serendipity

The greatest fear I have in this world has been realized; losing you

Maybe not all at once, but I can feel that slowly we are drifting apart from one another

Dear to any God that is listening, please give me strength to keep holding on to this little hope I have left to save and fix her

I truly regret every foolish thing I did that hurt my dearest and greatest love

Unfortunately, I cannot turn back time I really wish I could

Your heart would not experience this type of pain that I made you feel

Perhaps this world is a dark and cruel

Too many bumps, twists, and turns in a number of chapters

In a life where it is impossible to live in peace

Finally, I see you

My Solaris Angel, full of warmth and so bright of light, a beautiful and pure soul

A little wish for you is to see you truly happy and at peace your entire life

Maybe I would not be beside you or I can not be with you anymore but I will always love and root for you my light

In whatever universe there is, I pray that your soul and mind will always be shining and the kindest of hearts

I love you more than words can say, my khy always remember that you will forever be my saving grace from the demon within myself when I was about to give in to the dark

Never dim my darling sun, your light will help others and a blazing path will guide them to happiness for themselves

These feelings are bright, intense, and overwhelming

In my life they are the epitome of destruction

Truly I have a hard time of grasping what the definition of emotions is

Admittedly I hurt people I love because I cannot depicher and compose them well

To be honest I hate it, when they call me an empathetic, I smile and nod even if I know to myself that it is full of bullshit

A reminder for myself you are not someone who people can go to for help, you are not an advice giver only a deathrbinger to those around you

In an another perfect life, everything would be a little easier, we can love who we want to, we can choose how we want to live our lives, and we can be free without fear of being caught or side eyed by society.

If only I could take your pain, worries, and any negative or triggering thoughts and transfer it to me, I would have already did it without any trace of hesitation.

Even if I have to fight, me against the whole world, I will do so, I will not flinch or yield. No matter how many challenges or trials we will face, I will never leave even if you are going to be the one who will keep pushing and shooing me away out of fear or protection, I will stay always by your side.

It hurts.

I don't know why, when, and how,

Love can really consume and break you,

My flames that was once full of you and my heart is so empty.

They were all right but I was just so blind to see,

I mean no value and importance to you at all,

Somehow it is ironic and hyprocrital that I cannot be mad at you,

The love I have for you is so deep and sincere that it overwhelmed me,

You can never love me I know that, but a person like me can only hope for a slightest bit of chance.

Of course it hurts like hell,

When you know that you have no assurance whatsoever that you two will end up happily together,

The kind of feelings you have for that person is so strong and overflowing that it makes you so sick inside yourself,

Maybe there is no love from the other person, that one that can match yours,

Yet somehow it's okay because as long as there is life left in the other, they will fight and wait no matter how long it takes,

Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is promised and both agreed to stay as close friends as possible whatever the outcome of the relationship is,

At the end of the day, even if the people involved doesn't voice out their thoughts much as they should, they both know that they have the strong and incomparable admiration for one another, even without the officiality of the whole thing.

Huh I never did this before, it was always a letter to others, but now i'm doing this for me.

I feel empty everyday like I am living in a routine without an exit. I hate waking up, I hate going to sleep, I hate just being alive. It is annoying to keep finding reasons to stay when there is not one. I wish there was but I now realize once again, that there is no one but me who is by my side. But when you are on my team, at the end the expected result is a tragic uninevitable death. Somehow I am always tired of people, I hate giving so much time and effort and just leave me hanging in the air most times, be uninterested in my stories, or just down outright ignore me without warning and it just triggers my anxiety and panic attacks a lot, more than that it triggers that switch in my brain, my depression, my suicidal thoughts everything. I want it all to stop which is why I will die soon.

You want to keep fighting and push forward to life, but the world is a cruel place to be, and a person like me will never belong no matter how hard I try.

When will i die?

Give me a deadline

I'm tired of life

Take me out ot here please

What freedom? its not possible anymore

Lost, depressed and broken

That's all that's left of my very soul

Not any worth of love, cherished and taken care of

All I ever wanted was to disappear and never wake up ever again

My only reason why I'm still here, is her

It is because of her I still want to try to make it past 30

She is my saving grace, my own remedy

Even if we don't end up together she will always be my hero and best friend

I am falling in love with her every day that goes by and I don't regret it

No matter what happens I will be grateful for our memories, talks, and feelings

My moonlight is such a beauty, kind hearted, strong and amazing person

You are my star; so lovely and bright,

A shining light who brings love and hope,

In my life full of darkness with despair, sorrow, and anger,

I suddenly became so colorful because of your existence.

You give me a reason to continue to wake up every day,

Why is it so hard to stop being so attached to you?

Even if you do not feel the same way as I do,

I cannot help but hopelessly fall in love with you.

You are the star to my dark sky,

The striking sun to my twilight moon,

Just thinking of you, my heart beats fast,

Then I realize I should not have let myself get so close to you.

You with those charming words, captivating wisdom, and entrancing personality;

I hated myself for falling for someone so far away from my reach,

Always I think to myself why am I so lucky to have met such an amazing being,

Honestly, I just waited for you to say sorry you are just too much for me.

You are always so sweet and we seem to have the same way we think about things,

At times there are times you are the only one who knows and understand what I am trying to say,

I do not know why you are still here to stay even if I have so many lapses and flaws,

The wind sounds like glass being broken,

Water below reminds me of a huge wave coming,

I relieve the trauma of drowning and dying,

It honestly is really frightening.

All the windows are being forced to break by the rain,

The light has disappeared in the rooms,

It gives me the fear that we have to survive again,

I hate being anxious of whether it will be a part two.

Someday this ache in my heart would heal,

I will hear the birds and the bees sing happily,

When the raindrops fall, I will be at ease,

Her head is full of countless thoughts

Those moments where your heart is gone

Endless memories zooming past by

She is too tired to keep going on.

A mask worn every day too good to convince

Say she’s always too happy and cheerful

Honestly it is somehow too ironic

That no one can see how much she really acts

Behind close doors she is such a mess.

It is essential that she had to always be on guard

She had so many hidden behind her smile

Experiences that helped her realize that hiding is better