素敵

There was nothing particularly wrong with Long Island, just living made me feel trapped. As if it was somehow detached from everything else in the world. In my sheltered upbringing, I could only watch as my peers went off to see and do things I only dreamed of. It left me feeling unfulfilled, as if there was a part of my youth that I never enjoyed. The only joy was in the few friends I managed to keep close, the ones who didn’t abandon me for arbitrary reasons, but this feeling of unfilfilment needed to change, I just wanted a change.

I pictured living here in such a fantastic way. I imagined going to classes by night, and setting off into the “Scene”, if you will. I was blinded by the lights of the music venues, the streetlights and the boutiques, thinking that I could be a part of it all, that I could live that bohemian life and do something fulfilling, but none of that happened

To make it in the city you need three things, talent, charisma and money, I have none. I haven’t made a single friend here, I’m barely hanging on when it comes to finance, putting my parents and myself in debt, and the competition is fierce. 

I don’t know what I left, everything was great in Long Island, the few friends I had loved me, I had everything right in my lap.

I’ve just been coasting through life, never worrying about anything, I assuming I always make it out in the end, but now I feel like I’m going to crash. I’m going to be 24 years old this coming year, having graduated high school 6 years ago with nothing to show for it. I never had an actual plan, I just imagine everything working out fine, without thinking how I’ll actually pull it off. I never made a plan because I never wanted a plan. I hate this idea of having to “do something” with your life. I hate how I have to somehow contribute to society, I just want to do things on my terms, the way I want them to be.