♜ ‘ﾟ ꜱᴛᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ .

❛  you’re a weapon and weapons don’t weep.  ❜

❛  hurt me once, I’ll kill you twice.  ❜

❛  never trust a survivor until you learn what they did to stay alive.  ❜

❛  death is the only god that comes when you call.  ❜

❛  I am teeth. I am royal. you are nothing to me.  ❜

❛  the sun will rise and we will try again.  ❜

❛  we’re just kids. we aren’t supposed to be heroes.  ❜

❛  I like my women like I like my Absinthe: bitter and intoxicating.  ❜

❛  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ❜

❛  she wasn’t looking for a knight. she was looking for a sword.  ❜

❛  don’t dehumanize bad people, because it’s their humanity which makes what they’ve done so terrifying.  ❜

❛  she isn’t just pretty. she is otherworldly and vaguely threatening.  ❜

❛  magic is not good or evil. is a knife evil? only if the wielder is.  ❜

❛  I don’t want your crown. see, I’ve come to burn your kingdom down.  ❜

❛  they broke my wings. they forgot I have claws.  ❜

❛  all that blood was never beautiful, it was just red.  ❜

❛  what do you do when there’s no hero in the story? simple. you kill the monster and crown yourself.  ❜

❛  how terrible it is, to love something that death can touch.  ❜

❛  you may not be interested in war, but it is interested in you.  ❜

❛  I feel divinity in my bones like aching. like fire.  ❜

❛  you make me feel and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. now.  ❜

❛  you are losing my interest and that is very dangerous.  ❜

❛  she will burn your kingdoms down, herself with it, if it means your ruin.  ❜

❛  it’s okay to be scared. it means your about to do something brave.  ❜

❛  she looks like divine absolution.  ❜

❛  I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find and impossible to forget.  ❜

❛  be careful with words. they can be forgive, but never forgotten.  ❜

❛  you not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself.  ❜

❛  I’m tired of fighting. for once, I want to be fought for.  ❜

❛  never run back to what broke you.  ❜

❛  I was quite, but not blind.  ❜

❛  your gut knows what’s up. trust that bitch.  ❜

❛  we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry.  ❜

❛  do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.  ❜

❛  I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a donut.  ❜

❛  you can miss something but not want it back.  ❜

❛  you can’t save people, you can only love them.  ❜

❛  I came, I saw, I made it awkward.  ❜

❛  we buy shite we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.  ❜

❛  you’re always one decision away from a different life.  ❜

❛  my brain has too many tabs open.  ❜

❛  I’m not saying I hate you, just that you’re like the Monday of people.  ❜

❛  there’s no ‘we’ in fries.  ❜

❛  apology accepted, trust denied.  ❜

❛  death and I have been scandalously intimate for some time now.  ❜

❛  life happens. coffee helps.  ❜

❛  I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s.  ❜

❛  I rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony.  ❜

❛  very early in my life it was already too late.  ❜

❛  is that a threat or are you flirting with me.  ❜

❛  was the use of force necessary in completing your objectives?  ❜

❛  I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand.  ❜

❛  I do bad things, and I do them very well.  ❜

❛  you drink too much, you cuss too much and you have questionable morals. you’re everything I ever wanted.  ❜

❛  they will kill you, but first they will have to catch you.  ❜

❛  drugs might kill you but they’ll never break your heart.  ❜

❛  good girls are just bad girls that haven’t been caught.  ❜

❛  a pretty face doesn’t guarantee a pretty heart.  ❜

❛  no airbag, we die like men.  ❜

❛  true evil is, above all, seductive.  ❜

❛  it takes more courage to suffer than to die.  ❜

❛  you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time. but the wolf? he only needs enough luck to catch you once.  ❜

If I’m ever going to make captain, I need a good mentor; I need my rabbi. 

Meep morp zeep, robot captain engaged!

Thank you very much, sir. Testament to what can be achieved when you dress appropriately.

Here are two pictures. One is your locker; the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you guess which is which?

You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective!

Well, he’s someone else’s problem now. Like you said, it’s out of your hands.

Wow, looks like he hates you even more than me.

God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.

So you were just borrowing those cars?

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! You win a teddy bear!

All right, fine, darling; I’ll ask him. Excuse me, sir!

No, I know we’re lost! I think he’s an idiot.

Idiot?! Do you know why we’re out here in the middle of the night, ___? I was gonna propose to you! On the Brooklyn Bridge, where we met.

You know what? This is over. Say goodbye to this ring and everything it represents

I’m sad y'all are arresting me, but I gotta say, I’m glad you’re back together.

We’ve busted murderers; we’ve taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.

I don’t have a lot of time. I need your full, signed confession. We have four minutes. We can do this.

Everyone, check your email. The greatest thing that could ever happen has just happened.

Who’s Kevin Cozner? Is he the star of Danzez With Wolvez?

Mm, it was kind of a last-minute invite. Just stirring the pot.

Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.

Devastatingly handsome? I’m sorry. I’m uncomfortable with emotions.

Nice cop lingo! Look, I’m really sorry that we ruined your party. I’d love to make it up to you.

You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics! I have great hair and I love lying.

No, he did it doing something he’s embarrassed by. Like smiling. Only question is… how do you hurt your arm smiling?

Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Because no-one… will ever believe you.

Fine, abandon me! I don’t want you here anyway.

All right, I’ll just act like you. Say something so I can get the cadence of your voice down.

This looks like it was filled out by a toddler!

you just got slapped with the best life sentence there is: marriage.

You know how long I’ve been waiting for one of you old men to kiss me?

My ears are burning! Did someone say vasectomy? I got snipped; no big deal, just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year.

Look, you guys, if the Sarge wants to chop off his penis that is his choice.

I hate being friends with you!

I’ve examined his proposal; there’s no proof that giggle-pig is a serious problem.

Actually, I’m a little disappointed in the hotel. How you mess up a omelette? It’s just a flat egg!

Okay, don’t shoot! That’s how people get shot.

Every time you talk I hear that sound that plays when Pacman dies.

I got aroused last night watching a nature documentary on bees. I was fine until they went inside the hive.

“I’m with someone and nothing is going to happen.” Name of your sex tape!

Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

Good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?

I care about my friends. Now eat your carrots, or I’ll rip your tiny head off.

I’m still paying my uncle’s funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

Wait, stop. I’ve made a terrible mistake.

You’re being super irresponsible. You have a batitude. That’s a bad attitude.

‘ did you get any sleep last night? ’

‘ you need rest. ’

‘ you talk in your sleep. ’

‘ it’s four in the morning. why are you still up? ’

‘ i’ll be right here when you wake up. ’

‘ every time i close my eyes, i see it. over and over again. ’

‘ wake up! it’s only a dream! ’ 

‘ i have tea. will that help you sleep? ’ 

‘ i’m so tired… but i have to stay awake. ’

‘ it was just a dream? ’

‘ you need a nap. ’

‘ time for bed. no ifs, ands, or buts. ’

‘ it was just a dream. ’

‘ don’t worry. i’ll keep the monsters away tonight. ’

‘ if you don’t get some sleep soon, you’ll make yourself sick. ’

‘ you haven’t slept in days. do you want to talk about it? ’

‘ i had a bad dream. is it okay if i sleep in here? ’

‘ i’ll go to bed when i’m ready, so fuck off. ’

‘ i’m. not. sleepy. ’

‘ you’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep. ’

‘ could you stay with me – just until i fall asleep? ’

‘ there’s no one else here. it was all a bad dream. ’

‘ you’re spilling milk all over the table. ’