i confuse instinct for desire

And I realise I only feel to people that feel like you

And they glaringly become less and less you

whoever said "to right the wrongs" missed to say they are not cause-effect related.

Being right, didn't right any wrongs around. simply left me alone in the right while the wrongs flail around me.

I wonder then what does it mean to be right

Is it not stark black or white and wrong or right

Instead black and white

wrong AND right to co-exist

and we have here the ugly grey

What does it mean then,

to be right?

I think we feel the way we feel, misunderstood or understood because of what they do with the information of knowing and seeing you.

And we slowly observe that most don't give the information more than a seconds' thought.

right?

You ask me what stops me from fighting for it again?

Well I realised it didn't mean that for them in their reality.

Like the matters of the heart are nilly-willy

Like the matters of the heart are a folly

Like the matters of the heart are completely unnecessary

I gather the child, ruffle his hair on my lap humming tunes to his giggles.

at the end of the tune, rises a frowned forehead, complaining of yanked-grown up hair and my childish shenanigans.

when I smile at him, off you go my big man, stares back at me proud twinkling baby eyes

Hardening into burdened eyes of an old man leaving me a pat on my head.

when I tug at his tired shoulder, sighing under my touch, he turns in repulsion, I don't need your help

My hand hovering by my side, facing a scared child, tears welling into his eyebags, fists rolled ready at my move

he was a child in a man's body, never seemed to know they could co-exist; one defeating the other, for the last time, every other time.

A no win situation for I am endearing to the child threatening the grown up; endearing to the grown up, waking an abandoned child.