Cayton Cox

A line

Break.

I really want write poems. I want to give a good attempt it’s not like this is like do or die but I really enjoy how mystical and amazing writing can be. I want to be able to express myself better even if no one reads it.

Anyways, that’s what I’ve been doing with my time. Trying not to gobble up my own brain with a lonely episode of yearning and wanting to be wanted. I always think of that phrase. I want to be wanted. Then the next thing I think of is how hollow that really is. Mind you I don’t really thinks is horrible wanting to be wanted and desired for but to me it’s covering up something deeper. Even if you’re desired you won’t be happy. Something else is going on diva. You’re insecure and unfulfilled diva! That’s me talking to myself. Focus on things that make you feel more alive and present. Less focus on the things that pull you away. I just got finished watching an Ada Limón video too. She’s my favorite.

You’d think as an adult these things that are so small would be easy and I guess they are very easy just not for all adults. It’s like being a taller child. You worry about insurance and a loneliness you have to tend too. Your mother and father don’t have that burden anymore. You have to put yourself out there or you are the one who really suffers.