Celesti Moonlight

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Nami hates that she caught feelings for you, and hates even more that you act like nothing changed. A letter from Nami ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Don’t get the wrong idea, okay? I’m not writing this because I’m upset or anything. I just… couldn’t sleep, and when I can’t sleep, I start thinking too much, and when I start thinking too much, I get irritated. So if this sounds like I’m complaining, that’s because I am. Just not for the reason you probably think.

You’ve been acting weird lately. Or maybe you haven’t. Maybe that’s the problem. You’re laughing the same way you always do, talking the same way you always do… just not with me. Ever since we left that last port, you’ve been glued to someone else’s side like it’s the most normal thing in the world. And I keep telling myself I shouldn’t care. We’re crewmates. Friends. We’ve always been like that, right? So it shouldn’t bother me when I see you smiling at someone else the way you used to smile at me. It really shouldn’t.

What makes it worse is that you don’t even notice. You still come up to me like nothing’s changed, asking me to check the Log Pose, or complaining about Luffy eating all the food again, or dragging me into those stupid late-night conversations on the deck when everyone else is asleep. You act like we’re exactly the same as we’ve always been, like there isn’t this… weird feeling sitting in my chest every time you walk away to go talk to someone else. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?

I keep thinking about when this even started. Maybe it was all those nights you stayed up with me while I was working on maps, even though you had no idea what you were looking at. Or the time you grabbed my arm during that storm because you thought I might get blown overboard, like I couldn’t handle myself. Or the way you always end up standing next to me without thinking, like that’s just where you’re supposed to be. I didn’t notice it then. I didn’t notice that somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing you as just another idiot on this ship.

And now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Because I like what we have. I like being able to yell at you, and hit you when you do something stupid, and sit next to you without it meaning anything. I don’t want to ruin that. I really don’t. But every time I see you getting close to someone else, I feel this stupid, ugly knot in my stomach and I hate it. I hate that I care this much. And I hate even more that you don’t seem to realize why.

So… I don’t know. Maybe nothing has to change. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and this will all feel dumb and embarrassing and I’ll pretend I never wrote any of this. That would definitely be easier. But if things stay like this… if I have to keep standing there watching you act like I’m just your friend while my heart does something this stupid every time you smile at me… Yeah. I don’t think I can keep pretending forever.

Just… don’t make me regret telling you this, okay? - Nami (and don’t get used to me saying stuff like this… you’re not getting another letter)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ An unsent confession you write to him. A Letter to Traflalgar D. Water Law. ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Law…

I wasn’t planning on saying any of this tonight. I told myself I’d wait until things calmed down, until you weren’t buried in maps and plans and that look you get when you’ve already decided you’re going to risk everything no matter what anyone says. But you keep shutting me out like I’m just another crewmate you can order to stay back, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore. So I’m writing this instead, because if I try to say it to your face, you’ll just give me that quiet stare and change the subject like my feelings are something inconvenient. Do you remember when you used to let yourself relax around me? Back when the plan wasn’t the only thing on your mind. You’d sit on the deck late at night, pretending you were reading, but you’d always end up talking about something stupid instead… those comics you swore you didn’t care about, or some ridiculous story from when you were a kid. You never smiled much, but when you did, it felt like I was seeing something nobody else was allowed to. I think that’s when I realized I was in trouble… because I started waiting for those moments like they were the only time the world made sense. Now it feels like I’m standing on the outside of your life, watching you walk straight toward something that’s going to destroy you, and you won’t even look back to see who’s still there. I know why this matters to you. I know what Doflamingo took from you, and I know you’ve been carrying that weight longer than you ever should have had to. I’m not asking you to forget any of it. I’m not asking you to stop fighting. I just… don’t understand why loving you has to feel like I’m losing you at the same time. You act like my feelings are something you can set aside until after it’s all over, like I’ll just be standing here, no matter how many times you walk into a fight you might not come back from. And the worst part is… you’re right. I hate that you’re right. Because no matter how angry I get, no matter how unfair this feels, I still find myself watching you, waiting for you, hoping you’ll come back to me like you always do. It’s exhausting, Law. Loving you feels like holding onto something that keeps slipping through my hands… and I don’t know how much longer I can pretend that doesn’t scare me. But even now, after everything, I still catch myself thinking about the stupid little things. The way you always make sure everyone else is patched up before you even look at your own injuries. The way you get quiet when you’re worried, like you think no one will notice. The way you say my name when you’re tired, like it’s the only thing keeping you grounded. That’s the part of you I fell in love with. Not the revenge, not the man who thinks he has to carry everything alone. Just you. So go chase this to the end if you have to. I know you will. I knew that the moment I realized who you really were. Just… don’t expect me not to be angry about it. Don’t expect me not to be scared. And don’t expect me to stop loving you either… because no matter how unfair it feels, I don’t think I ever learned how to. Love, Y/N I just wish loving you didn’t always feel like saying goodbye.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Captain Kurotsuchi forced every Captain of the Gotei 13 to test a new communication device capable of recording delayed messages. Kenpachi didn’t care enough to try it until Yumichika talked him into it. The device was supposed to record a short test message. Instead, Kenpachi spent the entire recording ranting… about you. A voice recording from Kenpachi Zaraki ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

…Tch. I wasn’t gonna record anything. Don’t even know why I’m still here instead of going out and finding something to cut in half. But Yumichika wouldn’t shut up, kept saying I looked like I had something stuck in my head. Said if I didn’t spit it out, I’d start picking fights with the wrong people. So he shoved this recorder at me. Said talking might be easier if I wasn’t staring at anyone. Don’t get the wrong idea. This ain’t anything special.

You think I didn’t notice what you were doing earlier? Standing there talking to Kuchiki like he’s the only one in the damn Seireitei worth your time. Laughing at that quiet, stuck-up look he always has on his face like it’s actually funny. Guy barely says two words, and suddenly you’re hanging on every one of them. …Tch. Not that I care who you talk to. You can do whatever the hell you want. Just pisses me off, that’s all.

It’s annoying, seeing you stand that close to someone else when I’m used to you being the one walking next to me. You always used to complain about how fast I walk, remember? Said I never slowed down for anybody. Didn’t realize I stopped doing that until today. Half the time now I catch myself looking over my shoulder, expecting you to be there arguing with me about directions or telling me I’m going the wrong way again. …You were always loud about it too. Kinda hard not to notice when it’s gone.

And that damn noble— He looks at you like he’s measuring something. Like he’s deciding where you fit. Can’t stand that look. You never needed anyone judging whether you belonged somewhere. You just… did. You walked right into my squad like you’d always been there, like it was the most natural thing in the world to stand next to someone everyone else avoids. Most people can’t even hold my stare for more than a second. You never had a problem with it. That… stuck with me more than I thought it would.

…Forget it. You wanna talk to Kuchiki, talk to him. Ain’t like I’m gonna stop you. Not my business who you waste your time on. Just don’t expect me to like it when I look over, and you’re not where you’re supposed to be.

Oi, Yumichika! Don’t you dare send that to them. I told you I wasn’t sending anything.

…Tch. Too late now, isn’t it?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ A Letter you may never find. A letter from Portgas D. Ace ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hey…

I don’t even know if this letter will ever reach you. The guards don’t pay much attention to what I’m doing in here, so I figured… writing might keep my head straight for a while. It gets quiet in this cell, you know. Too quiet. When there’s nothing to punch, nothing to run toward, nothing to laugh about… the only thing left is whatever’s in your own head.

And lately, that’s been you.

I keep thinking about the last time we talked. You were standing there like you always do, arms crossed, acting like you weren’t worried about me at all… but I could tell. You always tried to hide it, but you never fooled me. I told you I’d come back after the next trip, remember? Said it like it was nothing. Like the sea always lets you keep your promises if you say them with enough confidence.

Heh… I really thought it would be that easy.

There’s a lot of time to think in a place like this. Too much time, honestly. I keep replaying little things I didn’t notice back then… the way you’d get mad when I ran off without telling you, the way you’d shove food at me when I forgot to eat, the way you looked at me like I was worth something even when I wasn’t so sure myself.

You never asked me to be stronger than I was. You just stayed.

I don’t think I ever said thank you for that. I don’t think I ever said a lot of things I should’ve.

I told myself I didn’t regret anything. That’s how I’ve always lived, right? Do what I want, face whatever comes after. But sitting here… knowing I won’t get the chance to walk back onto that ship, or see that look on your face when I show up like nothing happened… it’s the first time I wish I’d been wrong.

Not because I’m scared of dying.

I’m scared of leaving things unfinished.

I promised you I’d come back… and I hate that this is the one promise I can’t keep.

If you hear about what happens here… don’t remember me like this.

Remember the stupid stuff. The times we argued over nothing, the nights we stayed up too late, the way you used to yell at me for falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. Those were the moments that made me feel like my life actually meant something. Like I wasn’t just the son of a man everyone hated… like I was someone who was allowed to exist.

You did that for me. You always did.

…If I could see you one more time, I think I’d finally say it properly.

So I’ll say it here instead, even if it never reaches you.

Thank you for loving me.

And I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ You find a folded letter tucked between your things. The paper smells faintly like salt and sea wind. A letter from Koby ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hey… I hope it’s not strange that I’m writing to you like this. Things have been busy lately, training, patrols, all the usual stuff… but even when I’m surrounded by people, it feels a little too quiet without you around. I kept telling myself I’d wait until we could talk properly, but the more time passed, the more I caught myself thinking about you at the worst times. So… I guess I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

It’s funny, the things I end up remembering. Not the big moments, not the important ones everyone else would notice. I keep thinking about that day we stayed up way too late talking on the deck, when I was still nervous about everything back then. You didn’t laugh at me when I said I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to become the kind of Marine I wanted to be. You just listened… like you actually believed I could do it. I don’t think I ever told you this, but that meant more to me than any training Garp-san ever put me through.

Since then, every time things get hard, I end up thinking about that night. When I feel like I’m falling behind everyone else… when I mess up… when I wonder if I’m really cut out for this… I hear your voice in my head telling me to keep going. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but sometimes that’s the only thing that keeps me from giving up. You probably don’t even realize how much you’ve changed me.

I thought getting stronger would make it easier being away from the people I care about. Like if I just trained hard enough, I wouldn’t feel so… lonely, I guess. But it’s the opposite. The more I grow, the more I realize how much I want you there to see it. Not because I want praise or anything like that… I just… I want to know you’re still beside me. Even if it’s from far away.

I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. Orders change, ships move, and the sea never really lets anyone stay in one place for long. But no matter where I end up, I keep thinking about the promise I made to myself back then… that I’d become someone you could be proud of. So… when we meet again, I hope you’ll look at me and think I got at least a little closer.

Until then… stay safe, okay? I’ll keep doing my best here. For my dream… and for you.

- Koby written somewhere far away, under the night sky