moon-touched

@cewylleuad​  –  wee lil starter

      “how much do i have to pay you to not tell my brother you had me upside down for a quarter hour?” the embarrassment has only just begun to set in—previously masked by the fear and apprehension of having been uncovered. the air is clear, now, of course, and they’re well-aware of one another’s stance. but where trepidation leaves him, humiliation begins to take its place. “i have… thirteen galleons and a half-eaten sour slug.” 

remus after sirius explains: just kidding I’M here to murder in cold blood

❛ i mean, not like every single thing but enough not to like…hurt myself? ❜ maybe that’s just like…built in self-preservation. scott doesn’t know. he doesn’t sound all that defensive either. he gets it, it’s different, and it’s – confusing. for now, he sort of shuffles over to remus and says ❛ don’t freak out, ❜ and then puts a hand on remus’ arm.

he’s already tired, so it won’t do all that much, but he can at least help. it’s not all that much, to pull the pain away, and scott blinks, smiles tiredly when he’s finished, wipes away tears that still come residually whenever he does that with people. ❛ i’m starving, dude. ❜

remus, despite himself, comes very close to freaking out. it’s not a common thing for him; his life is already strange, beyond the realm of magic, the secrecy under which they all live. but for him, it’s-- normal. mostly. 

what isn’t normal is scott grabbing his arm and remus having the weird feeling like being a towel that someone’s wringing water out of. 

he doesn’t look okay. but then scott figures he probably doesn’t look great either, so it’s like a balanced thing here. rather than get into that, he watches remus get…somewhat upright, and then thinks about all the other steps they’re gonna have to take to get back into town, and contemplates just lying back down again.

he gets distracted by remus’ question though, and has to blink hard. ❛ uh…no? ❜ scott’s starting to wonder how remus is still alive, honestly. ❛ and i think if i had i…i mean i heal really fast so it probably wouldn’t have uh - do you like not know what’s going on when you’re shifted? ❜

yet another difference, then. remus heals faster than most -- or, at least, faster than his friends, without the intervention of magic anyway -- but anytime he ends up taking out whatever full-moon-restlessness on himself, it all just resists any spells or potions or... poultices, one time, and then he’d put his foot down. still heals up on its own plenty quickly, but-- 

maybe he’s a little jealous. 

❛ yeah so did i, ❜ remus doesn’t actually need to finish the sentence for scott to get it. they’d talked about the difference, how remus loses control and turns into…well, a wolf. and scott doesn’t. didn’t. whatever. this is the worst. 

❛ i feel gross. ❜ not because of the actual turning part - scott has no moral quandary when it comes to what he is. he just literally feels gross and his body feels wrong. still, he manages to start getting himself upright. onto his knees, at least, which is something. ❛ how do you do that every single month, that sucks. ❜  okay, yeah, take a breath here scott. ❛ are you okay? ❜

❛ don’t really have a choice, so-- ❜  remus is not annoyed with scott-- he’s not. he just still has leaf-mouth and his head hurts and his bones feel a little like jelly, most of which is completely normal, but he’s never had to... explain this to someone like him before. for james and sirius and peter-- they’d had questions, of course, they’ve seen what it’s all like now, but it’s not quite the same. 

and he’s not jealous, either. 

okay, new updated information to tell stiles and the rest of his pack - fully turning hurts. like once it’s done it’s fine, but the first part and this part, just having come back, sucks. it takes him longer than normal to get himself even vaguely upright, disoriented by the way his bones feel and the way his skin feels and the way his brain feels inside his skull.

❛ is it like that for you all the time? ❜ his throat hurts, but scott genuinely can’t tell if that’s because he hasn’t used his normal vocal cords all night or what. he blinks at remus, trying to remember what they even did, and coughs. ❛ i have literally never done that before, that sucked. ❜

❛ i thought you were supposed to be--- ❜  normal almost comes out of his mouth, except scott and his friends are so far removed from what remus knows as normal that he can’t actually make himself say it. merlin, where is everyone else? was there anyone else? remus can’t even remember. this is the most out-of-it he’s felt in a long time -- it’s not exactly relaxed when it’s him and padfoot and prongs and wormtail, but at least they’ve got a system down. which sometimes involves padfoot literally sitting on his head until he calms down. 

remus is dying. 

no, actually--- he just wants to be dying. there’s a difference; there’s also a leaf in his mouth. remus spits it out, scrubs at his own mouth in disgust, and looks around. tries to piece the night together. this nature reserve’s a brilliant idea, considering; it seems like this whole town’s full of... weird american versions of people like him. and they’re-- nice enough, but remus thinks none of them really get it. he didn’t even know they could be that different -- he’ll have to tell his dad about it, maybe, although the idea of the ministry trying to stick its nose into whatever is going on in california is laughable. 

speaking of--- 

the night filters back to him in bits and pieces -- from everything he’s gathered, scott’s different even from all these other different people, and they’d all thought maybe it’d mean a moon wouldn’t be... quite as bad. but what remus remembers was very much not a quiet night. he sits up abruptly in the moss, whips his head around--- well, at least they didn’t lose each other. 

the words take the tension out of him, and he seems to deflate in remus’ arms, still wrapped around him. ❛ it’s alright, ❜ it’s better than any alternative. it could’ve been so much worse ; remus is here, and he’s alive, and that makes the difference, really. 

he leaves his forehead pressed to remus’ just…breathing, for the moment. his hand curls around the back of remus’ neck, like that will cement them into place. he kisses remus again and then pulls back, to look at him. ❛ they suspected a double today. killed him. he wasn’t. ❜

❛ oh fuck, sirius--- ❜  remus doesn’t say it, but the order’s starting to suspect moles, too, everyone looking sideways at one another because they’re getting picked off too easily, getting bad information that leads to nothing. or worse-- to an ambush. but but all they’ve gotten for it is arguments at meetings, people talking behind each others’ backs. all remus personally has gotten is a couple more suspicious looks -- they all know how close he and sirius were (are), and disappearing off on dumbledore’s orders to try and talk to people like him... remus is self-aware enough that it doesn’t look good. 

@cewylleuad | “have you been waiting up this whole time?”

❛ fuck, remus - ❜ sirius all but throws himself at remus. it would be embarrassing, any other time. but he’d waited so long that he’d thought - well, he’d only had the worst to imagine, and it’s like seeing a ghost, even if remus is only a few hours late. once sirius has established that remus is here, and solid, he sets about running bony fingers over him ; his face, his neck, his arms. checking, really, to make sure he’s intact.

sirius is shaking.

this safe house is a nicer one, a one bedroom flat lit by a warm glow and bathed in warm light, and sirius hadn’t even realised it had gone dark outside, has been too wrapped up in his own thoughts. ❛ i thought that - when you didn’t come at the right time i thought – ❜ he swallows, breathes. ❛ are you alright? ❜

❛ i’m fine, ❜  are the first words out of remus’s mouth, because of all reasons to make a meet time late, this is perhaps the most ridiculous. laughable, even, if sirius wasn’t shaking in his arms like this. remus wraps his arms around sirius’s waist, holds him close; will never get tired of this, is determined more than anything else to be able to come home to sirius. 

even if home right now is whatever safe-house they manage to meet up in. 

❛ am i--- ❜  remus blinks at james like he’s just grown a second head. it’s not very often he gets angry enough for it to make a difference, because it’s so exhausting, and there’s so much he could be angry about, so--- 

but damned if this isn’t worth it. 

❛ well, james, let’s see. ❜  remus takes a breath, and tries to stay calm -- sirius’d told him once that he was so much worse when he was calm-angry, and couldn’t he just blow up about something and get it over with, which remus thinks were bold words considering sirius was running ‘round with a werewolf once a month at the time, and even bolder words now, considering the fact that none of what led them apart from each other involved either of them blowing up about anything.  ❛ i’ve been here, believing that two of my friends and their infant son had been brutally murdered by the people that were hunting them down, only to find that -- in fact -- they have all been alive, which is, obviously, wonderful news, and, of course, i completely understand the necessity of secret-keeping as well you know, and it’s hardly the first time someone hasn’t trusted me. but as surprises go, showing up on my doorstep like i’ve invited you round for tea could’ve been a bit better thought-out. don’t you think? ❜