mad woman

⤮ renegade

{ feat. @chahyeonyh }

good cop, bad cop, an iconic duo. wonjun likes to think he could be a bad cop kind of guy – but to be completely frank, he was probably more of a ‘bad cop who’d really be better at being good cop’ kind of guy. regardless, the fact of the matter is that tonight, he’s improper cop. nothing like a real cop whatsoever, which is what his costume is technically supposed to invoke. in reality, it’s just an excuse for him to wear a harness, leave his snugly fitted shirt half-unbuttoned, make use of all the random techwear he’s collected, and brandish handcuffs in public (no telling what he’d need these for…), all while having it be socially acceptable! god bless halloween.

anyways, the night has been largely enjoyable. amazing how lovely a ‘holiday’ can be when you’re not expected to be prim, proper, and wholesome with your family, but instead encouraged to be outrageous and out-of-the-norm. notably, he’s having a blast repping the police, whom his attorney parents would constantly talk shit about – about how incompetent they were at their jobs and made every investigation so much more troublesome. but it’s also fun to see the momentary look of panic spread across an idiot’s face when he runs into people in the bathroom line, trying to pass around their illicit substances for the night. little do they know that he’s already ingested far more of whatever they were trying to get their hands on.

but there are other fun aspects of the costume too. like… accidentally matching with someone you didn’t coordinate whatsoever with? he’s sure it happens all the time, people overlapping halloween costumes with strangers. but of course, it happens to be hyeon, who might be either one of the first or last people he’d associated the word ‘police’ with, depending on whose side she was supposed to be on. but great minds think alike? or maybe sick minds? who knows.

he’s not sure if she’s spotted him yet, but he certainly has seen her. and with the way she’s looking, he can’t just blend back into the crowd. yes, of all the other deliriously drunk, scantily dressed, and mentally unhinged people at this party, he decides she would be the best person to light a fire under. was he brave or just plain stupid? it’s really just a flip of a coin. he swims through the messy crowd, a craft he’s perfected over way too many outings at the club, and somehow makes his way to her.

“boo.” he spares his words in making his presence known, because actions speak louder than words. a sudden sleight of hand and he snags her wrist with one of the cuffs. see? he definitely had a practical use for these. risqué perhaps, but that’s more in line with the type of mood he’s in today, and the devilish grin on his lips lets her know. “having fun tonight or no? why’s it that all these communal festivities end up happening on cha turf?”

hyeon shows up at the party when it’s in full swing, just the way she likes it. she’s an hour late but it’s not like the rules matter to her tonight – it’s her stupid fucking birthday (or at least, it will be in two days) and she’ll show up whenever she feels like it (after a pill of ecstasy and a few shots of whiskey to be specific). the guards wave her in when she arrives, ignoring the long queue of others waiting to enter the club and the sounds of protest and “what the fuck?” “who the fuck is she?” exhilarates her. nothing like starting a party with being reminded that you’re invincible. a smirk curls up on her blood-red lips and she struts in with her five-inch heels like she owns the whole place (well, technically, she does.) 

the air is thick with the familiar scent of alcohol, desire and unruliness – just the way she likes it. for any other silly celebration, hyeon would’ve just treated it like some novelty event but halloween? halloween’s special for her – hyeon sees it as an extension of her birthday, a whole holiday dedicated for her, a weekend for just to be above the rules. on any normal day, hyeon’s already an uncontrollable force but halloween and her birthday? she’s a whole fucking hurricane, armed with the desire to cause as much pandemonium as possible. 

which is why she’d picked to be a cop for halloween. it’s ironic and funny, she argues. cha hyeon, whose family name is synonymous with dirty money and illicit substances. cha hyeon, whose entire existence feels almost illegal, dressed up as an authoritative figure? isn’t that just the biggest joke of the year? (it also does help that the costume hugs her body in all the right pieces and it’s shorter than the rest that she’d tried on and that it gives her the chance to accidentally-on-purpose leave a few too many buttons undone.) 

the night goes seemingly well – hyeon drinks more than she would like to take count of, ingests one or two more pills, makes one too many jokes about “the only way i’m ever going to get cuffed is by the police” and “the only time i’m ever going to miss a boy is when i swing and he ducks”, rocks her body and throws her head back to the shitty music that’s only enjoyable when inebriated. she’s about to get another shot of vodka because she’s never felt so good in so long and she just wants to extend this euphoria. okay, and it’s also an attempt to avoid her friends (namely sujin and jeongmin), who have blindsided her with the fact that they are both now seemingly in loving relationships, evidenced from the matching couple outfits they’re in (with the nishinoya siblings no less - god, hyeon never even knew that jeongmin watched anime? or that he was close to tomoe? ugh.) 

but before she makes it to the bar, someone quite literally handcuffs her. hyeon’s prepared to start her first halloween brawl when she turns around and recognises that familiar cocky smile amidst the darkness and her hazy vision.

wonjun? her eyes roam, taking in his outfit and fuck her, he looks like ardour incarnate, sweaty sin and spirit. her heart pulsates relentlessly against her chest – she’d like to attribute it to the drugs and alcohol but hyeon knows, for a fact, the cause is standing right in front of her right now. “came all the way to ask if i’m having fun?” she replies, cocking an eyebrow at him. “i’m having a fucking blast, thank you for asking.” she lets out a short burst of tipsy laughter, “you’re a cop as well? goddamn, wonjun, if you wanted to match, you could’ve just told me.”

sister, sister ~

(...)

she should show no emotion, except a fake smile in front of all of the politicians and whatnot. that seemed almost impossible when all she wanted to do was run as far as she could.

(cw: suicide ideation, abuse, drug use)  

there are a lot of things in the world hyeon has come to accept: the source of her family’s dirty money, the likelihood that she will end up in an arranged marriage with a man she probably won’t even like, the fact that she’ll probably die from a drug overdose and her parents will most likely cover it up with some bad lie about her body giving out from exhaustion, or whatever excuse that wouldn’t taint their family name. but there’s one bitter pill that hyeon can’t seem to swallow, no matter how hard she tries: her parents’ blatant favouritism towards yura. 

all the advice given to her is easier said than done: just forgive her. it’s not her fault. just try. be the bigger person, hyeon. you’re her older sister. you’re doing the exact same thing to yura your parents are doing to you. but hyeon just can’t bring herself to be magnanimous, can’t bring herself to display the kindness that her parents never gave her. admittedly, there are times where she has considered mending the relationship with her sister – although they usually come in fragmented contemplations, normally when she’s high on acid or mushrooms and on a bad trip and she gets all into her feelings and emotions. those thoughts, however, are often accompanied by snapshots of her childhood. her parents telling her that they were disappointed in her, that they should’ve known that cha hyeon was incapable of anything except making mistakes, her parents locking the doors to the house because hyeon didn’t get the highest score, her parents repeatedly threatening to remove her from the family will and registry, to erase her like some kind of mistake and not their own blood and flesh.

so, forgive her for not being a saint. she’s long accepted that she isn’t and will never be the main protagonist – she’ll play the role of an antagonist, at least then it makes sense for why her parents hate her so much. truth be told, hyeon would think that yura was… lucky. hyeon could’ve unleashed all her wrath onto her – the rage and fury that had been amassed over the years from watching yura get all the love for just being there. hyeon remembers that one time where she’d gotten yelled at for placing second after sera in one of her finals, her parents taking the bed out of her room. “you’ll get to sleep when you’re first,” they’d hissed and hyeon vividly remembers staring blankly at the entire scene, feeling nothing but hollowness and exhaustion sink into her bones. okay, she’d thought, okay. and then, two days later, yura gets a ‘you’ve did good’ for a score hyeon doesn’t even remember. (hyeon screamed into her pillow that night and wondered how it would feel like if she just died. would she be enough then?)

but instead of subjecting yura to her rage, hyeon is indifferent towards her. doesn’t care how her sister is doing, doesn’t care if her sister hates her, doesn’t care if her sister wants a relationship with her. they’ve never really had one growing up after all. as warped and twisted as it is, treating her sister like that makes her feel like she’s reclaiming her control over her parents’ suffocating grasps. it’s a big “fuck you” to them, the only act of rebellion she’s ever dared to make. 

“good,” is all hyeon responds. as she exits the car, she takes a deep sigh before handing her keys to the valet. mentally, she prepares herself for the long day ahead – this is the first time in a long time where she’s not high before an event and she won’t lie, the withdrawal effects are gruelling. she plasters on her biggest, fakest smile as one of her father’s friends approach her. 

“cha hyeon!” he greets, extending his hand for a handshake, “is that your sister? what a beautiful family!”  

˟   /   look what you made me do

feat  :  @chahyeonyh, @yhsujin, @yhhideyo date  :  november 1, 2020

birthdays with hyeon where always the same as their usual meetings ( cough, coke sessions. ) as much as he hoped he could do something more, his goal was always, and will always be, doing whatever makes the other person happy. so, if what hyeon wanted to do on her birthday was get super fucked up in a place away from her family, that’s exactly what jeongmin would do. was it shocking when she expressed wanting to go to a fancy restaurant with sujin and behave like functional adults? yes, very. hyeon has been a hedonist as long as he has known her, but lately he’s noticed that she’s been even more carefree with her decision-making. not enough to be worrisome, though, not yet.

the hands of his clock moving slower by the second, or at least that’s what it feels like. this is what he gets for always showing up early. standing outside the restaurant, he lights up a cigarette out of boredom. although his parents might heavily disagree on this particular bad habit, albeit it is the only one they know about, they did teach him that looks are important. and, standing alone in public, it’s a better look to be peacefully smoking than anxiously staring at a phone screen. jeongmin gives up on looking at his watch to check the time and instead relies on the diminishing cigarette. as he approaches the filter, he agrees to having just one more before going inside to wait, like a loser. 

looking down to get another cigarette, he recognizes a figure walking towards the entrance. five foot three, but strutting like she owns the place. it is her birthday, after all.

“happy birthday hyeon!” jeongmin shouts, with little regard of the people around, a wide heart shaped grin growing on his face as he waits for her to reach his side. “i’ll give you your gift inside.” like a switch turned on, giddiness takes over the lethargic mood he was on. mostly because of his friend’s presence but also because he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. the playful smile not fading even when he approaches the restaurant host. “hello, we have a reservation for cha hyeon.” 

“ah yes, will the other two people join the party later?” 

the smile drops and he tightly seals his lips, brows furrowing as he turns to hyeon before addressing the host again. “yes, they will.” hesitant and confused, he trails behind them as they show him and hyeon to their table, set for four. “thank you.” he smiles, forced this time, as he waits for them to leave. once they do, he turns to hyeon, who decided to seat beside him rather than in front, for whatever reason, and nervously inquires. “four? who else is coming?”

cha hyeon celebrating her birthday in a fancy restaurant, instead of a club? words hyeon never thought she’d ever say aloud – at least not when she still has functioning use of her liver and feet. but after her parents had called her and said something about hosting a family birthday dinner for her, she’d made up some excuse on the spot. god, the thought of it had filled her with dread. she could not imagine a worse way to celebrate her birthday than having every detail of her life nitpicked and criticised. “oh, i have plans with my friends,” she’d lied through her teeth. well, maybe lie was too harsh of a word. she’d made pre-emptive plans, albeit without consulting anyone other than herself. but it wasn’t her fault! she could feel an inevitable disagreement arising – her parents were close to bringing up something about not having a family photo for her 25th birthday, coming across as some stilted, unhappy family instead of a loving one they’d tried so hard to portray. 

luckily, for hyeon, she had a special wildcard that she just knew would work incredibly well on her parents: her friendship with eun jeongmin. just the mention of his name was enough to let hyeon off the hook – hyeon knows that in her parents’ eyes, the best thing she’s ever done was form a friendship with yangcheon’s golden boy. something about improving their social status, something about leeching off the boy’s well-connected network, something about marrying into an elite class. if only her family knew what their friendship was based upon. (not that she’d ever snitch. there are a few elite people hyeon would never dare betray – eunho, jeongmin and sujin all on that select list.) 

speak of the devil. 

as always, to no one’s surprise at all, jeongmin is early. eun jeongmin and his penchant for sticking by the rules – hyeon’s grown to both love and hate that quality of his. he’s giving her the biggest smile, yelling so loud it makes her burst into bright laughter. “shut up, jeongmin,” is the first thing she says teasingly when she sees him, her voice light with affection. (in hyeon language, that means ‘thank you for being here and thank you for getting me a gift.’ jeongmin probably understands, he’s been around her long enough already.) 

when the waitress tells them that they have a table for four, she’s equally as perplexed as jeongmin. from what she can remember, she’d only invited sujin. but then, to be fair, when she’d organised this at the very last-minute and she’d most likely been very intoxicated with a mix of various substances. for jeongmin’s sake, whom she can tell is getting antsy and nervous (the furrowed brows and the forced smile is a dead giveaway), she’s trying her best to remember who fourth person might be. fuck. but her mind is a complete blank and she’s just about to offer him some xanax to calm down instead. 

“i’m gonna be honest, jeongmin,” hyeon confesses, only with the slightest bit of shame, giving jeongmin an only slightly sheepish smile as an apology as she gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder. hyeon knows that she should feel more remorseful for springing this onto jeongmin but she’s still feeling slightly (but only very slightly) tilted over the halloween costume party at yang2. not that she needed to have matching costumes with jeongmin or sujin, but being blindsided by the fact that both sujin and jeongmin had matching costumes with the nishinoya siblings? as anime couples, no less? that was unexplainable. like did jeongmin even watch anime? (worst still, hyeon inadvertently ended up being a cop with wonjun! “people think we’re dating now,” she’d complained to eunho a few days later, casually omitting the fact that she’d very willingly flirted and kissed him in public as well. but that’s a separate issue. the core problem now is sujin and jeongmin’s failure to inform her about this whole couple arrangement.) “i can’t remember. the whole halloween weekend was a big fucking blur. i know sujin’s coming as well, but i don’t know who’s the fourth. i don’t have that many friends.” 

oh, shit. mentioning sujin helps jog hyeon’s memories and it dawns on her who the mystery person is now, and she slowly pieces vague fragments of her drug-addled memories from halloween. she shoots jeongmin a nervous look.

(...)

to say that he was surprised to see hyeon would be an absolute understatement. sehoon felt his stomach churning as the waiter led her to the table beside him. it seemed like life really liked playing with him. he was just thankful that he had enough alcohol in his system and a girl sitting on his lap to distract him. “sehoonie, do you know that girl? you keep looking at her,” the girl whined making sehoon roll his eyes. she had been such an attention seeker and he doesn’t even know her name. “yeah, she's…” what is hyeon to him now? she used to be his world, the very reason he kept on existing. now, they’re not even acquaintances. it was ironic how they’re back to being strangers. “…someone i used to know." 

"hey hyeon. it’s nice to see you again,” sehoon drawled the moment she sat on the table next to him. he took a swig from his glass before he managed to look at her, “are you alone?”

“someone i used to know.” the words echo in hyeon’s head, growing and growing until they take a life of their own. who is sehoon to her? someone she used to look at like he held the stars in his eyes. someone she swore she could love until the end of time, before life ripped him out of her grasps, so casually cruel in the name of growing up. someone she didn’t think she could lose, someone who gave her what she needed and yearned for after fifteen years of conditional love and of being viewed as nothing but a pawn to further the next round of her family’s games. someone who hyeon had ruined herself for, a million little times. but someone i used to know works well too. 

the way sehoon says her name sends her heart spiralling to the ground. it’s been so long since she last heard him say her name – this time, however, the soft affection that she used to love is gone, replaced with a feeling hyeon can’t place. is it nostalgia? anger? resentment? “say it again,” she remembers telling him a long time ago, eyes sparkling with warmth that she didn’t know she was even capable of, her head buried in his shoulder. hyeon could never explain it but when he called for her, it felt like it belonged on his lips forever and he made it sound like she was the only one that mattered. (since then, no one’s been able to replicate the same magic as him.)

and although it’s been almost a decade since, hyeon still feels the familiar ache in her chest – a symptom that arises whenever the thought of yoon sehoon and their past comes up. but after long nights of lecture and unforgiving reminders, hyeon’s managed to perfect the art of shrouding her hurt with vacant stares. “hello,” she responds, plainly, refusing to let her voice unmask the grief she’s accumulated all these years for the person she’d regard as the one that got away. she’d tell him that it was nice to see him again too, but hyeon can’t bring herself to fake nice pleasantries – not sure why she would have to say something that she didn’t believe. so, instead, she shoots sehoon and his date a tight-lipped smile.

hyeon can feel the wounds she’d so carefully stitched-up reopening with every glance sehoon shoots her. truth be told, this entire situation surprises her. the fact that he chose to acknowledge her when he could’ve just turned the other way, acted like they were both strangers with nothing in common but a table. the lack of anger from him – she’s dreamt up various scenarios over the years and they’ve always been variations of sehoon getting rightfully upset at her, screaming at her and reminding her that she was the antagonist in this tragedy. but now, he’s almost as placid as she is and, in some ways, it hurts even more. makes hyeon feel pathetic, as though she was the only one who still lived in the past, holding on to memories that could never be recreated. 

she gives a brief nod to his next question, wishing she didn’t feel so small. “is this your… girlfriend?” hyeon asks, the words dancing delicately on her tongue. 

< fire meet gasoline / wonjun >

he often jokes about how he feels like he’s living in a completely different timezone that the rest of korea. but honestly, there’s more truth to it than just humor. it’s past noon and wonjun is just now launching the start to his day; though to be fair, it could’ve easily been far later, so he’s doesn’t even kick himself for it. he’s stirred to wake by a grumbling hunger in his stomach, but more importantly transient strands of inspiration for a new beat that he has to get down onto recording in the studio before it escapes him. so when he steps into the elevator, he hastily jams the button for the lobby multiple times, as if that would make it go any faster.

the penthouse unit is great, but the ride up and down can be annoying, depending on how many floors it has to stop at before he gets to and from his place on the top floor. luckily, he doesn’t leave or return home during typical commuting rush hours, so he rarely has run-ins with his neighbors below – cha hyeon included. he’s not trying to be particularly dodgy about his neighbor downstairs, but he’s not trying to keep replaying the sporadic events of that one night in his head either because it spreads an uncomfortable heat through his body. plus, it’s not like it’s going to happen again… right? he wouldn’t necessarily be against it if it did.

the elevator starts its decline and he mentally prepares himself for a smooth, lengthy ride down the entire tower, but it stops abruptly – after just one floor down? the doors glide open, and there she is. speaking of the devil. his pupils dilate slightly and although he’s taken aback, he suspects she might be feeling the same, if not more. the ‘fuck’ that slips past her lips doesn’t escape him, nor does the way it takes her an unnaturally long amount of time to do something as simple as stepping into a stupid elevator.

“morning,” he says simply (it’s not morning). he stares plainly ahead at her, mind unintentionally flooding with snapshots of… moments they shared. “well, are you going to get in?” he tries actively not to sport a shit-eating grin (because the elevator bank doesn’t sound like the best place to get his ass kicked). his hands leave his pockets, only so that he can reach out and hold the ‘open’ button to the doors, which honestly could’ve closed by now. “i know you’re heading down too. ‘cause there’s only one other floor up, and i can’t imagine why you’d ever go there.” he raises a slight teasing brow, but it’s a subtle jab and he likes his chances at leaving unscathed.

this is nothing new to hyeon. yangcheon is small, so hyeon is all too familiar with the phenomenon of sleeping with stranger in the club after too much tequila and drunk-texting that one person who you were never in a real relationship with but still broke your heart and then realising, a few weeks later, that the stranger wasn’t really a stranger but a family friend or some random acquaintance or one of your brother’s classmates. it’s happened too many times for hyeon to even be shocked anymore – most of the time, she treats the entire situation with the same level of flippancy she treats her family’s drug deals. 

but with that being said, she has never slept with a neighbour before and she most definitely has never been with anyone like chae wonjun before (both good, and bad. depending on who asks.) from the start, she knew that she was treading in hazardous waters but the thrill of reckless sin had overpowered any other sense of rationality within her. it’d been okay for the first few days - she’d managed to avoid bumping into him, so the only reminder she had of him was in a very graphic reel of memories in her head. (some of which she’d like to reenact - not that she’d ever admit.) 

still, now, coming face to face with him for the first time since it all went down, since she’d left his apartment the next day at noon, still in that stupid lace nightgown, hyeon can’t deny that her heart is thumping faster and she kinda just wants to fight him all over again. but not today. today, unlike many other days, in a rare occurrence, she will choose to be the bigger person. she almost changes her mind when she notices him trying to hold back a familiar shit-eating grin and almost immediately, regrets having that slip of tongue because it’s almost like she’s giving wonjun the opportunity to be one step of her - both literally and figuratively. god fucking damn. how is it that he’s always in charge? it reminds hyeon a lot of that night. fuck. warmth spreads through hyeon’s body. not only is he living above her, he’s now also living rent-free in her mind. 

no. not today. you don’t have time today. she’s missed work once because of him and she’s sure as hell she won’t be doing that again. (maybe another day.) giving him an exaggerated roll of her eyes, she steps into the elevator, making sure to avoid eye-contact with him. they both know how it ended the last time they’d caught each other’s eyes. “it’s the afternoon, dumbass,” she replies, voice blank and devoid of emotion. however, unfortunately, for hyeon, wonjun once again knows the best possible way to incite her aggressiveness and despite her valiant efforts in holding back her tongue, she can’t help but fall for his bait. he’s won once already and she just can’t hand him another victory by waving a white flag. fuck being the bigger person. 

break *

after a particularly rough day, kijung thinks he deserves to let loose and drink the bad memories away. everything seemed to go wrong from the moment he woke up, starting with how he had slept past his alarm and just barely made it in time for a shoot, to having problem after problem cropping up at said shoot, and ending with an intern spilling coffee on him. he tried really hard not to lose his temper but with every little thing going to shit, it slowly but surely built up until he could no longer take it - so after blowing up at the poor guy (he’d have to figure out who he even worked for later and apologize to him, maybe), he immediately came home, changed into a new outfit, and headed straight to a club.

he’s currently sitting at the bar, still nursing his first drink and lost in his own thoughts, so he doesn’t notice anyone staring at him or looking in his direction. he had planned on drinking but as always, he was careful with how much and how quickly since he wasn’t looking to get wasted and blackout drunk. kijung just wanted to take the edge off his bad day and alcohol seemed to be the perfect way to do it; he just didn’t want to drink at home on his own. at least in a club, there was a sense of white noise engulfing him and a feeling like he was with others without actually having to be.

with his eyes trained on the glass, staring into it like it’ll have all the answers he needs or suddenly resolve his bad mood, it’s not surprising that he’s not paying attention to his surroundings or who which means he definitely doesn’t catch HYEON watching him. he’ll later wish he did though because then maybe he would’ve been able to avoid the disastrous night to follow.

despite the fact that she’s no longer primed to take over the family business, hyeon still finds herself making her way back to familiar backdrops. after all, she’d spent most of her time growing up there, learning the tricks behind the drinks sold, the dirty little secrets that took place behind private vip rooms, revelling in the messiness and chaos of it all. and in some ways, hyeon thinks as that one bouncer sneaks her a playful grin, when she’s at her family’s clubs, she’s fucking invincible. the rules are hers to bend, the consequences hold no particular meaning for her – they’re flitting thoughts that barely even registers with her. what are club-goers going to do if she wrongs them? call the guards? complain to a manager? here, they bow down to her. 

that’s quite possibly the reason why hyeon goes back to her second home when she’s feeling particularly on edge, in the mood to wreck mayhem without having to pay the price. she’s done it few times – rudely interrupting some couple’s voyeuristic fantasies in the club bathroom, dealing drugs in plain sight, swindling men in suits to buy a constant flow of vodka sodas for her. the bartenders have learnt not to say anything; hyeon gives them a conspiring wink, they respond in kind with a knowing smile. (they’ve learnt better than to question the ways of the cha’s oldest daughter.) 

she’s scanning the room for her victim of the night when she spots him sitting and drinking alone. old habits die hard and even though the wellbeing of the club is no longer a concern for her, hyeon still finds reverting back to her parents’ lessons. make them spend more, make sure they’re drunk, make sure you recognise the regulars and treat them well. observe. take notes. and hyeon just knows this is not the first time he’s been here. his face is familiar but unfortunately for him, she remembers him for the wrong reasons.

he’s never been wasted. hyeon has seen many many many messy nights, as well as being a victim of her own overconfidence a few too many times but him? never once. always under control. always tipsy but never drunk enough. (she’ll make sure to change that tonight.)

–⤬ cross me

(...)

he tears his gaze away from hers now, because it’s exhausting to maintain, with all the frigidity and the blistering tension alike. his eyes wander, trying to seem less bothered than he is. and it’s only then that he notices the gash on her arm. his face pulls into a slight grimace, somehow feeling the pain as if it’s his own, and his eyes flicker back up to hers, flashing a split moment’s worth of concern. they’re asking if she’s okay, without the use of words because he doesn’t know if he should care – if she wants him to care, if she even wants to be asked. 

the smart thing to do would just to walk away from him right this instant – pull away from the inevitable bad decision that is chae wonjun. save herself before it’s too late and she’s pulled into his orbit, pushed into a dark room, falling down a treacherous slop. but the look on wonjun’s face – the shock that follows her comment, the eye-roll, the displeasure etched in his frown, makes her stay. it’s not the usual look of mild annoyance and amusement she gets from him; it’s deep-set and she wonders if he’s had a day as shitty as hers. and somehow, it intrigues her. the way he meets her eyes sets off a spark in her, the toxic tension provoking her – how far can she goad and shove him until he breaks and kisses her with the sweltering intensity like he did a week ago? 

she lets a chuckle, feeling pleased with herself at the reaction she’d managed to incite. “you know you liked it,” she retorts, her lips curling up in a teasing smile. on normal days, hyeon’s as reckless and daring as one can be but chuseok draws out the worst in her – her vicious need to gain the upper-hand, her desire to destroy and ruin, the drugs and alcohol coursing through her veins, all of which amplifies her every feeling. there’s a cacophony of noises around them; someone’s screaming badly to the drake song, another girl’s asking for another shot, but hyeon can only hear the rushing of her blood, her heart which only gets louder, heavier. the chae wonjun effect, essentially. it’s the sort of potency that makes her want more of him. makes her crave more. 

the edge of frustration in his voice grows more evident, and a part of hyeon is annoyed – not at the fact that he’s being overly dramatic and more of a shithead than usual, but the fact that she wasn’t the root cause of it. “if i asked,” hyeon replies, licking her bottom lip instinctively, her eyes never once leaving his, “would you even give me what i want?” (although, in all honesty, hyeon doesn’t even know what she’s trying to get out of him. she just knows she wants to rile him up even more. wonjun’s always been sexier when he’s mad.) 

for the brief period she’s known him, he’s always seemed to surprise her. from the moment she’d barged into his room and he held his cool against her turbulence to their late-night escapades, she’s never really been able to predict his next move, which makes it all the more fun to play games with him. this time is no different. the way he glances at the scar on her arm, the softness in his eyes, the quick concern – it doesn’t escape her. weirdly enough, it makes her heart skip a beat, in an unusual manner, a feeling she’s kept reserved for special occasions and most definitely not for people like him. (she takes it back - wonjun might be slightly more attractive when he looks at her like he cares.)  

(...)

the ground beneath him is filling with his tears as the seconds pass by, and the way his hanbok is clinging to his body in the awkward position is making him feel heavy. just another reminder of an event that he has to suffer through each year. chuseok, a family holiday, except eunho barely has a family. he’s still trying to hold himself together in some way, but it feels like the string holding him up is on the verge of snapping and soon he’ll just be falling, falling and falling until he hits the ground with a merciless force. and once he hits the bottom, it’s game over. he can’t speak, physically and mentally can’t. he’s drained in every possible way and he just wants to go home. back to his large, lonely apartment, but at least he would be home. or at least, as close to home as he was familiar with now. mentally tuned out, he barely realises he’s shivering and hyeon’s holding out a steaming cup of tea in front of him. his shaky hands hesitantly reach out, and his fingers clutch onto the scalding hot cup gently. he knows if he holds it too tightly, the level of his shaky hands will cause the contents to spill out and all over himself, and he didn’t want to be more of a disappointment than he was. couldn’t even hold a cup of tea? no wonder why his parents ignore him. physically unable to look at hyeon, he finds himself whispering lowly. “thank you..” his voice is coarse, throat scratchy and dry from how much he’s been swallowing and trying to hold his undeniable tears back. he wonders, “what did i do to deserve this?”. well, he thought he wondered, but instead, he doesn’t realise the words slipped past his dry lips.

never once has hyeon felt more embarrassed of her parents than she has at this very moment. somehow, hyeon’s not sure why, but her parents’ acts seem to sting more as the years pass. maybe it’s a mixture of the pent-up resentment and the repeated wounds that never seem to heal. maybe it’s watching years and years and years of eunho try so fucking hard to no avail. maybe it’s the anger that she never manages to stand up to her parents and that she’s stuck in this mental cage that she traps herself in. she’s financially independent, she has her own job (although not entirely without the help of their connections), she’s been long-banished from taking over the family business. so, what the fuck is tying her to mummy and daddy? 

what’s stopping her from standing up for eunho? what’s stopping hyeon from just spilling out everything she’s wanted to say, to open their eyes to the fact that they’re really fucking horrible parents, that eunho drinks and parties and gets into fights because all he wants is their attention? that hyeon’s been killing her body with drugs and alcohol and nicotine because she replays that one night eight years ago when her father had told her, disgust burning in his eyes that he’d regretted having a daughter as useless as her and that he should’ve just taken her name off their family registry right then and there? hyeon should’ve told him to just do it right then and there – “what’s the difference?” she should’ve yelled, “i might as well be dead to you.” 

still, a part of her knows she’ll never really be able to do it. because if she gets off the sinking ship, then who’s going to be there to save eunho? she thinks back to all the times where eunho was stayed even though he never needed to. when she was twelve and she’d vomited in the living room, nauseous off the fumes of nicotine, it was eunho who held her hand and helped her bleach the floor at midnight. when she was sixteen and sehoon had just shattered her heart into pieces, it was eunho’s shoulder hyeon cried into. he’s never once left her to drown before and hyeon would be willing to shoulder all the storms, take all the lashes if it means that eunho stays safe. 

but now, hyeon feels like she’s just failed. her hands shake, and she digs her fingernails painfully into the bed of her palm. that’s what you get, she tells herself, as she feels her nails drawing blood, a fucking failure of an older sister. “eunho, it’s not your fucking fault,” she emphasises, the frustration seeping through her voice. she knows it’s not the right time for this but it’s just so fucking upsetting to see and hear eunho have the audacity to think such thoughts about himself. if she could, she’d remind him that he was worth more than their parents’ love, that he deserved the world and nothing less but hyeon’s never been good with words and she knows that he’d never believe it. (the same way hyeon would never trust anyone that says she’s doing great. that’s why she’s destroys everything in her wake – if her parents are going to call her their biggest mistake, she might as well give them a reason to do so.) “they’re the ones who fucked up, not you. don’t do this to yourself. they’re the ones who messed up.” 

she’d hoped the tea would make him feel better but the way the cup shatters on the floor tells her otherwise. watching the glass spew against the pavement, ironically, softens hyeon’s approach. the anger dissipates and worry floods her body instead. (it reminds her all too well of that one time when they were kids and eunho had accidentally broken some vase and he’d been so scared and she’d taken the fall for him instead. was it worth the screams and yells and the dinner taken away from her? yes. she’d do it all over again.) “eunho,” she says, in a voice much gentler than before. “when i asked you to drink the tea, i meant with your lips. not like throwing it all over yourself.” 

she bends down to match his height, dabbing spots where the tea had splashed onto him with the sleeve of her hanbok. finally, after avoiding eye contact and having to look at eunho’s desolate face with his quivering lips and watery eyes, she manages to gather the courage to finally give him a small smile. “fuck them, eunho. you don’t fucking need them,” she continues. although she may not the best at encouraging and comforting remarks, she is most definitely well-versed in the art of retaliation and vengeance. 

my hiatus ends tomorrow, yay! 

update: i’ve decided to drop hanbi because as cute as she is, i watched way too much sky castle and i was like hm, what i don’t know what to do with a cute girl anymore so time to refocus all my energy on hyeon! and so, with that being said, i’d love to get more plots for her! especially with those i’ve yet to plot with! give me angst and sad stuff and threads based off taylor swift songs!!!! HAHAHAH also, i’ve tried to respond to as many of my discord messages but if i’ve missed out on anything, just double text me or alternatively, like this post and i’ll check on our messages! ‪♡‬ 

plot call: about the halloween party, hyeon will most likely just attend the yang2 party! she’s most likely going as a sexy cop! complete with handcuffs, just because she think it’s funny... like a drug-dealing hyeon as a cop? plus, it’s her birthday on the 1st so she’s about to go HAM. she’s really about to get wasted and make bad decisions and act as if the rules don’t apply to her just because it’s her birthday weekend! love that for her! 

potential plots: 

give her a non-platonic birthday kiss ‪(and more if you’d like xx) 

you catch her doing some dr*gs in public but hyeon’s just being kind of a bitch and being all “arrest me then? wait you can’t cause i’m the cop here LMFAO”

wholesome birthday threads ‪(bring her out to dinner, get her a gift!) 

i’ve been struggling to think of how hyeon would meet people in daebak house / celebrities so yang2′s party could potentially be a source of interactions !! esp since she probably wouldn’t be as snarky as she normally is 

unless you’re itching to stir drama up with her as well because she will not Hesitate to get u kicked out of the club 

replies to get to:  

eunho - cough syrup 

wonjun - cross me 

kijung - break  

wonjun - fire meet gasoline 

sehoon - breakeven 

yura - sister, sister 

jeongmin - perfect places 

sujin - pretty savage 

serin - dancing on my own 

serin - six feet aparrt 

for @yhheiran​

despite what people may believe, hyeon does have a heart. she cried when listening to taylor swift’s new album, she finds cute animals adorable and she does do good things (occasionally). sure, she might do drugs, influence others to join her and potentially, destroy more things than she could ever count but still, when she feels like it, she can be a good person. tonight is seemingly not one of those nights.

she’s out at one of her family’s clubs in a tight little dress, eyeliner winged, glitter smeared across her eyelids, lips red and ready to kill. it might be an early friday night, but hyeon has already made out with one cute girl and another cute boy, made some random finance guy buy her thousand-dollars’ worth of drinks even though she already has a free flow of vodka at her table, accidentally-on-purpose caused a fight between a group of rowdy boys. by four am, the crowd’s starting to dwindle down and hyeon takes it as her sign to leave. she shoots a smile at the bouncers, sliding a few 50,000won notes to them. god knows her parents don’t pay them enough to deal with this bullshit – hmm, maybe she should bring this up to iseul one day.

heels clicking against the pavement, she’s calling for an uber black when a group of men pass her line of vision. hyeon can’t help but turn her nose up at the sight – sure, men are nice to fuck around with and some of them are decent kissers and maybe one or two are worthy enough to be her friends but from experience, she knows that men, in groups of more than three and intoxicated, are nothing but trouble. and she’s proven right when she sees them cornering a girl who’s standing alone.

she can’t hear what they’re saying but she’s pretty sure she doesn’t need to. because it’s always the same bullshit, another variation of “oh, my friend thinks you’re cute, can he have your number? no? what the fuck is wrong with you? nice guys never win. you’re a fucking snobby bitch. i hope you die. fuck you. you’re not even that hot in the first place.”

sister, sister ~

@chahyeonyh

to those who think cha yura’s life was absolutely perfect, think again.

being in the ‘cha’ family had it’s ups and downs. she was the spoiled sibling of the three, being absolutely spoiled from birth, and absolutely doted on by her parents. she’s grateful that she has been on the good end of things dealing with her parents because, unfortunately, her older brother and older sister were not. in her eyes, she was her parents pride and joy and that was it. from what she had seen, not one ounce of love really went to her siblings. yura was the youngest sibling and she didn’t know what it was (if she had good vibes coming from her or if she grew up to be the daughter they wanted) but most of her parents attention went to her whenever they weren’t busy with work.

yura’s convinced that because of that, her relationship with her sister was strained. so, when the words ‘hyeon’s going to take you-’ came out of her father’s mouth, her heart about dropped. yura had no hate towards her sister whatsoever, but when it came to her older sister liking her… it was quite a painful feeling to know that the bond between sisters wasn’t there. put that whole situation on top of going to some boring political event in place of her parents and this is a situation which made yura’s whole entire head hurt. in fact, as she started to make her way towards her sister’s car, her eyes watered. where is the love?

none of this was her fault. she didn’t asked to be the ‘ideal child’ of her parents, yet she got it and the price she paid for it was endless pain and possible misunderstanding. for being the ideal child, she was punished.

“uh…” her voice wavered as she sucked up her tears and opened the door. she dared not say anything more, less she wanted to be thrown out of the car and left behind. the air was so awkward and she could practically feel just how nervous she was to be in the car from the moment she shut the car door. she grabbed her seatbelt and buckled her seatbelt, keeping her eyes in front of her. she sat her purse on her lap as she looked down at her feet.

on their own, political events are exhausting, tiring, an all-round experience that hyeon dreads. it’s only made bearable with some illicit substance – occasionally, alcohol but most of the time, cocaine. inane trivial conversations, sleazy old men, it’s like someone selected all of hyeon’s least favorite things and stuck them in a room. this time, her parents decide it’s not enough torture and they tell her to bring her sister along.  

god fucking damn.  

to say that hyeon has a good relationship with her sister would be an outright lie. to say that hyeon has a strained relationship with her sister would, also, be an understatement. yura’s always been the model child – the youngest, her parents’ favorite. she got the love that hyeon never did; the privilege to be starry-eyed and innocent, sheltered away from her family’s drug deals; the sweet comments and affection when she had to deal with the bitter aftertaste of her parents’ unforgiving declarations. for every “we love you” yura accepted, hyeon would receive two more “why can’t you do this better?”

in an idyllic world, hyeon would have recognised that it wasn’t yura’s fault, that the blame fell solely on her parents’ shoulders. recognised that yura still deserved an older sister who didn’t pretend that she was invisible, and that she was the one making the cha family more dysfunctional than it already was. but after years and years and years of watching her parents celebrate one child over two others, the resentment has grown and spread far too wide to be resolved. yura’s received all the adoration and fondness all her life – why would her older sister’s be necessary?

she sucks in her cheeks and presses her lips in a tight line. somehow, the sight of her sister’s teary eyes frustrate her even more and she can’t even rely on her usual dopamine-enhancing prescription to get her through today’s nightmare. “just get in,” hyeon snaps, the annoyance in her voice razor-sharp. of course, she feels the tension in the air, feels yura’s nerves but honestly, she couldn’t care less. she could go cry to mummy and daddy once this is all over.

just the one.

through the mayhem, the panic-prone whir that’s possessed the entire hospital floor this morning, for each second that they’re perilously close to a ground zero of disaster, it’s the sole thought she clings to for dear life. twenty, then ten, then five, and just the one.

the heart monitor beats monotonously. her eyes sting as she watches. the OR clock counts down four, three, two—

“good work, everyone.” 

she lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. finally.  

off come the goggles, gloves, mask, and the surgical slippers in the locker room and on goes the whitecoat, the pack snug in one of the pockets. if the timing’s right, she could even squeeze in a second if the first doesn’t scratch the itch. 

the brick wall behind the hospital building is deserted at this hour, tucked away and (mostly) out of sight and mind. it’s better this way—those who are known to head to the rooftop for the habit would have a word or two if they ever saw. sohee’s never had the stomach for such hypocrisy. 

sohee leans against the wall, cigarette between her teeth, end unlit. her hands pat around for the lighter, left pocket, then right, too caught up in the search to catch the sound of footsteps headed her way until it follows by a voice. 

she looks up, and there’s a pause. the years take a minute to catch up to her, to match the cat-like expression of the present to that of years past. the name comes to her last, at the tip of the tongue, but never said out loud. 

“the only reason why anyone knows it’s bad at all is ‘cause of a doc.” her voice is flat, borders insipid, void of any real feeling. “job description only mentions taking care of everyone else’s health. nothing about mine.” 

her eyes flit to the cigarette held in hyeon’s hand. “got a light?” 

to say that sohee’s response comes as a surprise is an understatement. the sohee that’s in her head, shaped by offhand comments from her parents and word on the street, is polite and demure. she doesn’t smoke, she doesn’t talk back and most definitely, she doesn’t ask cha hyeon for a lighter. “pretty sure it doesn’t work that way,” she replies. despite the edge in her voice, she can’t deny the growing intrigue, some newfound respect for the older girl as she makes her way towards her. “also, you can’t really take care of anyone else if you’re dead.”

who would’ve thought that, out of everyone in yangcheon, it would’ve been min sohee who shared a similarly bleak outlook on life as she did? definitely not hyeon, that’s for sure. still, given her record of unlikely friends who span from yangcheon’s golden boy to a very pretty leader of an idol group to her ex-boyfriend’s twin sister, it shouldn’t have really been that unexpected.

to be completely frank, hyeon knows the one reason why she finds this whole situation hard to follow is because of the way she’s placed the mins on some sort of a pedestal. the mins have perfect sohee, the ideal eldest child. sweet siwoo, who she looks at like he holds the stars in his eyes. soyeon, who scares her because of just how loving and protective she is. seojun, who doesn’t seem to have a single flaw in him. the epitome of a happy family, much unlike her own – hyeon ignores the fact that much of its dysfunctionality is her own doing, stemming from her inability to brush aside the resentment she’s build towards yura for being her parent’s favorite.

sohee’s question about a lighter sends her out of her downward spiral. in a very uncharacteristic move, she fumbles around her pocket and mumbles a quick “yeah” before handing the lighter over to the older girl.