and start to shake under his feet. In a split second decision, he suddenly shoved the puppy looking boy onto a stable part of the bridge as any footing he had completely disintegrated and gave way as he went barreling towards the river. 

It all hurt, why did he feel like this? Was he dead? There was no water, no chill like there was supposed to be. He forced his eyes open, only to see Blinding white lights and feeling a weight on his stomach. When he looked down, wincing in pain he saw the brown haired boy that he had saved laying his head on his stomach. The boy in question quickly jumped up when he saw the others eyes.

“Oh!” He stuttered, eyes wide. “You’re awake– Are you… OK?” Changbin nodded, his heart suddenly picking up, the monitor to his side making it obvious. “H-Hey!” He muttered, trying his best to speak “W-What day is it?” The younger-looking boy eyes narrowed in confusion but he pulled his phone out none the less “April 6th…” He whispered quietly.

Changbin sat up more, pain seering through his body. April 6th? Was it really? The loop was– broken. A hand was suddenly on his shoulder, pushing him back to bed. “P-please stay down, you’re too injured to be moving” His voice was soft and shaky “I-I don’t want you to get worse” he mumbled, tears forming behind his eyes for reasons Changbin didn’t know.

Changbin nodded, looking up at the boy “W-What’s your name?” The other boy nodded softly “I guess we’ve never formally met– I’m Seungmin” Changbin nodded, smiling weakly. “Changbin” 

The boy he now knew as Seungmin nodded. “Thank you so much for saving me… I– I’m sorry this happened” Changbin nodded, noticing for the first time that he was in a hospital, that explaned the sterile white walls and bright lights. 

Why was Seungmin the key for breaking the loop Changbin had been in for possibly years? Changbin sighed and looked at the boy who was suddenly looking flustered, shoving things into a bag. “I’m late to an important lecture” He said quickly “Writing something on a sticky note and shoving it into his hand. “I’m sorry to run out on you like this but if I’m not back by the time you’re discharged” He said in one breath “Call me” He muttered before running off.

Changbin looked down at the yellow sticky note, a smile spreading on his face.

“(xxx)-xxx-xxxx  Let me make this all up to you”

You stretched out as you walked through the door. You had just come home after going to a nice brunch with your friends. It had been a while since you’d seen them, and you were excited to catch up, especially with a big change like you had, being pregnant. 

You kick off your shoes, leaving them by the front door with a relieved sigh. Hyunjin had just come back from tour, so it was weird when you didn’t see him in any of his normal spots– Art studio? Nope. Bedroom? Not a trace. Living room? Not there. You were about to give up and text him until you heard a small, soft sound from your baby’s soon-to-be nursery. The door creaks as you peek inside, breath catching as you smile at the sight. Hyunjin was sitting on the hard floor, a drop cloth spread over it, Kkami balled up and asleep beside him. The walls were covered with beautiful paintings of clouds and animals, as well as tall grasses, all perfectly colored and shaded. You made a small sound from where you were in the doorway, wanting to alert the boy of your presence. His shoulders shot up, startled as he slowly turned around. 

You smile, making your way over to him. “Hyunie– You painted all of this?” He nodded, looking a bit disappointed, a pout on his lips. “You weren't supposed to see it yet; it’s nowhere near done. I wanted to surprise you.” You smiled, walking over and joining him on the floor. “It’s gorgeous nonetheless,” you murmured, running your fingers lightly over a painted cloud. “How did you manage all of this?” He smiled, grabbing your hand and bringing it to his lips for a moment. “I always wanted to, the second I found out,” He smiled. “I always wanted a personal touch to the nursery. And maybe when they’re older, they’ll know how much I have and will do for them.” You leaned into him, “You achieved it, this is all gorgeous. You’re so amazing, Jinnie.” The male's face flushed a light shade of pink, a shy smile spreading across his lips. “Not really…”

He noticed the way you were leaning into him, body heavy. “You must be tired.” You smiled, it was true, you had been pretty fatigued since you got pregnant. “He stood, helping you up. “Off to bed with you, love.” You smile, taking his hand. “Come with me?” He looks back at his unfinished work before looking back at you, his smile returning. “Yeah, sure.” You smile, heart warm as you drag him off to bed.

If there were one word to describe how you feel right now, it would be miserable. Your head was throbbing, only one side of your nostrils was clogged, causing you to breathe through your mouth, making your throat, which was already painful, way worse, and you were sore all over. And to make matters worse, your period decided it wanted to greet you. Chans' hoodie hung heavily over your frame as you pulled your phone out, the bright screen making your eyes water as you quickly turned the brightness down. You hated to bother your boyfriend, but you were out of tissues, and you could really use some cough drops. Opening the male's contact.

You smile, lying back down, pillows slightly propped up as an attempt to make it easier to breathe. You had a diffuser blowing out peppermint oil as well as vapor rub over your chest and neck. 

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you must have because the next thing you remember is a hand soothing your hair back and Chan's soothing voice filtering through your congestion-clogged ears. When you opened your eyes, there he was, a small smile on his face. “Hey there, sleepy head,” He whispered, accent on full display. “You really don’t feel well, huh?” His deep brown eyes were filled with concern. You shook your head, looking at his other hand, multiple bags clutched in his grip. You clear your throat, coughing a bit as you eyeball him, “That's way more than I asked for, Channie…” He smiled, chuckling, “I got a bit carried away–” He walked over to the other side of the bed, dumping the contents of the bags out. There were tissues, cough drops, chocolate, pads, a box of Peppermint tea, a Gatorade, day and nyquill, and a Chapstick (even though you had plenty). 

You roll your eyes, looking up at him. “I don’t need all of this, Chan.” He smiled, moving to sit next to you. “Sure, but I’m allowed to pamper my partner when they’re having a rough time.” He grabbed the box of tea and your empty water bottle off the bedside table before walking to your kitchen. You sigh, pulling your blanket to your face as you cough into it. Not too long later, your boyfriend came back, warm tea and water in hand. He carefully passed you the tea, resting a hand on your back. “Drink some, it should help a little.” You take a sip, the tea and honey he had added helped to soothe your throat. You look over, Chan making himself busy by picking up your dirty tissues and throwing them away. “You need anything?” He whispered, voice still quiet, not to agitate your head worse. You shake your head, holding your arms out. He giggled, his dimple popping out as he moved to pull you into his arms. “I can’t believe you're risking my health for some cuddles.” You roll your eyes, burying into his chest, “Oh, be quiet.” He smiled, his hand rubbing circles into your back. “You’re burning up,” he mumbled, reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing a Nyquil, passing it over to you along with your fresh water. “Here.” 

He pulled the blanket tighter around you, kissing your cheek. “You can rot comfortably now.” You smile, even in your misery. Soon enough, the medicine kicked in, a haze filling your senses. His hand found your back again, softly resuming his ministrations. “Sleep some more, I’m not going anywhere.”

You stirred the sauce gently, the aroma of garlic, tomato, and simmering herbs curling into the air as your favorite playlist hummed from the speaker beside the stove.The steam fogged the window in front of you slightly, your thoughts half on dinner, half on the clock. Changbin should be home any minute now.

Right on cue, the door creaked open.

You turned, smiling automatically—only to pause when you saw him. Changbin stepped in, hoodie clinging to the sweat on his neck, hair slightly damp and eyes dull with something heavier than exhaustion. He looked… off. “Hey,” you greeted warmly, and he shuffled toward you, peeking over your shoulder. “What’s for dinner?” he asked, voice quiet. You reached for his hand without thinking. He flinched the second your fingers brushed his, but you were too focused to notice. “Pasta!” you say with a smile “how was your day, baby?” He wrapped one arm loosely around your waist, careful to keep the other hidden. “It was okay. Workout was good,” he mumbled. You didn’t press—yet. Instead, you scoop pasta into two bowls and set them on the table.

The familiar comfort of shared space helps you watch more closely without saying anything. You sit across from Changbin, the two of you indulging in casual conversation. That’s when you notice it. He was eating slowly. With his left hand. Clumsy, almost. His hoodie sleeve covered his right hand entirely—down past his knuckles.  “Binnie?” you ask softly. “What’s wrong?” You ask softly, He looked up, clearly startled you’d noticed. A pause. Then a shrug.  “Wha– Nothing, my arm is just sore, I guess” You nod, suspicious. You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you reached across the table and gently placed your hand over his. The reaction was instant—he recoiled, hissing under his breath. “P-please don’t…”You quickly pull your hand away, heart dropping. You look at him. “Binnie” you sigh “What's wrong? Let me see”  With a heavy sigh, he pulled his sleeve up to reveal his wrist. The skin over the joint was glossy, angry shades of purple, blue, and yellow blooming like ink beneath the surface.

“Oh Binnie” You gasp “What did you do to yourself?" You question, brushing your fingers lightly over the uninjured part of his arm. He looks down, ashamed “I… Might have had an accident while lifting today. I thought I could push through it.” You sigh, wordlessly standing and walking towards the freezer, pulling out an ice pack and wrapping a rag around it and lightly setting it over the injury. “It’s definitely sprained honey” He sighs “Yeah… I figured” He looks at his food “Sorry I didn’t say anything. You shoul-” You shush him, shaking your head “I want to care for you, you always care for me” 

You take his abandoned fork and scoop some pasta onto it, holding it to his lips. He playfully glared at you, giggling before taking a bite. You kept going like this, blowing on the hotter bites until his dish was empty.  He didn’t say much, but his shoulders dropped the way they always did when he finally allowed himself to rest.

 You leave for a moment before setting a first aid kit on the table. Taking his hand you carefully start to wrap the swelled up injury “Sorry, this is gonna hurt” He nods, jaw clenched, whimpering occasionally. When his hand was thoroughly wrapped you slid a painkiller and a glass of water toward him. He took them gratefully, then looked up at you with that familiar soft smile.

He glanced at your half-eaten food and motioned toward it. “Go finish eating.” But you didn’t move. Instead, you leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss just below his temple, letting your hand brush over his good arm. “Not until I know you’re okay.” He gave you a tired smile, the kind that only came when he finally let his guard down. “I am now,” he whispered.

You roll over in your sleep, eyes scrunching when you feel the cold sheets beside you. A soft groan escapes your lips as you blink yourself awake, the empty space next to you stark in the dark. Felix had definitely been there when you fell asleep. Your freckled boyfriend was now nowhere to be seen. You sat up, swinging your feet to the side and standing, the cold floor sending shock waves up your spine, waking you more. When you peek out the door you notice light flowing from the kitchen. 

You step out to see Felix at the kitchen counter, stirring some kind of dessert in a bowl. You speak softly “Lixie?” The male in question jumped, looking up at you with a smile, however it didn’t quite reach his puffy eyes, red rims around them. “Oh– Hey baby.” You walk over, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind, cheek resting on his back. “Why are you awake so late?" He continued to whisk what you could now identify as brownies softly. “Had a nightmare and didn’t feel like going back to sleep” You pouted, moving so you could soothingly rub his back. “You could’ve woken me up, you know?” He nods “I know” He mitters, glancing at you. “but you need sleep and it wasn’t that big of a deal” You sigh, moving to sit on the counter next to the bowl, eyeing its contents. 

“Want to talk about it?” He shrugs “I don’t remember much of it if I’m honest” He mumbled, suddenly very focused on the brownie bowl “I just know I woke up crying–” He took a shaky breath “and I just remember feeling lost… like I was abandoned” His lip trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment “Sorry…” You shake your head, “Hey No”  you cup his cheeks “You don’t have to apologize…” You whisper, scooping some of the batter onto your finger and bringing it to your lips with a soft smile. “Was it something that happened? Something I did?” Felix looked up, shocked and almost horrified that you would even suggest that you were at fault. He shook his head, “No! No.. Not at all.” he says quickly. “It’s just… something that’s been building, I guess.” He starts pouring the batter into a pan. “My mind’s probably just overwhelmed. Stress, schedules, everything.” You nod, watching from your place on the counter as he moves to put the pan in the preheated oven. He padded back over, wrapping his arms around your waist and looking into your eyes. You take the whisk from the scraped clean brownie bowl, holding it to his lips. He let out a small, tired giggle, licking on it. His giggle fades into a sigh as he rests his forehead gently against yours, eyes fluttering shut. You can feel the warmth of his breath, the subtle tension still lingering in his body. “Better?” you whisper as he shrugs. “A little” He mutters, voice rough from crying and the lack of sleep “I’m okay, really. Don’t worry.”

You pull him closer, his head resting in your neck as you trace shapes into his back. “You’re not alone ok?” You whisper “Even if you don’t feel like it” His arms tighten around you, he doesn't speak immediately, just sits for a moment. “I guess I’m just scared, you know?” his voice starts shaking again and you squeeze him tighter “Scared that all of this is too good to be real. That I’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone.” He sniffles before continuing to speak ““I mean—yeah, my job’s hard. And I’m tired a lot. But I love it. I love the members, I love performing. I just—sometimes it feels like everything is moving so fast. Like I’ll blink and it’ll all disappear. Or like maybe I don’t deserve it.”  You ran your hands through his hair “It’s real, and I’m so proud of you Lix” Felix nods, A tear that had been held back for a while escaped, tracing a slow path down his cheek before you gently wiped it away. The flood gates opened and the tears he’s been holding back finally spilling, silent and slow. You don’t say anything else — just holding him, rubbing gentle circles into his back, letting the quiet hum of the oven fill the silence around you.

Eventually, he pulls back just enough to look at you, eyes red but soft. “Thanks for coming out here… I guess I was holding back more than I thought” You smile, snagging the mixing bowl “Think there’s any more batter left for me to steal?” He smiles nodding as you lick the rim “It’s all yours” The two of you sit there for a while longer — him standing between your legs, arms wrapped around you; you mindlessly tracing the freckles on his shoulders like constellations. Eventually, the scent of warm brownies fills the room, a calming aura settling over the room. Felix is calm for the first time since he fell asleep. “Felix’s smile grew softer, tired but genuine. “I really love you, you know that?” You nod, brushing a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “Of course, and I love you too.” He nods against your neck, exhaling one final, shuddered breath. “I think I can sleep now.” You smile, watching as he grabs the brownies out of the oven, turning it off. You hop off the counter, taking his hand “Then let’s go back, baby.” He smiles, letting you lead him away, the brownies abandoned on the counter for later. The two of you crawled back into the warm bed together, and Felix slept peacefully, finally.