poison addict

I met Meimei at the International Toxient Countermeasure Agency headquarters. Meimei was still in his mid-teens at the time, and had come to the headquarters on a field trip. He got separated from his teacher and was standing there all alone.

He didn't seem anxious or troubled despite being lost in an unfamiliar place; rather, he looked rather bored. That's why I wanted to tease him.

This world is full of mysteries and fascinating things, and when I see someone who looks bored and unaware of this, I have a bad habit of bothering them.

Yohira: Hey, boy, how are you? Headquarters is big, and the layout is bad because the building is old, so it's easy to get lost. Alright, leave it to me. I'll get you there safely and securely.

Akamune: Ah!

Yohira: Aha, sorry, sorry, it's just a habit. In my case, just touching me is completely harmless. Boy, is this your first time meeting a toxic guy? It's understandable that you'd be scared. Don't worry. I won't lay a finger on you, so follow me.

At first, Meimei looked at me with suspicion, probably thinking he'd be poisoned if he got too close. But after walking a little further, I heard his stomach rumbling...

Yohira: Fufu. What's wrong, boy? Are you hungry? I'll share something good with you. It's candy. Don't worry, there's no poison in it.

Akamune: Thank you...

From that day on, we started talking a lot. And as we talked more, I realised he was similar to me.

Not only was he intelligent, but having grown up in the institution's facilities, his interest was solely focused on understanding the principles of things.

I thought that he might be able to tackle the mysteries of the world with the same passion as me, so I decided to recruit him as a partner.

Akamune: Yohira, you've messed up the lab again!

Yohira: Hmm? Really? Oh... haha, what a terrible mess... who did this?

Akamune: You did it yourself! You have a habit of shutting out the world when you're engrossed in your research, you need to do something about it!

Yohira: I feel bad making you clean up. By any chance, Meimei, are you free?

Akamune: I've been busy cleaning up after you the whole time! No matter how many times I tell you, you won't stop writing notes on the desk and floor, and you leave everything you take out lying around.

Yohira: It would be a waste to forget such great ideas without writing them down.

Akamune: You haven't learnt!

Yohira: Research takes priority over cleaning, you know.

Akamune: If you don't follow the rules, other people won't be able to prioritise their research.

Yohira: That's certainly true... Hmm, I see. You have that sulky look on your face because you're allowed to do any research, and are only made to do cleaning.

Akamune: Whoa! What?! Don't suddenly press your finger against my forehead!

Yohira: Apologies, apologies. I should have said something. But don't worry, I won't harm you by doing that.

Akamune: I know that, I'm not scared of you any more. But anyone would be startled by being suddenly touched!

Yohira: Is that how it is? By the way, one correction. I didn't press my finger against your forehead; I smoothed out the wrinkles between your eyebrows with my finger.

Akamune: Wrinkles?

Yohira: Yep. I used my fingers to iron your wrinkles.

Akamune: What?

Yohira: I was worried because you looked bored. Well, of course it's boring having to clean up after me all the time. Meimei, stop cleaning up and read this book.

Akamune: What...a book about...sleep cell proliferation?

Yohira: I've recently been researching the differences between human and Toxient cells.

Akamune: Yeah.

Yohira: Human and Toxient cells, while seemingly completely different, also share some similarities. It might be possible to successfully combine human and Toxient cells. Isn't that exciting to think about?

Akamune: Wow, you're thinking like mad scientist stuff again… but it's about cell proliferation. I haven't read much about that kind of thing, but… oh, I feel like I've seen this "Konpetz equation for cell proliferation" somewhere before.

Yohira: I doubt someone your age can understand this...

Akamune: That's not true! If you take your time to read it, you should be able to understand it!

Yohira: Haha, well then, boy, I have a question for you. When measuring cell growth in cell culture, why use a logistic model rather than a simple exponential model?

Akamune: Hmm, exponential growth assumes unlimited resources, but in actual cultivation, nutrients, acidity, and cultivation area are limitations, so it ends up being closer to logistic growth...?

Yohira: That's pretty much right, as expected of Meimei. Fufu. Here's a candy as a reward for such a talented boy.

Akamune: I feel like I'm being deceived somehow...but thank you. ...So sweet.

Yohira: Well, it's candy, after all. With my knowledge and skills, I could make candy that isn't sweet, but I don't have the time to make something so pointless.

Akamune: ...What?

Yohira: That face, it suits you better.

Akamune: So you're saying I should smile? Is that why you smoothed out the wrinkles between my eyebrows earlier?

Yohira: That bored expression doesn't suit you.

Akamune: What's that supposed to mean? Anyway, you're mistaken. Ever since I started working with you, there hasn't been a single boring moment. It's always been fun.

Yohira: I'm glad to hear that you've also come to appreciate the fun of research. I'll try to be more mindful of that in the future so that I can dedicate more time to research.

Akamune: It's true, but that's not it. I enjoy doing all sorts of things with Yohira, like cleaning up and whatever. I didn't have any adults who cared about me before I came here.

Yohira: Hmm, so you enjoy cleaning up too? Well then, I'll continue to make a mess as I please. I shouldn't take away your job, after all.

Akamune: No, that was just a figure of speech! We're both adults, so stop making fun of me and act properly!

My personal belief was that the most interesting thing of all was unravelling the mysteries. I was sure Meimei felt the same way, so I was surprised when he said, "It's fun being with you." It was a feeling I didn't have. But Meimei was exceptionally talented, and with his help, my experiments and analyses progressed much more smoothly than before.

It didn't take long for me to involve Meimei in most of the experiments I was conducting.

Akamune: Yohira, it's been 30 minutes since we administered the dilute toxin to the guinea pigs. The low-dose group is stable, but I (俺)... uh, no. One of the medium-dose group I (僕) was watching is breathing a little faster.

Yohira: Which one?

Akamune: Cage number C-3. It's not yet at the point where we can definitively say there's something wrong, but I think we should observe it more frequently.

Kaihai: I also noticed that it seemed restless when I passed by the cage earlier.

Yohira: Hmm, if both of you feel that way, I shouldn't overlook it. Let's change the interval for recording observations to every 15 minutes.

Akamune & Kaihai: Yes.

Akamune: Okay, then I'll take cage number C-3's blood sample to the analysis lab.

Yohira: I'm counting on you, Meimei.

Akamune: Yeah.

Yohira: Lately, Meimei has started referring to himself as "boku", right? Do humans' ways of referring to themselves change as they grow up?

Kaihai: Hahaha, things do change, but generally it's the other way around. When they're little, they say "boku", but as they get older, many boys start saying "ore" around their friends.

Yohira: Hmm, so Meimei is different. But I don't know why.

Kaihai: He's definitely imitating you, Yohira-san.

Yohira: Imitating me?

Kaihai: Mei respects you, so I think he's trying to emulate your way of speaking and acting. The other day, when you wasn't there, he spotted a little boy visiting the facility and shared some candy with him. Cute, right?

Yohira: Hmm. So you find that kind of thing cute.

Kaihai: What are you talking about? You don't seem entirely opposed to it. Oh, and I should mention, don't point it out. It'll make Mei-kun embarrassed.

Yohira: I'm just stating the results of my observations, so what's there to be embarrassed about?

Kaihai: It's embarrassing just knowing that you're being observed.

Yohira: That's how it is?

Kaihai: That's how it is. Well, it certainly seems like an emotion that you have no connection to.

Yohira: That's right. Humans are so troublesome, getting caught up in things like that.

Kaihai: I think you have a similarly troublesome personality.

Yohira: What does that mean?

Kaihai: Well, what do you think that means? Oh, Mei-kun's back.

Emotions are troublesome things. Both humans and Toxients are swayed by them, and make meaningless choices. The emotion of "shame" is a prime example.

But luckily, I myself don't seem to have much of that tendency. Perhaps it's because I know that the joy of "solving a mystery" outweighs everything else.

There are many things in the world to know, and many mysteries to solve, and in order to solve one of them, I urged Meimei to participate in a "crucial experiment to unravel the profound secrets of Toxients" - the "Code: Franken" experiment.

Akamune: Um...just to confirm again, Toxients have an organ called a core, and if that core is damaged, it stops the blood flow, right?

Yohira: That's right. A Toxient with a missing core doesn't rot like other living things. It just freezes and hardens like a wax figure, remaining motionless.

Akamune: By connecting multiple missing cores to the wax-like body of Toxients...Toxients are prevented from reactivating..."

Yohira: That's right. As I explained the other day, that's the whole story of the "Code: Franken" experiment.

Akamune: ...You're definitely a mad scientist.

Yohira: Say whatever you want.

Akamune: Hmm...

Yohira: What's bothering you?

Akamune: I don't really like the idea of ​​connecting the cores together.

Yohira: I told you this the other day, didn't I? It's you people at the Agency who don't recognise Toxient rights. If you say we can't experiment on Toxients, then that means all the experiments we've done so far using guinea pigs are also unacceptable, right?

Akamune: I understand the logic, but...

Yohira: But?

Akamune: It's like you lack empathy and understanding of people's feelings...

Yohira: Don't you think that if you let your emotions get the better of you, you'll never be able to solve such great mysteries?

Akamune: But...

Yohira: You don't want to solve mysteries with me?

Akamune: ...If you say something like that, there's nothing I can say. That's just unfair.

Yohira: Hahaha.

Meimei had a look on his face that said, "I'm not convinced." But in the end, he helped me that day.

I believed in Meimei's intellectual curiosity. Something called common sense might have been holding Meimei back. I was sure that once he started, he would become engrossed in his research, just like me. But…

Akamune: Yohira, what should we do today- Wait, why are you cutting off the skin from your own hand?!

Yohira: You've come at just the right time. I thought I'd try putting my stem cells - well, Toxient's aren't strictly stem cells, but...anyway, stem cell-like cells into fertilised rat eggs.

Akamune: It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts! Just looking at it hurts, stop doing things like that!

Yohira: It won't hurt, I've had an anaesthetic.

Akamune: That's not the point! Yohira, you've gone beyond being a mad scientist and become a monster scientist!

Yohira: That's an honour-

Akamune: I wasn't praising you!

Yohira: Anyway, I can't cut it properly, so could Meimei cut it for me? It's around this cell.

Akamune: Are you even listening to me? I'm telling you to stop cutting off parts of your own body!

Yohira: Oh well, I'll do it myself... Oops, I stabbed myself. It's hard to cut the skin of one arm with just one hand.

Akamune: Wah! Fine! Fine! I'll do it, so give it here!

Yohira: That's a big help. Meimei is a really good assistant.

Akamune: I won't be tricked.

Yohira: As expected of Meimei, he's also skilled at cutting.

Akamune: Sigh. So I should culture these skin cells, right?

Yohira: Thanks.

Akamune: But before that, Yohira, extend your arm.

Yohira: Hm?

Akamune: Disinfect it, stitch the wound, and stop the bleeding. Was it really necessary to cut it this deeply?

Yohira: It seems I messed up because no one helped me.

Akamune: It'll hurt after the anaesthesia wears off.

Yohira: Oh, that looks really painful.

Akamune: Phew, done. Don't do anything reckless again. Yohira is a bad scientist.

Yohira: I don't intend to be a bad scientist, you know.

Akamune: Then, I'll start culturing skin cells.

Yohira: Thank you. Meimei, come over here when you're done with that.

Akamune: What?

Yohira: Hm.

Akamune: Hey! Don't suddenly press on my forehead again!

Yohira: Meimei's brow was so wrinkled.

Akamune: I told you to stop because it startles me. Besides...that won't make these wrinkles go away.

Yohira: What's wrong? Are you still scared of me touching you?

Akamune: Stop bringing up how scared I was that time. Don't make fun of me.

Yohira: Hahahaha. So you finally realised.

Akamune: I realised a long time ago. But, that's not what I meant.

Yohira: Hm?

Akamune: Yohira, are you listening properly?

Yohira: I try to listen carefully to what Meimei says most of the time.

Akamune: Yeah. I thought that. ...Yohira, let's stop the "Code: Franken" experiment.

Yohira: Are you still not comfortable experimenting with Toxients?

Akamune: Yeah. Even though they're inactive, I feel hesitant to use Toxients' bodies.

Yohira: As I said before, it's no different from experiments using rats or guinea pigs, is it?

Akamune: It's completely different...it's completely different emotionally. I was thinking about it when I saw you cutting your own hand earlier. I don't want your body to be dissected and used for experiments just because you're a Toxient when you stop being active...

Yohira: Why?

Akamune: What do you mean, why?

Yohira: Scientists will use whatever tools are available to unravel the mysteries they want to solve.

Akamune: I know that's how you think, but I don't like it.

Yohira: ...So, in the end, you too are being swayed by your emotions?

Akamune: ...! That's right! I don't want to slight Toxients because Yohira is important to me! What's wrong with feeling that way?!

Yohira: Sorry, but that feeling is getting in the way of solving the mystery and hindering you from doing what you truly want to do. What else could it be but wrong?

Akamune: What if what I wanted to do wasn't experimentation?

Yohira: What nonsense are you talking about? You're just confused right now, but you do like experiments. I've seen it first-hand, so you can trust me on that.

Akamune: But...

Yohira: Besides, the very idea of ​​assuming that I might cease my activities is baffling. Death is the epitome of uncertainty. If you let yourself be controlled by it, you won't be able to do anything.

Akamune: That's true, but...

Yohira: It's okay. You never know when or where death will strike. But statistically, Toxients live a long time. You don't have to be afraid of me ceasing to function. See, that's not so scary anymore, right?

Akamune: ...You're being unfair.

Yohira: Don't make that face, Meimei. I'll share some candy with you as a thank you for helping me. Here you go.

Akamune: ...Yeah. Thanks.

Yohira: Is it good?

Akamune: ...Yeah.

Yohira: Good.

But a big piece of candy wasn't enough to cheer up Meimei that day. On the contrary, the frown on his face seemed to get deeper and deeper. And the experimental results were disastrous.

No matter how we transplanted the core, the inactive Toxient remained inactive. I thought that because the experimental results were so poor, Meimei couldn't see the fun and significance of this research. Or maybe, deep down, I knew that wasn't the case.

But I truly hoped that Meimei would smile again as soon as possible.

Yohira: Meimei, let's have a chance of pace.

That's why I made that suggestion.

Akamune: Chance of pace?

Yohira: Yes, a change of pace. As Meimei knows, the "Code: Franken" experiment has hit a dead end. So I thought it might be nice to try something different for a change.

Akamune: It's rare for you to say something like that.

Yohira: Not really. I'll take as many detours as necessary to get results.

Akamune: Hmm. So, what are you going to do?

Yohira: Since we have the opportunity, let's do an experiment that Meimei wants to do.

Akamune: Huh...?

Yohira: Meimei must be feeling disappointed because we're not getting the results we wants. So, today you should do something that will pique your curiosity.

Akamune: It's not that I find it boring when I don't get results, but...

Yohira: Well, well. So, is there any experiments you'd like to do today?

Akamune: I can't think of anything when you put me on the spot... Oh, wait. I might have one idea.

Yohira: What's that?

Akamune: Oh...ah! It's this.

Yohira: Let's see...so the necessary ingredients are amylose, cellulose derivatives, and dextrin?

Akamune: Then, sodium alginate and agarose.

Yohira: So, citric acid, malic acid, and menthol? Hmm, that's mint. You've gone all out with chemical formulas, but what you'll end up with is candy?

Akamune: You're absolutely right. I was thinking I'd like to try making savoury candy with you. You've talked about that before, haven't you?

Yohira: Did something like that happen?

Akamune: You've forgotten...but it happened. At the time, You said you didn't have time to make something so useless. But I think I would have gladly ate it if you'd made it for me.

Yohira: Oh?

Akamune: So let's make it together!

Yohira: I did say we should do something to change our mood, but are you really going to do an experiment like that? Boy, time is limited.

Akamune: Please.

Yohira: Hmm. I guess there's no other choice. I was the one who suggested this, so I suppose I'll do it. Okay, then let's get started.

Akamune: Whoa, don't just throw all the materials in haphazardly at high speed!

Yohira: Come on, we'll do it together. Melt the ingredients, heat it to evaporate the moisture, pour it into a mould and let it cool!

Akamune: Yes! ...But why are you suddenly taking the lead?

Akamune: Hey, Yohira, you weren't always in research, right? You mentioned before that you had a period where you were in a combat role. Can I ask you about that?

Yohira: Sure. Though there's not much to talk about. I wasn't suited to combat jobs, so I quit pretty quickly.

Akamune: Because of your weak toxicity?

Yohira: That's part of it, but the biggest problem is my eyes.

Akamune: Eyes?

Yohira: My eyesight. You can see that flower blooming on one of my eyes, right? Not only am I blind in one eye, but the flower's roots have grown into a part of my brain, so my motor skills aren't great either.

Akamune: ...I see.

Yohira: That's a unique characteristic of me, as a Toxient. It doesn't cause too much trouble when I'm just living a normal life and doing research. I was often useless in combat.

Akamune: Have you ever been injured in an experiment or during combat?

Yohira: Of course I was. My weapon was a gun. It's just that my field of vision made it hard to hit my targets. I'd get close to try and hit them, only to get attacked and injured.

Akamune: Were there no other ways to fight?

Yohira: I was told things like, "Why don't you change your weapons?" or "Why don't you get corrective lenses?" But I ended up persuading the staff by saying, "Don't you want to use me in a more useful way?"

Akamune: I'm starting to understand how it played out. You probably argued that you were better suited to research than being a disposable combatant, and that's how you secured your position as a researcher.

Yohira: As expected of Meimei. That's pretty much it. I made reports on the Void that I observed on the battlefield, and they let me research Voids, and I talked about it at length.

Akamune: Did you start with research on Voids?

Yohira: Well, I knew that the Agency wouldn't be happy to hear me say I wanted to do research on Toxients. So, to get the results I wanted, I just said what I thought they would want to hear.

Akamune: Yohira has always been Yohira, haven't you?

Yohira: Of course.

Akamune: So, from what you've said, the Agency was looking for research results on Voids, right?

Yohira: Yeah. Voids have some kind of barrier that physically repels human attacks. The Agency wanted to know the principle behind it. So I explained to them that only Toxients' attacks could penetrate it, which defied the laws of physics.

Akamune: Really? I read a report that said Toxients' poison is effective against Voids.

Yohira: It's not just a matter of poison. There are a lot of strange things, and ultimately, it's still unsolved. Why Toxients' attacks penetrate is one of the mysteries I want to solve in the future...

Akamune: Hmm. Hey, why did you come to the Agency in the first place? I heard that you came to the Agency of your own accord, even though many Toxients try to escape from it.

Yohira: If you want to study Voids and Toxients, it would be only be logical to go to an institution where the most information is gathered.

Akamune: So, you intended to sweet-talk the Agency staff into letting you become a researcher from the start? That's amazing.

Yohira: Persuaded, not sweet-talked. Ha, but that's true. Toxients and Voids suddenly appeared in this world one day. The principles behind them remain completely unknown. That's why I want to solve this mystery. I want to research and expose everything about Toxients and Voids, which were suddenly brought into this world despite having no reproductive capabilities. Isn't it exciting? The "Code Franken" experiment is part of that research.

Akamune: ...Ah! Yohira, look at what you're doing! Look, the candy is burning!

Yohira: Oh, you're right.

Akamune: The moisture has evaporated, so put it in a mould and let it cool.

I put it in the refrigerator! Now all I have to do is wait for it to set.

Yohira: Why did you want to make candy that wasn't sweet?

Akamune: ...A while ago, you said, "It's a waste of time to make useless things like candy that isn't sweet."

Yohira: I don't remember.

Akamune: Did you actually make it and find it was a waste of time?

Yohira: Hmm. I guess it was a good change of pace. Meimei's expression changed. But as an experiment, it was the height of futility. It was something that didn't need to be made in the first place, and since it got burnt in the end, the result was terrible.

Akamune: No matter how bad it tastes, I had fun making it with you.

Yohira: Come to think of it, you said something like that before, about how cleaning is fun or something.

Akamune: You remember that?

Yohira: Oh, speaking of cleaning, there's a burnt pot and a sticky bowl in the sink...

Akamune: Ah! Hey! Don't try to dump all the cleaning on me!

Yohira: It's because Meimei enjoys cleaning, right?

Akamune: Yes, but no! ...Hahaha!

As expected, the burnt, unsweetened candy tasted awful. I thought to myself that this was the most pointless experiment I'd ever been involved in in my life.

Yet, for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to throw the candy away. Meimei and I decided to take responsibility for the experiment and each pop one into our mouths as a duty.

However, after the experiment with subject 0084, Meimei disappeared from my side.

I was left with no choice but to continue sucking on the awful candy alone every day.

Hello to all the kids watching this video, this should be the first time we've met.

My name is Yohira. A drama about me will be released soon, so I thought I'd introduce myself briefly beforehand.

I'm researcher at the International Toxient Countermeasure Agency headquarters. And I'm not a human being, but a toxic guy.

It's unusual for a toxic guy to be in a research position rather than a combat position. Speaking of which, I also managed to sweet-talk some of the Agency's staff… *ahem*

I managed to convince them to let me become a researcher; this world is full of mysteries and fascinating. I spent my days immersed in research alone, trying to unravel all the mysteries of the world.

Then one day, I found a lost kitten with a bored look on its face inside headquarters.

Yes, that's someone you all know well: Meimei, or Akamune Mei.

Meimei and I are very similar; I recruited him as my assistant because I expected him to match my enthusiasm for solving mysteries.

But besides the difference between myself and Meimei, one a human and one a toxic guy, there was another crucial difference between us.

That's- oops. Any more will be a spoiler for Yohira's Past in Toxic-a-Holic.

If you're curious, please check out the main story. Also, apparently Meimei's journal is available on the official website for some reason, so if you want to know more about me, you should read that too.

See you again in Yohira's Past!

Do you remember when I said that I have a hero?

This story features my hero, Yohira, as the main character. Yohira is the person who shared his core, or heart, with me and saved my life, and he's also the person who inspired me to create the Tokyo Branch.

I met Yohira when we were in our mid-teens. Yohira was an eccentric guy who, despite being a Toxic Guy, was hired as a research staff member at the Agency because of his intelligence and enthusiasm.

I was invited by him to become his assistant, and I ended up participating in the "Code: Franken" experiment, to create an artificial toxic guy.

To see the bond that develops between Yohira, a toxic guy and me, a human, during the "Code: Franken" experiment, and the painful misunderstandings that occur as the experiment progresses, be sure to watch Toxic-a-Holic, which reveals everything about mine and Yohira's past!

By! The! Way! For some reason, my personal account of what happened back then has been published on the official website without my permission, so I'd be happy if you could read it! Thank you!

※ To prevent our location from being identified, the background will be blurred! (Branch Chief)

Branch Chief: The Complete Anatomy of a Toxic Guy! This time too, we'll be bringing you a glimpse into our daily lives as we live happily and healthily!

Cyan: ...I'm starting to wonder why we even started making these videos.

Branch Chief: It's a survival report for all the chuu-dokus, of course!]

Cyan: If it's just to report that you're alive, there's no need to go to the trouble of filming a video-

Branch Chief: Even though you say that, you still look forward to making videos, don't you?

Cyan: What? That's a false accusation.

Branch Chief: Okay, okay, tsundere, tsundere.

Cyan: Annoying... Oi! An! This is your fault, since you said something unnecessary, he's regained his energy.

An: I'm sorry. I don't really remember, but I guess I said something?

Dion: Well, it's a rule to just forget everything you said while drunk.

Chain: The culprit is saying something!

Dion: You were drinking too!

Chain: I was just drinking with you out of obligation.

Dion: "I was drinking for your sake," you say? That's quite a condescending attitude.

Chain: So, Dion, I don't have to drink with you anymore?

Dion: ...I didn't say that.

Ergot: Come on, stop with the lovers' quarrel already.

Hemlock: You two are equally guilty. Letting An drink alcohol is absolutely unacceptable.

Dion: No, that was...

Supporter: You both look awkward every time we bring up the topic, don't you have any counterarguments?

Dion: It was just a little joke...

Hemlock: You think this is just a joke? Because of you two, An was in a terrible state!

Branch Chief: Right, it was really hard to calm him down after that.

An: I'm really sorry...

Branch Chief: No, it's okay, you're not at fault. I was just a little surprised at how your personality becomes when you've had a drink...

Dion: See, it was just meant as a joke. I didn't put any alcohol in An's drink.

What?

Chain: It's true. I handed it to him pretending it was alcohol, but it was just non-alcoholic juice.

Branch Chief: Wait, so that...was An without any alcohol...?

Supporter: ...Let's not delve any deeper into that.

Hemlock: There's something called the placebo effect, you know.

C.B.: So, Branch Chief~, what are we doing today~?

Branch Chief: Today's project is a suggestion from Chain.

Chain: I haven't really had much presence in the videos lately, so I thought I should contribute.

Supporter: As always, you're unnecessarily strict when it comes to videos...

Chain: So, this time's project is "Is this the Branch Chief? Or a substitute? Which is it?! SHOW!"

Cyan: Not interested.

Chain: You say that, but none of you realised it when the Branch Chief was a substitute, right? What will you do if something similar happens again and you get tricked by a fake?

Hemlock: Such an irregular event will probably never happen again. Besides, if the person was literally replaced by a substitute, would you even call that a "substitute"?

Chain: Let's not nit-pick! The Agency might have one or two clones of the Branch Chief and they could sic them on us in the future, for all we know!

Ergot: That's certainly a situation we must prevent...the Agency is a group that would do anything; it wouldn't be surprising if they had clones of all of us hidden there.

Hemlock: It's better if you, who appears to be in the know, doesn't say something like that with a straight face, Ergot. It will confuse everyone.

Branch Chief: *panicking*

Hemlock: See, the Branch Chief is clearly panicking.

Ergot: I'm sorry... Since this is Chain's project, I thought we could start messing around...

Chain: That's fine, Ergot, go ahead and mess around as much as you want!

Ergot: Hearing you say that makes me want to let loose!

Dion: ...These two make a surprisingly good team, don't they?

Hemlock: Isn't it a bit complicated?

Dion: No, not really.

Chain: Okay, we're not getting anywhere so let me explain. Today's plan is to learn some obscure, little-known facts about the Branch Chief through a quick-answer quiz, so that you'll be able to spot any imposters of him in the future! Let's get started with question number one!

The Branch Chief's favourite food-

C.B.: Yes! Sweets!

Chain: ...isn't it.

C.B.: Damn! It was a trick!!

Cyan: If you're talking about little-known facts, then it can't be sweets, right?

Chain: Q. Of all the sweets that the Branch Chief makes, what does he consider his specialty?

C.B.: Yes! Yes yes yeees!

Chain: Wow! C.B. is motivated!

C.B.: Mizu-yokan! The mizu-yokan made by the Branch Chief is amazing!

Chain: Let's have the Branch Chief himself answer the question. Branch Chief, that's...

Branch Chief: Incorrect!

C.B.: Whyyyy!

Branch Chief: I do make mizu-yokan, but I only do that because C.B. likes it; it's not like I'm particularly good at it...

Chain: What about everyone else?

...

Branch Chief: Aren't you guys thinking too much? We're only on the first question.

Supporter: Well, um...

An: All the sweets the Branch Chief makes are delicious, so I can't tell which one he's best at...

Ergot: I surrender.

Chain: Okay, so there are no answers this time. Please give us the correct answer.

Branch Chief: The correct answer is...Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte!

Dion: Yes? What?

Branch Chief: I won't say it twice!

Cyan: You just don't want to say it again because you'll stumble over it.

An: Schwa...wäl... I couldn't hear the rest...

Hemlock: Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, it's the name of a German cake. But that's strange, I've never seen this cake since joining the Tokyo Branch.

Branch Chief: I haven't had the opportunity to make it because it's difficult to get my hands on a large quantity of dark cherries, and it takes a while.

Dion: ...Obviously, if you claim to be good at something we've never eaten before, no one can guess the answer.

Cyan: He definitely chose it just because the name sounded good, and he just wanted to show off, no doubt.

Branch Chief: Th-th-th, that's wrong!

Chain: Let's get back to it with question number two! Q. What is the Branch Chief's height and weight?

Supporter: This is easy. His height is 175cm and his weight is 62kg.

Chain: The correct answer is...let's have him measure it for us!

Branch Chief: Uh, no way... I have a right to privacy too...

Cyan: It's fine, it's not like anything's diminished.

Branch Chief: It diminishes my dignity!

Chain: Come on, quickly, you're getting in the way of progress.

Branch Chief: I have no choice...

Chain: Your height is 175cm...and your weight is 64.5kg!

Branch Chief: Wait, no way. I've gained over 2kg!

Supporter: Damn, I never expected such a trick...!

Chain: I didn't mean for it to be a trick question, though.

Supporter: That was his weight when I forced him to weigh himself a week ago! How could it have increased in just one week?!

Dion: Anyway, why would a subordinate be measuring their boss's weight?

Supporter: It's for health management, of course. As his assistant, I keep track of his condition, since he tends to neglect himself. What's wrong with that?

Branch Chief: I'm honestly shocked that I've gained over 2kg...

C.B.: Well, I guess it can't be helped, right? We're trying not to go out much, so we can't exercise, and if we just keep eating, of course we're going to gain weight.

An: Branch Chief, how about we do some indoor exercises together? Even just stretching might be effective.

Supporter: Well, even though you've gained 2kg, you're still below average weight, so there's no need to get hung up on the numbers. If anything, you were probably too thin before.

Branch Chief: By the way, what's your weight, Supporter-kun?

Supporter: Asking someone's weight in public is a violation of their privacy.

Branch Chief: That's what I said earlier...

Chain: Now, let's get to question 3. Q. What are the non-negotiable conditions for the Branch Chief when choosing a hideout?

Cyan: Some place that's safe and won't get found out by the authorities, right?

C.B.: That's more of a prerequisite than a condition. Honestly...Cyan doesn't understand quizzes.

Cyan: I don't want to hear that from the guy who buzzed in wrong earlier.

An: ...

Cyan: W-what is it, An?

C.B.: Don't worry, we won't fight!

Hemlock: Since then, Cyan and C.B. have stopped having their pointless fights.

Ergot: An's eyes were so fixed and scary back then, weren't they?

Hemlock: I never imagined that his lecture to Cyan and C.B. would resume after we finished filming the video.

Dion: I really didn't hand over any alcohol; please believe me, Chain and I are innocent!

Supporter: So let's stop digging into that topic. I'm afraid it'll just stir up trouble if we keep going... Um, his specific conditions are things like whether the kitchen is spacious or not, right?

Cyan: No, that's way too irrelevant.

Branch Chief: Supporter-kun, so close!

Cyan: Close!?

Branch Chief: The correct answer was whether or not there's a kitchen, despite whether it's spacious or not!

Cyan: That's the easiest thing to compromise on!

Branch Chief: What are you talking about? Food is important, you know?

Chain: If Cyan's thinking is simply that all that matters is getting enough nutrients, it might have been difficult to arrive at the answer.

Branch Chief: Food nourishes not only the body but also the soul. It's not enough to just get the minimum necessary nutrients; it's important to enjoy it with your eyes and your taste buds as well.

Supporter: By the way, the next potential hiding place doesn't have a kitchen, unfortunately, so keep that in mind.

Dion & Branch Chief: Oh...

Supporter: Not just the Branch Chief, but Dion too?

Dion: Well, snacks to go with alcohol are important, right?

Supporter: You guys are really tense, aren't you?

Chain: Then, I think it's about time for the last question. Now for the final question! Q. What is the biggest regret the Branch Chief left behind at the Agency?

Supporter: That's a tough one...

Hemlock: There are too many possibilities, so it's hard to narrow it down.

Ergot: That's right. The Branch Chief has spent most of his life at the Agency...it's not an exaggeration to say he's left everything behind. And of course, that includes Supporter-san as well.

C.B.: Did you leave a huge amount of money in a safe, or something?

Branch Chief: Bzzt, wrong answer.

C.B.: Whaat, really? *stare*

Branch Chief: What's with that look in your eyes?

C.B.: You always act like you're broke, but since you have to clean up our messes, you must have plenty of money left over. Even if you don't get overtime pay, you must get special allowances for fighting the Void, right? So, you've probably already saved enough to live comfortably for the rest of your life. With your abilities, you could even use that as capital to make even more money.

Branch Chief: I think you're overestimating my abilities...

C.B.: I tried to find out you were spending your money on during that time, but I never found out...

An: C.B., that's what you were doing...

C.B.: Well, I had an obligation to report to my boss. So, where is the hidden treasure? I could sneak into the Agency and get it for you!

An: That's too dangerous!

C.B.: It's for the Branch Chief's sake!

An: C.B., your eyes have turned into money symbols.

C.B.: Oops, I can't, I can't.

Branch Chief: I'm sorry, but I already moved all my money out of the country a long time ago, so there's no more of my assets left in the Agency.

C.B.: Oh, really? Disappointing...

Chain: C.B. seems to have been blinded by money, but he should have realised with a little thought where the funds that allow us to live such a comfortable life on the run are coming from.

C.B.: Isn't it okay to dream a little?

Hemlock: Let me answer that. Don't you have regrets about the vast amount of research you've left behind?

Branch Chief: I've outsourced that as well, so I'd like to resume the research once there's a system in place.

Hemlock: ...Did you just say something incredible so casually?

Supporter: The research information is protected by multiple layers of security and can't be easily leaked...but perhaps it would be possible with enough work to pull off a swap.

Hemlock: I never intended to underestimate the Branch Chief, but I didn't expect him to go so far. Indeed, the Branch Chief is a man who will change history, a man who will shape an era.

Branch Chief: What?

Ergot: This is a theory that both I and Hemlock hold; that in every era, at least a few exceptional individuals emerge who become major turning points in history. A good example would be Albert Einstein, who discovered and proposed the theory of relativity.

Branch Chief: It's an honour, but being compared to people like that is kind of a heavy burden...

Hemlock: To say that world peace rests on your shoulders is by no means an exaggeration.

Dion: It's turned into a epic story us ordinary people can't keep up with...

Chain: That's a special hint, extra-large from Dion!

Dion: Oh, what is it?

Chain: The Branch Chief's only regret...is related to Dion.

Dion: That's...

Chain: I think I've practically given away the answer. Well, anyway, Dion, please give us the answer.

Dion: You don't mean Ethyl, right?

Dion: You don't mean Ethyl, right?

Chain: Correct!

Dion: ...Well, of course I've been worried about Ethyl ever since I left the Agency. But-but I kept telling myself that there's nothing I can do about it now...

Chain: So that's why you've been drinking so much. It's actually quite difficult to get alcohol in this situation, you know? You should be grateful to me.

Dion: You betrayed me, and you're the one who said you'd get me some alcohol to make amends, right?

Chain: That's true, but I wish he'd go easy on me a little, or rather, because of him, all my savings are about to become Dion's alcohol.

Branch Chief: I have a lot of unfinished business left at the Agency, but the most important one is Ethyl. Your younger brother. I'm responsible for separating you and your brother.

Dion: When you put it that way… I can't really deny it, but it's not like it's entirely your responsibility...

Branch Chief: I've stopped putting all the responsibility on myself. An got angry at me last time, and I decided to stop thinking that way. So, I want us all to share the responsibility for Ethyl...at least that's what I think, but what about everyone else?

Hemlock: I have no objections.

Ergot: Of course. I am the one who should bear the burden of leaving that child alone in such a lonely place.

C.B.: I don't really understand crime or responsibility, but Dion's younger brother sounds fun, right? So I want to help him and play with him, right, An?

An: Dion's happiness is my happiness, and Dion's sadness is my sadness. So, I'll do anything to make Dion happy, because I think that's what being friends is all about.

Cyan: ...Have I ever refused to take on responsibilities? Even if it's an order or a mission, I'll take it on.

Supporter: It goes without saying, but I left the Agency with the resolve to share the same fate as the members here. Therefore, it's only natural that I bear responsibility for Ethyl.

Dion: You guys...

Supporter: But why now, at this particular time?

Hemlock: Has any plan for rescue been found?

Branch Chief: No, we have to be cautious; I know better than anyone how tightly guarded the headquarters is. However, I've confirmed Ethyl's safety. It seems that no special measures have been taken even after our defection.

Dion: R-really?!

Branch Chief: There are currently no moves to take anyone hostage; I can say this with certainty because it's information from a reliable insider.

Supporter: So there's an informant at headquarters... It's a complicated feeling knowing that every side up is riddled with informants.

C.B.: It's the same among the others ♪

Supporter: You, a former informant, are saying this?

Branch Chief: However, we can't let our guard down, because we don't know when they'll realise our weakness is Ethyl.

Dion: Ethyl is safe... Big brother will definitely rescue you. Together with these guys.

Chain: So, now that we know what's going on with Ethyl, can you please cut back on your drinking? As I said earlier, my savings are in a bit of a pinch.

Dion: Ah! We need as much money as possible to help Ethyl! Ethyl , big brother will have a change of heart...!

Cyan: ...Anyway, is it okay to upload this as a video? If we upload it, won't the Agency find out what we're trying to do?

Branch Chief: ...Ah.

C.B.: Is the Branch Chief competent or an idiot? I can never tell...

Branch Chief: T-then that's all for this video! Thank you all for watching!

※ To prevent our location from being identified, the background will be blurred! (Branch Chief)

Branch Chief: This is a special edition of The Complete Anatomy of a Toxic Guy! This video is meant to let you all know that we're all safe and sound...or so we thought...

Hemlock: What about this is safe?

Cyan & C.B. fighting sounds

Ergot: Hey, Cyan, C.B., give it a rest! We can't let our hideout being end up found out like this!

An: Both of you, stop it!

C.B.: It's his fault for dodging!

Cyan: Huh? It's your right for being too slow, are you moving in slow-motion? It looks like you stopped.

C.B.: Huuuh? That's what you say, but you haven't been fighting back at all. You're still a weakling who's all talk.

Cyan: If I got serious, I could turn you to dust in an instant. The only reason I'm not fighting back is out of mercy! ...You!

C.B.: It's too late for you to say that!

An: Stop fighting!

Ergot: Sigh... Normally, An could stop the fight by force, but in a small hideout like this, intervening might only make things worse. I just want to avoid the Branch Chief and Supporter-san getting hurt.

Supporter: I want to avoid Cyan getting hurt, too. We're low on supplies, so I'm not sure if we could repair him perfectly.

Hemlock: It seems C.B. is holding back because he understands that; it would be bad if Cyan were to get injured here.

Ergot: And Cyan, knowing that he's holding back, is even more annoyed. Given the circumstances, it's difficult for him to retaliate, resulting in a rather lukewarm fight.

C.B. & Cyan: Don't analyse us!

Branch Chief: If care about that, then I wish you wouldn't fight in the first place...it's really annoying...

Cyan: You're saying that, after causing so much trouble?

Branch Chief: It's not so much that I'm bothered by it, but everyone else...

C.B.: If the Branch Chief had handled things better, we wouldn't be stuck in this cramped place right now.

Cyan: We could have had a much more satisfying argument.

C.B.: Riight?

Cyan: Don't forget you owe us a favour.

Branch Chief: S-sorry...

C.B.: Don't think the current Branch Chief can easily mediate our fights.

Branch Chief: Di-Dion, Chain, I'd like you to keep an eye on them for me, but...

Dion: Aaahh, what's up with you guys? Do you want the Branch Chief's attention?

Chain: Your big brothers will take care of you in place of the Branch Chief ♡

Supporter: Wow, they're completely out of it...

Chain: An~♡, come here~

An: Huh? Uh...

Hemlock: Stop it.

Dion: Even An needs a drink once in a while to relieve stress, right?

An: I don't drink alcohol very often, or rather, I don't drink alcohol at all.

Chain: So this is your first time? Congratulations on your first drink!

Dion: Hey, hey, stop saying things like "first time", C.B. will get jealous and start yelling!

C.B.: I don't get jealous of drunkards that act like that, though...

Dion: Oh! We've been given permission to drink from C.B.!

Chain: You gotta let loose once in a while, right?

Hemlock: No, C.B. didn't give permission...

An: ...Then, just a little bit.

Hemlock: An, stop it!

20 minutes later

An: I'm always telling C.B. and Cyan to stop fighting! Come on! Hurry and make up!

C.B.: We stopped fighting 20 minutes ago when you had your drink.

An: Are you saying I can't drink my alcohol?!

Cyan: G-got it, got it. We've stopped fighting and we'll have a drink together, so calm down.

Dion: Cyan and C.B. are more flustered than usual. Hilarious.

An: An is drinking better than I expected!

Supporter: Wh-what are we going to do, Branch Chief?! An has been drinking!

Branch Chief: Well, technically, An isn't subject to human law, so even if this gets out, it's safe! ...I think.

Ergot: Well, that's reassuring then! ...Not at all! He's been forbidden from drinking alcohol all this time because it's bad for his education!

Supporter: It's such a serious situation that even Ergot is resorting to being the tsukkomi.

An: Ah, Supporter-san, can you drink with us too?

Branch Chief: This is awful! It would be really bad for Supporter-kun to drink! He'll have to wait another three years...!

Supporter: Well, considering I rebelled against the Agency, escaped with the toxic guys as part of the resistance, and am now a wanted man, it feels kind of too late now...

Branch Chief: No way! I'll put myself on the line to protect Supporter-kun!!

Dion: Oh, you're saying that? If you'd joined us for drinks, we wouldn't have had to force An to drink, right?

Branch Chief: I've said this many times before, but there's no way I can get drunk in this situation-

An: The Branch Chief is always like that!

Supporter: This might be the first time I've heard An shouting outside of fighting.

Cyan: So An's the bothersome type when he's drunk.

C.B.: Did just you say my An is a nuisance?

Cyan: I take that back. Compared to you, he's no bother at all.

An: You're both being noisy and annoying. I'm trying to talk to the Branch Chief right now!

C.B. & Cyan: ...Okay.

Hemlock: He subdued those two with sheer force...!?

Dion: Haha, so the secret boss wasn't Ergot, but An?

Chain: It might be time for our hierarchy to change.

Ergot: It's a great way to apply pressure. He's usually so mild-mannered; that's why it's so effective. 100 points!

Dion: T-that's the kind of confidence a secret boss would have...

An: Branch Chief, sit in seiza over there.

Branch Chief: O-okay!

An: You think it's all your fault... You think everything that happened is your fault, and all you say is that you're sorry to us.

Branch Chief: I dragged you guys into this, and because of that, you've become wanted by the Agency, so the responsibility lies entirely with me, right?

An: But you were working hard to prevent the world from going to hell, right? If the you hadn't worked so hard, we would've been in even more trouble in the future, wouldn't we?

Branch Chief: That's...true, but I don't know if this was the best option. I could have done it better, without involving you guys.

An: That's wrong! You're wrong. You're chosen path was "The Only Neat Thing To Do."

Branch Chief: An...

An: That's why I hate you bearing the burden alone! We all need to cooperate, but you always seem to be fighting alone. You get angry when I fight alone, but then you always try to handle everything by yourself and leave!

Hemlock: There, there. Don't cry.

Supporter: I understand what An is trying to say. I mean, if you keep looking so gloomy, the fighting will never stop, Dion and Chain will drag everyone into their drinking and cause trouble, and nothing good will come of it. It's about time you changed your attitude and acted like a proper Branch Chief, keeping everyone together.

Branch Chief: I feel like fights and drinking parties happened frequently back when we at the Branch, regardless of me...

Supporter: The extent of the damage depends on whether you can quickly stop it or not!

Hemlock: If you're still dwelling on the past, we won't be able to move forward either. Even though we've escaped the immediate crisis, there are still many more problems to be solved, so as our leader, you absolutely must regain your spirits.

Branch Chief: That's right...I'm sorry everyone, it was my fault. I thought we'd recovered on the surface, but I couldn't help but wonder if I really had the right to lead everyone, and maybe I'm not playing the tsukkomi with enough force...

Dion: That's right, that's right. You were really on edge!

Chain: If you didn't recover, we'd become too scared to play the boke!

Cyan: That's what you wanted to talk about?

Branch Chief: When you think of me, you think of a tsukkomi! When you think of a tsukkomi, you think of me! Peace cannot be maintained without me!

Cyan: It that really what that was about?

Hemlock: In fact, until very recently, Dion and C.B. have been teasing the Branch Chief, saying things like, "You really tricked us!," which made the him feel awkward.

Ergot: Hemlock, shhh! Don't tell the truth.

Dion: So, say a word to all the chuu-dokus watching, go~!

Branch Chief: Huh, wait a minute, I'm not good at adlibbing!

Chain: That setting is still in effect?

Supporter: From a certain point onwards, the PR videos were recorded without a script, completely improvised.

Branch Chief: The next video will be completely scripted, so please look forward to it!

Supporter: The bar's being raised...