Ashy

I keep learning so much very random info about my health literally because I know I’m autistic/adhd now and its either very irritating it was missed or suddenly it makes complete sense. 

I keep seeing some of the crap thats been happening with cc creators and shit lately and I’m not entirely sure I wanna know all of it cause like why can’t people just not treat other people like shit. I can’t ever imagine trying to make people pay me for cc and then get pissy about them sharing it like, I dunno about anyone else but sharing is something I like doing, I like making things that make people smile and that’s the only reason I need to do anything. It either makes me happy or makes someone else happy.

My sister and I have slowly been remembering dif things we did as kids, and in some cases, still do. Its very odd to start realizing that all the weird shit I’ve always done could be ya know, signs of something someone should have noticed but also mom does the same things and just knowing that it could be something instead of just us being odd or having anxiety (which for me mind you is only after I got older, I don’t remember anxiety specifically as a kid just.. idk how to explain it but it wasn’t how I feel now). Anyway uh its helpful knowing because we’ve been able to be like oh why do I feel like that, and correct or get away from whatever is causing the feeling. I’m just rambling, this is a lot and the last week or so I’ve just been sitting and staring at walls or the computer screen cause I can’t seem to do anything else for longer than a couple minutes unless musics on, or if I find something to clean...

I want to stream again but I had a little bit of a bad medication reaction a couple days ago and still don’t feel quite right and like I wish it would just go away now.

I’m streaming Stardew Valley again https://www.twitch.tv/celebi88

I’m streaming Stardew Valley, year one community center stuff https://www.twitch.tv/celebi88

I’ve been doing a bookkeeping course and I’m finally on the last little bit of it but like.. this course project is driving me insane cause I cannot find the info I need to figure out what this is and brains just like nope I don’t understand.

I really wish I had the energy to do anything besides play runescape and watch YouTube/twitch. I have other things I need to do but I think body is still mad at me from moving and everything hurts. I’m glad I’m even able to do anything to occupy my brain for more than a few minutes but I wanna play sims and the thought of updating anything is way too daunting atm. Plus side is, every time I take precious outside, she sits and stares at our neighbors house to watch for her to get attention and visit with her two dogs lol if she thinks she hears her go outside she goes bonkers and wants me to open the door. It’s also really nice to not have to listen to dad and brother and mom constantly argue about stupid things.

Realizing I’m holding my breath and then trying to get my body to breathe normally is the most annoying thing ever. I feel like there’s probably one group of people that will understand what I mean and then another that thinks I’m nuts lol based on reactions I’ve had before. Anyway trying to sleep while that’s going on is even more of a pain

We move saturday and I have things to do and brain decided last night was a no sleep night and then finally let me sleep at like 6am to then wake me up at 11... tried to go back to sleep then was just fully awake again 20 minutes later. like thanks for that brain/body.  I’m starting to stress again and like ... pretty sure its because every other move in my life has been last minute and nothing packed and an absolute mess cause mom has never done a move where we packed before hand. I think brains like oh no not this again even though literally most of our things are already packed and i just need to gather up dishes which shouldnt take long and then last minute stuff otherwise. guess its time to blare music and hope it keeps brain functioning cause its not awake much despite keeping me awake anyway.

I was just hemming my husbands pants and like.. its a bit insane to me how much ive improved at using my sewing machine in the time ive had it. its not that obvious when im doing random things with it but hemming his pants whenever he does get new ones.. thats like the first thing i did with this sewing machine when i got it and the pair i just did are a ton better than that first time lol also its very obvious when i make masks but thats partly because i finally found a pattern i like and have gotten use to after making multiple for family. i realize most the people that follow me really dont care about stuff like this and like... sometimes i just feel like saying something somewhere about something random and theres not really anywhere that i feel comfortable to do that besides here. oh yea and um, my anniversary is tomorrow and im not quite sure how we’ve been married for 3 years ?? like how has it been that long