December 23, 2024 Yesterday, someone told me something like, "I don't look like anything, I'm strange and weird." But that's it, I didn't react. It's the truth. I'm a middle-aged guy, forty-eight years old, a professional failure, with no money, bloated and out of shape, ugly, I feel ugly and with a heart disease that only delayed an already delayed life even more, a guy incapable of being loved by anyone, always judged by the weight of what he has, that is, nothing, I have nothing in this life, no talent and no legacy, a pathetic man… I believe I won't last long, I must die soon. I reach the end of 2024, with no money, no health, no prospects, with anxiety and depression, my end of the year will perhaps be the worst I've ever had, but I'm still alive. Sometimes I wonder if dying wouldn't be good.
Cris Silva












