be strong.

Inside, one mood ring for each girl. They’re inexpensive, a bit cheaply made. With each, a vial of calming draught, labeled in lily’s hand ( swirling g’s and all ) and a cadbury curlywurly. 

Merry Christmas! 

All my love, 

James sat quietly for a moment, a situation that has only ever been accomplished in the presence of only Lily Evans. “What kind of person would I be if I left you alone right now?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Being serious wasn’t his forte - he had a best friend who claimed that name and that was good enough. But he was also not dumb enough to see the other was not okay. “Want me to grab a chocolate frog or two from my dorm?”

and for o n c e in the six years she’s known him, Potter is quiet. If it were any other time, she’d be taking the mickey out of him for it, but it’s not like she’s got the emotional capability for anything right now. still, his earnestness ( as rare as it is directed to her in a way that doesn’t make her want to commit VIOLENCE ) is enough to bring her, albeit wobbly, voice out, “ an arrogant toerag. “ god, she’d been so MAD that day. it all seems so...ridiculous and tiring in hindsight. she exhales, squeezing her eyes shut. being comforted on the couch of her empty common room by James Potter was not her ideal, but the alternative...didn’t really exist. so, with a sniff, “ it’s not a prank ?? “ 

he’s alright, but his personality ruins the illusion 

KINGS!!!!!

Answer your bloody mail you knob. I feel like I’ve barely seen you, or anyone really, in decades. I’ve missed you a lot, mate. I’m have a bit easier access to Diagon and Hogwarts than usual this year, so I demand we meet for lunch sometime. We could even go into Muggle London if that strikes your fancy- I’ve always wanted to try Indian food, and London is supposedly the best place for that in the country. 

Let me know what you think before I come over there and kick your arse. 

Affectionately, 

Alice, 

I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I never did get to take you up on your invitation for butterbeer last term. Things got a bit hectic towards the end, I’m guessing for you too. Maybe once we’re all back?

Did you end up going to the event at the Ministry? I ended up losing track of the days and completely forgot (though I can barely make it through Slughorn’s parties, so maybe it was for the best) I hope you weren’t left alone if you did! 

-

James let out a ‘hump,’ laughter following it. “And why wouldn’t I want to be anywhere else? I take it with high honor and pride that I have made the one and only Lily Evans’ shit list. It’s better than getting top marks in Transfiguration. Don’t tell Minnie that, though,” he said, completely missing all the queues that something was wrong. 

“Bullshit? I think it’s more of a Hippogriff shit, if we’re being honest. Bigger and smells a bit better,” he replied. “Of course, don’t ask how I know that,” James added, an innocent smile taking over his features. 

“ god damn it potter, for once in your life can you take a bloody HINT and shut up and-and.” her voice is wobbling isn’t it ?? exhaling deeply, blinking away the burning in her eyes: she’s cried so much over the past two weeks, Enough is Enough, “ just leave me alone. you think you can manage that ?? “ 

Inside, a rubber duck, a muggle pen with blue ink, and a letter in lily’s neat handwriting. 

-

Not once in his seven years at Hogwarts did he think that he would participate in the annual Slug Club Christmas Party. He was shit at potions, even though it was partially important to his preferred future as a healer. But, after the last week he had he was itching for a moment of something new. Something potentially normal. And he heard a whisper that there would be… libations. Of course, he had been partaking more than normal all week since he didn’t have to worry about class, and instead had a plethora of other things to worry about. 

His ears perked up at the sound of Lily’s voice, turning towards her and away from the conversation at hand. “Yeah? Yeah, okay,” he replied, nodding and taking her hand, tugging her toward the exit. 

There’s no drama, no questioning glance. Bilius doesn’t even seem to realize anything is wrong with her. he’s holding her hand but he’s not SEEING her. And that’s enough for her to just get it. this isn’t working. her butterflies are turning into resentment and she could NEVER, does NOT want to ever resent either of the Weasleys ( her favorite guys, the thought is unfathomable ) It’s enough to make her want to cry, but her eyes feel suspiciously dry. nothing left, I guess. 

Heels clicking against the cold floor as the sound of Slughorn’s party gets further away, the silence between them is...suffocating. there used to be a time when her and bil could talk about anything and everything, laughter never seeming to stop falling from their lips. now her ears are fucking ringing, and she’s got a headache coming on,“ We need to break up. I’m breaking up with you. However, just... yeah. “ Well, no one could ever say Lily Evans wasn’t a woman of ACTION.

-

“The fact that I know, and you know, that coming to Chez Potter would be the most fun you will have on break,” he grinned, brushing off her tone easily. James sat up straight, looking at her with the most innocent face he could pull. “I’ve got no idea what you’re talkin’ about, Evans. Why the hell would I mess with shampoo?”

-

he doesn’t know, he doesn’t k n o w. but lily is impulsive and has a bit of a tempt, and well: “ you were so close to finally ending a term absent from my shit list. “ her jaw clenches so hard she feels it down to her chest, her trembling hands- her trembling hands. fuck. FUCK. is she gonna cry ?? 

fuck no, FUCK no. and though every inch of her body wants to fly up and BOLT for the girls dormitory like she’s twelve years old, she was here first god damn it. they could at l e a s t let her have the couch. “ leave me alone, potter. i’m not in the mood for your bullshit.” 

there is a specific kind of ache that comes with knowing you’re the second choice. again. concern for dorcas has been at the forefront of her consciousness, but the pang in her chest at the sight of bilius, her boyfriend, frantically clutching her sister’s friend’s hand, the tired rings under his eyes and the DEVOTION he’s never looked at her with. it hurts. it makes sense. standing here, surrounded by all of slug club, hair done and wearing her best dress, there’s this sense of...dread. acceptance. bilius is a million miles away from her right now, and she’s tired. so tired. and she doesn’t need to be here. 

“i...” an exhale, “ i need to go. can we go ?? “ 

-

it hurt. of course it hurt. lily’s words cut deep into dorcas, but like always dorcas took the hit and simply prepared for the next. she’d been called worse by people whose approval she desperately craved even more. yet something told her this was one of those memories that would haunt her on those sleepless nights when she desperately searched for a foothold of why she kept fighting. it would hit her. lily’s words. was she doing it all for some sick power trip? was this just project in her own hubris? was she just as self-centered and selfish as the rest? as her parents? fuck. she ground her teeth together and swallowed.

“no can do, babe, sorry.” dorcas shook her head. “unfortunately when you’re the bitch friend, you have to be it twenty-four, seven. no slacking off for a second. I don’t make the rules. it’s in the contract I sign, but I’m more than happy to make it about anyone else but me if you prefer. mary can come down and drool on them, reggie would be more than happy to chat their ear off, marls can get a few licks in, I bet I could even talk dirk and annie into some shenanigans. the only thing I give a shit about is that you are not going to be the one going back inside there, because obviously they’re got you worked up enough to act like this!”

“because when you’re acting like this, you’re obviously not making the wisest decisions.” her tone grating. “and maybe it’s just me looking out for myself, but either way, I don’t need your approval to make sure that you don’t do something that’s fucking stupid. here’s why.” the tone shifted. “as previously stated, I already get involved in everyone’s fucking bullshit. I’m already the fuck up! you aren’t. lily, you have a real chance of being head girl, and you deserve to be it. trifling idiots spurring your temper into making an impulsive decision shouldn’t take that from you, and it won’t if I can help it, and I can help it. like it or not, your problems are my problems. I’m on your fucking team especially when you’re acting like a real shit head. so do you want to keep using me like a punching bag, because that’s fine. we can do that all night. or do you want to tell me what the fuck is going on? cause I’m not going anywhere.”

she knows dorcas is probably talking sense, probably trying ( and succeeding ) in being a good friend, but everything is just NOISE. dorcas doesn’t deserve this. doesn’t deserve all of lily’s pent up anger and frustration and the secrets that have been building up in her throat for years. they want to come out, she wants to LET them out, wants someone to hold her and tell her it’s okay she’s okay and she’s worthy and loved and safe. things dorcas can say but not really give her. not when lily has been second place in comparison for the past six years. 

“ he told mordred’s parents and spoiled everything and he’s so fucking PLEASED about it.” she breathes, jaw clenched. “ and it’s just not. and he’s just. and i...he...” palm pressing into her eyes so hard she sees stars, “ it didn’t matter when it was just about me being a mudblood. that bubble burst when i was eleven and it doesn’t even mean anything to me anymore but i’m just.” a breath, “ i don’t understand why i’m just...” never anyone’s first choice, never enough for anyone, never enough for people to want to stay, to choose her. 

closed starter: @cfthevalley​ where: gryffindor common room

James jumped over the couch in the common room, landing on the other side next to Lily with a quiet thud. He threw an arm around the girl’s shoulder as casually as possible, offering her a big grin. “Listen, I’ve got this idea for over the break. Bit of a party just after Christmas. What are the odds on you blessing us with that lovely mug of yours.” 

her pen aggressively slashing across the parchment in front of her. “ and what about the past six years indicates i would want to spend MORE time in your presence ?? “ lily BITES. but for once, potter is innocent. it’s not his fault she’s is five seconds from either crying or hexing the next person who talks to her. hand coming up to rub her temples: “ Especially after that shit you four pulled with my shampoo the other week.” 

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ

“Hmm, not quite enough. You know, Perseus turned multiple people to stone with a gorgon’s head for Andromeda, you might need to step it up a bit.” she started on a second strawberry without even realizing it - how could one dessert be so perfect, honestly? “Is that love, really? It’s not worth it, Lily, no matter how much I also owe them my absolute heart and soul right now. They’re so. So. Old. I’m sorry, but I’m putting my foot down, you’re not to marry any of them.”

“ if i have to complete seven labours, i’ll complete seven labours m’lady. “ yes, that’s heracles but whose checking her for accuracy?? it’s not like anyone here studied classics. an overdramatic sigh leaves lily’s lips, throwing her head back in exasperation, “ but mummy, i l o v e him. “ she protests, giving andromeda a pleading look, “love and admiration come together, love cares not about age except when it’s pedophilia !! “