What is a life coach?
To answer this question, we must first examine what a life coach is not. There are many misconceptions of life coaches. First and foremost, at the time of this post, life coaching is not a regulated industry. There is no official governing authority overseeing life coaches. The closest type of organization to regulation would be the International Coaching Federation (“ICF”). ICF has set what it considers to be standards for the life coaching industry. However, one is not required to be registered with ICF, nor is one required to be certified.
With that said, many self proclaimed “life coaches” may not have received formal training, and they may not be aware of things that may be inappropriate to do. To be a good life coach, in general, requires patience, emotional intelligence, active listening skills, ability to synthesize information, access to resources, supportive and encouraging demeanor, and proper use of appropriate questions. Certification legitimates an individual by demonstrating one has had proper training. Therefore, it is worth hiring a life coach who is certified through an organization such as ICF or the Certified Coaches Alliance (“CCA”). These entities require codes of ethics to be adhered. Violations of these ethics may result if revocation of certification.
It is a popular misconception that life coaches are therapists, counselors, advisors, or consultants. That, in part, can be blamed on employers mixing job descriptions to hire “cheap” labor and/or under qualified candidates. Therapists and counselors can be life coaches, but life coaches are not therapists or counselors unless they have degrees and have passed state board examinations, which qualify them to be therapists and counselors. In other words, a therapist or counselor need not require additional training to be a life coach. Conversely, a life coach would require specialized training and credentials to be a therapist or counselor.
Psychologists and psychiatrists can diagnose, but some states may have rules and regulations, pertaining to diagnoses by therapists and counselors. Life coaches are neither qualified nor authorized to diagnose unless they are licensed to do so. In coaching, we learn, to effectively serve clients, we must distinctly separate our services. For example, if one is a psychologist and a life coach, one should delineate between which services are being provided and when. Similarly, a certified health coach must separate him/herself from being a certified personal trainer if s/he is also a certified personal trainer. Each service should be separate and distinct.
A good life coach knows how to identify when a client needs services beyond the scope of the life coach. It is recommended that life coaches establish networks and/or resources to better serve clients who would benefit from additional services. For example, it is common for people to “feel stuck.” A good life coach can help clients uncover what is blocking their progress. However, if it is discovered that there is a deeper, clinical reason for the blockage, at that point, a good life coach would know to make a referral to a mental health provider who can work in conjunction with the life coach and client. Some blockages may be trauma related or entwined with past experiences, inhibiting progress. Mental health providers help resolve past experiences. Life coaches focus on the present, leading to the future.
Life coaches serve as accountability coaches by helping clients set clear goals, manage goals, and take incremental steps to achieve those goals. Mental health providers may also incorporate some of those techniques, but their main focus is resolving cognitive concerns of the past. A person who was bullied may encounter difficulties with achieving goals due to feelings of inadequacies or failure. A life coach can help the client identify that as the obstacle, but a mental health provider helps resolve the trauma associated with events of the past. Confidence coaches can help with strategies to improve self image moving forward, but psychologists help resolve the past.
Why can’t a life coach give me answers or tell me what to do?
People often misconceive the role of life coaches, and potential life coaches often have misconceptions of what life coaches actually do. When they hire life coaches, they think we are supposed to diagnose and treat them or that we are supposed to give them answers to all of their questions. A popular myth is that life coaches solve people’s problems and tell people what to do. Here is why they are wrong.
The only person who can truly know and understand you is you. If your life is a book, then you are the best author. You have the first hand account of your life and experiences. You know what circumstances you have, which vary by person. An answer for your friend may not be the best answer for you. Let us think of two very different people with the same exact question: what should I do with my life? While the question is the same for both individuals, each person has his/her own journey. By journey, we can say each person experiences life differently. In chado, traditional / formal Japanese tea ceremony, we were taught a classic way of thinking — ichi-go ichi-e, which means one chance, one encounter.
To further elaborate, if you are standing at the beach, looking at a rainbow at 10:00 EST on Sunday, May 1, 2022, while wearing blue shoes, then you did the same thing the following year, not every single variable could be perfectly replicated. The weather, wind, sunlight, birds flying, other people, precise color of the sky, earth’s exact position, and other factors would be different if even slightly. You may not even have the same exact emotion, physical sensation, or thoughts. Due to these characteristics and many more, no two people can have the same exact experience given a plethora of uncontrolled variables. This is why two people can have the same question but experience the question in differing ways.
Life coaching is a co creative relationship not a co dependent relationship. It is not a structure for a client to become dependent on a life coach. A good life coach aids with strategies of independence, so clients can learn to rely upon themselves. If people did everything for us, we would lack basic survival skills, and we would have no incentive to think for ourselves or learn problem solving skills. Example: learning math is useful when calculators fail. Our lives will not stop completely when calculators stop working. We were taught basic skills to compute on our own. This is similar to the life coaching relationship.
With all of that said, a life coach cannot simply give you answers, because the question itself is not so simple on a personal and individual level. The answer for you may very well be a different answer for another person. Individuals may not be able to objectively ask themselves questions to find the answers they already possess. As a life coach, our job is to listen to you objectively and judgement free, clarify what you are stating, and help you dig deeply to reach those answers. We help you destroy self-imposed limits and boundaries to unlock your full potential. We help you discover your truth. We help you feel empowered.
Why hire a life coach, if a life coach cannot tell you what to do?
Life coaches cannot judge, advise, or command. Life coaching is a co-creative relationship in which the coach listens judgement free. The coach should not give you answers or tell you what to do. To state it simply, life coaches are not qualified to give advice as to how you should live. The only true expert in all that is you is you. You know yourself best. While we each have similar questions, such as, “What is my purpose in life?” we each have different answers. The answer for one may not be the answer for another. This is why we are our own experts.
We all have the answers we seek. Sometimes those answers are beneath the surface. Other times those answers are deeply hidden. A certified life coach is trained to actively listen, concisely clarify what you have stated, and ask deeper questions designed to help you peel away the layers until you reach the answer. A certified life coach is there to help you ask the questions you may not think to ask yourself.
Most people do not typically prefer feeling lonely, which is different than being alone. Having a life coach is similar to having your very own cheerleader — someone who supports and encourages you, so you do not have to feel alone. Research studies evidence individuals with coaches feel they are able to achieve their goals more so than when they did not have coaches. This could be due to having external support systems. Tasks seem more enjoyable when encouragement and support are offered.
Once you have uncovered your answers, it is usually time to take action. Certified life coaches help you identify and set SMART goals. Goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. Certified life coaches facilitate action plans to achieve your goals one step at a time by serving as accountability partners. They help you break down big goals into more manageable pieces. During each session, the life coach should summarize with you the plans of the prior session to see if you have accomplished what you decided to do.
Schedule your initial consultation to see which coaching plan is right for you. Actualization may be reached in the first session; however, results vary by individual and is affected by individual processes.
