Who are you?

at first- her heart stops. the words have her thinking he’s going to deny her, and leave her humiliated. it begins again when he continues his train of thought, but despite the underlying almost.. bitter sweet tone he gave her, jinri smiles, hand rising to cover her mouth for a moment. “ oh i thought you were gonna reject me that was the worst feeling. ” she laughs off her nervousness, shaking her head at the most likely rhetorical question.

but she doesn’t understand -- doesn’t know what he’s seen: all mortals are fleeting. even proclamations of love such as this one will also come to pass. she won’t last; he, unfortunately, will. and this already hurts enough without him having to watch her leave him, too. 

she’s got her arms crossed over her chest, looking down onto the street below and lips in a thin line. stupid, stupid, stupid. her heart is still very apparently beating in her chest, and she’s debating on retreating to her room when she hears jin’s voice speak to her. out of habit she scoffs, turning so she can give him a blatant look. “ i’m pretty sure you just heard me confess my love for you jin. ” the deceleration makes her almost smile as she brushes a piece of hair from her face when the evening wind begins to blow faintly. 

it’s his turn to look at his own feet. ( or hers. hers are so much better. they’re so cute, and he didn’t even know feet could be cute. ) a part of him crawls out of the grave; too young to be buried. but he’s an old soul and this is nothing to the rusted chains that bind him to servitude. if not for duty, then love.

they way he speaks to her now irritates her. so formal, robotic, as though everything they had gone through hadn’t happened. as if she hadn’t harboured some sort of feelings for him, and he her. jinri places the glass down and lays her hands on her lap. she taps her fingers once, twice, all in a row, nervously before her lips part. at first nothing comes out, and she desperately wants to scream it to the heavens but the words remain stuck in her throat. 

he expects something like ‘maybe we should no longer feel this way’, because it’s the only logical thing to expect. jin looks at her, keeps his face blank, and pretends to feel nothing; he’s not supposed to feel for her, after all. love is a mistake; in the eyes of judgment it can only ever be a damning thing. the situation is tense, anyway, and it’s not like she feels the same --

her eyes are closed, leaning against the counter until she hears him enter the room. exhaustion written on her face, jinri nods. “ mhm. i’m starting to get used to them now, but it still doesn’t change the fact that i can’t sleep well. how are you? ” she asks, placing the wine glass to her lips before pausing. “ do you want some? ”

getting used to nightmares is something jinri must never be allowed to suffer, but the realm of dreams is out of his reach and it is all he can do to keep her company during its aftermath. he refuses the alcohol with a polite shake of his head, and chooses to stand beside her, leaning back on the island with his elbows rested atop it.

✧ * ☾ LA VIE EN ROSE // KS + CJ

there’s a corner in the balcony that lets him hide for a while if he sits the right way. 

“ what? ” she blinks, confused. “ you did it- ” her words cut short, dying in her throat. “ you mean..  oh. ” ignoring his request, she continues wrapping the cloth around him until she can tie it tight. “ sorry if this hurts. ” once it’s secure, she takes her place at his side again. “ give it up, it’s not happening. this isn’t the time for you to be a hero. ” jinri replies, taking a step forward and pulling him forward with her. 

a strangled yell leaves him, and he clamps his teeth down, jaw tightening to keep the rest of that yell in. hell, if he wasn’t just about ready to push her away and walk off to his own oblivion, he would’ve laughed. he wants to -- oh, he wants to throw all of that away. perhaps he doesn’t even deserve to leave this place.

“ i know -  i know it does, it’s gonna be okay. ” jinri replies, lips parting in an exhale. she pauses in her attempts to move forward at his words, heart skipping a beat in her chest at the mere thought of leaving him behind. “ no. ” she retorts, tightening her grip enough to keep him stable, but not enough to cause him any pain. “ i’m not leaving you. either we leave together or not at all, i’m not going to let you stay in this place. period. ” 

humans continue to perplex him. she is no ordinary human, to be sure, but nonetheless just as easily killed, and so, so fragile. he can recover from this ( he thinks ), but had he left her injuries as they were, he isn’t so sure that she would have survived at all. amidst all this soul-crushing, gut-pulling pain ripping him apart, taking on hers too isn’t a decision he regrets.

she really wants to cry now- this couldn’t be more AWFUL. wiping at his face with her hands ( her outfit really was sort of impractical in times like these ) she does her best to remove the red from his skin. “ i am. it’s okay. we’re gonna get out of here alright. you have to be strong. ” once she’s standing, she moves to his side, raises his arm and putting it over her shoulder so she can support him with what little strength remained. 

it’s like needles in his head -- knives, even, and when he lets go of her he doesn’t know which part of him hurts more, how he’s being pulled apart when he’s still intact. his palms find the side of his head, like that’ll keep his head in one piece, and it’s getting harder to stay awake. he’s choking on his own screams and still refuses to open his mouth, biting on his own tongue. but he lets her raise his arm, tries to make sure his legs are still there.

“ you first. ” jinri replies, still attempting to move away - wherever away was. panic was slowly creeping up her spine, so she lifts herself up, enough to be face to face with jin. hands land on his cheeks, forcing his eyes to her own. insticintively, she leans in and presses her lips to his. a vain attempt to fix this situation, even for a second. her side was still vaguely stinging at the position, but she ignores it. withdrawing she rests her forehead against his. don’t cry. you have to be strong. “ jin. stop. if i lose you.. ”

it hurts and he can barely hear her, ears ringing with this thing pushing in his skull, pushing outwards, eyes shut because this darkness isn’t enough dark, blood rushing to his mouth and coating his tongue, trying to keep it in, leaking at the corners -- 

he tells her not to sleep, and she imagines there must be a reason for this. so- she doesn’t. or attempts to at least. jinri’s eyes open, admittedly weakly, looking up at jin with a weary expression. “ what are you doing.. ” she murmurs, fingers raising to lay flat against his cheek. the pain starts to dull, her hand dropping to her side. slowly but surely, she begins to register what EXACTLY he was up to. 

this was his repentance. in one way or another, his replica had been right; it knew him, had his memories, had his thoughts. jin believed himself to be courageous, but perhaps the worst cowards were those who dressed themselves in golden armour and thought themselves invulnerable. so he held on tighter, taking more of it, taking every injury and keeping it for himself.

sakura’s drabble meme! ♥