Live from the mw19 allegiance headquarters

rodion snorts beside him and starts to record. too aware that nikto is paying attention, he speaks a little softly, “i think I'd get too caught up on being scared that i would be scared of him but i don't know. ill put him in the middle i think i have a reasonable chance of defeating him.”

he presses the number five and the clown replaces the number. the big picture scrolls again until it lands on a hockey masked man. “hm,” rodion starts.

he's cut off from his commentary with nikto asking, “what are you doing?”

rodion stops the recording, but the filter stays. “syd sent me a tiktok she made; she wanted me to do the same. you're meant to rank which slasher you like and how but we’re ranking based off like how we think we'd do against them. as if we were in the movie.”

“mh”

“she's been on a slasher kick, y'know, that's why we keep watching those movies.”

nikto nods. rodions afternoons have been occupied as of late. some of his nights as well. he points to the #5 clown. “who is that.”

“Oh that is pennywise. he's like an alien that feeds off of fear.”

“he's an alien?”

“mhm.”

“he's a clown,” nikto states flatly.

rodion laughs softly, “well, yeah, that's what he looks like when you see him most times, but he's really a sort of spider alien that feeds off fear. If you're not/ scared of him he can't do anything to you, but if you are scared then he can eat you.”

“you think you'd be too scared of a spider clown?”

“he is a very scary spider he's Big.” rodion opens his arms wide. “Big,” he enunciates.

“i think you could handle a big spider.”

“ohh,” rodion grins. “thank you.”

“you could kill that hockey player, too.”

“i don't think he's really a hockey player. he's actually, um,” rodion scratches his chin, eyes looking around his brain for the new knowledge. “he’s a dead child? sort of a… ghost…?”

nikto nods. “you can kill a dead hockey child.”

rodion snorts. “he's grown in this form, though, so he's,” he shrugs, “i dont know probably your size and shape. with a big machete.”

nikto remains unshaken by this new information. “he has the mind of a child. you can take him.”

“I'll put him at six, because i do agree i have good chances, but he is technically immortal which is difficult.” after a quick press, the picture turns to another masked man.

“the lower the number the easier it is to win?” nikto questions. rodion nods as he puts the man in second place. nikto nudges him. “who is that one? why is he so easy.”

“that's hannibal lecter. he's really just a guy? he's smart, but still.”

“oh,” nikto points and waves. “from that cannibal movie.”

“you know that one?” rodions eyebrows shoot up.

“ive seen a couple movies,” nikto confirms.

“it is old,” rodion teases with a smug look. nikto nudges him a little harder than before. rodion simply points to their next opponent: an old man in a black and red hoodie. “what about him?”

“some old fuck? number one easiest for sure.”

“ha!” rodion jerks towards him. “see, but in his movie, it's a test of will. i wont face him directly.”

“what sort of test?”

“really, really brutal ones,” nika’s eyes have a shine to them when he explains movies. “he makes people cut off their skin, body parts, stuff like that. he crushes people, too. he does all sorts of crazy things to them. it's a, um, torture porn movie.”

“how do you think you'd do then?”

“honestly,” rodion looks thoughtfully towards the sky. “i don't know why he'd even try to torture me.”

“you're very hardheaded.”

rodion reconnects their eyes, “you'd kill me for that?”

“no,” nikto scoffs. “but if i was making ‘torture porn’ maybe”

rodion laughs. he puts the old man securely in number four. “i think I'd do well, but sometimes you have to rely on others and that could go very badly for me.”

nikto nods. the next picture is of a man with nails sticking out of a cut grid pattern on his head. “what the fuck is his problem?”

“he's a demon,” his boy says cheerfully. “cenobyite is the technical term. him and the other cenobites torture you if you find their puzzle box. he's my favorite, actually,” rodion adds. “I've watched all of the movies with him in them and that was before/ i knew Syd.”

“you just have to solve a puzzle then? easy enough.”

rodion hums with thought. “it's harder to solve a puzzle with a bunch of meat hooks in your body.” he presses number nine. at the next picture he laughs, “speaking of meat hooks.”

it's hard to determine what the mask of the next man is. it looks wider than his face with blue smeared around the eyes. “now what."

“another cannibal,” rodion’s smile is so pleasant. nikto halfway pays attention to the words he speaks as he gives the shortest movie synopsis known to man. his eyes truly sparkle. “it's supposed to be some commentary on the American meat industry,” he finishes.

“but he's just a man?”

“yeah, with like a chainsaw.”

“that's fine. you have a gun.”

rodion leans back laughing. “who said i have a gun in this situation?”

“me.”

“what if i didn't?”

“mh.” nikto looks forward as he ponders. “maybe third place.”

“i can agree with that,” rodion capitulates. the number is pressed and the picture turns into another masked man.

“does everyone have a mask?”

“it's much/ scarier if the guy attacking you has a mask, nikto,” rodion teases. “but now i don't know i kind of wish i could put Michael in three.”

“michael?"

“that's Michael Myers. he has a kitchen knife.”

“nikodim,” nikto’s voice drips with disappointment. “a man with a kitchen knife should be your number one easiest fight.”

“nooo,” rodion dramatically shakes his head. “he's such a classic horror villain. i feel bad saying i could kick his ass.”

“put him in one.”

“there might be easier fights, nikto.”

nikto jabs his finger at the screen. thanks to rodion’s attempt to drop his phone away from his reach, his finger misses and presses the edge of the number seven. the big picture scrolls.

“oopa,” rodion laments.

“now you've got to do it all over again.”

“i think i messed up putting pennywise at five.”

“he's just a clown.”

“an alien/. i told you,” rodion says very seriously.

nikto nods. “you did. it doesn't change my opinion.”

rodion looks over his disordered list. the next “slasher” with pocked skin grins all teeth smugly back at the boy. “and see there's my number seven,” he laments. “that's freddy krueger.” nikto recognizes him from the movie only because Sydney had stopped Sebastian in his tracks to say it was him. he was grinning then, too. “hm,” rodion hums in thought. “and maybe pinhead should be #10. ohh, unless i get art.”

“you've got to start over,” nikto reiterates.

“i–” rodion cuts himself off, “oh! i wasn't even recording while i did this because you started talking.”

“you didn't notice you stopped?”

“i totally forgot. i didn't think you would talk me through my list,” rodion lays his cheek heavy against nikto's shoulder. “maaan.”

nikto pats his knee. “restart it, nika.”

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hannibal

leatherface

jigsaw

pennywise

jason

michael

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pinhead